Friends And Family Not Supporting You?

[loco-ladi]

I decided last night was "the night" to teach my hubby a valuble lesson in my life...... From the beginning he has been suportive... He is the first to remind the wairtress that I did specify NO CROUTONS on my salad and basically making the really foolish ones feel even more foolish, keeping his gluten filled products in his own fridge in the garage and sticking strickly to "his counter" in the kitchen.... I will give him that but he did not always think his choices thru entirely.... last night he had a light bulb go on in his little pea brain that will be remembered for a long longggggg time to come........

knowing my hubby was feeling um....frisky last night I let him hang out with his friends drink beer etc and generally have a gloriously good time. When bedtime came and he wanted to get all smoochy I said..." Is that beer breath?" of course he HAD to reply that it was, I then replied, gee sorry dude maybe after you have brushed your teeth a hundred times and walked off.

this morning he is in a whole different frame of mind entirely, even asked me more detailed questions, seems he didnt hear me tell him previously that "cross contamination" can be done thru kissing. PLEASE typical male heard what he wanted to hear forgot the rest.......

OK this is where I get to appologise to all you men reading this as yes I do realise us women do the same things I just accused the male population in general of doing and you have my undying support to make sure if your wife/partner/girlfriend/mother/daughter ever accuse you of being like that for a mere $20 (in cash... in advance) I will make sure they believe that you are not like that at all! because we all know the truth ad you are indeed the only man in the world who is not like that in real life its all just some weird genetic problem all us females have thought up in our delusional little minds because of things our mothers taught us

[GFinChicago]

I work in a Restaurant and it seems like my Co-Workers actually enjoy making fun of my allergy. I have a Gluten and Casein Intolerance which means there is not a lot left to eat for me. I am adjusted to my "way of eating" but it seems like my co-workers can't handle the fact that I can't have gluten nor casein. Instead of asking them all the time whats in the family meal (lunch/dinner for the kitchen staff) I started bringing my own food. And then I hear stuff like "Oh, our food is not good enough for you and how can you eat this gluten-free Crap anyways?"

[confusedks]

I think a lot of people just don't know what to do with difference. I think people don't have any idea how we manage not eating conveniently all the time and they don't get the dedication to this diet. It is a hard diet, and it takes a lot of convenience out of our lives. No more lets "drive thru McDonald's." I can relate to this a little bit, but a lot of the times it's not that people make fun of me, but they make all foods gluten laden so I can't eat anything. Last night I went to a family BBQ and everything except the fruit salad had gluten or dairy in it. Then if I only eat fruit salad they think I'm starving myself. It's annoying, but the bottom line is at the end of the night I will be sick, they won't!

Kassandra

[Susan-in-NC]

I am so right with all of you. In my husband's family, I have been the one to "care take" the group. One SIL has several med problems and generally uses them as a crutch to get out of family dealings (have seen her out when "sick at home and not able to help with _____) BIL's wife has MS and this truly has interfered with her activities, but he uses it to avoid doing things for his mom. Until just a few months ago his wife was still working full time, going to yoga 3x's a week and kayaking on weekends -- so, she didn't need him every moment to wait on her, which according to her he never did -- just didn't "feel up to" helping his mom.

So, my hubby and I have moved furniture, painted, made repairs, done yardwork, car maintenance and grocery shopping in foul weather or when she was feeling low. We have also made a point to drop in at least once during the week and for longer visits during the weekend. Others (esp the brother, only show up for special occasions). For years, we have hosted the family get togethers. Including the family of the brother's wife.

Recently a different brother was in town for just a night or two. I was recently Dx and just didn't want to deal with anyone else, when I hadn't learned yet how to deal with myself. So, I told MIL and hubby that they could go out to eat, I wasn't doing it this time. Well, the SIL with MS stepped up! She and her husband would host a cookout for the family. I asked what could I bring and was told no, she would take care of everything! WE SPENT AN HOUR ON THE PHONE DISCUSSING WHAT I COULD AND COULD NOT EAT. Now, she is a college educated woman. Worked for years in the local VET SCHOOL, in the research lab. SHE KNOWS GENETICS, allergic reactions and eating disorders. Well, we dropped in for the cookout, I was given a glass of water -- ok, they were drinking beer. My son was given the ONE can of coke they had on hand for his consumption (he is 17).

What did my Dear SIL fix for dinner? Hotdogs (not gluten-free) Hamburgers (OK, I thought -- checked in the kitchen, she had seasoned ALL THE MEAT with not gluten-free seasonings! AND KNEW IT! Told me she hadn't saved any aside, because she wanted to have enough for everyone else -- 1 hamburger each --6 people I was the 7th). Pasta salad, no green salad, sliced lettuce and tomato -- dif CC'd carried out the buns on top of the plate! Made cobbler for dessert and also served cantalope -- Hurrah! I could eat something -- no, not really, made several comments to me about it being so good she wanted to save some for breakfast the next morning! We went to gather around the table and there wasn't even a place for me to sit down! I went to the other room and read a mag while the "family" ate.

My husband was so angry when we left, my son thought he was mad at me for not 'getting along' but he was upset at her. For 10 years I had done things for her and the whole extended family and that is how I was treated! It has been a month now and I have not heard a word from any of them. My husband talked to his mom, and she made all sort of excuses - the girl had MS and it was all she could do just to have a cookout. I have not seen or talked to any of them since. And you better believe that this Thanksgiving and Christmas season I will concentrate on my immediate family!

They don't always "get it" esp my husband. He is getting upset about my having to make special meal arrangements when we go out. We went for a after work drink with his co-workers, they all had different things to celebrate, school, birthdays all sort of reasons. Went to a local beer hall, no food at all I could eat, I quietly asked the waitress, thinking nacho's might be safe. NO, not even the corn chips were all corn. I had to sit for two hours and watch other munch. I did enjoy the company, they kept on trying to get the waitress to do things like bring me celery that hadn't been put on the hot wings plate, or even lettuce and tomato slices -- anything. The manager said no special accomendations. We would have left, but the BIG BOSS wasn't ready to go and had to play a bit of politics. Eventually one of the fellow told him what was going on and we all went to dinner (where once again I had to make special food arrangements, but with a lot of support from his co-workers). It is funny how he is now 'getting it'. It was like his lightbulb moment for understanding gluten-free living.

susan

[ElenaDragon]

Luckily I have a pretty supportive family. I've already gone through a couple of diet changes... first was for Interstitial Cystitis - had to avoid anything acidic, most fruits, coffee, tea, chocolate, preservatives, many spices, etc. Once I finally got that under control and could expand my diet to just avoiding the most acidic foods, my IBS symptoms started to get worse and I had to adjust my diet for that. I've slowly eliminated red meat, dairy, soy, and now gluten.

My husband's only complaint is that we can't go out to eat much like we used to. We're loving the gluten free menu at P. F. Chang's though - it has been our favorite restaurant for a long time! When I visit my parents, my diet is different every time, but they try their best to make me comfortable and make sure I have enough to eat. They'll even go grocery shopping with me to stock the fridge/cupboard with food I like and can eat. They just want to see me well, and if avoiding certain foods (or a whole lot of foods) will do it, then I think that is a small price to pay. They don't tease since they know cutting out foods you love is hard enough as is.

[Guest Keating823]

Luckily I have a pretty supportive family. I've already gone through a couple of diet changes... first was for Interstitial Cystitis - had to avoid anything acidic, most fruits, coffee, tea, chocolate, preservatives, many spices, etc. Once I finally got that under control and could expand my diet to just avoiding the most acidic foods, my IBS symptoms started to get worse and I had to adjust my diet for that. I've slowly eliminated red meat, dairy, soy, and now gluten.

My husband's only complaint is that we can't go out to eat much like we used to. We're loving the gluten free menu at P. F. Chang's though - it has been our favorite restaurant for a long time! When I visit my parents, my diet is different every time, but they try their best to make me comfortable and make sure I have enough to eat. They'll even go grocery shopping with me to stock the fridge/cupboard with food I like and can eat. They just want to see me well, and if avoiding certain foods (or a whole lot of foods) will do it, then I think that is a small price to pay. They don't tease since they know cutting out foods you love is hard enough as is.

PF Changs is the most amazingggg restauraunt ever. you know what else is amazing? Outback Steakhouse. Maybe they only have those here but they have a gluten-free menu and are really nice about changing things up if you need to!

[georgie]

What did my Dear SIL fix for dinner? Hotdogs (not gluten-free) Hamburgers (OK, I thought -- checked in the kitchen, she had seasoned ALL THE MEAT with not gluten-free seasonings! AND KNEW IT! Told me she hadn't saved any aside, because she wanted to have enough for everyone else -- 1 hamburger each --6 people I was the 7th). Pasta salad, no green salad, sliced lettuce and tomato -- dif CC'd carried out the buns on top of the plate! Made cobbler for dessert and also served cantalope -- Hurrah! I could eat something -- no, not really, made several comments to me about it being so good she wanted to save some for breakfast the next morning! We went to gather around the table and there wasn't even a place for me to sit down! I went to the other room and read a mag while the "family" ate.

OMG Susan - this is terrible! I am almost a Type 2 Diabetic as well ( Insulin Resistant/ Reactive Hypoglycemic) and simply HAVE to eat. For me this would have been a near death experience !

Its been a week since my family meal ordeal. I have suffered terribly since with family fights and inuendos. My hubbie supports me which is great and I hope your immediate family can too. As for the rest of them - I simply do not care any more .... In future I will either refuse family meals or take my own.

[itsgareth]

A friend of mine won't accept the fact that I cannot have gluten. He keeps saying you I should book a week off work and then eat a giant pizza as a treat. Although I'm not stupid enough to try it what exactly would happen to me, bear in mind I have had no gluten for two weeks. I really want to shut him up.

[Guest Keating823]

A friend of mine won't accept the fact that I cannot have gluten. He keeps saying you I should book a week off work and then eat a giant pizza as a treat. Although I'm not stupid enough to try it what exactly would happen to me, bear in mind I have had no gluten for two weeks. I really want to shut him up.

yeah my friend says stuff like that alllll the time to me. don't you hate it! it's like thanks im glad you care about me enough to want me to get sick haha

[pmrowley]

Unfortunately, there is no easy way to deal with this kind of thing. You'd expect family to be a little more understanding; hitting on the genetic side is always a good route with family. "Gee Dad, you keep teasing me about this, but YOU are 1/2 of the reason I have to live this way. By the way, have you been tested for this? You might be poisoning yourself daily and not know it!"

Friends and coworkers are another matter entirely. Personally, I usually just lay it out there: I have a genetically-linked autoimmune condition that renders the protein in wheat, Gluten, toxic to me. I don't underscore it as a disease, an allergy, disorder, or any other kind of shortcoming. (And it's not, really; there are studies that suggest that the immune system of a Celiac is more responsive than a "normal" one. As long as you don't waste your energy and resources producing anti-Gliadin antibodies, you will tend to recover from illness much more rapidly; at least I have noticed this phenomenon in myself.) I think the trick is to underscore that the diet is not a personal choice, any more than I chose to have blue eyes. Usually, people blink at me for a second, process it, and then say, "Oh, okay. Where would you prefer to grab lunch today?" I always have a list of 4 or 5 safe places in the area that I will suggest.

As for people who suggest that you go off your diet; underscoring the TOXIC nature of gluten usually heads that right off. You can always ask your friend whether they would take a week off work, then consume a box of rat poison as a treat?

Cheers,

-Pat