Thanksgiving Dinner Again

[whitelacegal]

I need advice, my mother is demanding that i go to my aunts for thnksgiving again this year, found out i have Celiac in March and i dont want to go and risk eating my aunts food that is not gluten-free, My mom says that i need to go to thnksgiving and take my own food to eat just so i dont isolate myself and my children away from my aunt, i really dont want to go to this cause im not to keen on my aunt and would rather stay home this year, my mom is overbearing and she wont take no for a answer what is the best solution for this problem for me? thanks

[tarnalberry]

Well, I was going to ask how old you were, but then you said you had kids, so you're old enough to be an adult, which means what your mom says doesn't really matter. Do what is best for you - best for you in your life, which may or may not mean making your mom happy here - and feel confident in the knowledge that you're doing what's best for you. Don't use the gluten-free diet as an excuse if it's just an excuse, of course, but if it's a serious issue for you (you're really uncomfortable eating your own food in front of other people), then it's a serious issue. And maybe it's time to make Thanksgiving traditions of your own with your kids? ;-P

[kabowman]

My new mother-in-law was the same way about Thanksgiving, it was HER holiday. However, she only fixed meatloaf, poor mashed potatoes, and some canned cranberry. Luckily, I found out about this from the other daughter-in-laws (about the food I mean)! Sometimes, you just have to give in to keep peace, but I didn't have any problems bringing my own food so that it was a real Thanksgiving! I brought a ham, someone else brought a turkey...now I do it all, and at my house.

Take your own food, it sounds like they at least believe you have problems and cannot eat the food, they are not just blowing you off.

Another note, I have not visited with my mother for several years. Sometimes, you just have to do your OWN thing. For YEARS, before I re-married, I defied my family and just had my own Thanksgiving holiday with me and my kids...we had a lot of fun and created our own traditions!

-Kate

[plantime]

In my family, everyone takes turn hosting the Thanksgiving dinner. Every time my turn has come up, my mother had a different excuse for why everyone was going to her house. One time, my house was too small, the next: "no one" would ever drive 45 miles just for a dinner. When my mom did her thing, my family just stayed home and had our dinner. We have made a tradition all our own with it, and we thoroughly enjoy it. You have to do what is best for you and your family. I understand your mom is overbearing and won't take "no" for an answer, my mom was the same way. You have to be adult about it, and put your foot down. If you really don't want to defy your mom, then take your own food.

[whitelacegal]

Thanks for all the help, my mom wont take no for a answer and every year i am pressured to spend thanksgiving with people who never conntact me only the holidays, this year i think im gonna just spend a couple of hours with them and then come home. I think on Thanksgiving we should be able to spend it with whoever we want to instead of the yearly pressure!!

[celiac3270]

Hi...

Just adding my story to the mix.......

I'm 13...for those who didn't know and so my family trades off in terms of the holidays between spending time with my mother's parents or my father's parents. My mom's parents are REALLY accomodating--whenever they come into the city to visit us, they're always bringing something gluten-free ....mainstream products or special gluten-free products that they get at Trader Joe's.........really nice and sympathetic about celiac. To make it easier, they always come into the city for Thanksgiving or Christmas and the meal is usually mostly gluten-free, but since it's in my own house, I don't need to worry about contamination and I know what I can and can't eat. In fact, they're so nice that when my family celebrated my grandpa's b-day here, he actually said that he didn't want anything I couldn't eat -- which was when my mom first tried a gluten-free cake and we had ice cream......haagen-dazs I think (gluten-free).

On the other hand.......................

My dad's parents are......shall we say.....not quite as sensitive about it....they once sent an empty candy wrapper in the mail with a note that said something like "I tried this chocolate and it was yummy! Anyway, my parents asked if they could drive in from NJ (the way my mom's parents do from CT) for Thanksgiving. We usually go down to NJ along with the rest of my dad's side of the family and go to some restaurant for thanksgiving dinner......well, they said that they wanted us to come down to NJ so that we'd have to spend the night and they'd have us longer.............and they sent us the menu of the restaurant, even though they knew from a little research that I couldn't eat anything on it. So...when we go down there for Thanksgiving, they said, we would heat something up for me, bring it to the restaurant, then take the plate somewhere and dump my food onto it---dunno if I'm being overly sensitive, but I feel like a social outcast when I have to do that. This summer, we went to NJ for a family reunion and they had had burgers one night, we arrived the next day, and they had pizza for dinner. I would've been able to have a burger, cooked separately if they put anything special in the other burgers, and looked normal....but when everyone was eating pizza, the food I had missed most, and looking at me strangely, I felt really self-conscious of it..........and here we go again this year....just an example of someone taking no for an answer. I think the way I described this makes it sound like they're just lonely people or people who can't drive into the city or something, but there's more to it than that.......

...just venting.......

-C

[ryebaby0]

I must have lucked out. My MIL wants us for Thanksgiving, which is fine; I had my husband tell her that we will bring food for my son so she doesn't have to worry about contamination issues (from her unbelievably unkept kitchen -- crumb-orama) and everyone can relax. She was fine with that, and said she would let us know what she was making, so we could bring the same things for our son.

MY mom already does allergies, so it's more familiar to her. She knows better than to think she can get it all right, and just lets us do the cooking at her house. We have celiac, and the other family allergies are soy, milk, citrus and nuts -- so we've been joking that we're going to have jello!! (it will be, as always, a pot luck Thanksgiving, but we like all being together no matter what we eat.)She is a constant source of amusement with her complete lack of "gluten sense" -- she asked me over and over, was I sure pasta was not gluten-free... people just don't know any better, and my life is too short to get prickly about it. (Tired of it, sure, but heck, they mean well...) It's also too short to deal with completely and deliberately insensitive people, so we breeze on by them.

joanna