Family

[Marlene]

So this weekend we are having my family's annual get-together turkey dinner. I was actually looking forward to going because other than stuffing and gravy, I can eat everything that we usually have at these dinners. (I would be bringing my own dessert.) Last night my sister calls. She is in charge of what everyone has to bring this year and she decided to make it a pot-luck dinner. We will still be having turkey but instead of the usual fare, she wants everyone to bring a casserole, and salad or dessert. I told her that was too bad since that means I will probably only be able to eat turkey and whatever food I bring along. Her response? "So??" Yup, that is what she said. I just stood there on the phone, mouth hanging down to the floor in complete silence. She has a daughter who is diabetic so I really thought that of all people, she would understand about food restrictions. I realize that I am only one person in a large family but I was very hurt by her response. Potlucks are a nightmare for me. I tried explaining to her why this is but I don't know if I got through. She told me to get her a recipe and she would try to make something that I could have too. She then suggested a casserole which is smothered in cheese. I can't have dairy. I told her not to bother. I realize that these people don't live with this every day but after the last family get-together a few months ago where there was not one single thing that I could eat, I am getting really discouraged.

Am I over-reacting or would you have been hurt by her attitude as well? I don't think people who can eat anything realize how isolating it can be to always be "different" when it comes to social events that focus on food.

Maybe the best way to look at this is to realize that people are basically self-centered and I should not hope for understanding from anyone. Not even family, not even my sister who I have always been quite close to. Even though every time they have come to my house, I always made sure I had the right food/ beverages on hand for her diabetic daughter.

I am sorry this ended up being such a long post. I am just feeling very sad today.

Marlene

[CarlaB]

I understand completely, though I wish I didn't!

I think it's easiest to expect NOTHING. That way when someone goes out of their way for you, you will appreciate it. It saves you from being constantly disappointed. It's just shocking and disappointing to find out people don't care ... especially when it's someone you thought did.

[ptkds]

I am so sorry about this. I know the feeling w/ potlucks. We have potlucks at church alot and I dread those because ppl will always give my toddler food or allow their toddler to "share" with her.

You can always say that you can't go because you are scared you will get sick, or take all of your own food and make a point of saying how hurt you are that you can't eat w/ them anymore!

Good Luck

ptkds

[Creative-Soul]

I think it's easiest to expect NOTHING. That way when someone goes out of their way for you, you will appreciate it. It saves you from being constantly disappointed. It's just shocking and disappointing to find out people don't care ... especially when it's someone you thought did.

I'm with CarlaB...it's best not to expect anything from other people; that way when they are understanding, its a blessing, but when they don't, we won't be all crushed. Also, rememeber how hard it is for us to navigate this way of life sometimes, especially in the beginning; it takes a real commitment on the part of others (and compassion & empathy) make the effort to learn about our condition and all the precautions we need to take for our health - it's not as if we're doing something to purposely make our lives miserable!

Even though you think that you're sister should be more understanding because of her daughter, sometimes it's hard for people to relate their experiences to other people...do you understand what I mean?

[kbabe1968]

sorry. People can be so cruel!

I'm concerned about my first family gathering since going gluten-free. BUT....

My husband has gout, so I'm ALWAYS concious of what's available to him for eating. To the point where I usually bring something I know is safe.

I'm am the complete opposite when I know someone has specific dietary concerns. I have a friend who has a daughter with severe milk allergies (even to soy and other stuff too). I always call her before she comes over, plan what we're going to have for lunch, go over the ingredients to make sure that there not one thing that would cause a reaction, etc.

Or if someone was vegetarian or diabetic, i would ALWAYS make sure there were special things. I would always not make a big deal about it, either. We had one friend who was a vegetarian (she ate dairy). If we were having a BBQ, i'd always make sure I had a pack of veggie burgers and dogs, and definitely a salad.

This year for christmas I did a whole bunch of baking for diabetics. I found ways to make almond biscotti and hot chocolate mix with splenda instaed of sugar! (now I'll need to learn how to bake glutenfree).

I would say in the future...bring something you know you can have. I know that's a pain, but at least you'll eat.

SORRY she was so cruel!

[tarnalberry]

So "I'm sorry, I won't be attending. I'm not quite prepared to deal with my family emotionally abandoning me like that right now," isn't a response you're likely to give?

I agree - expect nothing. Some people are selfish, some people don't understand. This Christmas, my inlaws and all of us kids were invited to an old family friends place. The hostess is a big cook, and while we told her we'd be bringing food that I could have (brought over a veggie lasagna, beet and ginger salad, a green salad, and baked apples), she still tried to make things gluten free. But the risotto had organic Swanson's broth (not gluten-free), the mashed potatoes had Rice Dream (not gluten-free), and I didn't even ask about the other things.

The next day, by brother in law, who IS very supportive, noted that he never realized how difficult it can be for me in someone else's kitchen, even when they try to cook gluten free. (I'd like to think that part of that is because I make it look so darn easy in my own kitchen. )

Point is - even the people who do get it, don't necessarily get it completely. I can't blame them, though - the level of paranoia we practice with very common items that are extraordinarily hidden from daily view is usually considered unhealthy.

[Nooner]

Bring your own plate of gluten free, tasty food that can be microwaved when you're ready to eat, and enjoy yourself.

I'm going to be the devil's advocate here - your sister may just have been having a bad day. Or something else could have been going on. We all get wrapped up in our own dramas occaisionally. Don't write her off just yet. Take charge of your situation, bring your own food, and make a gluten free, diabetic friendly dessert her daughter can enjoy.

And maybe next year you can host the family dinner, and make the whole darn thing gluten free!