Thanks But No Thanks

[blueeyedmanda]

I agree with you Tiffany, I think it is more of the giving gesture than what the gift is. I do not put getting a gun and getting cookies on the same level in dangerous terms as gifts. So someone gives me cookies, I know many people I can share them with who can enjoy them.

I honestly cannot see making a scene of giving a gift back if I cannot eat it. I look at the other persons feelings....how would they feel if you refuse their gift, especially if they really didn't know about the gluten or just innocently forgot. I wouldn't want to hurt an innocent person over it. I would smile and accept it, they put thought and effort into the gift even if I couldn't enjoy it. I am just the kind of person who looks beyond things like this.

[Fiddle-Faddle]

I

I honestly cannot see making a scene of giving a gift back if I cannot eat it. I

While I do see both sides, I don't agree that it is "making a scene" to politely refuse a gift to which you are allergic, especially if the person KNOWS about it. It's rather like giving a painting to a blind person, or a music C-D to a deaf person. To say that they "innocently forgot" ignores the fact that they were being thoughtless.

I once forgot about a friend's child's peanut allergy, and baked peanut-butter-containing treats for their Christmas gift. I was terribly embarrassed that I'd forgotten, but grateful that the mom told me--and grateful that she didn't accept the gift. I felt much better that I was able to make them something else the following week that they could actually enjoy, I found another "home" for the peanut butter treats, and I am glad that the peanut butter treats didn't end up in the trash.

I think there is a certain amount of dishonesty in smiling and accepting something you are allergic to. Now, I don't think you should EVER reject a gift that you just don't like, or already have 17 of, or anything like that. But I do think it's a kind of lie to accept something you are allergic to, and it also opens some unpleasant doors, as people may think that your accepting gluteny gifts is an invitation for more ("Oh, she was so happy to accept Mary's gift of chocolate chip cookies, that's what I'll give her, too", or, "she was happy to get my cookies last year, so I'll give them to her this year/next year/for the rest of my life"), or even worse, they might assume that you are actually eating them--which would lead them to take you less seriously ("she must not REALLY have a problem with gluten, I saw her taking those cookies home!").

I don't see anything wrong in saying something like, "Oh, how kind of you to think of me! But I'm so sorry, did you forget? I am severely allergic to _______. Do you think you would be able to give this to someone else?"

[tarnalberry]

It's interesting, because - and it's probably just a difference in how different people are raised - I can't imagine it being anything other than impolite to return a gift when it's given. (Hence, I'd only do it if the gift itself was quite rude, or the friendship was so close that polite/impolite didn't usually apply.) But, the only time I get a gift that isn't a friend who would know that I couldn't have something is either a gift exchange (pick a number, trade sort of thing) or token something left on the door/desk by neighbor/distant coworker where there isn't a chance to say anything.

I don't really get any in betweens where it's someone I know well enough to exchange gifts, but who would still get me something with gluten! Maybe that's an advantage about being very outspoken about it.

[prinsessa]

I would accept the gift and then say something like "Thank you so much for your gift! I can't eat _______ because I am gluten intolerant, but I'm sure my family will enjoy it/them". That way you remind them but don't "reject" their gift. it took a while for DH to remember to check all labels or not offer me gluten filled food so I don't get upset if others don't remember.

[tarnalberry]

I would accept the gift and then say something like "Thank you so much for your gift! I can't eat _______ because I am gluten intolerant, but I'm sure my family will enjoy it/them". That way you remind them but don't "reject" their gift. it took a while for DH to remember to check all labels or not offer me gluten filled food so I don't get upset if others don't remember.

That's a good approach. I think I did something like that with some chocolate I got one time - it was milk chocolate, and I said "Oh, thanks. I can't have it, but it looks tasty..." and before I could say anything, the person said "well, maybe your husband could have it", and I laughed and said "oh, he absolutely hates chocolate, but I do a chocolate thing at work every week, and they never get milk chocolate, so you're going to make all my coworkers very happy!".

[blueeyedmanda]

I know I can always pass things on to my hubby, he has the worst sweet tooth! I hope my kids do not inherit that It seems he got that from his dad....who's idea of a well balanced dinner includes JuJi fruits and Hot Tamali candy.

If not we share all kinds of goodies in my office.