Feeling So Blah/sad

[num1habsfan]

Maybe all this waitin, and feelin sick, and worried if I'll be alive enough to pass my finals, etc is really starting to hit me.

All of today I've wanted to cry, cry, cry.

Yesterday kind of started it, when my 2 aunties started talkin/cryin about how they are never going to be over the loss of my Uncle, how they want him to have been here for Easter, etc. I have learned to accept it, but that always sets me off again..

I sent a text message out to my closest friends yesterday sayin happy easter, and only 1 person replied...and she didnt even say it back, totally changed the topic. Didnt make me feel any better (like I hoped that would)..

when I paid off some of my bills today I realized I can only eat til next year, then I run out of money..(and thats only if I would actually only use my money for food and nothing else)..So I started thinkin about jobs that I can get that DONT involve gluten, and that I can run to the bathroom when my tummy says NOW without leavin someone waitin, which doesnt leave me with a heck of a lot..

and I am tired of feeling sick, and of being told I look like I'm going to fall over dead..(and as always, my family showin no concern)

I need my good friend..but the plan was to not call him til this weekend (so he can relax me for finals)..I wish he could drive those 2 hours over to me, be a real shoulder to cry on, and give me endless hugs..but anyone would know thats not possible.

I need to stop rantin here before i DO start to cry..Sorry if all I ever do is whine..

~lisa~