Question For The Non-celiac Spouses...

[frenchiemama]

I've debated about posting this, because it seems so stupid.

My husband refuses to even try anything that I've cooked or that is labelled gluten-free. He used to love my cooking, but now that I cook gluten-free he won't even taste anything. It's not like I'm making anything bizarre or gross, it's just gluten-free. He also won't even try anything that is specialty gluten-free food. I had these really good cinnamon rolls that I bought for us to have for breakfast and he refused to even take a single bite.

WHY?? I'm not trying to make him eat a gluten-free diet along with me, but if I make beans and rice or spagetti with brown rice noodles I don't see why he wouldn't want to eat with me.

He doesn't ask me to prepare non-gluten-free meals for him, but what he is doing instead is just eating a ton more fast food, frozen pizzas and other junky convenience foods. That really bothers me, because I feel like he is disregarding his health for the sake of eating "normal" food.

I've asked him why he won't eat with me, and he just says that he doesn't want that particular meal or that he's hungry for something else. I don't really believe that though.

Does anyone have any insight into his gluten-free phobia?

[skbird]

Hey Frenchiemama - that is weird. I wonder if he is afraid that if he goes gluten free, he won't be able to eat the old foods he loves anymore? Like after seeing you do that? I mean, I could understand that, sort of. Weird though.

I know that would definitely bother me. I love making food and sharing it.

Hope someone else knows...

Stephanie

[tarnalberry]

I don't know why he'd do that. You might want to sit down and talk to him about it in more depth rather than about one particular situation. My husband - who is a very picky eater - doesn't have a problem eating the things I cook that he knows he'd like. He won't eat pasta if I make it, but he doesn't like pasta in general. He won't eat my chili, but he doesn't like tomatoes.

Will he not eat things that you cook that are traditionally gluten-free - like stew/soup/chili/tacos, etc?

[frenchiemama]

Right, he won't eat things (even if he ate them before) that he knows are gluten-free. Basically he won't touch anything I make, even chili which he used to beg for.

It's really weird, and I don't even think he realizes or knows why he is doing it. Normally he is very open and frank, and I can't imagine that he is hiding his reasons from me. I think he doesn't even know himself.

[jenvan]

huh, that is strange. i would do what tiffany suggested--ask him if he is avoiding gluten-free food or if it is some big coincidence left to his own vices, my husband would eat frozen pizza, corn dogs and fish and chips each night! so i understand the concern i would bring it up with him, and also see if he would even try something, so it would dispell his misconceptions, if he has them. did he pretty much eat the meals you cooked before you went gluten-free? we do only gluten-free pasta in our house, b/c we think tinkyada is pretty darn good. and i dirty enough pots and pans each night w/o having to cook 2 separate meals. ! good luck discussing it. let us know how things go !

[Guest Viola]

Wow frenchiemama, you and I have the exact same problem. Mine claims that his excuse is the it is too expensive and he's not going to take anything away from me that I can eat. I've tried time and again to explain that I would eat healthier if I didn't have to constantaly cook two meals. This way I make him a full meal and then get lazy and just grab a gluten-free sandwhich, eggs or something like that. I hate cooking, and would much rather work outside, sew or do anything else, so doing two meals every supper time is frustrating. He will eat the naturally gluten free stuff, like potatoes, meat etc. but doesn't like gluten-free gravy, pasta etc. and refuses to even try the gluten-free baking. I'm sure glad I'm not the only one around here.

[frenchiemama]

"he's not going to take anything away from me that I can eat"

YES! He has said that to me, that is the reason he gave for not eating the cinnamon rolls! I keep telling him that I can go to the store and get more, the didn't stop making them after I bought that package and I don't need to eat 8 cinnamon rolls all by myself. It's so strange!

[Guest Viola]

Strange is right! I find that I don't bother baking just for myself. If he would eat it, I would make stuff more often. You just can't eat a whole cake by yourself. Yes, you can freeze some of it, but it would be much more pleasant to sit down "together" and have dessert and eat the same thing. It just doesn't make much sense at all. Oh well ... such is life

[frenchiemama]

Well at least he's not the only weirdo out there! I guess all in all it doesn't bother me that much, except that I just can't figure it out. It baffles me.

[jenvan]

"he's not going to take anything away from me that I can eat"

Frenchie--that quote makes me laugh! My brian has said the same thing before. Or he'll say--'I don't know what I'm allowed to eat in the house and what I'm not allowed to eat.' And I'm like--'you can eat anything you want! Everything in this house belongs to you too!' (except maybe my clothes and makeup!) I said this to him again last night I think maybe he's trying to be nice, or a little scared I'll get mad at him !

[tarnalberry]

It sounds more like he's afraid of hurting you - by taking your food, even if he rationally knows you can get more. He may just not want you to feel deprived. If you let him know that it makes you feel better to share with him, that it's about more than the food, and really *discuss* the issues surrounding the food, maybe you guys can get somewhere on it?

[Guest kmmolina]

I've debated about posting this, because it seems so stupid.

My husband refuses to even try anything that I've cooked or that is labelled gluten-free. He used to love my cooking, but now that I cook gluten-free he won't even taste anything. It's not like I'm making anything bizarre or gross, it's just gluten-free. He also won't even try anything that is specialty gluten-free food. I had these really good cinnamon rolls that I bought for us to have for breakfast and he refused to even take a single bite.

WHY?? I'm not trying to make him eat a gluten-free diet along with me, but if I make beans and rice or spagetti with brown rice noodles I don't see why he wouldn't want to eat with me.

He doesn't ask me to prepare non-gluten-free meals for him, but what he is doing instead is just eating a ton more fast food, frozen pizzas and other junky convenience foods. That really bothers me, because I feel like he is disregarding his health for the sake of eating "normal" food.

I've asked him why he won't eat with me, and he just says that he doesn't want that particular meal or that he's hungry for something else. I don't really believe that though.

Does anyone have any insight into his gluten-free phobia?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I'm so glad I jumped into this topic because my husband does the same thing. He has been supportive in every other way but he won't eat "my" food. He said it was too expensive and he didn't want to eat up the things I could eat. He, also, isn't insisting that I cook something different for him. I too think this is wierd and make ME feel wierd. Last night I tried explaining to him that (1) he didn't have to eat anything he didn't like but at least try it, and (2) I have a need to share my new food finds with someone and I want to share it with him. We will see if there is any change in his behavior. Thanks for sharing

[mouse]

Since this is a forum, where we are suppose to express our feelings. MY fist thought on this is that he is being very selfish, by making you prepare two meals. I totally understand how your lack of energy, would then prevent you from making something decent for yourself. In the beginning my meals were a pit as I was afraid to add anything to my cooking. Thank goodness I improved. But, my husband ate everything without comment. Later, he commented on the improvement. I was lucky to cook 3 0r 4 dinners a week, let alone double meals each night. I have cans of soups and other things in the freezer that are marked with a black X. Those have gluten and on the nights I am too tired to cook, he goes and grabs one of those or he stops and buys a pizza on his way home. I have not perfected my pizzas' yet. I used to give dietary counciling to my GP's new diagnosed celiac disease patients. What I did was give them sources of where to go for info and even would go through the frig with them. As so many thought of only breads and pastas with having gluten. But, I had one women whose husband would not eat the gluten-free food and she had to prepare two meals (and still does). One child has celiac disease and the other two children do not. She has said she would give anything to get out of the kitchen. I hope I am wrong on this and that he is just afraid to take the necessary food away from you. With some men it is a control thing. Good Luck.

Armetta

[Guest Viola]

Hi Kathleen, I sure hope that works for you. Let us know how it goes. I have been gluten free for 16+ years and I guess I have almost given up on him eating anything. So it's the two meal thing for me Perhaps you are a bit right Armetta, he does tend to have a little bit of a controling personality. I never thought of that part.

[Guest kmmolina]

Hi Kathleen, I sure hope that works for you. Let us know how it goes. I have been gluten free for 16+ years and I guess I have almost given up on him eating anything. So it's the two meal thing for me    Perhaps you are a bit right Armetta, he does tend to have a little bit of a controling personality.    I never thought of that part.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thanks Viola...I am still holding out hope that he will eat the things he likes. It makes me feel lonely...

[mouse]

I really hated to write my comment as it was just a gut (no pun intended) feeling. And it is such a negative comment!!. (And I wish the fog box around my brain would lift and let me spell things correctly )

Armetta

[frenchiemama]

I have a need to share my new food finds with someone and I want to share it with him. 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I feel that way too. I just want to have someone else say "hey this isn't too bad" or "this tastes like ass, don't ever buy it again".

I think maybe it's because it is still so new, and maybe Tarnalberry is right and he's afraid of somehow hurting me or depriving me. I know it was really hard for him when I first had to go gluten-free and had no clue what to eat. One of the first nights I was gluten-free he went to the grocery store and read labels to me over the phone for an hour (I was on bedrest because of erythema nodosum) and was SO HAPPY when he found a couple things that were gluten-free.

I'm sure he'll get over it in time.

[frenchiemama]

Armetta, don't feel bad! I think honesty is really important and hearing multiple points of view is always helpful.

[Matilda]

..

[Guest gfinnebraska]

Wow... I have just the opposite problem!! My husband eats ALL my gluten-free food, and then I don't have any! I was making fried chicken one evening, and he came through the kitchen and ate MINE ~ not the WHOLE BOWL of his own!! UGH!

I was SO mad! He also eats my gluten-free cookies, chips, etc. Anything he sees that he wants to eat ~ regardless of whether it is "mine" or not. Ha! The frustrating part is that he is thin and healthy... so I can't guilt him with that. He feels like I need to share. I have given in and just order more!! Some year I can see us being completely gluten-free and it will probably happen without him even realizing it. HA! THEN I will have the last laugh...

[skbird]

Frenchiemama, I am laughing about things tasting like ass. My husband and I are big cheese fans and let me tell you, there are cheeses that at least smell that way.. hahahahah!

I guess I'm fortunate that my husband eats gluten free meals with me but doesn't hog my goodies (ie cookies) so there is a happy medium there. But he has also made the claim that he shouldn't eat something that was expensive - I should have it to myself. But having double meals means more opportunity for cross contamination, plus I think now that wheat isn't good for anyone really so he's ok with eating gluten free with me, aside from his beers and occasional cookies...

Stephanie

[lbsteenwyk]

Frenchiemamma:

This may sound really weird, but do you think it is possible that your husband secretly fears that he, himself, may have celiac disease? Does he have any symptoms at all? Could he be afraid that if he feels better on a gluten free diet, that he would then have to give up all the food he loves? A lot of people refuse to get tested for this reason. I know this may seem a little far out, but I just thought I would throw out the idea . . .

[kabowman]

I know my husband will "bow out" of some food if we are low and just enough for me because he CAN eat anything, however, most of the time we share - except for some foods I label as just mine like if I make me a pizza then the family a pizza.

ALSO, we BOTH cook, almost equally...he does more in the summer when he has more time off from his job and I do more in the winter when he works non-stop. We co-cook any time we are home together.

My food always gets cooked first too (if we are making seperate meals, like pizza) because of steam. I have gotten reactions from steam left in the microwave - never the oven but now we are careful.

It sounds a little like he is acting like one of my children, we told him to keep his hands on "this" and then for hours he wouldn't remove his hands from "this" or not to touch "this" etc. A little bent out of shape...

Good luck and hopefully you figure out why he is acting so strange...it took my step-daughter a while to come around but is now there, most of the time. My boys and husband were there all along. The rest of my extended family sees me as a little freakish and weird/a food psycho.

[frenchiemama]

Frenchiemamma:

This may sound really weird, but do you think it is possible that your husband secretly fears that he, himself, may have celiac disease?  Does he have any symptoms at all?  Could he be afraid that if he feels better on a gluten free diet, that he would then have to give up all the food he loves?  A lot of people refuse to get tested for this reason.  I know this may seem a little far out, but I just thought I would throw out the idea . . .

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

That is an interesting possibility. He has some digestive issues, maybe that is what he is worried about. He has more gas than any human being I've ever encountered (sorry ladies, he's taken! ), he gets sick when he drinks beer and sometimes gets a rash on his face from it, I don't think he's had a solid poop in is entire life. I've told him that it might help him to try my food for a while, so maybe that is why he is so resistant.

[Guest Viola]

Mine is perfectly healthy and regular on a gluten diet, so that's not an issue. But it is certainly a thought for some who refuse to eat the diet with their spouse. It's an interesting thought.