Celiac.com Sponsor (A1):



Celiac.com Sponsor (A1-m):


  • You've found your Celiac Tribe! Join our like-minded, private community and share your story, get encouragement and connect with others.

    💬

    • Sign In
    • Sign Up

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Lisa

A Veteran Here

Recommended Posts

:lol::lol: Too funny. I dunno if anyone would be offended by the joke. Being called Mr. Smallwood might offend some though. OOOOPSSS. :ph34r:

shush baby, shush.....Mr Largewood might be learking :ph34r:


Lisa

Gluten Free - August 15, 2004

"Not all who wander are lost" - JRR Tolkien

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hmmmmmm...Largewood....

Wouldn't want to meet him in a dark alley. Wait...let me reconsider...


Emily

diagnosed type one diabetic 1973

diagnosed celiac winter 2005

diagnosed hypothyroid spring 2006

But healthy and happy! 253.gif

11 year-old Son had negative blood panel, but went on gluten-free diet of his own volition to see if his concentration would improve, his temper abate, and his energy level would increase. Miraculous response!

The great are great only because we are on our knees.

--Pierre Joseph Proudhon (1809-1865)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hmmmmmm...Largewood....

Wouldn't want to meet him in a dark alley. Wait...let me reconsider...

\

Emily - never knew you were this funny.....

shhhhhh - - she's one of US :ph34r:


SUSIE

Diagnosed January 2006

"I like nonsense. It wakes up the brain cells." ~Dr. Seuss

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
. . .

This guy walks into a bar, pulls out a tiny piano and stool, and a tiny little man. The tiny man sits down, and starts to play the piano. “Hey, what's that?” says the barman. “Ya see, I found this magic lamp, rubbed it, made a wish, I got a this little man who plays piano.” “Can I try?” The man agrees and gives the barman the lamp and a minute later, a million ducks fill the room.

“Ducks? I didn't wish for a million ducks, I wished for a million bucks!”

“Ya think I really wished for a twelve inch pianist?”

. . .

OMGosh, I was laughing out loud at this, my little girls asked what was so funny, I said nothing as I'm wiping my tears from my eyes!


gluten-free 12/05

diagnosed with Lyme Disease 12/06

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A woman is walking down a beach and finds a magic lamp.

She rubs the lamp and a genie appears.

He tells her she has three wishes BUT whatever she wishes for her husband gets twice that much.

Her first wish a million dollars.

She gets it but her husband gets two.

Her second wish is a mansion with a sports car in the garage, again hubby gets the same, times two.

The genie asks for her third and after thinking long and hard she asks:

I would like for you to beat me half to death.

Sorry I used to share this with my CPR students. The ladies would laugh but the guys just rolled thier eyes. :P


jennyj

Diagnosed March 2006 celiac sprue

Severe iron deficent anemia Jan 2002

Hypoglecemia 2000

"I can do all things through Christ who strenghtens me"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

KAREN--

HOW IN THE H*** DO YOU EXPECT ME TO TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY WITH THAT SILLY CAT AS YOUR AVATAR------ :blink::o:huh::ph34r::lol::lol: ??????????

THE POOR LITTLE THING LOOKS LIKE SOME ONE PUT HIS TAIL IN A ELECTRIC OUTLET AFTER THEY GAVE HIM A BATH...WHERE IN THE DICKENS DID YOU FIND THAT ONE GIRLFRIEND???

IT'S MADE ME LAUGH EVERYTIME I SEE IT.

LAST NITE I WENT TO YOUR PAGE JUST TO LOOK AT HIM SO I'D HAVE A SMILE ON MY FACE WHEN I WENT TO BED..YEP, AN EXCITING LIFE I LIVE IN PA.

HUGS

JUDY :)


Judy in Southern CA

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The Cowboy and the Genie

A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without water. His horse has already died of thirst.

He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden, he sees an object sticking out of the sand

several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old brief case.

He opens it and out pops a genie But this is no ordinary genie.

She is wearing an IRS ID badge and a dull gray dress.

There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear.

"Well, cowboy," says the genie... "You know how I work. You have three wishes."

"I'm not falling for this." Says the man. "I'm not going to trust an IRS genie,"

"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!"

The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.

"OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink."

***POOF***

The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen.

And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

"OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish."

"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams."

***POOF***

The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

"OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"

After thinking for a few minutes, the man says.. "I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me."

***POOF***

He is turned into a tampon.

The moral of the story:

If the government offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached.


"Let food be thy medicine, and let thy medicine be food." - Hippocrates

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

NEW BOARD RULE: IF YOU DON"T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO BUT COMPLAIN< KEEP YOUR GLUTEN FREE PIE HOLE SHUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I am sure I am going to get warned for that but I've HAD IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). I'm sorry Scott, I know I'm a moderator but I will accept the consequences. I am tired of people seeking out things to complain about.

My mom always said, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Lynne just says "Oh my, how nice!"

I'm going to share my most embarassing moments from my younger, crazy days with you:

1. wiped out on stage in front of my ENTIRE high school in the middle of a skit. For leverage, I grabbed the curtain and brought that down too.

2. Walked across a formal dance with my dress tucked into my pantyhose after going to the rest room. My date was trying to tell me but I was REALLY mad at him so I just kept walking. He decided the only way to get my attention was to grab the back of my dress- strapless. He pulled it down. Yes, I was still mad at him.

3. Went to a bar in Boston after a Bruin's game in my young 20's because I heard that the young hockey players went there after games. Making my way through a very crowded bar I didn't notice that my blouse had come unbuttoned. And that still wasn't enough!

4. Fell into a bush hiking down Mount washington with skis on my back. was tired, hit a rock and just keeled over off the trail with about 20 really cute hiking guys laughing at me. Yes, one stopped to pull me out of the wreckage.

frankly, I'm glad to be older except that now all my embarassing moments involve GI stuff. :ph34r:


***************************

Beverly

Gluten free since 2005

In the midst of winter, I found there was within me an invincible summer.

Albert Careb

36_35_6[1].gif

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

How funny!

I had the flu and was in the high school after hours, the entire boys' soccer team, who won state that year, was sitting in the lobby of the East wing, I was normally in the West wing, a mirror image, so being deliriously ill, I walked into the boys' bathroom right off the lobby in front of the team ... I took one look at the urinals on the wall and stood there for a second trying to figure out a graceful way to get out of this. Of course, when I walked out, they all burst out laughing!


gluten-free 12/05

diagnosed with Lyme Disease 12/06

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
NEW BOARD RULE: IF YOU DON"T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO BUT COMPLAIN< KEEP YOUR GLUTEN FREE PIE HOLE SHUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I am sure I am going to get warned for that but I've HAD IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). I'm sorry Scott, I know I'm a moderator but I will accept the consequences. I am tired of people seeking out things to complain about.

AMEN, SISTER!

Oh, and Judy, ain't he a cute little guy? I luv him!

Hugs.

Karen


Karen

positive bloodwork, positive biopsy

Celiac, collagenous colitis, hypothyroidism

endometriosis (at age 20)

spinal stenosis (early 20's)

Biopsy August 2006 confirmed complete villous atrophy despite being gluten-free for years and bloodwork within range showing compliance with diet. Doctor has confirmed diagnosis of Refractory Celiac Sprue.

Endoscopy also showed numerous stomach ulcers, have started taking Losec.

Mother to Eileen 13 yrs

Rhiannon 8 yrs

Daniel & Connor 6 yr twin boys......

"Joyfulness keeps the heart and face young. A good laugh makes us better friends with ourselves and everybody around us."

Orison Swett Marden

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

-- Victor Borge

"An optimist laughs to forget. A pessimist forgets to laugh."

Tom Nansbury

"Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you are not a hypochondriac."

Unknown

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, karen, I agree with Judy that your little guy just brings smiles to my face. I think he is cuter then my ostrich and I am jealous :lol:

Beverly and Carla, I think that I would have changed schools - he he.


"Throw yourself a pity-party and you'll be the only guest." - Earlene Fowler

Diag. Celiac Disease by positive blood test 2/03/2004

Allergies - corn, soy, casein, egg whites and wheat

Morphia Scleroderma

Osteoarthritis

Hypothyroid and Hperthyroid

Essential Tremors

Asthma

Migraines

Fibromyalgia - diag. in 1978 when they called it Fibrositis

PAD Peripheral Artery Disease

Angina and Atrial Fibrillation

Gluten Ataxia

Vitiligo

Scoliosis of the spine (caused by malabsorption and it is horribly painful) This would be enough reason for someone to go gluten free.

Ocular Myastenia Gravis

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
How funny!

I had the flu and was in the high school after hours, the entire boys' soccer team, who won state that year, was sitting in the lobby of the East wing, I was normally in the West wing, a mirror image, so being deliriously ill, I walked into the boys' bathroom right off the lobby in front of the team ... I took one look at the urinals on the wall and stood there for a second trying to figure out a graceful way to get out of this. Of course, when I walked out, they all burst out laughing!

OOPS! Now that's embarassing!

Karen- I feel like your cat looks. Really. Armetta- but I LIKE your ostrich.


***************************

Beverly

Gluten free since 2005

In the midst of winter, I found there was within me an invincible summer.

Albert Careb

36_35_6[1].gif

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Armetta, your ostrich is my favourite little guy! I just love that guy! Never, ever change him! He brings a smile to my face every time he stares at me..... :D:lol:


Karen

positive bloodwork, positive biopsy

Celiac, collagenous colitis, hypothyroidism

endometriosis (at age 20)

spinal stenosis (early 20's)

Biopsy August 2006 confirmed complete villous atrophy despite being gluten-free for years and bloodwork within range showing compliance with diet. Doctor has confirmed diagnosis of Refractory Celiac Sprue.

Endoscopy also showed numerous stomach ulcers, have started taking Losec.

Mother to Eileen 13 yrs

Rhiannon 8 yrs

Daniel & Connor 6 yr twin boys......

"Joyfulness keeps the heart and face young. A good laugh makes us better friends with ourselves and everybody around us."

Orison Swett Marden

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

-- Victor Borge

"An optimist laughs to forget. A pessimist forgets to laugh."

Tom Nansbury

"Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you are not a hypochondriac."

Unknown

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

OK just for fun sake,,let's say the ostrich and the kitty could well..you know ;) get married :huh: I would love to see what their little off springs would look like :lol:

now ponder that one..

hugs and nite.

judy


Judy in Southern CA

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Why are blonde jokes so short?

So that men can remember them :lol::lol::lol:


Nostaglia is a file that removes the rough edges from the good old days!!!!

" 15 years of it's stress!"

"blood work show's a disease called celiac,

but it can't be that because it's rare!"

Diagnosed via blood and biopsy 2003

Not a medical professional just a silly celiac

offering support, my

experience and advice

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the

loan officer.

She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and

needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of

security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to

a new Mercedes Benz SL 500. The car is parked on the street

in front of the bank. She has the title, and everything

checks out.

The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh

at the blonde for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral

against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into

the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns. She repays the $5,000

and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had

your business, and this transaction has worked out very

nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we

checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.

What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park

my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be

there when I return?"

Finally, a smart blonde joke.


Celiac - 06/06

Lactose Intolerant - 05/06

Tendonitis in wrists, elbows, and shoulder

Arthritis in knees

Anemia

Possible Sleep apnea (waiting on test)

Falling apart :)

Town Maintenance; Construction Worker; Horse Trainer and Trail Guide of Rachelville

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Finally, a smart blonde joke.

:lol::lol::lol:

This is a great one!


Andrea

Enterolab positive results only June 06:
Me HLA-DQB1 Molecular analysis, Allele 1 0201; HLA-DQB1 Molecular analysis, Allele 2 0301; Serologic equivalent: HLA-DQ 2,3 (subtype 2, 7)
Husband HLA-DQB1 Molecular analysis, Allele 1 0201; HLA-DQB1 Molecular analysis, Allele 2 0302; Serologic equivalent: HLA-DQ 2,3 (subtype 2,8)



The whole family has been soy free since February, gluten free since June 2006.

The whole family went back to a gluten diet October 2011.  We never had official testing done and I decided to give gluten a go again.  At this point I've decided to work on making some gluten free things again, though healthwise everyone seems to be fine.  The decision to add gluten back in was also made based on other things I'd read about the 2nd sequence of genes.  It is my belief that we had a gluten intolerance, but thanks to things I've learned here, I know more what to keep an eye on.  If you have a confirmed case of celiac, please don't go back to gluten, it's a lifelong lifestyle change.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My eighty-two year old Dad (who has himself spent his life making people laugh as a radio and television performer) tells this story of the time a few months ago when he was walking through their neighborhood park and came upon old Sid, a friend he's made through these strolls. Sid, ninety-five and a widower, was sitting on the bench, head in hands, crying like a baby.

"Sid! Sid, what's the matter?!" my dad quickly sat down beside him.

"Oh, Les", he began, the tears streaming, "It's terrible. Last week I met the most beautiful, blonde, thirty-year old woman. We spent some time together. She's single, intelligent, witty...and she's dying to go out with me".

There was a pause. "Well, Sid, that sounds TERRIFIC! I don't understand...why are you crying?"

"Oh, Les...I've forgotten where she lives!"

:lol::lol::lol:


Emily

diagnosed type one diabetic 1973

diagnosed celiac winter 2005

diagnosed hypothyroid spring 2006

But healthy and happy! 253.gif

11 year-old Son had negative blood panel, but went on gluten-free diet of his own volition to see if his concentration would improve, his temper abate, and his energy level would increase. Miraculous response!

The great are great only because we are on our knees.

--Pierre Joseph Proudhon (1809-1865)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Judy, the offspring would have to buy Spike Glue by the case - he he.


"Throw yourself a pity-party and you'll be the only guest." - Earlene Fowler

Diag. Celiac Disease by positive blood test 2/03/2004

Allergies - corn, soy, casein, egg whites and wheat

Morphia Scleroderma

Osteoarthritis

Hypothyroid and Hperthyroid

Essential Tremors

Asthma

Migraines

Fibromyalgia - diag. in 1978 when they called it Fibrositis

PAD Peripheral Artery Disease

Angina and Atrial Fibrillation

Gluten Ataxia

Vitiligo

Scoliosis of the spine (caused by malabsorption and it is horribly painful) This would be enough reason for someone to go gluten free.

Ocular Myastenia Gravis

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A blonde got a phone call from the replacement window company that replaced her windows the previous year. They told her it had been a year since the windows were replaced, yet she still hadn't paid the bill. She replied, "Well, you're going to have to talk to the salesman about that, he said that after a year they would pay for themselves!!"


gluten-free 12/05

diagnosed with Lyme Disease 12/06

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest nini

A nun was laying in her bathtub taking a nice relaxing bath when all of a sudden she heard a knock at her door... Who is it? she called out... "Blind Man" came the response... the nun thinking about it a minute and contemplating her naked state in the tub, came to the conclusion that if he was blind what would it matter, so she said "come in"... so the man walks in carrying a set of new blinds for the window, looks at her with surprise in the tub and says "where would you like these? and oh, nice tits"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

How about the nun chasing the priest all around the church.......She finally caught him by the organ. :blink:


Lisa

Gluten Free - August 15, 2004

"Not all who wander are lost" - JRR Tolkien

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ok--you two had that planned! :lol:


Patti

"Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans"

"When people show you who they are, believe them"--Maya Angelou

"Bloom where you are planted"--Bev

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites