Social Life?

[Jenny (AZ via TX)]

Hi.

I have only been gluten free since the middle of March, but have had gluten accidentally in some supplements. I have since gone through all supplements and made changes.

The hardest part of this diet is having a social life! Is this hard for anyone else? I don't know how y'all do it. I am OK going gluten free when I'm home, it's when I get together with friends and family (I'm still gluten free, but hate it). I miss out on so much, because I am afraid to go to many of the restaurants where my friends want to go and yes, we go to some of the restaurants that have gluten free menus. Also, it is so embarassing to go through what I can and can't have with the waiter (who half the time look at me like they have no clue at all). I have actually gone to lunch with friends and not eaten!

I also have a large family in Texas that I visit. One of my sisters is really good about doing the gluten free thing for me, but I don't think anyone else really knows much about it. When I tell them that even one bread crumb can contaminate what I'm eating, they look at me like I'm exaggerating the extent of how careful I have to be. I don't expect them to be gluten free (I surely wouldn't be if I didn't have to be), but I do feel they should respect that even a little bit of gluten is bad for me. I also suggested that they all get tested and not one of them has.

I miss the foods I grew up with. I guess they are more like comfort foods. I think it is the memories associated with them. I'm originally from New Orleans and grew up in Dallas, so all that great food is a no no. I am probably healthier now than I used to be just be cutting out a lot of the bad foods, but oh just a taste would be great!

What do you do when you visit friends and family? I don't want to come across as some prima dona that has to have everything special. How do you graciously and tactfully explain all this.

Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for letting me vent.

[gymnastjlf]

Jenny,

You'll learn to adjust. I treat different social situations differently....

My immediate family (parents, younger brother, and grandparents) are very good. I was almost 20 when I was diagnosed, so none of them learned all the intricacies of the diet, but they are all aware of the possible concerns (from hidden ingredients to cross-contamination). My grandma makes many of the family meals on holidays, and what we did the first few times (we stick to pretty similar menus) was she would call me (I was away at college) and read the recipes to me. I would give her specific brand names to buy for certain ingredients. I also told her things like butter/margarine, please open a new container for making the dishes. Grandma is VERY concerned about me having "everything," gluten-free, and there's a gluten-free bakery not too far from her house, Foods by George (you can order their stuff online, it is fantastic!), so she would always make sure to get a package of English muffins and a brownie for my dessert at every meal. Did I ask her to, no, did it make her feel good to "include" me, yes :-)

My younger brother (he's 3 years younger than me) would sometimes make dinner when I was still at home, usually on the grill. Now, he doesn't always think ahead. So sometimes, he'd be out shopping and come up with a marinade he wanted to use on meat. So he'd call me-- "I need to buy soy sauce. What brand should I get?" I'd tell him, he'd hang up. Two minutes later the phone would ring again-- "I need... what can I get?" Sometimes a single shopping trip could net 3 or 4 phone calls. But most importantly, he was focused on making sure I could eat it. The one time he accidentally made something I couldn't eat (I realized it before I ate anything), he was so devastated, I felt so bad!

Out socially with friends (rather than family), it depends on the crowd. My closest friends (particularly at college) were awesome to go out to eat with or cook in with. They got a good laugh out of me playing 20 questions at restaurants, they knew the rules when it came to cooking. When I go out with acquaintences, I'll stick to the simpler options to limit the questions. I've also been known to call ahead to restaurants and try to ask some questions over the phone to limit the in person questions. It's all an adjustment, but when I think about it, I guess it's a small price to pay for our health!

I see from your name that you're living in Arizona... whereabouts? I'm also in AZ, I'm down in the East Valley (Queen Creek).

Good luck, and try not to focus on the negative and what you're missing out in the diet. Instead, think of all you're gaining (nutrition, health, etc). I also tell myself that if someone's not willing to put up with the questions I have to ask about food, or gets annoyed with my restrictions, then they are probably too shallow a person for me to keep as a friend!

Hi.

I have only been gluten free since the middle of March, but have had gluten accidentally in some supplements. I have since gone through all supplements and made changes.

The hardest part of this diet is having a social life! Is this hard for anyone else? I don't know how y'all do it. I am OK going gluten free when I'm home, it's when I get together with friends and family (I'm still gluten free, but hate it). I miss out on so much, because I am afraid to go to many of the restaurants where my friends want to go and yes, we go to some of the restaurants that have gluten free menus. Also, it is so embarassing to go through what I can and can't have with the waiter (who half the time look at me like they have no clue at all). I have actually gone to lunch with friends and not eaten!

I also have a large family in Texas that I visit. One of my sisters is really good about doing the gluten free thing for me, but I don't think anyone else really knows much about it. When I tell them that even one bread crumb can contaminate what I'm eating, they look at me like I'm exaggerating the extent of how careful I have to be. I don't expect them to be gluten free (I surely wouldn't be if I didn't have to be), but I do feel they should respect that even a little bit of gluten is bad for me. I also suggested that they all get tested and not one of them has.

I miss the foods I grew up with. I guess they are more like comfort foods. I think it is the memories associated with them. I'm originally from New Orleans and grew up in Dallas, so all that great food is a no no. I am probably healthier now than I used to be just be cutting out a lot of the bad foods, but oh just a taste would be great!

What do you do when you visit friends and family? I don't want to come across as some prima dona that has to have everything special. How do you graciously and tactfully explain all this.

Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for letting me vent.

[Welda Johnson]

Hi,

I'm so glad to hear that you're on the path to good health. This diet is a great one once you get used to it. I suffered with severe asthma from the age of 8, and now at 63, on this diet, I'm healthier than I've ever been. I think the biggest shift is one of attitude, whereby we learn that we are responsible for our own well-being. Others will help us, of course, but I have seen my own self-pity take a back seat to working for my own good health.

When I socialize I always take along my own food, and have been doing this for years. I have special styrofoam containers and special bags to contain my cooked food, and I carry utensils and napkins as well. My family and friends just kind of wait to see what I will come up with next I think. Sometimes I eat the restaurant's offerings, but if I don't feel comfortable with their food, then I reach into my bag and pull out my own treats (pineapple, refried beans, corn tortillas, my own created gluten-free chocolate chip cookie dough, etc. etc. etc.). Sometimes someone I'm with will start to explain to the waitperson that I have food allergies, but I've pretty much gotten past that step, since most people don't really understand Celiac anyway, without great long discussions. In such a case, when they ask, "Are you ordering?" I simply say no. They've always been cordial and friendly no matter what.

In April I went to Legoland with my son, daughter-in-law and grandson, and we celebrated my grandson's fifth birthday. I had salad without croutons or cheese, and Italian dressing, and did just fine. When they asked me to their house for pizza and cake from Costco, I went in too and bought corn tortillas, refried beans and Ortega chiles. In fact I bought 36 tortillas, 10 cans of beans, and 3 large Ortega chiles! That's Costco for you. However, because I am eating pretty much the same general foods most of the time, just rotating my menus, I knew that I would soon consume that food and need to buy more. Plus, I could offer part of my dinner to others at supper that night.

Believe me, you WILL see that light at the end of the tunnel, once you begin to see the patterns that this diet involves. I am intolerant of all grains, all milk & dairy, egg whites, and yeast, and have stopped eating meat, poultry and fish as well, since I seem to breathe better when on a vegan diet. Today I had 2 whole pineapples for breakfast and brunch, chocolate chip cookie dough made with soy protein powder, and a huge bowl of corn spaghetti with spaghetti sauce and a pretend parmesan cheese sprinkle-on-top (made of that same soy protein powder made by Genisoy, which I order on-line and have delivered to my door). I also eat green salads with Wishbone Italian Dressing, corn tortillas, Rosarita Refried Beans, Dennison's Chili Beans, yams, potatoes, corn pastas, soy ice cream, rice, etc. The ways of utilizing all the fruits, vegetables, corn, potatoes and soy products are seemingly endless, and I'm learning that rotating the foods really helps,.

I hope this helps. Best wishes as you continue on this path! Welda

[Jenny (AZ via TX)]

Gymnastjlf,

Thank you for responding. You are so right that eating the right foods is a small price to pay for our health. Actually, I'm too scared to purposely eat anything with gluten in it. You sound like you have an awesome family that understands your diet. I will definitely start calling ahead to restaurants to see if they are aware of gluten needs and that way I won't be so anxious when I go out to eat. I'm working on being more positive about this whole thing and am fortunate it's just Celiac and not cancer. I just have to adjust to a different lifestyle. BTW, I live in Fountain Hills.

Jenny,

You'll learn to adjust. I treat different social situations differently....

My immediate family (parents, younger brother, and grandparents) are very good. I was almost 20 when I was diagnosed, so none of them learned all the intricacies of the diet, but they are all aware of the possible concerns (from hidden ingredients to cross-contamination). My grandma makes many of the family meals on holidays, and what we did the first few times (we stick to pretty similar menus) was she would call me (I was away at college) and read the recipes to me. I would give her specific brand names to buy for certain ingredients. I also told her things like butter/margarine, please open a new container for making the dishes. Grandma is VERY concerned about me having "everything," gluten-free, and there's a gluten-free bakery not too far from her house, Foods by George (you can order their stuff online, it is fantastic!), so she would always make sure to get a package of English muffins and a brownie for my dessert at every meal. Did I ask her to, no, did it make her feel good to "include" me, yes :-)

My younger brother (he's 3 years younger than me) would sometimes make dinner when I was still at home, usually on the grill. Now, he doesn't always think ahead. So sometimes, he'd be out shopping and come up with a marinade he wanted to use on meat. So he'd call me-- "I need to buy soy sauce. What brand should I get?" I'd tell him, he'd hang up. Two minutes later the phone would ring again-- "I need... what can I get?" Sometimes a single shopping trip could net 3 or 4 phone calls. But most importantly, he was focused on making sure I could eat it. The one time he accidentally made something I couldn't eat (I realized it before I ate anything), he was so devastated, I felt so bad!

Out socially with friends (rather than family), it depends on the crowd. My closest friends (particularly at college) were awesome to go out to eat with or cook in with. They got a good laugh out of me playing 20 questions at restaurants, they knew the rules when it came to cooking. When I go out with acquaintences, I'll stick to the simpler options to limit the questions. I've also been known to call ahead to restaurants and try to ask some questions over the phone to limit the in person questions. It's all an adjustment, but when I think about it, I guess it's a small price to pay for our health!

I see from your name that you're living in Arizona... whereabouts? I'm also in AZ, I'm down in the East Valley (Queen Creek).

Good luck, and try not to focus on the negative and what you're missing out in the diet. Instead, think of all you're gaining (nutrition, health, etc). I also tell myself that if someone's not willing to put up with the questions I have to ask about food, or gets annoyed with my restrictions, then they are probably too shallow a person for me to keep as a friend!

[Jenny (AZ via TX)]

Welda,

Thanks for all of the information. You are absolutely right, I need to change the attitude. I know this and I'm working on it day by day. Some days better than others.

I love the Rosarita refried beans, but did not know if they were gluten free so I've just been buying the Safeway brand. Safeway sent me a list of all of their gluten-free foods. Do you know if the fat-free Rosarita is gluten-free as well? At least I can get some fiber with the beans.

Hi,

I'm so glad to hear that you're on the path to good health. This diet is a great one once you get used to it. I suffered with severe asthma from the age of 8, and now at 63, on this diet, I'm healthier than I've ever been. I think the biggest shift is one of attitude, whereby we learn that we are responsible for our own well-being. Others will help us, of course, but I have seen my own self-pity take a back seat to working for my own good health.

When I socialize I always take along my own food, and have been doing this for years. I have special styrofoam containers and special bags to contain my cooked food, and I carry utensils and napkins as well. My family and friends just kind of wait to see what I will come up with next I think. Sometimes I eat the restaurant's offerings, but if I don't feel comfortable with their food, then I reach into my bag and pull out my own treats (pineapple, refried beans, corn tortillas, my own created gluten-free chocolate chip cookie dough, etc. etc. etc.). Sometimes someone I'm with will start to explain to the waitperson that I have food allergies, but I've pretty much gotten past that step, since most people don't really understand Celiac anyway, without great long discussions. In such a case, when they ask, "Are you ordering?" I simply say no. They've always been cordial and friendly no matter what.

In April I went to Legoland with my son, daughter-in-law and grandson, and we celebrated my grandson's fifth birthday. I had salad without croutons or cheese, and Italian dressing, and did just fine. When they asked me to their house for pizza and cake from Costco, I went in too and bought corn tortillas, refried beans and Ortega chiles. In fact I bought 36 tortillas, 10 cans of beans, and 3 large Ortega chiles! That's Costco for you. However, because I am eating pretty much the same general foods most of the time, just rotating my menus, I knew that I would soon consume that food and need to buy more. Plus, I could offer part of my dinner to others at supper that night.

Believe me, you WILL see that light at the end of the tunnel, once you begin to see the patterns that this diet involves. I am intolerant of all grains, all milk & dairy, egg whites, and yeast, and have stopped eating meat, poultry and fish as well, since I seem to breathe better when on a vegan diet. Today I had 2 whole pineapples for breakfast and brunch, chocolate chip cookie dough made with soy protein powder, and a huge bowl of corn spaghetti with spaghetti sauce and a pretend parmesan cheese sprinkle-on-top (made of that same soy protein powder made by Genisoy, which I order on-line and have delivered to my door). I also eat green salads with Wishbone Italian Dressing, corn tortillas, Rosarita Refried Beans, Dennison's Chili Beans, yams, potatoes, corn pastas, soy ice cream, rice, etc. The ways of utilizing all the fruits, vegetables, corn, potatoes and soy products are seemingly endless, and I'm learning that rotating the foods really helps,.

I hope this helps. Best wishes as you continue on this path! Welda

[purple]

I think a good idea is to eat lightly before going places when you can and then ordering an item that you know is safe. That way you still can join the party and not starve, not be upset, and not be a burden. Costs less too Also pack snacks and then you could eat those and a safe item. If you are at someones house, ask to fix your own food from whatever is safe there. They would rather you do that than either of you feel uncomfortable.

[tarnalberry]

rediscovering that social events are about people, not food, is a perspective change of the mind that takes time. (watch little kids sometimes, that helps. ) but encouraging friends and family to get together outside of food helps too.

[munchkinette]

The social life hasn't been too difficult, mainly because 2/3 of my friends have some kind of food allergy or intolerance as well. We are one difficult group, so we do potlucks. Every now and then I have to stay home when they go out if they want to go somewhere specific, but normally that isn't an issue. We just pick places that have a variety of foods.

With family- mixed results. My brother is gluten-free as well, so we are the majority at my mother's house. We only do Thanksgiving with her now, and go to my dad's house for coffee later. It's not as easy at my dad's place. We pretty much have to supervise cooking. I haven't had much experience with my extended family in the last 2.5 years since I've gone gluten-free, but I'm sure going to the South will be difficult. Everything is deep fried there.

[gymnastjlf]

Jenny,

This link might help you if you have not already seen it. There's quite the list of accomodating restaurants on here: Open Original Shared Link

I don't get up to Fountain Hills often, but we could try to meet up at some point!

Gymnastjlf,

Thank you for responding. You are so right that eating the right foods is a small price to pay for our health. Actually, I'm too scared to purposely eat anything with gluten in it. You sound like you have an awesome family that understands your diet. I will definitely start calling ahead to restaurants to see if they are aware of gluten needs and that way I won't be so anxious when I go out to eat. I'm working on being more positive about this whole thing and am fortunate it's just Celiac and not cancer. I just have to adjust to a different lifestyle. BTW, I live in Fountain Hills.

[dksart]

Last year I had Thanksgiving at my house and I cooked everything myself. No cc worries there!

For Christmas, etc. whenever we eat at my Mom's or another relative's house, I make sure to bring 2 or 3 side dishes that are hearty enough to be my whole meal. I just don't take chances anymore. Even the family members that do take it seriously enough might have used an old colander, cutting board or wooden spoon that is contaminated. I always somehow seemed to get glutened.

[SacGFGirl]

Hi.

I have only been gluten free since the middle of March, but have had gluten accidentally in some supplements. I have since gone through all supplements and made changes.

The hardest part of this diet is having a social life! Is this hard for anyone else? I don't know how y'all do it. I am OK going gluten free when I'm home, it's when I get together with friends and family (I'm still gluten free, but hate it). I miss out on so much, because I am afraid to go to many of the restaurants where my friends want to go and yes, we go to some of the restaurants that have gluten free menus. Also, it is so embarassing to go through what I can and can't have with the waiter (who half the time look at me like they have no clue at all). I have actually gone to lunch with friends and not eaten!

I also have a large family in Texas that I visit. One of my sisters is really good about doing the gluten free thing for me, but I don't think anyone else really knows much about it. When I tell them that even one bread crumb can contaminate what I'm eating, they look at me like I'm exaggerating the extent of how careful I have to be. I don't expect them to be gluten free (I surely wouldn't be if I didn't have to be), but I do feel they should respect that even a little bit of gluten is bad for me. I also suggested that they all get tested and not one of them has.

I miss the foods I grew up with. I guess they are more like comfort foods. I think it is the memories associated with them. I'm originally from New Orleans and grew up in Dallas, so all that great food is a no no. I am probably healthier now than I used to be just be cutting out a lot of the bad foods, but oh just a taste would be great!

What do you do when you visit friends and family? I don't want to come across as some prima dona that has to have everything special. How do you graciously and tactfully explain all this.

Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for letting me vent.

I've been gluten free for 3 years and it was very difficult for me in the beginning. My friends and boyfriend were very supportive, but it was difficult going out for social occasions. It was about a year before my boyfriend and I ventured out and ate gluten-free at a restaurant. I did alot of research; pretty much called or spoke with any and every restaurant I liked going to, and anything around my house. I created a gluten free menu binder that currently is bursting out of a 3 inch binder.

I gave friends and families a list of dangerous ingredients for us celiacs, as a group of us have social game nights once a month, and we all take turns cooking. I've been lucky to have such great friends, who when they're not sure if it's safe, they call me from the grocery store. As for my family, I was nervous last holiday season as it was going to be the first time my mom was going to be cooking Christmas dinner for both my sister and I (she has IBS and can eat everything I can't and I can eat everything she can't, generally speaking). My mom and I went to the CSA meeting together last year and it was very educational for both of us to hear other peoples' stories, as well as hearing nutritionists and doctors speak. It really clarified some issues and helped my mom truly grasp how celiac impacts me life.

The best advice I can give you is to speak up; don't be afraid to ask questions, and don't feel apprehensive about telling someone you can't eat something they made. Take a friend or family member with you to a local support group or bring then a pamphlet about the disease. If you're wishy-washy about your disease so will others. Don't worry you'll get through this tough transitional period.