Dating A Gluten-eater

[elonwy]

So I've been seeing this guy, and I really like him. We were long distance for a while, and now I've moved up here for my new job and have been staying with him temporarily. Hes sweet and cute and nice.

Theres one problem. He eats gluten filled stuff constantly. He lives on junk food. He's always snacking, and isn't too careful where the crumbs go. After watching him eat and seeing how messy he is, I've gotten to the point where I barely want to touch him, cause I feel like I'd be hugging a bakery aisle. He's also not so careful about putting his gluteny food near my gluten free food, he tries, I'll give him that, but he's super forgetful and I've been glutened several times in his house just cause the kitchen isn't very clean, even though I'm trying my best to be careful.

So the question is... Am I over-reacting? I feel like a jerk because I don't want to touch his because of his eating habits, but I also don't want to be sick. What do I do?

Elonwy

[CarlaB]

I think you need to find your own place ... probably too soon to be sharing one. Once you date a while, he will learn more about you and will understand how important it is you stay gluten-free.

[elonwy]

Yeah I have an apartment that I move into next weekend, so that will be fixed soon. Defnitly too soon to be living together. I just want to get back to the point where I actually want to kiss him again.

-E

[CarlaB]

Yeah I have an apartment that I move into next weekend, so that will be fixed soon. Defnitly too soon to be living together. I just want to get back to the point where I actually want to kiss him again.

-E

I bet you'll want to when you have your own place.

[darlindeb25]

He has to get to the point where he understands that he MUST be careful around you. The man I see, will come over during my lunch and if he has stopped for a sandwich, he warns me as he walks in, he will say, "I just ate a sammich, don't kiss my mouth!" I love how Long Islanders say sandwich . Before I had all of these other intolerances, he would buy me gluten free cookies and cakes and be so proud he found them, but now he doesn't understand my intolerances anymore and brings me coffee, which he knows is safe. When he eats his sandwich at the kitchen table, he will get a paper towel and clean it all off--it's great. He has never glutened me with a kiss, NEVER. He also would always eat my homemade gluten free cookies and I know he liked them, he was even good about my "pretty much failed" attempt at gluten-free cinnamon rolls.

The right man will do everything he can to keep you safe. Maybe he just needs time.

[Ursa Major]

Elonwy, you need to talk to him about this. Because he might sense that you don't feel like touching and kissing him, and might think you don't really like him. He needs to understand that it's not really him, but rather your fear of being glutened that is the problem.

Once he understands how easy it is for you to get glutened, and that in the end he might have to make the choice of either his junkfood or you, hopefully he'll choose you and change his eating habits.

Did you tell him that you got glutened at his house? It might be a good idea. You also need to tell him that you aren't able to kiss him for fear of getting sick if he constantly eats gluteny things.

[Guest cassidy]

I think you need to sit down and tell him how you are feeling. He may not understand how sick you get or how careful he needs to be around your food. I was watching everyone eat Thanksgiving yesterday and it is surprising how they touch rolls and double dip into things without even thinking about it. If they knew that I was sitting there thinking their roll looked like rat poison and just being grossed out about all that gluten I bet they would think I was crazy.

Some men are not as compassionate as other people and even if you explain everything and they really care about you, they still may not remember to be careful. It took my husband a long time to come as far as he has and I still bet you he would let me have a bite of his spaghetti or pizza without thinking twice.

If you have a talk with him and he doesn't get better then it is a choice of whether you want to be with someone who doesn't go out of his way to make sure you don't get sick.

Glad you are getting your own apartment, that should make things easier.

[Guest nini]

I know how you feel and I'm married to my gluteneater! LOL!

My own stepfather acted like my mom just grew two heads yesterday when she reminded him to cut his gluten bread and his gluten filled deep fried turkey well away from the gluten free zone!

Guys just don't think about this stuff unless they have to. Mine tries, he really does, but I absolutely CRINGE when I watch him make a sandwich and after he's handled his bread he's got his mitts all over the cheese and lunchmeat and everything else... He at least thinks ahead about the mayonnaise and takes a larger scoop than he will need so that he doesn't have to double dip. I will only eat the cheese or lunchmeat if I have the individually wrapped slices, or if I get to open the package first, after the package is open, if he's made a sandwich, I won't eat it... I do cringe and recoil when I watch him eat his gluteny snacks and pizzas (OMG THE PIZZA CRUMBS GO EVERYWHERE!) And he won't try to kiss me until he's rinsed his mouth out with mouthwash and brushed his teeth...

It will be good for you to be in your own place, and only you can decide if you can live with it or not... but def. talk to him and let him know it's the gluten you are afraid of and not him. I still have to reassure mine of that one sometimes...

[heathen]

i, too, date a full-time gluten eater, and although we don't live together, I have my own cabinet in his kitchen, and he has "acquired" some new cookware since i was diagnosed. yeah, it's hard when he's diving elbow deep into a large cheesy pizza, but i am determined not to guilt him into gluten free--and it works! he tries everything i make and usually likes it, he's concerned about cross-contamination issues when he cooks, he asks me where i can eat when we go out, he freaks out with me when i go to the grocery store and can't find food at reasonable prices... generally a good guy. in the beginning, we had a talk about what celiac is, what gluten is, and why some issues (like cross contamination) are so important--and that was the end of it. oh, and we talked about why beer kisses are not a good thing when i finally shook off the glutening.

[aikiducky]

I took my husband some time in the beginning to start remembering to be careful. What really helped was that he saw me get thoroughly glutened a couple times in the beginning, and I didn't hide how awful and sick I felt. If you get glutened by someone, don't try to be discreet about it.

Pauliina