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Ugly Breakup + Dissertation + Celiac Kicking My Spirit


eleep

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eleep Enthusiast

So, most of my major anxiety, brain fog and fatigue issues have been resolved by the gluten-free diet and the vitamins.

However, I'm mourning the loss of a six year relationship and it's kicking my ass -- although I've finally broken off contact with the continually angry for months guy who dumped me and then continued to send mixed messages for another two months about wanting to reconcile and about how much the whole breakup was my fault. This is kind of a caricature -- it's more complicated and we had a really good, strong bond in some ways, but it's been eclipsed by his anger at me and my health stuff.

I seriously need to get structure and joy back into my life -- I'm supposed to be doing research and writing all summer, but the lack of form to my days is starting to be a problem. I am doing a lot of positive things -- lots of yoga and eating right and seeing friends (and I've actually been introduced to a guy I can have some fun dates with and have plans to call another guy I've known for a while and ask him out).

I'm doing my best to move on, but yesterday morning the guy came and finally got the rest of his stuff out of the house (I had to force him to do it), and it's left me feeling free but depressed and sapped. For the past day, I've been doing way too much napping and sitting on the couch with the cat.

I'm seeing a psychologist who's very supportive and lauds my strong spirit and positive attitude -- I really want to do all of this in such a way that I'm feeling what I need to feel and processing my emotions effectively so I can move through things in a healthy way -- but I'm starting to consider that I might need to take something to get me over the hump for a couple of months -- any recommendations for gluten-free anti-depressant meds that aren't too scary?


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tarnalberry Community Regular

you might consider st. john's wort - effective for mild to moderate depression for some people. be careful about interactions with other drugs and increased sensitivity to sunlight, however.

CarlaB Enthusiast

I take St. John's Wort and wear sunglasses!! :) Works great for me! There's a difference between sadness and depression; just because you're not depressed, doesn't mean things won't make you sad. There's no magic to getting over a guy ... but it can help you to get out of the depression part.

eleep Enthusiast

St. John's Wort -- great idea -- have I heard something about it interacting with birth control pills? Those are the only other pharmacuticals I'm taking. Not that I need to take them right now, but I'm a little leery about messing with my hormonal balance on top of everything else....

CarlaB Enthusiast

Can't answer that ... I use NFP.

Fiddle-Faddle Community Regular

I've read several times now that exercise has the same or better rate of positive effect as psych meds. Is there any way you might be able to add exercise to the yoga (which is great and I wish I could do it right now but I have to wait until my shoulder is better)? Even if it's just going for a walk for 30 minutes a day? Outside air is better than inside air (especially if the sun comes out occasionally), and my physical therapist says that swinging your arms is a proven (chemically!) mood-lifter.

As for napping all day and hanging out with the kittty--give yourself a break! A little recovery time is normal; you are mourning the loss of something you cherished, even if it proved to be better for you in the long run to lose it. It's okay to give yourself a little time to mourn, especially if you are already taking these positive steps.

If this "continually angry guy who dumped you" is now trying to heap blame on you, then you are definitely better off without him.

Sometimes it's better to be alone--or with a purring kitty!-- than with someone who makes you feel bad. I definitely preferred my cat to every guy that I dated until I met my husband, who loved that cat almost as much as I did. Interestingly, that cat loved my husband, too--but he HATED the guy I dated before I met my husband. Come to think of it, that guy was very controlling , so I think Kitty was on to something!

Hang in there, it gets much better, and congratulations on making the rest of your life better!

CarlaB Enthusiast

Oh, you are so right! Back in college I was dumped by two guys I was crazy about right in a row. One is now my husband! Anyway, I was so depressed, along with fatigue and brain fog from my undiagnosed celiac ... my roommate took me to the emergency room. The doc said to slow down a bit, and sent me home. That next summer, I exercised daily. I felt great emotionally when I went back to school for the next year.

For this very reason, I do cardio at least 4 times per week for 30-40 minutes. You've heard of the runner's high? I'm addicted. Then I have to go home and eat to make up for the burned calories!


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eleep Enthusiast

Yeah -- I think the cardio is a good idea -- I was actually running 4 days a week post-breakup and then realized how severely underweight and malnourished I was -- when I proctored the exam for the class I was teaching, I noticed that my hands were shaking as I handed out the exam questions. Took time off to rest, heal and get my weight back up -- which meant cutting out the cardio. Maybe I should just start off with jogging twice a week for a while.

tarnalberry Community Regular

yes, I believe STJ can interact with BC. and it makes you much more prone to burning in the sun. it's metabolized on the same pathway as a number of other common meds, like MAOI's, so grapefruit affects it as well. if exercise, proper diet, appropriate levels of sleep, and enough sunshine don't help, it's one place to start. I really dislike 'temporarily' messing with brainchemicals with the hardcore drugs, but if you need to do it, you need to do it. good luck!

nettiebeads Apprentice

You are going through a normal grief cycle mourning the loss of a relationship. I got put on Zoloft during my divorce from a really emotionally abusive but distant guy. (AH#3). If your therapist thinks it would help, then maybe you could try something. But remember, it takes nearly 4 weeks for SSRIs to build up enough in the brain before you notice a change. In that time you could get over your down episode on your own. But I agree with the others - excersize has many proven benifits for emotional and physical health. I'm excersizing more now and have cut my zoloft in half with plans to get off it entirely. Good luck and keep us posted!

Annette

ArcticSun Newbie

One thing that could help is Rescue Remedy. It's pretty easy to find in health food stores these days. Sometimes even in the natural foods section of supermarkets. I've used it after deaths in the family, and when I get especially stressed out about something. It doesn't knock you out or anything, but it does give you a nice sense of calm and clear-headedness.

Open Original Shared Link

Rescue Remedy & Rescue Remedy Cream is a combination of Bach Flower Essences that is specially beneficial when you find yourself in traumatic situations, such as, stress, emergencies, after getting bad news, before an exam or job interview and all other kind of situations where we suddenly loose balance mentally. The Essences quickly get us back in our normal balance so that we calmly can deal with any situation.

The components:

Open Original Shared Link

Star of Bethlehem

This essence is a restorative remedy for calming anyone who has experienced shock or trauma. It has a balancing energy that is helpful in taking while undergoing counseling or therapeutic healing periods. Aids the grief process.

Rock Rose

This remedy is recommended in the event of life threatening emergency. It calms the individual when experiencing extreme panic, terror, or hysteria, restoring strength and courage.

Impatiens

This essence remedy addresses metal stresses and tensions. It calms feelings of impatience and irritability. It slows the tendency to move to quickly without care or forethought. Calming. Allows one to deepen his/her life experience without experiencing burnout.

Cherry Plum

This essence addresses emotions of desperation and loss of control. This remedy helps one re-connect with a higher power when the tensions and pressures of life are overwhelming. It brings mental calmness and emotional encouragement, allowing stresses and fears to be overcome.

Clematis

This remedy brings about focused awareness. It retards floaty or dreamy escapes. It is a grounding essence that wakes up the individual to better evaluate the present situation.

KaitiUSA Enthusiast

I am sorry to hear about your breakup. I went through a nasty one and that wasn't even with a guy who I went out with for that long. Exercise is supposed to be really good for depression. I know I can't live without exercising because then I will get depressed. Hang in there

ms-sillyak-screwed Enthusiast
.... I'm mourning the loss of a six year relationship and it's kicking my ass...

I know what it's like celiac disease creates issues for everyone. Try not to internalize it - it will make you sick(er). My heart goes out to you. You have a good out-look and a positive plan, that's important.

Guest BERNESES

Eleep- You are going through so much right now between your dissertation (I'm a doc student too), your breakup, and Celiac. And you're doing a good job- you're exercising and getting help. You need that time on the couch with your kitty and napping- grieving the end of a relationship, even if it wasn't good, is totally normal. If you continue to feel down in the dumps, crying, trouble eating or sleeping (too much or not enough), then you might be depressed and not just grieving (it's hard to tell the difference sometimes). talk to your therapist.

SJW is supposed to be good and I use fish oil to supplement Celexa (fish oil is good for a host of things- mood, joint and heart health). hang in there! B

eleep Enthusiast

Everyone here has been so supportive -- thank you so much. I actually think you may be the only group of people who could ever fully comprehend the weirdness of what's going on with my life right now -- the amazing fact that I've finally figured out what's wrong with me and that it's fixable.

I'm actually in the process of picking up the pieces too because the celiac symptoms had really prevented me from doing the things I needed to be doing -- I've been working on this Ph.D. for way too long partly because graduate school was a "safe" place to be sick and fatigued and still use my brain. I knew that there was something more going on because my ability to even use my brain was starting to be affected.

The irony of the relationship stuff was that -- well, he was aware there was something wrong with me too -- and he very much wanted me to get better. However, as with any relationship he's got his own issues -- the anger is a large part of it -- which I may have overlooked because there was so much focus on my being sick. He was too focused on my illness to really deal with his own stuff.

So, there you are -- I tend to approach this stuff from a scientific perspective, but the emotional reality is there too. Now that my brain is clear and I'm not having constant inexplicable mood swings, I see much more clearly what's going on with him -- right now, I mostly see him when we're at social events together and he's drunk -- or in the light of day, when he's angry and irritable and blaming me for everything. This is a guy I used to climb mountains with and canoe the Everglades with -- but he's really doing his best right now to push that part of himself away.

Yeah -- did I mention that I'm also a very verbal person and I tend to process things by endlessly writing or talking? I see my therapist tomorrow -- I can tell it's about time!

Guest BERNESES

Eleep- i'm glad you found the support you needed here! Just because a relationship was unhealthy doesn't mean you don't mourn it. I think a lot of times you mourn the "what could have been' because you see the potential in this guy, but it's being ruined by alcohol, anger and his other issues.

And being single is hard- especially in grad school. I finished my coursework in december and i'm finding the the exam/dissertation phase is a pretty lonely place to be. PM or email me anytime- I get lonely too and i'm married! it's just that all of a sudden you're on your own and making your own schedule and the people you took classes with are all off doing their dissertations. Tthere's actually a great forum called phinished.org where you can go and vent about this stuff.

And to have the Celiac diagnosis on top of it al...well, it's just hard. Give yourself some time and be good to you. hugs, Beverly

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Family doctor prescribed Kreon anyway (after I pushed for it), and I just started taking 1 capsule (10,000 units) with meals 2 days ago, but couldn‘t see effects yet because I’ve been constipated the last few days. Maybe because of thyroid. I don’t have Hashimoto’s. No thyroid antibodies. But I took levothyroxine for slightly low FT4 levels. My thyroid levels fluctuated between borderline low and low-normal. And recently lowered my dose so that may have caused the constipating. I probably didn’t need it in the first place, and am thinking about stopping it soon.   Current Diet Right now, I only eat a very limited set of “safe” foods I prepare myself: • Gluten-free bread with tuna or cheese • Milk and cornflakes • gluten-free cookies/snacks • Bananas (the only fruit I trust right now) I rarely eat other fruits or vegetables, because I’m scared of contamination. My dad, who also has celiac but doesn’t care about CC, buys fruits, and he might’ve picked them up right after handling gluten bread. That makes me feel unsafe eating them. Even fruit at stores or markets feels risky because so many people with gluten on their hands touch them.   My Home Situation (Shared Kitchen) We’re a family of 5. Only my dad and I have celiac. He eats glutenfree but doesn’t care about CC and sometimes (but rarely) cheats. My mom and siblings eat gluten bread at every meal. My mom is honest (so if i ask her to be cautious, she most likely would try to), but doesn’t seem to understand how serious celiac is. She: • Stopped using gluten flour • only cooks gluten-free meals (but they still heat up gluten bread and also cook gluten noodles) • Keeps separate butter/jam/jars for me • Bought me a stainless steel pan Bu we didn’t replace old wooden utensils, cutting boards, or other pans. The new they bought me pan was even carried home in a shopping bag with gluten bread in it, which triggered my OCD. It also has a rubber handle and I’m scared it might still hold onto gluten. Even if it’s washed well, it’s stored next to other pans that were used for gluten food/bread. Our kitchen table is used for eating gluten bread daily. My mom wipes it but not with soap. I’m scared tiny particles remain. If she made gluten-free bread dough on a board at the table, I’d still worry about cross contmaination contamination even with something under the dough and on the table as at one point the dough would probably touch the table. So I stopped eating anything she makes.   I know OCD is making it worse, but I can’t tell how much of my fear is real and how much is anxiety. Examples: • I wash my hands 20–30 times a day — before eating, after touching anything at home or outside, after using my phone/laptop. • I don’t let others touch my phone, and I’m scared to use my laptop because friends at school or my brother (who eat gluten) have touched it. And it annoys me a lot when others touch my stuff and feels like it got contaminated and is unsafe instantly. • I stopped eating while using my phone or laptop, afraid of invisible gluten being on them. • I wash my hands after opening food packaging (since it was on store cashier belts where gluten food is placed). • I avoid sitting anywhere except my bed or one clean chair. • I won’t shake hands with anyone or walk past people eating gluten. • At school, when switching classes, I wash my hands before getting out my laptop, again before opening it, etc. • I open door knobs with my elbows instead my hands   Job Concerns (Powder Coating, Sandblasting, Etc.) I’m working a temporary job right now that involves: • Powder coating • Sandblasting • Wet spray painting • Anodizing There’s also a laboratory. I don’t need this job, and my OCD makes me believe that dust or air particles there might contain gluten somehow. Should I quit?   Doctors Haven’t Helped My family doctor told me: “Asymptomatic celiac isn’t serious, if you have no symptoms, your intestines won’t get damaged, so you don’t need a gluten-free diet.” I knew that was wrong, but he wasn’t open to listening. I just nodded and didn‘t argue. My gastroenterologist (who’s also a dietitian) said: „If your antibodies are negative, there’s no damage. It might even be okay to try small amounts of gluten later if antibodies stay negative.“ Also said, pepper that says “may contain gluten” is fine if it only contains pepper. She was more informed than my family doctor but didn’t seem to fully understand celiac either.   Questions I Need Help With 1. Is it realistically safe to eat food my mom cooks, if we get separate pans/ and boards even if gluten is still used in the same kitchen? There will always be low risk of cc chances like that she will still touch stuff that was touched by her and my siblings after they ate gluten. And as there are gluten eaters in the house and she also prepares and eats gluten. So would opening the fridge then getting the food and touching the food be okay? So basically what i am doing, washing my hands multiple times while preparing food, she would only wash it once before, then touch anything else (for example water tap or handles) that were touched with gluteny hands, then also touch the food. I dont know if I ever could feel safe, I could try telling her how important cc really is. And I trust her so she wouldnt lie to me then be careless about cc, but idk how safe it really can be if she and everyone else keeps eating gluten and touching stuff in the house after eating. 2. Do I need to worry about touching doorknobs, fridge handles, light switches, etc. that family members touched after eating gluten? What about public places like bus handles or school desks? Or like if i went to the gym, I would be touching stuff all the time, so there will be small amounts of gluten and those would get transferred on my phone if I touch my phone while in the gym. But I want to knos if it would be enough to do damage. 3. Is an endoscopy (without biopsy) enough to tell if my intestines are healed? I’d pay privately if it could help and if i dont get a refferal. Or do i need a biopsy? 4. Could my job (powder coating, sandblasting, etc.) expose me to gluten or damage my intestines through air/dust? 5. Do I need certified gluten-free toothpaste, hand soap, shampoo, or moisturizer? (For example: Vaseline and Colgate don’t contain gluten ingredients but say they can’t guarantee it’s gluten-free.) 6. Is spices like pepper with “may contain traces of gluten” safe if no gluten ingredients are listed? Or does everything need to be labeled gluten-free?  7. Is continuing to only eat my own food the better choice, or could I eventually go back to eating what my mom cooks if she’s careful? 8. is cutlery from dishwasher safe if there are stains? Stuff like knives is used for cutting gluten bread or fork for noodles etc. I often see stains which i dont know if its gluten or something else but our dish washer doesnt seem to make it completely clean. 9. I wash my hands multiple times while preparing food. Do i need to do the same when touching my phone. Like if i touch the fridge handle, I wash my hands then touch the phone. I dont eat while using my phone but i leave it on my bed and pillow and my face could come in contact with where it was.  10. Do i need to clean my phone or laptop if theyve been used by people who eat gluten? Even if no crumbs fall onto my keybaord, i mean because of invisible gluten on their fingers. 11. Does medication/supplements have to be strictly glutenfree? One company said they couldn‘t guarantee if their probiotics don’t contain traces of gluten.  12. I had bought supplements in the past, some of them say glutenfree and some of them dont(like the brand „NOW“ from iherb). I bought them and used them when i wasnt washing my hands so often, are they still safe? As I touched and opened them after touching door knobs, water taps etc. It was like a year ago when i bought those and even though i was eating gluten-free, I never worried about what i touch etc. I know this post is long. I’m just extremely overwhelmed. I’m trying to protect myself from long-term health damage, but the OCD is destroying my quality of life, and I honestly don’t know what’s a reasonable level of caution anymore. Thanks for reading.
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