How To Handle Family

[GFreeMO]

I just got off of the phone with my Mom. She is really mad at me b/c I told her that my husband and I don't feel comfortable going to her house for Thanksgiving if she is going to be making everything. (I said this in a very nice way) I have offered to make the stuffing with Udi bread and offered to make Gluten-Free pumpkin pies and bring Gluten-Free rolls. I don't expect them to cater to my celiac at all thats why I offered to either not go or to make Gluten-Free things that everyone can enjoy. She said that no one is going to want "my gluten free crap" because it tastes horrible.

I don't know what to do. I am not trying to be a pain or trying to cause friction but I am a very very sensitive celiac and if I eat any, I am sick for over a month. Starts with the d for a week then migraines, that joint pain so bad that I have to crawl and drag myself around then I get horrible DH on my knees.

I offered to bring all my own food. She got mad at that too. I don't know what to do! She said she would keep the store bought rolls away from my food and make the stuffing ahead of time but she would be baking it together in separate pans. I am worried about the butter and worried about CC from the flour on the counters even if the stuffing is made the day before. I have gotten sick over there before from a dish rag that wiped up flour and then was used to wipe off the table. They don't understand CC.

Help!

[kareng]

Anyone else in your family that will be there that you can explain cc to and will have your back? Not your Hub (he is an interloper) but someone related to your mom.

I would just bring all your own food in your own containers and keep an eye on it the whole time. You don't want someone to be "helpful" and plate it for you if they don't understand cc. If hub can eat the regular food, let him.

If this is still going to cause a huge fuss or fight, say home and have a nice quite day. You or Hub could also get really sick with the flu on Wed.

[T.H.]

So sorry this is an issue. I've run into this with my mother in law and my son's allergy to milk (which is, thank god, very mild and not anaphylactic). I offered make/bring some dairy free dishes for him, she's mad. I offered to just bring his food, she's mad. for the first visit after we discovered the allergy, when she was adamant that she wanted to make his food and it would be dairy free, I made the mistake of believing her, and my son got sick.

We never did that again. When everybody was diagnosed with celiac, I didn't even bother to ask. I just brought our own food.

The thing to remember, in my honest opinion, is that it's not our job to make our mothers (or *cough* in-law) act like reasonable people. They got to take on that job by being an adult. It's also not our job to help our mothers keep their temper because they're finding a way to feel offended that we want to stay healthy.

It is our job to do what's right for us and our families and our bodies. Your bringing your own food harms no one, in fact it actually makes less work for your mom! Your mom's plan to make food food prepared there, on the other hand, will hurt you - you sound pretty certain of that, and it sounds like you have reason. So honestly, it's a no brainer. Bring your own food.

And yeah, the fall out of that will suck. I know it did with my mother in law. But the fact that your mother is ignorant about this, or doesn't believe you, or whatever her issue is - that doesn't mean you should have to sacrifice your health and safety for her. I wish there was a way that you could get through to her, but she doesn't sound too receptive to more talking...she already knows all about celiac disease, right? Or, well...I'm assuming that's what she thinks, anyway.

Hopefully, someone will have some good ideas here. I'm kind of out of anything to say.

[bonnie blue]

I agree with Shauna, you have to do what is best for you. Don't risk your health for anyone, I know I won't. Bring your own food, and enjoy the day, no one wants to be sick during the holidays, I hope everthing works out for you.

[GFreeMO]

Thank you all so much. I am going to bring my own food. I love this forum. Everyone is so supportive. It's so nice to talk with others that get it!

[YoloGx]

just be careful that she won't be making last minute pies that day....the dust in the air can be killing.

The turkey too needs to be vetted. Baked in an oven that has had pies etc.? Bought with natural flavors shot into it?? avoid avoid I am afraid.

If it were me I would just have my own non gluten turkey day at home with friends who are supportive rather than just not trying like her. This is supposed to be a relaxed day in Thanksgiving... Eventually your extended family will get it if they want to have you over for events like this. Or not. But at least you will be a lot happier and healthier.

Bea

[Takala]

Your health trumps their feelings.

Bring all the food you intend to consume yourself. It would be easier to make yourself a plate of it up and pack it in a large cooler, along with your desert serving and some snacks. If you are feeling magnanimous, you can also bring some gluten free things for the glutenoids to eat, like a gluten pie, rolls, etc, but don't leave them out without taking your serving first - I guarantee people will cross contaminate them almost instantly. You will also want to bring a roll of those adjustable sized paper towels that you can tear off a piece and lay it down anywhere as a buffer, then toss in the trash, if you will be having to use their kitchen for anything.

Don't let them bully you into getting sick and ruining your holidays. They can either cope and adapt to your bringing your own food, or they can spend the time by themselves. It is one thing to just not understand the whole cross contamination issue, and I can give most people a pass on that, but if they are actively not wanting to learn and are acting out right hostile to the idea that you will eat safe food that you provide yourself, they need to be guided that this sort of behavior is not acceptable.

[Skylark]

You have to tell your mom how much you love her and want to spend the holiday with her (assuming this is indeed the case), and that you will be bringing your own food. You can be very kind and compassionate while still refusing to take "no" for an answer. Setting boundaries never goes over well, but the only way to establish them is to stick to your guns though all her expert attempts to push your buttons. (And she's a-pushing. I can tell from your post.) Your health has to come first if you get that sick from traces of gluten. Skip Thanksgiving with her entirely if that's what it takes to make her realize that you are serious about bringing your food on holidays and hope Christmas goes better.

[TPT]

I haven't been diagnosed yet, so I haven't come across this yet. Though I think my family will be supportive. Not to excuse it, but I wonder if it's a generational thing? Meaning, allergies and food intolerances weren't as prevalent or at least as recognized years ago? I wonder if the older generation thinks it's all bunk?

It's still hard to believe your own mom won't be supportive of your health. I hope you don't ever get sick, but if you do, make sure she's around to clean up after you.