How Can I Suggest "i Think You Have Celiac."?

[dksart]

I have several members of my family that show strong signs of having Celiac. What's the best way to tell someone without them becoming defensive or resistant? My family just do not want to hear about it.

My mom has terrible headaches and is constantly suffering with D or C. She is underweight and always exhausted. Her father died of colon cancer and lived his last 12 years wasting away, unable to eat anything except creole creamed cheese.

Her sister, my aunt, has always been sick, she can't fight off anything. She has really bad G.I. issues and lots of joint swelling and pain. She also has a son with IBS, a daughter with diverticulitis and another daughter with rheumatoid arthritis.

My brother has gout. He has other joint pain and swelling. He suffers with headaches daily and has constant gas pains and bloating accompanied by obnoxiously loud belching and passing gas.

But, my main concern is my youngest daughter. She is 16 and knows everything. As a small child, I cooked all of her meals and snacks, everything healthy, organic, no preservatives, nothing artificial. She had severe AD/HD as well as allergies/sensitivities to many things including corn, eggs, dairy, peanuts, tree nuts, oranges etc. She had a skin problem since about age 6 which was diagnosed as everything from eczema to sebhorreic dermatitis to psoriasis. I am now convinced it was DH, but she will not hear anything about it.

She has now decided that she can eat anything she wants and has since developed severe acne and has gained a tremendous amount of weight. She has insomnia almost every night and most importantly is her moods. She's very angry and sometimes depressed. This is not just normal teenage mood swings, she is out of control.

This is a sweet and loving child, I know she's in there, I want to help her out.

[home-based-mom]

Wow - this is a toughie. I know what you mean by people who just don't want to hear it. It is hard watching people you love destroy themselves.

Let me offer two suggestions, realizing you may have already tried both, but . . .

1)Personal testimony. "Look, you guys. This is how I was (insert sordid details here) and this is how I am now. All - and I mean ALL - I did was change what I eat. Can you not see the difference?

The reason I suggest this is because I have an inlaw with non-gluten issues who wants the whole family to take her approach to solving problems. The problem is that because absolutely no one can see that her approach has solved - or even improved - anything, no one even considers taking her suggestions. If people could see that it actually worked for her, they might be willing to try it for themselves.

If your family can see that a gluten-free lifestyle has worked for you, they also might be willing to give it a shot. But you might have to hit them over the head with what it is that has worked so well for you. Not everyone can see what is obvious!

2) If your personal testimony doesn't work then try getting them angry or annoyed enough to prove to you that it doesn't work! You know, get them to take a "I'll show her once and for all that she is full of caca (pun intended!) and get her to shut up!" stance. If they try the diet to prove to you that you are wrong, they just might learn something for themselves and become the most vociferous of converts!

[dksart]

Wow - this is a toughie. I know what you mean by people who just don't want to hear it. It is hard watching people you love destroy themselves.

Let me offer two suggestions, realizing you may have already tried both, but . . .

1)Personal testimony. "Look, you guys. This is how I was (insert sordid details here) and this is how I am now. All - and I mean ALL - I did was change what I eat. Can you not see the difference?

The reason I suggest this is because I have an inlaw with non-gluten issues who wants the whole family to take her approach to solving problems. The problem is that because absolutely no one can see that her approach has solved - or even improved - anything, no one even considers taking her suggestions. If people could see that it actually worked for her, they might be willing to try it for themselves.

If your family can see that a gluten-free lifestyle has worked for you, they also might be willing to give it a shot. But you might have to hit them over the head with what it is that has worked so well for you. Not everyone can see what is obvious!

2) If your personal testimony doesn't work then try getting them angry or annoyed enough to prove to you that it doesn't work! You know, get them to take a "I'll show her once and for all that she is full of caca (pun intended!) and get her to shut up!" stance. If they try the diet to prove to you that you are wrong, they just might learn something for themselves and become the most vociferous of converts!

I might have to try that second approach.

They already know the first. They saw what a mess I was pre-Gluten-free and how much improved I am now, but still..... My brother thinks I should be waiting around for a magic pill to get rid of my celiac disease when in actuality, Celiac disease was the answer to my prayers. All I ever wanted was a drug-free solution to my problems and I have it! He thinks that he could never give up bread or pasta (we're Italian, food is the center of EVERYTHING) and would rather live in denial than give it a try. My entire family loves my cooking and thinks my food is better than anything with gluten, but they could never see themselves putting forth that much effort to cook things from scratch. It's just too easy to get takeout fried chicken, pizza and taco bell. Po-Boys (New Orleans french bread sandwiches) are too important to trade for good health!

My daughter just spent her whole life having to bring her lunch and snacks to school and not participate in king cake parties (another New Orleans tradition.....it's extra hard here) or have some of a friends birthday cake. I always made sure to make her a delicious substitute, but kids don't want to be different. Now she has more control over her own life and she goes out with a group and eats anything and everything.

Thanks!

[AliB]

What is it with people? You could show some people every bit of evidence in the world and they STILL wouldn't believe it!

We have become far too reliant on the Medical Profession. Even in the face of the incontrovertible evidence that the MP is NOT the be-all-and-end-all of the cures for all disease - people still sit there waiting for the 'Magic Pill' to plop in their laps. They would like to be well, but don't want to actually have to DO anything about it themselves and have been so conditioned by the MP that they don't actually believe that they CAN help themselves! How defeatist it that?

Do you know, the Bible talks about Satan turning himself into an 'Angel of Light'. I believe that gluten (and sugar, and other scrummy carbs!) is doing the same (and he is probably behind it!). It is a product that turns into a beautiful, captivating and enchanting treat, yet is full of insidious poison to those who continue to be unwittingly beguiled by its attraction!

This may seem like an extreme analogy but it's true.

Here's one tack you might try. If your relatives knew that every mouthful of food they took was laced with Arsenic, despite their enjoyment of it, would they carry on eating it? If they knew it would give them cancer, would they carry on eating it? If they knew it would kill them, would they carry on eating it? To those who are intolerant of it, gluten is a poison that very slowly and insidiously draws people into painful, long, drawn-out death. Sickness has become such a 'normal' part of life, we are programmed to just accept it and succumb to it without question! How come people would fight for a particular drug, but they won't fight by changing their eating habits!!!!

We have become so addicted to the stuff, just like junkies! We might criticize drug addicts for their addiction, yet we do the same with cigarettes, or alcohol, or food! Unfortunately, the only difference between drugs and gluten is that the government has not (yet) slapped a warning label on it! That is highly unlikely to happen though - far too much commercialism (and government tax) is dependent on the production of wheat.

Whilst your older relatives ought to know better - it will be difficult for your daughter. She does not have the experience or wisdom to understand what she is doing to her body. Another tack may be to just try the LOVE angle.

I have been doing that with my children and husband and it is slowly sinking in. I have been a bit like a stuck record over the last few weeks, but I do feel that it is working. I love them all dearly and can't stand to see them suffering. Eating gluten is habitual. We are creatures of habit. Change those habits and we can change our lives. Sometimes we get so used to being ill, we forget what it was like to be well, and it is not until you can 'taste' health again that you realise what you are missing.

Your daughter may fight against a gluten-free diet but she must need to know what will happen if she doesn't follow it. Eventually gluten-free will have to become the norm and she could and would be a 'trailblazer'. Young people find it very difficult to think long-term. They tend to just live for the here and now, so I can sympathise with your problem. My children are in their 20's and that much older and wiser, so they are seeing the wisdom of what I am saying - blinding them with the science behind it has helped a lot, too, so they can see it's not just me taking out of my posterior, but there are good sound scientific reasons why the gluten is bad for us.

I do hope you manage to make some headway eventually!

[flourgirl]

I know exactly how it goes. I have no doubt that my mom has Celiac. After I have gently suggested for her to get tested and pointed out that almost everything that she has suffered with, and continues to suffer with, she decided that she's too old and doesn't want to contend with one more thing! Never mind that this one more thing could solve the puzzle about all of the other things.

I have many brothers and sisters, and after seeing me so sick, and then my neice so very sick, and in spite of their varying illness (many suffer the same illnesses), only 1 has been tested. I worry about them so much! And yet....I don't think I can do more than to regularly, gently, nudge them about it. Time will tell.

Before my diagnosis I had never heard of Celiac. I vaguely remember hearing about "wasting disease", but I thought it was something from the dark ages. NOW.....I think I see Celiacs everywhere. I want everyone to be tested, whether they think they have symptoms or not. What would you bet, that if that were the case, we'd be seeing a lot more than 1 in 133?

[AliB]

Absolutely!!!

I would not be at all surprised to find that it far more like 1 in 30!

My Mum was Celiac, my Dad severely GI, possibly Celiac. I am severely GI, possibly Celiac. My husband is, I am sure GI, as is my son and my daughter who I am hoping will both get themselves tested. My eldest grandson is just being put on to gluten-free and I reckon it won't be too long before the youngest follows suit. Their Dad has all the hallmarks of GI as does his Mother...........and so it goes on.

Maybe even that figure is way too low an estimate...............!!!

What a can of 'worms' they have opened by mucking about with our food..............

[nmw]

The one person you can have the most effect on is your daughter. Has she been tested? As she is 16 and not legally emancipated (I assume), take her to a doctor you trust - not necessarily a pediatrician - and request that she be tested for Celiac. Yes she could refuse to go, but you, the parent, need to make sure this happens. Presumably she is miserable with her state of being and may listen to a med professional (they aren't all bad people). Her desire to lose weight and be happy again may convince her that you are on the right track and doing your job to help her. We all knew it all at 16, right?

The rest of your family? Good luck - I think we all know how difficult it can be to get anyone to see things from our side, no matter how they may be suffering. With any luck they may have an "aha" moment of clarity and really listen to you and follow through.

[dksart]

The one person you can have the most effect on is your daughter. Has she been tested? As she is 16 and not legally emancipated (I assume), take her to a doctor you trust - not necessarily a pediatrician - and request that she be tested for Celiac. Yes she could refuse to go, but you, the parent, need to make sure this happens. Presumably she is miserable with her state of being and may listen to a med professional (they aren't all bad people). Her desire to lose weight and be happy again may convince her that you are on the right track and doing your job to help her. We all knew it all at 16, right?

The rest of your family? Good luck - I think we all know how difficult it can be to get anyone to see things from our side, no matter how they may be suffering. With any luck they may have an "aha" moment of clarity and really listen to you and follow through.

I believe she is going through a period of rebellion and would not listen to anything anyone says right now. She knows all too well about the pre-existing conditions she has had her whole life and ignores them now as well. I really think she just has a need to fit in, we lost everything in hurricane Katrina, we have had to move around a lot and she is now on her fourth school in the past two and a half years.

[Cinnamon]

Maybe since the idea of going gluten-free indefinitely seems overwhelming, maybe she'd agree to just try the diet for a set period of time, like two weeks, or whatever you think. I have a 14-year-old whose younger brother and sister are gluten-free, and since he has asthma, I just wanted to try the diet for him, too. Of course he was really against it, but we made a plan, and I was fully prepared to bribe him like crazy as a reward for keeping to the diet. So he agreed to do the diet and then at the end of the two weeks, we'd have a big gluten challenge with all the foods he loved, and friends over, like a party. It was my hope that if he had a gluten problem, he'd see that he felt so much better, and with a gluten challenge, see the bad effects for himself. As it turned out, nothing improved on the diet, and nothing happened on the gluten challenge, and it turns out that dairy is his problem. I know many will say you need several months to see any improvement, but I think with kids, they heal much more quickly. Since his brother and sister felt better right away, within 2 days, I felt that giving it two weeks was enough to at least see something.

Maybe if you could bribe her to try the diet for a set period of time it wouldn't seem so hard, and then if she sees that she's feeling better, looking better, happier, more in control,etc and she'll want to keep it up for herself.

[Cinnamon]

I just read your post above, the poor thing! Being 16 is hard under the best of conditions, but throw in health problems, a major catastrophe, lots of moving around, and no wonder she's having some trouble. I'm sorry you had to go through all this. If only she could find a celiac friend, that would be ideal, but how would you find one, and kids have to make their own friendships.

[dksart]

She has lately been trying to eat a little healthier and actually asked about doing yoga with me. I am going to explain to her that yoga should include a total mind/body regimen. Maybe then we can work out a Gluten-free plan for her.

I just really wish the rest of my family could see that even though it may be difficult to adjust to at first, a gluten-free lifestyle becomes second nature and there are so many benefits.

[dksart]

I just read your post above, the poor thing! Being 16 is hard under the best of conditions, but throw in health problems, a major catastrophe, lots of moving around, and no wonder she's having some trouble. I'm sorry you had to go through all this. If only she could find a celiac friend, that would be ideal, but how would you find one, and kids have to make their own friendships.

It really has been hard, she lost her friends that she grew up with and it was her 8th grade year....that's so important. Then we moved to Florida, she made a whole new set of friends, we had to move again to a FEMA trailer in Mississippi, whole new school...whole new set of friends, then we had to uproot her again when we were finally able to buy a new house back in Louisiana. Again, whole new school, than goodness she makes friends easily! We are finally back home and doing much better, but even though I lost my home and business, I still think it was harder on our kids. Such major changes at their age had to have been horrible. (My oldest daughter is now a Sophomore in college, she wound up graduating high school a year early so she could go back to school in Louisiana.)

Well, I just found out there's a Celiac meeting group in the area, but have not found a contact number yet. I don't know if there are any teens, but I would love to find out.