Problems From Being Glutened. Need Life Advice!

[kari]

i'm just getting over being glutened twice in the past week and spent the day in the hospital yesterday for a nasty kidney infection that honestly came out of nowhere and i suspect had something to do with my immune system being under a great deal of stress. normally, in social situations like this i'd bite my tongue and deal with the possibility i might get a speck of gluten because it's a holiday, i want to keep the peace, i have the next day off, and i'll deal. i'm tough like that. but after all i've been through this week - no way. so i'm going to my dad's, and like many of your parents he absolutely does not get it. he gets it in that he finally doesn't offer me the bread basket anymore, but not in the sense that he could ever in a million years fathom why i would be unwilling to eat a turkey that had been stuffed with bread or gravy with a dash of flour in it. he's one of those take charge, type A 'it's all in your head and you're being silly so do what i tell you to' people, and i know that the only way i'm going to get out of there without a huge commotion is to prepare a couple things on my own that i know are safe, which i can bring and share with everyone, to distract from the fact that i'm avoiding everything there except for vegetables and mashed potatoes. anyone have any advice for anything i can bring??

on the glutening note, maybe you'd have advice on this too. i missed school yesterday due to my ER visit, and was given a note excusing me from class for a week (i don't have another class for a week anyway) and was told to email my professor and explain, so that my absence would be excused. but i've missed quite a few classes, or been very very late several times (it's a 6 hour class), mostly becase i have an hour and a half commute, and there have been several days when i just feel like crap because i couldn't keep the gluten out of my system. is there a tactful way to explain in an email that i missed yesterday's class due to an ER visit, but to also mention that this may be related to the fact that i have an immune-deficiency disease which has caused various porblems throughout the semester which have kept me from getting to class, in a way that isn't too graphic or personal, but gets the idea accross enough so that it may be taken into consideration when my grades are being slashed end semester due to my frequent absense? how does everyone else deal with the issue of trying not to look like you're just being lazy when you're a bit under the weather, even if it's excessive? i mean let's face it, an hour and a half commute is a little difficult when you're experiencing explosive diareah.

[Jestgar]

I'm bringing my own gravy, a veggie dish, and a pumpkin mousse for dessert.

I think I would also tend to be rather b%$@#y in this situation if pressed. "I just spent a week being really sick and a day in the hospital and I am in no mood to spend another day in the hospital because you choose not to have any respect for me. I'm not demanding you change anything for me, all I'm doing is not eating the stuff that will put me back in the hospital so just drop it!"

As for school, tell them you have chronic illness that you are just learning to control. You've missed a lot of days because of it, but you believe that as you get it under control you'll be able to return to a more normal life. If you need to, you can tell them about the ER visit and the doctors note, but it's really not their business. Ask for an extension if possible.

[Amanda L]

As far as school goes, my husband's school tried to fail him when he'd missed too much due to his diabetes. I mentioned the ADA and they shut up pretty quickly.

[almostnrn]

As far as the school thing goes, I find honesty is the best policy. I have always been very upfront with my professors about absences for any reason. If I feel like I'm struggling with celiac I make it a point to go to them before there is a huge problem and let them know. Now...I am not sure if the understanding response is because I'm in nursing school and I'm dealing with people who get it but regardless I would just be very up front and honest, I think most teachers can appreciate that.

For Thanksgiving.. maybe you can make some cornbread stuffing just to "add something a little different". We are deep frying a turkey so I know thats safe. I am essentially making an entire dinner for myself and bringing it along. There will be more than enough to share. Quite honestly I don't care if anyone is offended or throws a fit (although I know they won't). If my friends and family want me around they will have to accept that I have serious limitations with food and unless I'm right there helping prepare it I don't trust anyone to not contaminate my food. I know it sounds harsh, but my DH even says he has to think really hard about not mixing up spoons or pans and such and he had been doing this for a while now. More than anything else, take care of YOU. If you walk in with an arm full of food and you have that confident air about you, no one will even think twice. Don't be apologetic because you have an illness and for goodness sakes don't threaten your well being by eating things you aren't comfortable with! Good luck I hope it goes well.

[marciab]

I agree with the others and I just wanted to add that you could tell your professor how important your education is to you and you need to know what you have to do to keep your grades up.

I would explain celiac, just so he knows you are not trying to bs him. Marcia

[tarnalberry]

There is no reason to sacrifice your health to keep someone else's peace - they decide to go wonky on you, after all. In that situation, simply say "No thank you, it may make me sick, and I'm not willing to risk it." Focus on the fact that IT IS YOUR CHOICE. It's not their choice what you eat; it's all your choice.

[Mandy F.]

I don't have much advice for your thanksgiving dinner, but as far as school, i would put it exactly how you phrased it in your initial post. I find that most teachers are pretty understanding as long as you've been making an honest effort to do the work. I would also ask if there is something you can do to improve your grade. Sometimes they won't give you any extra work but will be impressed with the effort you're showing... but then again, they could give you something extra as make up work...

Good Luck!

[Aurora2Borealis1]

I'm a student at Kent State, and I was having problems with one of my professors accepting my excuses (even from doctors since there were so many absenses, and some professors just ARE NOT understanding no matter how much you try to explain). I had read somewhere that Celiac Disease is covered under the Americans with Disabilities Act, so I went to my school's Students with Disabilities Services and had a chat with a counselor. I figured if anyone could help me it would be them- and I was right. My doc faxed them an explaination of why I would be absent so much, and documentation that I have the disease. What I got from SDS was a statement that professors should do certain things to accommodate me, such as excuse excess absenses, extend deadlines, etc. I haven't had to use that since this particular professor, and would never abuse the help, but it got me through the tough times when I was still getting sick alot. Check and see how to get an appointment with your school's SDS and see if you can't do something similar, and good luck!