Trying To Keep My Cool

[mirabella]

Mothers will always take their childs side. My daughter just got married in Sept 2007. Being newlyweds times can be tough. I just listen and let her vent. My daughter has let me listen to a recording on her phone of her mother in law saying she is going to kill her. WHAT THE @#$% How do you respond to that except, file charges. she has saved this on her phone. And she has contacted the police. I am trying not to go crazy on this women. And her husband didnt stick up for her. I AM ANGRY This woman has now moved away to another state so I am hoping she stays away.

My heart aches she will always be my baby even though she is married and lives away from me.

[curlyfries]

Jeez......what has she got against your daughter? How does her husband feel about her filing charges? It's a good thing she did, though, to have it on record. I would keep that recording. If the cops want it, let them make a copy. I don't really have any advice, just keep the lines of communication open with her so she knows Mom is a safe haven, especially if hubby doesn't step up to the plate.

[cmom]

I could write a book about the things my MIL has said or done to me...but she has never said she was going to kill me!!!! I think your daughter did the right thing by saving the recording and contacting the police. My mom also had to deal with my MIL who was very overbearing. She would not let my mom be alone with my boys when they were little without butting in and treating her like she didn't know anything. Also tried to get my boys to say they were "her boys" in front of my mom, and it goes on and on. Tell your daughter to document everything that happens, especially anything perceived as a threat. Thank goodness she moved out of state; mine lives next door.

[jewlesD]

hello Mirabella,

I am so sorry for what I am sure is concern and worry for your daughter. What a circumstance. I happen to be a marriage and family therapist so I might be a little bias in my reply, but in my opinion I think your daughter needs to help her husband come to the conclusion that he must be on her side and stand up for her. after finances the second leading cause of failed marriages is interference from in laws and exactly what you are describing...one partner not standing up for the other. I think your daughter for sure did the right thing by recording those calls, and she should encourage her husband to confront his mother about it... I know thats easier said then done. If he will not then ( I know the therapist coming out) I think she should seek counseling for them both. Its so early in the marriage and not to late to stop habits and patterns that lead to destruction...this issue will not go away and it will come up again and again. If they can learn to have a unified front to deal with what seems like a difficult mother in law they are on the road to success and have created really health boundaries to protect their marriage! ok sorry, thats the short version...anyways, you seem like a very caring and loving mother and your 2 cents about this to your daughter ( done in a loving non-threatening way) may go a long way. I know advice and guidance my mother gave me has made all the difference even if it took awhile for me to act on it. Your daughter is lucky to have such a caring mother. good luck to you...I hope and pray it works out for her.

Julie

[mirabella]

My daughter dated him 2 yrs. When she told me she wanted to marry him(24yrs old) I explained to her (20yrs old) that he is a package deal. He has a 3yr old son. He is a beautiful little boy and when my daughter is home I see quite often but when she is back home I never see him because I have no legal rights to him unfortunately. But I was allowed to take him to the beach where my daughter and son in law live. This past saturday I was allowed to see him for 1 hour for breakfast while the mother-in-law watched. this was not comfortable at all. She continously fussed with him and I couldnt get a word in at all. Needless to say I was quite ready to end my breakfast quickly.

sooo this is mainly what the arguing is about. My daughter take care of him probably more than his daddy. Daddy seems to be more of the fun guy. Domestics issued paper work to him to fill out and send back. Now they have to go to court because as my daughter says too lazy to send paper work back in time.

My daughter does see a therapist (she has what they call severe seperation anxiety) OUr family is all about family we continually do things together. Today she has an appointment and she will ask for couples therapy and hopefully her husband will accompany her.

She is very mature. And very responsible. I am truly amazed how she handles herself. Thank goodness she doesnt have a child with him. I have asked her to please wait to have children with him. Please go back to school.

Still concerned. My ears are always open for listening and she knows my door is open for her to come back home.