Lexi's Blog

I think it's really sad, and I'm sure a lot of you would agree, that I am so elated to go back to college because I know people understand my needs there. This summer has been such a struggle being at home because my family just doesn't get it. I'm not sure they ever will. After being relatively gluten-free for over a year now I realize how much I was taking for granted when it comes to food.

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This sounds a little silly, but food is amazing you guys. I mean, it gives us energy AND tastes amazing? God knew what He was doing when He made our food. I'm a hardcore food lover and being gluten-free has made life a little bit miserable for me. When I'm away at school though, I can make the right choices for myself because they are available to me. At home, everything I want but can't have is staring me in the face. And then when I do have things I can eat, my family members eat it all. Example: We buy Chex cereal for me to eat for breakfast and we buy random other brands for my mom, dad, and brother to eat. I have 2 boxes to last me two weeks until we make another grocery run. This isn't an issue for me because while I love food, I eat it in moderation because I'm terrified of being fat haha. However, my family chows down on MY cereal first and then when they are finished devouring it, they move on to their own cereal....leaving poor Lexi with nothing. And they just don't care.

Some of you may also have picked up on that I don't have a great relationship with my mother. Sadly, this is the case and I don't see it changing any time soon. She and I used to be really close when I was younger and she used to be more like my sister than an actual mother (she's only 18 years older than me). Then she got remarried and had my brother when I was 12 and our relationship died. This whole experience with Celiac has pulled us apart even more. Some days I feel like she is trying, and then some days she back to her old selfish self. I will refrain from saying any more.

I just feel like my family is so much more judgmental than the rest of the world and that shouldn't be how it is. I'm supposed to be comfortable in my own home right? I'm supposed to be able to be myself with my parents! Instead, I'm fearful of getting sick and self conscious about every detail that makes up who I am. Especially Celiac.

And then there are the other people out there who just don't get it or don't want to accept it at least. I tell someone I can't eat gluten and they act like it's just a phase I'm going through. One of my family members actually had the nerve to tell me that I cried wolf so many times growing up that people just don't believe me anymore. Don't they see that everything that was wrong with me leads back to my disease?? I wasn't crying wolf! I was a sick child who just wanted to feel better.

I just feel like people who know me could be a little more accepting and comforting. Celiac took things I love from me. It took the food I love, made my brain foggy, made me malnourished, and I was so sick my senior year that I missed my opportunity to play college volleyball (with the help of torn ligaments in my knee and a broken ankle). Now as an almost 20 year old college student I am trying to pick up the pieces and find my passion for life again, but it is pretty dang hard when everyone that should be supporting me seems to be against me.

Sorry for the rant guys. I just needed to get that of my chest.

P.S. I found this link and it explains my life perfectly and I suspect many of you feel similarly.

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