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I was once told that my on/off issues with sinusitis were based on allergies and not bacteria because the "filters" in my nose were bluish (took a while for me to figure out that this was a medical term for boogers). This made no sense to me at the time because I grew up in upstate New York where I'd had horrific hay fever in the summers and I hadn't experienced any of the same watery eye/sneezy stuff since moving to Florida for school. However, sure enough, taking Claritin during oak pollen season and using saline spray seemed to clear it all up.

This past March, however, I didn't need to do either of those things -- no sinus issues whatsoever -- and my car was covered with a layer of oak pollen so thick I could write my name on it.

It gets better with time and you'll adjust to the new habits. I had the same whinyness myself and it's subsided a whole lot -- although it pops up in spurts now and again -- like the other weekend when, determined to eat dinner out, I took my dining cards and a friend and we ended up trying four restaurants before there was one that could comfortably serve me anything (comfortably for me _and_ them, that is).

I've found that it's helpful to have a bunch of failsafe yummy, easy food things around to help me get over the hump when the stress gets too high. I kind of have to swap this around every so often so there's something I can look forward to that I'm not sick of. For instance, after hearing me complain about my low weight and the lactose issues I've been having (dairy is my favorite high fat thing), my therapist -- who'd just returned from Israel -- told me that I needed to go out and make a meal of stuffed grape leaves, olives, avocado-cashew salad, salami and other antipasti treats that were gluten-free and DF -- new inspiration! All things I love -- so I've been eating this stuff joyously for a couple of days now and feeling much more smug than whiny.

I agree with this notion of unhealthy relationship patterns and I think it has to do with fear and dependency. I've stayed in many bad relationships because I was afraid of one thing or another. For instance, I stayed in a relationship for 3 years with someone who had no intention of ever being married or ever having kids, even though I want these things for myself. I also allowed one boyfriend TO KICK MY HEEL ALL THE WAY HOME. There were many things about this particular man that concerned me, yet I accepted them and went along with it all. I now see that I did nothing in the relationship to set boundaries, so how could I expect to be respected? Sometimes I think he was consciously testing my limits by doing that because in time he saw right through my lack of self-respect. I've also risked my health and allowed various other things that could result in harm (thankfully all is ok there). Neither of these two men were suitable for me, yet I remained in the relationships. I did not realize that I was repeating this pattern until recently and am very happy to finally "get it". In a very strange way I was using these men to distract me from living my own life. For instance, rather than have the courage to pursue a career, I instead attempted to fill that void by throwing myself into a guy.

I'm still trying to sort all of this out, so I hope it's not confusing

It's not confusing at all. This is very much resonant with my situation right now. The "wanted to get me pregnant" idea is a little scary, however.....(where are those emoticons?)......

Well -- there's always my own personal goal:

I want the be the first celiac to thru-hike the Appalachian Trail. Somehow I don't think I'd be the first, but it might be good to be the first group of celiacs to do so!

I don't know whether anyone would give us money for that or not -- seems too selfish, somehow!

Yes, I really do think this is -- at least in part -- very much about a toxic relationship situation. The same goes for my ex-boyfriend -- although I fear that we're going to spend some time together at some point soon (the subject has been broached -- he's leaving town soon and we may never see each other again) and I'm going to see that he's been a fabulous guy all along, his difficultness was really all about my being sick and I've lost something I'm always going to regret.

Somehow, from many other friends' comments that they'd always thought I was too good for him, I don't think that's going to happen, but I don't know. He has two sides -- the guy I spent a lot of time with in the woods is amazing.

I think I am very much in a slashing and burning stage with extraneous people in my life right now -- I have a lot less tolerance for controlling behavior and I call it when I see it (as gently as possible).

Oh, indeed they both have a point! I've been disastrously irritable in ways that were probably only evident to those closest to me for a while now.

Since the fog has started to lift, however, the limited contact I've had with both of them has been weird (he's stubbornly refusing to talk to me, although he's been sleeping with a former "friend" of mine and they show up at every social event I attend). I'm not sure I like them anymore -- and this might not just be because they're both fed up with me -- it's hard to say.

My friend's email (I peeked at it), however, is a pretty critical litany of detailed complaints about things like my showing up late at a particular dinner a year ago and the fact that I didn't express enough happiness for her when she got married (I gave a joyous toast at their wedding and spent hours with her on the phone getting silly over wedding dress pictures online).

I think the essential argument of her email is valid -- I've been too absorbed in my problems to be supportive of her of late and she's exhausted with supporting me -- I actually backed off on calling her back in March when the breakup hit because I didn't want to keep leaning on her -- and I told her that I thought I needed to get things together on my own because I could see that I wasn't in a position to be a good friend. I'm just kind of hurt that she's choosing to launch into all these old grievances now instead of having dealt with them along the way.

Oooh. A travel possibility that involves a chance to hobnob and eat with people in the know? An opportunity to connect voices and bodies with avatars? Hmmmmmm.

I've got a friend in Berkeley who's been asking me to come out....

Yeah -- between losing the guy and figuring out the celiac, I'm feeling like most of the reasons I needed advice are now gone. I've had to go through some pretty intensive grieving on both issues to get to where I felt this way, but that's starting to clear up -- now I have to pick up the wreckage of my dissertation and teaching load.

By the way, Berneses, your photo is awesome -- I've been admiring it for days now!

Well -- she is in Arizona and she teaches community college composition -- so email isn't totally cowardly -- she has a lot to say and may be concerned that I'm not going to listen.

On her side, I have been leaning rather heavily on her over the past year especially because my relationship was in crisis -- my boyfriend was alternately talking about marriage and threatening to break up with me -- I was determined not to use breaking up as a threat, but I was considering it -- and I used her as a sounding board. She didn't like him at all -- although some of her criticism of him was correct, some I disagreed with. She's a pretty controlling person and I'm pretty laid back (especially off gluten) -- come to think of it, he's pretty controlling as well -- and I definitely think that my attraction to both of them may have had to do with the structure they brought to my life (weird to think of this). It was always easier for me to just go along with their plans.

Now, of course, I'm asserting myself more -- especially when it comes to food -- and she's kind of freaked out and sensitive about this stuff -- I did spend a few days visiting her and she was kind of cold about the fact that I needed to eat regular meals and toted along snacks -- she, I think tends to put eating by the wayside and averages about four hours of sleep a night.

Oh -- it's complicated -- I think a lot of our relationship was based on giving each other advice sometimes -- not a good thing, which I've been trying to break away from, but it's been tough.

I have actually not read this email in great detail yet because it's too painful today -- I'm still recovering from a reaction last week and have been stressed and insomniac -- weight is down, too. So I'm going to take a look at it in a few days or so when I've had a chance to relax more.

A very good friend has just (after a long period of silence) sent me a lengthy email detailing all her complaints about me over the past six years to which I simply do not know how to respond. This seems to be another case where the people closest to someone with a celiac diagnosis react with anger and disbelief once the diagnosis comes in and the transformation starts to happen -- probably because they're fed up with dealing with all the celiac's anxiety, brain fog and moodiness over the years!

Her email is uncannily like similar reactions my ex-boyfriend has had and I think I'm going to sit with it a while before I respond because I've certainly driven him away attempting to do damage control with that situation. Any suggestions would help, though...

I got the same advice about foot reflexology from a massage therapist a few weeks ago! She said it was the stomach area and I also had foot tension related to stress and anxiety -- not that I needed someone to tell me that!

I was just about to say the same thing that Julie did! Thinking of you!

That's because it's the barley malt that makes for that yummy dark beer flavor -- I wonder if there's anything that could be used instead? Molasses? Hmmm -- first instinct is ewwwww. Maybe some non-gluteny seed or grain or something could also be malted.

I grew up with a father who homebrews and I've always appreciated dark beers the most as well.

I actually think it was beer that did me in the most -- my ex-boyfriend was also a big beer fan and I got him started with a brewing kit.

2nd that -- I had my first beer since February a month or so ago and I was totally happy and giddy about it -- everyone at the party thought I was nuts!

I would say hang in there, don't make any rash or sudden decisions, get some distance if you can (if the stress between you is getting too high) and give yourself some time to heal. It would be good if you can agree upon this together, but I know that's not always possible.

2nd on the counseling and having him read up a bit suggestions.

I did not handle a similar situation very well at all, so this is what I suggest in hindsight.

I'm so glad you're feeling better -- I had one of those after my birthday two weeks ago (cross contamination at a picnic) -- wasn't fun and was combined with a very weird encounter with my ex -- I had two nights of total insomnia and I also unsuccessfully tried to meditate my way through them.

So, last night I rebelled when it came to cooking and called a friend to go out to eat at a Thai place -- armed with my Triumph cards. I ate at this place once shortly after going gluten-free, but before I'd really gone through and figured out that my vitamins, etc.... contained gluten -- I don't think I reacted, but I may have still not healed enough to know (I was pretty low at the time in general).

The waiter came back with my card and said that _all_ of their sauces contain MSG -- which is on the list of forbidden ingredients on the Triumph Thai card -- so we left since I didn't want to take a risk.

We then went to a sushi place where their sushi rice was questionable -- I think they actually did check the ingredients list there more carefully.

So -- the Triumph cards err on the side of total precaution. I don't react to blue cheese, but it's listed on the card anyway (I understand why). The forbidden ingredients list on this site says that MSG -- if manufactured in the US -- is safe. Here's what I'm wondering

1) I know Thai food generally doesn't contain a lot of wheat -- if their MSG-containing sauces come from Thailand (or the US), is it safe to assume they're okay? Has anyone else reacted to MSG at a Thai place?

2) What, exactly should I watch out for in the sushi rice -- I ask because there's another sushi place in town (closed last night) that deals with the cards with absolutely no problem.

3) Anyone got any advice/anecdotes about using the dining cards and kind of adjusting the information when they go out to eat?

I can say for sure that cross-contamination has done me in exactly like that twice since my diagnosis -- the last time was _not_ pretty because it came on my birthday, right along with some gossip about my ex-boyfriend -- most likely inaccurate and misleading because it came from an unreliable drunk of a source.

I lost it, however -- I couldn't sleep all night for two nights and left some really choice words on my ex's voicemail.

It was only two days later that I realized I was still having GI symptoms and that I'd been reacting.

Anyway -- it was after a restaurant meal at a place where the servers are notoriously snotty, scenster and snarky -- I was as sweet as possible and used my cards, but I suspect they just rolled their eyes at the whole thing.

I've been trying my best to learn what is food-reaction emotion and what is just emotion-emotion. Meditation has helped me with this a whole lot because it's taught me to listen to my body very closely and also to get beneath the very intense emotional feelings and see what's really going on.

The hitch, however, can be that -- when there is some large, emotional and stressful event to react to (such as a really messy breakup, my mother's death a few years ago, etc....), I do sometimes lose my focus. I think this will get better with time, practice and self-forgiveness. I think my boyfriend was a lot like your husband and felt my reactions (for a long time coming from what seemed out of nowhere) were way too stressful for him to handle. If there's one thing I would do were I still in that relationship, it would be to ask him if he can learn to see the intense emotions as possible food reactions first.

There's a thread somewhere on this board where someone talks about the fact that her husband responded to one of her moody outbursts by saying "You don't usually react this way, you know" -- which was what helped her to realize that she'd been glutened and wasn't just wigging out. I love that response.

Thanks -- you're right and that helps -- I actually just got off the phone with my stepmom and I think things will be fine. I'm a little prone to freaking out these days -- it helps to be able to vent on this board.

I want to get out of town and have a vacation -- I really need to get away and I've got a week between summer and fall terms to travel. I want to go home and visit my family -- but my stepmother (who I love dearly) is really scared and concerned about all the cross-contamination issues and worried that she's going to gluten me.

I'm trying my best to reassure her over email that I'll eat my own sandwiches and do everything I can to take any hassle off of her, but I have to admit that I'm having a tough time with this -- lots of tears as I type. I'm kind of afraid (no matter how irrational this is) that I have no more family or home to go to for refuge -- the family that I was trying to build with my boyfriend is gone and my own family is also resistant and distant.

I was just about to go out and buy myself a bread machine when my awesome stepmom offered up the one she's got since they don't use it much (she prefers to bake her own -- since it's more of a necessity for me now, I don't like baking by hand every week).

I'm a graduate student and could definitely stand to save the cash, but I'm concerned about cross-contamination issues. I know nothing about the insides of these machines -- would it be possible to give one a really really good cleaning and would that be enough?

It's a Chefmate, by the way.

Erica

My husband, soon to be ex, was diagnosed with celiac this year. He is 44 years old. I love him but the damage he has done to us is still here. It saddens and angers me to read about the psychological effects of celiac disease gone wild.

I don't know if I have celiac or not but I know I have at least one gene for gluten sensitivity because our daughter has two copies of that gene. Besides that, wheat has caused me a problem long before I ever heard of celiac so I have avoided it.

When I think of how much I love him and all the pain that is attached to that love it is hard to not cry. I feel a lot of anger, even at the thought of him maybe being okay off of gluten, because it will never matter for us. Please don't get me wrong. I want very much for him to be okay but I will never really know if he is because him seeming okay is the one thing I can never trust again. I know I will get past all of this eventually. Life will go on and I will not always feel like I do right now. But right now I do. I miss him. I miss his gentle moments and his tender care and his presence. I miss my fingers in his hair when he is asleep. I miss what might have been had we both been more okay. I miss that most of what I miss has been covered and hidden by abuse and dysfunction. And I'm angry because the best way for our baby to have her father is as little as possible. I may have shared to much, If I did I am sorry.

Oh silyactyuse -- you didn't share too much. I've been grieving the recent loss of my 5.5 year boyfriend -- to whom I was about to get engaged. Part of our problem -- my part (he had some of his own) -- had to do with my psychological celiac symptoms, which I've misunderstood for a long time because my mother had been diagnosed bipolar (now I wonder whether she actually was). He's moving out of town and we're both too hurt to even talk to each other because of an array of other issues, but the thing that's been hardest for me to swallow has been the fact that our rift came right at the time of my diagnosis -- for a while, I was hoping that he'd be able to spend some time with me gluten-free and feel encouraged that I was doing a lot better, but I think that's not to be. This has something to do with circumstance and also something to do with his own issues with anxiety/anger/etc.... -- it is incredibly hard. I can't even begin to imagine how much harder it would be if we'd been married with a child.

Remember that a lot of what makes a relationship work is trust -- and if that trust has been broken, it might not be worth the pain and struggle of building it up again. Also remember that psychological celiac symptoms aren't necessarily the going to be the only problem in a situation where there's abuse and dysfunction -- there are longstanding habits and ways of being and communicating that aren't solved by a gluten-free diet.

It's very strong of you to post this -- my heart goes out to you.

Has anyone else had problems with this supplement? Could I be reacting because I'm just not waiting long enough for it to break down before I eat dairy, or could it be a reaction to the supplement itself?

I've had two lactose-type reactions both times I've used this stuff -- Lactaid works just fine for me.

Has anyone else had problems with this supplement? I had been using fast-acting Lactaid, but ended up with a bottle of this from a friend. I seem to react to it and I'm not sure whether I'm just not taking it early enough before I eat the dairy or whether I'm actually reacting to the supplement itself. Any guesses?

Did you eventually feel better though? Mentally that is. I know I would have to stick this out for at least a month (possibly more), but hearing signs of improvement is encouraging.

I don't think I'm going through any withdrawl symptoms...just a lot of bad health.

Yes, I started to feel a whole lot better -- it's been hard to tell for a while because I was going through another emotionally-laden crisis in my life at the same time, but I feel very much better. It probably took me more than a month, to be honest -- there were stages -- once I stopped intentionally eating gluten, I needed to move to dealing with my vitamins and beauty products -- then I actually started to need to bring in a couple of supplements (sublingual B complex, replacements for my multi and probiotics).