Need Some Advice...

[alex11602]

My daughters (ages 5 and 21 months) have been gluten free for about 6 months and we have taken out other foods that they could not handle eating and there was such a huge improvement in both children that to my husband and I it seems ridiculous to let them have gluten again. Neither of the girls have been tested since the dr diagnosed all three of us over the phone based on history and extremely positive dietary response and my husband has already said that he will not let any of us eat gluten long enough to get tested, even when we get health insurance, because he does not want us that sick again. The problem is that my family, especially my mom and sister, do not believe that the girls have a problem with gluten and think that we should let them have it. Normally I would just completely remove the girls from the situation (they are not giving her gluten, just keep talking about how we should give it to her), but my family helps us alot. We haven't needed their help financially in about 9 months, but things are tough right now and I am afraid that we may have to ask them for help so I can't cut them off from my girls...not to mention the fact that my children love them to death and would be crushed if we did that. I'm not sure what to do because when the girls are home it is a no brainer that gluten free is the way to go and my oldest would get very upset at the thought of having gluten again, but after spending time with family she seems very confused about her diet and her being homeschooled (which they don't agree with that either). Any advice on how to deal with this? I can't just walk away from family, but my daughter is getting sad going over there and I think it is from confusion although my mom thinks that it is because I feed her weird and she doesn't go to public school. I'm sorry this is so long, it's just been weighing on me alot and I just want to do what's best for my girls. Thank you for reading if you got this far.

[mushroom]

Well, first thoughts: they are your daughters and you and your husband have a right to raise them in a way that takes best care of them. As long as you are doing them no harm, no one else has a right to interfere in how you are raising them, no matter how well meaning. Grandparents do like to stick their oar in for their precious darlings and interfere with what you are doing. You just have to tell them that gluten makes them sick (and be very firm about this) and recite to them all the long-term harm that gluten can do to those who are susceptible to it (give them a printed out list of the potential diseases it can cause) and tell them that the girls must be protected from gluten at all costs. Your five-year-old would certainly be confused by mixed messages coming from people she loves and trusts to take care of her so you have to be very firm with your mom and sister. Whenever your children go to visit, take/send their food with them and instruct family that they are to eat nothing else, period. And they are NOT to be told that gluten won't hurt them!

Homeschoolers often do better than publicly schooled children, so long as they have plenty of play dates and opportunities to interact with other children. As they get older and better able to cope with their own diets they can get the supplemental education that you may not be able to provide, although with the way on-line schooling is progressing these days that may not even be necessary.

I hope you are able to tell mom and sis to butt out of trying to raise your girls for you, without causing alienation in the family, as this would be a shame.

[alex11602]

Well, first thoughts: they are your daughters and you and your husband have a right to raise them in a way that takes best care of them. As long as you are doing them no harm, no one else has a right to interfere in how you are raising them, no matter how well meaning. Grandparents do like to stick their oar in for their precious darlings and interfere with what you are doing. You just have to tell them that gluten makes them sick (and be very firm about this) and recite to them all the long-term harm that gluten can do to those who are susceptible to it (give them a printed out list of the potential diseases it can cause) and tell them that the girls must be protected from gluten at all costs. Your five-year-old would certainly be confused by mixed messages coming from people she loves and trusts to take care of her so you have to be very firm with your mom and sister. Whenever your children go to visit, take/send their food with them and instruct family that they are to eat nothing else, period. And they are NOT to be told that gluten won't hurt them!

Homeschoolers often do better than publicly schooled children, so long as they have plenty of play dates and opportunities to interact with other children. As they get older and better able to cope with their own diets they can get the supplemental education that you may not be able to provide, although with the way on-line schooling is progressing these days that may not even be necessary.

I hope you are able to tell mom and sis to butt out of trying to raise your girls for you, without causing alienation in the family, as this would be a shame.

Thank you!

I always send food with them and my 5 year old knows that she is supposed to eat what I send. Just last night they were alone with my family because of my husband and I celebrating our anniversary, I made sure to send more then enough food and my mom didn't feed it to them. She gave them ham and vegetables, no carbs (which the girls should have to control blood sugar and my mom knows it) and she told my daughter that I wouldn't mind her not eating what was sent.

I am trying to make it not confusing for her, but I don't think what I say to my mom will make a difference. We had alot of problems growing up since I didn't live with her and it was one of those situations where my father controlled everything and my mom wasn't able to believe what I said which has really hurt our relationship and she doesn't always trust my judgement since I fell for everything that my father said.

And with that being said, if they admit we have a problem with it, my mom and sister may have to look closer at themselves since they have the same symptoms that we had. I just wish I knew how to make it easier for my daughter, I will try giving them written information since the subject has been changed everytime I tried to explain something to them.

[alex11602]

Oh and I just read this again as far as the homeschooling goes...she starts at her dance class again next week and she is going to play soccer with the youth athletic association this year also, plus they have story time days twice a week at our local library so I think that she will be getting enough interaction, at least it seems that way to me.

[melikamaui]

I agree with the other poster. These are your kids and they need to respect your wishes whether they agree with them or not. I homeschool my kids too and it would be an understatement to say that my parents didn't think it was a good idea at first. Now we are in our 7th year of homeschooling and they can see how well my kids thrive. Sometimes it just takes a little time for people to come around. Would your mom be open to reading about celiac intolerance? Even though they don't have an "official" diagnosis, plenty of people suffer from celiac intolerance and need to be kept on a gluten-free diet. There are even threads here that she could read. Best of luck to you!!!

[mommyto2kids]

I just found something cool on line, it may help. I'll post it in the above post.

[alex11602]

I wish my mom would be open to reading, but 30 something years ago her dr told her IBS and to her that's all it is, she thinks it's normal to have to run to the bathroom after meals. I talked to my daughter about it again and she said that if she could have pizza and goldfish again it would make her less sad because she would still have her favorites so I guess I will be trying to find a safe pizza crust that works with no eggs or yeast(I found one with almond flour that we will try egg replacer in, I just hope it works) and I found a goldfish recipe that I will just make another flavor besides cheddar since she can't have alot of cheese and hopefully she will not be so down when she sees other family members eating gluten then. Thank you everyone and I will look at that site for her too.