One Of Those Embarrassing Topics...

[aquamarine-queen]

I know I've got to learn to become comfortable talking about this in some venue, and you all seem fairly relaxed about the subject, so....

....anyone out there understand the truly awful combination of celiac and well, um, shy bowel? Any advice to offer on how you are dealing with it? I am frequently literally unable to use the bathroom when my husband is at home, which is creating some interesting situations, particularly on the weekends. I'm sure I don't need to go into the details that you all know so well regarding celiac/gs and the "bathroom". But the end result of this combination is becoming increasingly intolerable, not to mention how much worse it is when I have a moment of privacy and can actually go. I have actually seen a therapist for this condition (before my diagnosis) and it didn't help (and was terribly embarrassing to boot!).

Anyone? I'd love to know that I'm not alone.

AquaQ

[CarlaB]

I've been married for 22 years and don't have that problem at all. Just announce to him that he probably wants to leave the bathroom, then go in there ... he'll leave you alone ... I promise!!

You could always buy him some Bose headsets that cancel out background noise.

I hope you're not offended by my making light of this, I know you said you've been to therapy. Just remember, hubby makes those noises, too.

Now, in front of hubby, I'm not shy, but put me in a public restroom and I'll wait till everyone leaves! It was murder 25 years ago when I lived in a sorority house with 90 girls! LOL I don't think I was the only one because the one "single potty" bathroom always smelled bad.

Maybe talking to hubby about it will help the situation.

[aquamarine-queen]

Thank you for the thoughts

Unfortunately, this just isn't something I can talk about with my husband. I'm mortified at the thought. And, believe it or not, I have never "heard" my husband in the bathroom. We're both extremely discreet people (been together 18 years), which doesn't help matters. I know he would understand if I told him, but this is something that stems from my childhood and goes much deeper. It's a phobia.

All of the information I've given him to read about celiac is carefully edited by me to exclude the more graphic aspects of the disease. I've been known to stuff towels at the bathroom door and run both the exhaust fan and the shower to help muffle sounds, but ultimately, 99% of the time, if he's home, I can't go. It's not a logical thing and I imagine it's difficult for most people to understand. I was just hoping that there was someone else out there like me who can identify and maybe share how they deal with it.

I appreciate that you took the time to read and answer (I read your post on the other board; normally I'm not so sensitive. After I posted I regretted it almost immediately - when I realized that it was PMS-driven ) Anyway, it was kind of you

AQ

[oceangirl]

Thank you for the thoughts

Unfortunately, this just isn't something I can talk about with my husband. I'm mortified at the thought. And, believe it or not, I have never "heard" my husband in the bathroom. We're both extremely discreet people (been together 18 years), which doesn't help matters. I know he would understand if I told him, but this is something that stems from my childhood and goes much deeper. It's a phobia.

All of the information I've given him to read about celiac is carefully edited by me to exclude the more graphic aspects of the disease. I've been known to stuff towels at the bathroom door and run both the exhaust fan and the shower to help muffle sounds, but ultimately, 99% of the time, if he's home, I can't go. It's not a logical thing and I imagine it's difficult for most people to understand. I was just hoping that there was someone else out there like me who can identify and maybe share how they deal with it.

I appreciate that you took the time to read and answer (I read your post on the other board; normally I'm not so sensitive. After I posted I regretted it almost immediately - when I realized that it was PMS-driven ) Anyway, it was kind of you

I understand very well. I have made progress in this area, but my family knows I need to be left completely alone in order to relax in the bathroom. I also can't go if I know people are waiting for me to do something (ie. in the morning when everyone's getting ready to leave the house for school_ or, just about any time!) I was married for 25 years with a very understanding husband but even so, had difficulty if I couldn't be left alone! It's hard to explain this to people who don't get it. It feels almost pathological and if your problem is predominantly constipation as mine is AND you have only ONE bathroom as I do- it's nuts! My system feels like it's glued shut sometimes. My partner, Michael, of seven years is SOoo understanding- I have told him the gory details but I still have trouble. Of course, the beginning of gluten intolerance which began with food poisoning which made me lose it from both ends at once all night helped, as I always pass out when I throw up, so I was held on the toilet while I got through this. STILL..... I wanted to tell you I think I understand your feelings. Forcing yourself to open up A LITTLE could help you. A secret is more horrible when you keep it to yourself and loses some of its immense power when you get it out. Really.

Best of luck and health to you.

lisa

AQ

[oceangirl]

Okay, once again I screwed up my reply and it's mixed in- sorry! Hopefully you can sort it out.

lisa

[aquamarine-queen]

Lisa,

Thank you for sharing your story. It really helps to know I'm not the only one with this problem (although, of course, I'm sorry to learn that you have it, too ) I never quite thought of it as having a "secret". That gave me pause to consider it in a new light. I don't expect to be as simple as telling my "secret" and poof! problem solved, but it does give me hope that there's another way to look at this condition and possibly find my way to overcoming it. Thank you

AQ

[DoriGates]

I didnt think there was anyone out there that felt the same way that I do. Just like you this started with me when I was a child. I am going to be getting married in July and I am mortified at the thought that my husband is going to hear me in the bathroom. He is not shy about anything that has to do with bodily sounds and often jokes about himself. I just cant imagine being so at ease about it. I have put off my wedding for two years because of this. I am literally mortified about this. I know that I was made fun of as a child, teenager, and now as an adult about what happens in the bathroom. I guess that is why I am so scared by it . But the wedding is going to happen and I am going to have to deal with it some how. Turning on the shower and the fan does not do that much, as I can hear my fiance even with the shower and fan on when he is in there. Since I suffer with "D", I cant hold it. Oh and the gas, geez, maybe the invites has not gone out yet, LOL!!

Your not alone out there.

Dori

[aquamarine-queen]

Dori,

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! I remember well the fears I brought into my own marriage about "bathroom" issues (wish I could say I found a way to get over them). I saw a therapist over this condition who tried Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with me. It didn't help me, ultimately, but I saw the validity in the way the therapist approached the problem, which was basically a series of increasingly difficult "homework" assignments. She started me off very slowly by attempting to change one small behavior; one of my habits was to remove the toilet paper roll from the holder (because it was audible how many times I rolled off tissue), so leaving the roll on was my first assignment. I did that successfully, but in time I developed another way of dealing with that issue, which in effect defeated the purpose of the exercise. I got through 3 or 4 assignments in this way when I gave up on the therapy.

Although it didn't work for me, I understand that there are others for whom this type of therapy HAS worked successfully. There's a good deal of information about CBT on the internet; five or ten minutes of research should tell you if this is something that might be able to help you.

Hang in there

AQ

[carrielynn]

If you both are willing to try anything, you should take a look at Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) -- see Open Original Shared Link which provides a ton of free information and instructions on how to do it. I saw a therapist who used this technique on me. This is a woman who I respect 100% and who has helped me tremendously with other issues using other respected therapies (biofeedback, neurofeedback, CBT, etc). I was experiencing an extreme reaction to someone and I couldn't get past being very angry at him. She performed EFT on me, started tapping on my face and on my hand and asking me to roll my eyes, count and sing while I thought about this person. I honestly thought she had gone cuckoo, but since I was paying a lot of money for the session went along with it. And it worked! Most of the issues I had with this guy just went away! (I had been battling these emotions for years and they were just gone... now he doesn't bug me at all.)

The EFT folks use this technique for just about everything, including the phobia you describe here. Give it a shot and see if it helps. You can do it yourself or find an EFT practitioner to work with you.

[aquamarine-queen]

If you both are willing to try anything, you should take a look at Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) -- see Open Original Shared Link which provides a ton of free information and instructions on how to do it. I saw a therapist who used this technique on me. This is a woman who I respect 100% and who has helped me tremendously with other issues using other respected therapies (biofeedback, neurofeedback, CBT, etc). I was experiencing an extreme reaction to someone and I couldn't get past being very angry at him. She performed EFT on me, started tapping on my face and on my hand and asking me to roll my eyes, count and sing while I thought about this person. I honestly thought she had gone cuckoo, but since I was paying a lot of money for the session went along with it. And it worked! Most of the issues I had with this guy just went away! (I had been battling these emotions for years and they were just gone... now he doesn't bug me at all.)

The EFT folks use this technique for just about everything, including the phobia you describe here. Give it a shot and see if it helps. You can do it yourself or find an EFT practitioner to work with you.

Now, I will admit that while this does sound a bit kooky to me, I'm certainly in no position to dismiss it out of hand. I will look into this therapy. Thanks for posting about it

AQ

[carrielynn]

Now, I will admit that while this does sound a bit kooky to me, I'm certainly in no position to dismiss it out of hand. I will look into this therapy. Thanks for posting about it

AQ

I know, I know. I really, really thought this woman had lost her marbles when she led me through this little tapping/singing/counting exercise. But it worked on my problem when nothing else did. I learned how to do it myself and have been able to mitigate some other extreme emotional responses that I've had. The testimonials are pretty amazing on the website and there are a number of well-respected people who support and use it.

Since you can download the manual for free and try it, you really don't have anything to lose except some time.