At My Wits End

[confused]

My step son is still eating gluten and it is driving me crazy. His mood swings are terrible, his lips are full of sores and he is just being mean to everyone in the house. This morning he got up early and was making an toaster strudel, then lied about it, while i smelled it on his breath. Yesterday he was eating doritoes, the day before some pizza. For the last week I have caught him eating something with gluten and every time he has lied about it.

No matter what i say he just does not listen. He keeps complaing about his knees hurting and i keep telling him its from the gluten, and he just tells me I am not eating the @@@@@@@@ gluten. I have had him read articles about gluten can do to you, and nothing seems to sit in. He thinks cause his stomach hasnt hurt majorly that he can just eat gluten and not care (well he wont admit if his stomach has hurt), but he has been sleeping in til 8 or 9, except for today he was up at 6 eating toaster strudels before I got up.

A couple of times the last weeks he hasnt flushed the toilet after using it or it hasnt flushed all the way, and what i see is not pretty at all. So it just proves he is not following the diet.

I know he just wants to be normal like other kids, but he is making this house crazy. The 4 little kids are even being yelled at by him, and it is just not fair.

The only thing i think of i can do is make this house completely gluten free, but i havent wanted to do that since only 2 out of 7 have to be gluten free. I just dont know what to do anymore.

paula

[gfgypsyqueen]

Wow! Sorry you are having so many problems with him. Sounds like he is pretty pissed off that he has this crappy disease. I remember the previous posts about the trouble he was causing. How old is he again? Not trying to overstep boundaries but, what does his Dad say about his behaviour? What about his Mom? Is any of his behaviour just because you are the Step Mom? Any chance of Family counseling just to get his moods to settle down? I know there are state run programs (free services), if finances are an issue. Ideally, find someone for him to talk to on his own. He is probably have teen years troubles that are only magnified by this new problem of Celiacs. Can't fit in very well with crazy food allergies that make eveything harder for kids. I feel really badly for all of you.

Regardless of whether or not you can get him to stop eating the gluten, all the adults have to gang up and give serious punishment for mean treatment of the younger kids.

Any chance he is old enough to get a summer job? All kkids like the money and will treat strangers far better than immediate family.

Hope things get better for all of you soon.

[Guhlia]

I think perhaps it's time to make the house gluten free. If for no other reason than your sanity. I know you've tried talking to him over and over again and it doesn't seem like you're getting through to him at all. The only other thing I think you could do is set up a strict punishment system and let him choose to lose priveleges OR stay gluten free. That may be a little hard though since he's lying to you. Either way, make sure you stock up on gluten free replacement foods so he doesn't feel too left out: cool ranch doritos, utz potato chips, glutino crackers, kinnikinnick donuts, etc...

[confused]

Wow! Sorry you are having so many problems with him. Sounds like he is pretty pissed off that he has this crappy disease. I remember the previous posts about the trouble he was causing. How old is he again? Not trying to overstep boundaries but, what does his Dad say about his behaviour? What about his Mom? Is any of his behaviour just because you are the Step Mom? Any chance of Family counseling just to get his moods to settle down? I know there are state run programs (free services), if finances are an issue. Ideally, find someone for him to talk to on his own. He is probably have teen years troubles that are only magnified by this new problem of Celiacs. Can't fit in very well with crazy food allergies that make eveything harder for kids. I feel really badly for all of you.

Regardless of whether or not you can get him to stop eating the gluten, all the adults have to gang up and give serious punishment for mean treatment of the younger kids.

Any chance he is old enough to get a summer job? All kkids like the money and will treat strangers far better than immediate family.

Hope things get better for all of you soon.

He will be 14 next month. His dad dont know what to do with the situation anymore either. He is nicer to me then to his dad. He screams at him over every little thing lately. My hubby just called and i was telling him about hte toaster strudels and he told me he was hiding in the dug outs at the baseball game yesterday eating cookies. He did admit the cookies to his dad tho. His mom, is part of the problem, he hasnt seen her for an yr, well it will be an yr next month. she breaks promises to him all the time that she will come and never does.

He has seen an counselor, but he wont really open up to her. I am thinking of sending him to an shrink but i know they will put him on pills and i am so afraid of that. Cause i know its cause of the gluten that does this to him.

He cant work til he is 14, but he is coaching his brothers baseball team. Well we all are, but he is supposd to be the main coach and then hubby and I help him out. We thought that would be good for him.

paula

[confused]

I think perhaps it's time to make the house gluten free. If for no other reason than your sanity. I know you've tried talking to him over and over again and it doesn't seem like you're getting through to him at all. The only other thing I think you could do is set up a strict punishment system and let him choose to lose priveleges OR stay gluten free. That may be a little hard though since he's lying to you. Either way, make sure you stock up on gluten free replacement foods so he doesn't feel too left out: cool ranch doritos, utz potato chips, glutino crackers, kinnikinnick donuts, etc...

He is casein free to so the ranch doritoes are out, those were actually what he was eating yesterday lol. I do keep regualr chips we can have and i make brownies and cookies and i keep fruit and veggies in the fridge and rice cakes with peanut butter and jelly. But of course he dont eat any of that lol.

He has always had an lying problem. He gets that from his mom. he will be sticking an chip in his mouth and u will ask him if he is eating chips and he will flat out lie to you.

He is a great kid when he is off gluten, but the tiniest bit sends him over the edge.

I know he is angry, heck i have days that i am angry that i cant eat this or that, but i love how i feel now and it is not worth that cookie or piece of cheese. I try to tell him that and it goes in one ear and out the other.

I am afraid even if i make the house gluten free he will still eat it at friends house or when he is not home or he will go buy it when he is not with us.

I really wish we could afford an camp for him, but the only one in colorado this summer is 1100 for him and 1400 for an adult to go. And my hubby has no time off this summer, so i would have to take all the kids with us or hire someone for the kids.

paula

[tarnalberry]

He has seen an counselor, but he wont really open up to her. I am thinking of sending him to an shrink but i know they will put him on pills and i am so afraid of that. Cause i know its cause of the gluten that does this to him.

Psychologists (unlike psychiatrists) are not able to prescribe medication. A psychologist worth a grain of salt is unlikely to suggest that early in the process unless it's actually warranted. Also, given that he's yelling at the other kids, I'd say it's vital to get this behavior in check for the well being of the other children. Until he finds someone he can click with - and building a trusting, interpersonal relationship is vital for this process - it's not going to have much hope to get very far.

I'm sorry he's doing this. It can be so rough when someone keeps hurting themselves *and* hurts everyone else around them in the process.

[confusedks]

Paula,

I am 16 and I can relate to the whole divorced family situation. I am gluten and casein/dairy intolerant. It is SO hard as a teenager to go through this at school especially. These years are really hard without any differences, let alone when you have strict dietary restrictions, it makes it even harder. It sounds like he doesn't want to be left out of "normal" activities and probably doesn't want to bring it up with friends, etc. I don't know if he is willing, but what about a ROCK group or a group for Celiac Teens so he can network with other people his own age. I went to a conference and it was SO helpful for me. I also can relate to the not wanting to go gluten-free. At first I thought "just a little" or it's just a SMALL bag of cookies, it can't hurt me...right? WRONG! Until I finally started feeling crappy enough to realize this is stupid, and after all it's ONLY food. I get enjoyment from so many other things, it's not that bad. Again, I really think a support group for Celiacs would be really beneficial. I didn't realize how much I felt alienated at school and even discriminated against because of gluten!! Also, does your stepson go on this site at all? There is a whole teenage section? I also wanted to say that i think you're great for being so involved with him. My stepmom still doesn't know what gluten is!! Lol!

Kassandra

[mom of 5 celiac]

Paula, I know what you are going through. I have 3 kids and all but one have celiac and my husband and I do too. My kids found out when they were in high school and now the youngest is 21. I have been told by my doctor not to worry about the kids right now. You CAN"T make them stick to this diet and when they get really sick then they will see that they have to follow it. I have tried to make my kids stick to it and it WILL drive you crazy. He is at that wonderful age too. SO stop driving yourself crazy and just let him make himself sick. It is so hard. As long as you are on him about the diet he WILL go to friends houses and buy stuff himself. You won't win. Who else is celiac in your house? Good luck. Karen

[confused]

Paula, I know what you are going through. I have 3 kids and all but one have celiac and my husband and I do too. My kids found out when they were in high school and now the youngest is 21. I have been told by my doctor not to worry about the kids right now. You CAN"T make them stick to this diet and when they get really sick then they will see that they have to follow it. I have tried to make my kids stick to it and it WILL drive you crazy. He is at that wonderful age too. SO stop driving yourself crazy and just let him make himself sick. It is so hard. As long as you are on him about the diet he WILL go to friends houses and buy stuff himself. You won't win. Who else is celiac in your house? Good luck. Karen

That is what my mom said, she is like if he likes to feel that way then let him and sooner or later he will realize what he is doing. But it is just so hard cause we all get affected by his mood swings.

I am the only other celiac in the house. I am in the process of getting the others one tested this summer tho.

paula

[confused]

Psychologists (unlike psychiatrists) are not able to prescribe medication. A psychologist worth a grain of salt is unlikely to suggest that early in the process unless it's actually warranted. Also, given that he's yelling at the other kids, I'd say it's vital to get this behavior in check for the well being of the other children. Until he finds someone he can click with - and building a trusting, interpersonal relationship is vital for this process - it's not going to have much hope to get very far.

I'm sorry he's doing this. It can be so rough when someone keeps hurting themselves *and* hurts everyone else around them in the process.

I meant an psychratrist, cause that is what his counselor has recommended. I am an counselor also, but it is harder when you are dealing with someone in your own family then someone you do not know. An doctor and his counselor both feel he needs meds, but that was before his celiac diagnosis. I am very anti-meds, and rather just get all the gluten out of his body, but if he keeps fighting me with the whole process of not eating gluten, i might not be able to say no to meds any more.

paula

[confused]

Paula,

I am 16 and I can relate to the whole divorced family situation. I am gluten and casein/dairy intolerant. It is SO hard as a teenager to go through this at school especially. These years are really hard without any differences, let alone when you have strict dietary restrictions, it makes it even harder. It sounds like he doesn't want to be left out of "normal" activities and probably doesn't want to bring it up with friends, etc. I don't know if he is willing, but what about a ROCK group or a group for Celiac Teens so he can network with other people his own age. I went to a conference and it was SO helpful for me. I also can relate to the not wanting to go gluten-free. At first I thought "just a little" or it's just a SMALL bag of cookies, it can't hurt me...right? WRONG! Until I finally started feeling crappy enough to realize this is stupid, and after all it's ONLY food. I get enjoyment from so many other things, it's not that bad. Again, I really think a support group for Celiacs would be really beneficial. I didn't realize how much I felt alienated at school and even discriminated against because of gluten!! Also, does your stepson go on this site at all? There is a whole teenage section? I also wanted to say that i think you're great for being so involved with him. My stepmom still doesn't know what gluten is!! Lol!

Kassandra

I think you are so right. So in your eyes is it best to just let him be, or to keep nagging him. There is no celiac support groups here were we live, and the kid celiac group they do have 5 hours away is not active at all. I have tought about starting one here, but i dont think it would be beneficial for him to listen to me run the group lol. I think he is like you were, he dont think a few bites of pizza will hurt or a few cookies will hurt.

I was going to have him get an account for here, I think i will put that on my to do list for today.

paula

[Guhlia]

I think you are so right. So in your eyes is it best to just let him be, or to keep nagging him. There is no celiac support groups here were we live, and the kid celiac group they do have 5 hours away is not active at all. I have tought about starting one here, but i dont think it would be beneficial for him to listen to me run the group lol. I think he is like you were, he dont think a few bites of pizza will hurt or a few cookies will hurt.

I was going to have him get an account for here, I think i will put that on my to do list for today.

paula

Actually, a support group, even if headed by you, may be beneficial. If it doesn't help him, it will at least help other celiac children in your community. It may just be the simple fact that he feels "different" by having this special diet. If he meets other kids that are struggling through the same things it might give him strength.

[confused]

Actually, a support group, even if headed by you, may be beneficial. If it doesn't help him, it will at least help other celiac children in your community. It may just be the simple fact that he feels "different" by having this special diet. If he meets other kids that are struggling through the same things it might give him strength.

That is so true, i didnt think about it that way. I am going to go this week and advertise at the health food store and see how many respsonses i get for others here that have celiac or gluten intolerance. I was told to do one for people with gluten intolerance, wheat allergy or celiac, then i would get more people involved.

paula

p.s. we did have a good talk earlier about how him cheating on the gluten lifestyle affects us all, so far he has not cheated, so we will see how it continues

[confusedks]

That is so true, i didnt think about it that way. I am going to go this week and advertise at the health food store and see how many respsonses i get for others here that have celiac or gluten intolerance. I was told to do one for people with gluten intolerance, wheat allergy or celiac, then i would get more people involved.

paula

p.s. we did have a good talk earlier about how him cheating on the gluten lifestyle affects us all, so far he has not cheated, so we will see how it continues

Paula,

If and when he gets an account if he ever wants to talk about celiac or living gluten-free you can feel free to have him contact me if he wants. Also I am going to start a support group so I liked your suggestion about not just posting celiac and including wheat and gluten intolerance! Thanks and good luck!

Kassandra