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To Portland! :d

Posted by , 08 December 2011 · 235 views

Off to Portland
I was so happy and determined for so long about going to the college in Portlant that nothing was getting me down. I was like walking on clouds. Just before I moved out of state, I felt something very dark looming over me. It wasn't like the dark emotional waves that use to crash over me, it was out of my hands and coming toward me. I prayed about it but felt like I recieved an answer 'your going to experience this so be prepared'. On the drive to the college across state with my stuff packed, I felt it. A quick gripping pain in my chest. Mom was in the passenger seat and we were in the middle of a conversation. My chest hurt. Thought it was just a spasm, got a lot of those from scoliosis. Mentioned the pain to mom but I'd mentioned everything to mom. Kind of crying wolf as usual. She was concerned but I blew if off as I'm being paranoid again and we kept driving. At the new apartment complex we moved stuff in alright. Got settled but was totally nervous about the future roommates who hadn't arrived yet. Would they hate me? That's what I feared. They arrived. Younger and rude. I was Christian, they were not. They made sure I knew that they disaproved of Christians. I was quiet, they were not. Stupid stuff happened. I made eggs for breakfast in the morning which smelt bad to them. They pulled roomate tricks like leaving the tv on really loud or a movie that I wasn't willing to watch with them and then leaving the apartment after warning me never to turn it off. Toward the end they gathered in a little group like they were sixteen years old and hating on someone for being in their precense. Spent most of my free time walking around the city just so my chest would stop hurting, the pain flarred up randomly. It seemed to start with the stress of the move and the roomates. Walking was the only thing that helped. I was alone, depressed, stressed, and had a pain that wouldn't calm down. The only people that were around were the people at school and so far they weren't exactly close.
One night after coming home from a walk my chest was killing me! I couldn't lay any way without it squeezing the air out of me. My skin turned blue and I was loosing consciousness. I staggered out into the hall and looked at my 'evil' roomates and said “Call 911, I'm having a heart attack.” Then I collapse in half on the floor. Yes, face to the floor between my ankles. Felt good not to be standing but man that must have looked weird! Okay anyway, ambulance arrived, roommates finally believed me after starring in disbelief, I was hauled off to the hospital where they did an EKG of my heart. Heart was fine. I thought, 'How could I be making this crap up!?' So I walked home with the dorm leader who'd stayed with me. Neither my roomates nor she believed what happened. It was winter, we were walking in the cold, in my pj's at like 11pm through Portland. That was embarrassing. I was totally at a loss of what to do. I thought, "If this happens again Lord, I want you to be the one to prove them wrong." The next couple weeks went on with chest pains which weren't as dibilitating as before, rude roomates and calsses. One day in the elevator I'd dropped the mail, bent over to pick it up and 'thump' something rolled up my chest while bent over. That freaked me out. I called my mom immediately and she said I should go back to the hospital and have an x-ray. I blew that off as "You can't afford that and your already paying a lot for me to be out here. I'll be fine, maybe for Christmas (which was is a couple weeks) I'll have that done." I'm so stuborn.

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