The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[CarlaB]

i'll have to go to lymeNet and see if their thread is as funny as Even Stevphen! I love Steve carrell

Uh, no, it was serious, not joking.

[CarlaB]

Columbus, OH (AP) - A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Franklin County

courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the University of Michigan Wolverines, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

(Nikki, Ohio State University is in Columbus, Ohio. OSU and U of M are rivals)

[tom]

i'll have to go to lymeNet and see if their thread is as funny as Even Stevphen! I love Steve carrell :wub:

I didn't get to go to the link yet, but I expected Even Stephen to be Colbert 'debating himself'.

Oh!! Oh! Or was it pre-Colbert Report and it's Carrell vs. Colbert?

Carla but it sure didn't start funny!

The blonde then blushed and said, 'The breakfast was

my idea.'

!!

Ok now lemme preface this by saying I'm not proud of it, but I just saw part of "Beauty & The Geek".

During tryouts a Beauty is asked:

Q: Who wrote Beethoven's Fifth Symphony?

A: I don't read books. . . . . .just magazines.

[nikki-uk]

I've been known to hide behind the pantry door to scarf something down so the kids don't see . . . It's part need to set a good example and part if they see me, I'll have to share.

I can relate, but as my kids are older now I don't bother hiding. I just say in a v.loud voice ''Go Away!! It's mine''

SW: "I'd kill for the Noble Peace Prize."

Friend: "gigglegiggle Peace Prize gigglegiggle"

SW: "Half the people you know are below average."

Friend: "gigglegiggle below average giggle giggle"

ARGHHH!! I would find that VERY annoying!!

(Nikki, Ohio State University is in Columbus, Ohio. OSU and U of M are rivals)

Thanks for remebering the foreigner

Now I'm sure you're all aware today is Open Original Shared Linkday

...Sooo

To err is human.

To ARRR is pirate

[Darn210]

Now I'm sure you're all aware today is Open Original Shared Linkday

...Sooo

To err is human.

To ARRR is pirate

Shiver me timbers, you're right!! Usually my (aforementioned, lefty) brother makes sure the whole family knows - he's slipping - must be too much rum. Arrrgh!

[elye]

An International Pirate Day? This is cause for much celebration, as we venerate these characters around here. Years ago, my dad was often called upon to portray a horrid Captain Hook-type rogue. Here was his advice that we can all use today:

Double up all of your adjectives and you'll be bountifully bombastic with your phrasing. Pirates never speak of "a big ship", they call it a "great, grand ship!" They never say never--they say "No nay ne'er!"

Drop all of your "g"'s when you speak and you'll get words like "rowin'", "sailin'" and "fightin'". Dropping all of your "v"'s will get you words like "ne'er", "e'er" and "o'er".

Instead of saying "I am", sailors say, "I be". Instead of saying "You are", sailors say, "You be". Instead of saying, "They are", sailors say, "They be". Ne'er speak in anythin' but the present tense!

[elye]

An International Pirate Day? This is cause for much celebration, as we venerate these characters around here. Years ago, my dad was often called upon to portray a horrid Captain Hook-type rogue. Here was his advice that we can all use today:

Double up all of your adjectives and you'll be bountifully bombastic with your phrasing. Pirates never speak of "a big ship", they call it a "great, grand ship!" They never say never--they say "No nay ne'er!"

Drop all of your "g"'s when you speak and you'll get words like "rowin'", "sailin'" and "fightin'". Dropping all of your "v"'s will get you words like "ne'er", "e'er" and "o'er".

Instead of saying "I am", sailors say, "I be". Instead of saying "You are", sailors say, "You be". Instead of saying, "They are", sailors say, "They be". Ne'er speak in anythin' but the present tense!

[Darn210]

Shiver me timbers, you're right!! Usually my (aforementioned, lefty) brother makes sure the whole family knows - he's slipping - must be too much rum. Arrrgh!

From my brother last year

BTW how do you embed a link into one word?

[Mtndog]

Ahoy mateys! Arrr.....I be thinkin' we make that Tom character walk the soy plank today!!!!!!!!!! He'll be fish food fer sure! Aye...you mark my words!

[CarlaB]

Why is this humorous banter so difficult during a herx???? Just as I was getting used to the new med ...

I can relate, but as my kids are older now I don't bother hiding. I just say in a v.loud voice ''Go Away!! It's mine''

True. I just say, "This fudge is made with raw almond butter, no sugar, cacao beans, do you think there's any way I can afford to feed it to all of you? Go eat your cheap candy!"

I also have my own shelf in the pantry, they all know, "touch it and die."

Thanks for remebering the foreigner

Well, it took me a minute to see that the alleged news report was out of Columbus, where OSU is, so I figured if I lived here and didn't see it right away, you didn't have a chance! Of course, I went to Indiana University, so if it were written out of Bloominton and said Purdue, I'd have seen it right away! I switched it around like that and emailed it to my daughter at IU.

Emily, thanks for the pirate lesson ... I'll have trouble enough just talking normal today!

This morning I started to make my smoothie that I eat every morning ... Wild Oats was out of vanilla whey powder, so I have chocolate ... I added a banana and frozen strawberries instead of my usual raspberries ... I put the hand blender in and apparently hit the start button too soon and chocolate smoothie went all over everything.

So, as if this wasn't bad enough ... I decide to wash my terrycloth robe because what good is laying around in it all day during a herx if it is sticky and has chocolate all over it? I go upstairs to get all my dirty clothes, then to the basement to put them in the washer (any idea how much effort that was?), and we're out of laundry detergent (the kids do the laundry ... except for mine ... and they didn't tell me it was low until it was empty). So, after I finish my smoothie, I'm going to have to put the same clothes and baseball hat I threw on yesterday to drive kids around and go to the grocery for laundry detergent!

I'd send Adam, but he's out of town till Friday.

[DingoGirl]

So, after I finish my smoothie, I'm going to have to put the same clothes and baseball hat I threw on yesterday to drive kids around and go to the grocery for laundry detergent!

Heinous, Carla! Hmhhh....pondering the bath robe all day.....I prefer the pj's or sweats for all-day lounging, really. The bathrobe means things are quite bad. herxing must be terrible....

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!! Me brain ain't workin' enough to give ye pirate banter today.........

Slept 10 hours straight, I think, yet somehow....quite groggy and cranky today.

Did I mention that my HAIR is RUINED???????????????? Bad cut and wrong color....it is somewhat like an orange PYRAMID atop my head, and no, there will be no photos posted......

Really puts a gal in a bad mood though, don't it??????????

Must work on finding new stylist toute de suite (or is that just toute suite? Emily? can't remember) to fix things.............

NIKKEIGH!!!!!!!!!!!! You must come for an emergency hair consultation and intervention!!!!!!!!!!

[elye]

Gawd, Susan...pyramid hair. That is unfortunate, but please reconsider posting a pic. It can't be that bad, and we all need a small chucke. I mean, is it tellatubby-head calibre?

...Yep, it's tout de suite. We anglophones often shorten it to "tout suite", but I don't think the French much like this. Although the Canadian francophones may be okay with it, as they're a funny bunch.

...Or funnier than the rest of us!

[Jestgar]

I mean, is it tellatubby-head calibre?

:lol:

[Darn210]

Gawd, Susan...pyramid hair. That is unfortunate, but please reconsider posting a pic.

Open Original Shared Link she is!!! Or rather . . . her new hairstyle.

[blueeyedmanda]

:lol:

LOL! This cheered me up...work is nuts these days

[CarlaB]

Heinous, Carla! Hmhhh....pondering the bath robe all day.....I prefer the pj's or sweats for all-day lounging, really. The bathrobe means things are quite bad. herxing must be terrible....

Well, my pj's aren't of the lounging variety, so I need a bathrobe worn over them ... and, yeah, when it's bad, it is bathrobe bad! If I can get sweats on and move downstairs, I'm coming out of my herx.

Did I mention that my HAIR is RUINED???????????????? Bad cut and wrong color....it is somewhat like an orange PYRAMID atop my head, and no, there will be no photos posted......

HEINOUS.

Must work on finding new stylist toute de suite (or is that just toute suite? Emily? can't remember) to fix things.............

I thought it was "toot sweets" ... you know, from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

[tom]

Hehe . . . . . . . .will today become "Talk Like A Pirate About Susie's Hair" Day?

Avast ye saucy wenches!!

Bev!! Mention a soy plank agin & ye 'll be kissin the gunner's daughter! Arrrrrrrr!!

Begad we be needin' t'punish the blaggard responsible fer that bilge-sucking hair!

Launch the dinghy pseu-zee! Time fer fetchin the poxy stylist fer a keelhaulin'!!

P.S. troll pic

Carla! Smoothie tornado! Ack! Is the herx expected to be 2-3 days? 4? Are they consistent that way?

[CarlaB]

I don't know, Tom ... they used to be predictable, but I'd been going downhill for the past couple months, so I'm not sure. I am expected the worst to be over after three days, but it will take me a few more days to feel recovered from it ... that's the part that has changed, the past two months, I've never felt recovered from them ... hopefully the new med hitting the new bacteria will change that.

The good news is that I did manage to go to the grocery without panicking (not quite the right word, it's more of a disorientation - why am I here? type thing) as I was shopping ... at one point grocery stores were so difficult for me that I was forbidden by my hubby to go alone ... so, I not only left the house during a herx, but I also did okay at the store. Sounds minor, but that's significant improvement ...

[CarlaB]

I hope I don't get a board warning for that last post being off topic for the thread.

[Jestgar]

Back to amusing

It's the birthday of the emoticon

Open Original Shared Link

[DingoGirl]

Open Original Shared Link she is!!! Or rather . . . her new hairstyle.

invert the troll's hair the other way - I am sure you math geeks have a name for that triangular shape - and that would be more like it.

LOL! This cheered me up...work is nuts these days

Well hallooooooooo there, young 'un! (or should I say, avast, ahoy....?? I am telling you, the pirate talk is not tripping off the tongue lightly today) You must come by more often, what with the heinous job and all!

Carla - excellent you navigated the grocery store during a herx. Progress!!

Tom -

out to do yard work. MUST find new stylist THIS MINUTE. The man who colored my hair......I am not kidding - he has become one of the most hated stylists in Fresno. He has been known to be quite good at the highlighting......but his bedside manner makes one MURDEROUS by the end.....it is impossible to even do a proper imitation of his horrid, VITRIOLIC venom and poison that he spews whilst one is MINDING ONE"S OWN BUSINESS sitting in his chair. I now know four women, including myslef, whose shadow shall never darken the doorway of that establishment again.......but the WORST part it, this time, he did not listne at all, and my hair is ORANGE.

So now I have to pay SOMEONE ELSE to fix it.

[Darn210]

invert the troll's hair the other way - I am sure you math geeks have a name for that triangular shape - and that would be more like it.

Really??? . . . Invert it??? . . . That doesn't seem right at all!

[Darn210]

You gotta figure . . . on all my other posts on the other threads, people have got to be thinking . . . WTH is that in her avatar!

[CarlaB]

No, when they hit "view new posts" they see your post here ... so when they see your avatar they just think, "Oh, she's one of them!"

[tom]

Carla - bah the off-topic, I'm the one who asked, so the demerits are mine. Good to hear of the successful trip. Small progress is still progress.

invert the troll's hair the other way - I am sure you math geeks have a name for that triangular shape - and that would be more like it.

Hmmm having trouble picturing it. But the mathletic side of me is intrigued. There's a '2birds-1stone' aspect to satisfying academic curiousity and feeding maximum thread silliness through simply subbing the current arrrrrrr-vatar w/ a hair-vatar. (makes perfect sense to me)

Surely looking sophisticated & . . . . . well . . . . like that isn't fitting on a heinous day.

.....it is impossible to even do a proper imitation of his horrid, VITRIOLIC venom and poison that he spews . . .

.......but the WORST part it, this time, he did not listen at all, and my hair is ORANGE.

Aaarrrrrrr! I can't spell scheudenfreund right can I? I feel bad about laughing but it can't be helped.

(Aha! Schadenfreude!! Thank u sms dictionary)

So it *was* the same spewy vitriolistic one who's been described as 'worth it' in the past. Shame it's a month from halloween, punkin'head.

Manda - what heinous employement is this?