Jump to content

  • Welcome to Celiac.com!

    You have found your celiac tribe! Join us and ask questions in our forum, share your story, and connect with others.


  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A1):
    Celiac.com Sponsor (A1-M):

  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Our Content
    eNewsletter
    Donate

Mil Issues

Amyleigh0007

Recommended Posts

Amyleigh0007 Enthusiast
Amyleigh0007
Posted

My MIL is childish and has no common sense. I really need to vent. I am so stressed out because of her. I can't take her anymore. She is always at our house and she complains about everything; her health, the weather, her neighbers, the family. I am to the point where I can't stand to be around her. She will pick fights with me in front of my kids. We ran into her at the store today and she didn't even say a word to my kids, she just had an ignorant comment for me about something I didn't even do and walked off. I think she is bipolar but she won't see a doctor. She watches my daughter two days a week and I dread those days. I don't feel my daughter is safe with her. I have tried to talk to my husband about it many times but he doesn't think the situation is that bad. He will tell her to not be so hateful to me and it will get better for a few weeks but then she is back to her old ways.

What do you all think of this? I need an outside opinion. I don't want my MIL to drive my daughter around because I have no idea where she will take her and who she will take her to see. She used to take my son all over the place to see people I didn't even know and I hated that. I haven't given her a car seat and she asks me everyday if she can have one. My husband says enough is enough and she should get a car seat but I say no. He says if my mom has one then his mom should have one. My mom would never take my kids anywhere without asking me first. My MIL doesn't care. She loves the attention she gets when she has her young grandchildren and she will parade my daughter around to strangers. Am I overreacting? My husband says I am. This is a huge source of stress for me and my relationship with my husband.

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


JNBunnie1 Community Regular
JNBunnie1
Posted
My MIL is childish and has no common sense. I really need to vent. I am so stressed out because of her. I can't take her anymore. She is always at our house and she complains about everything; her health, the weather, her neighbers, the family. I am to the point where I can't stand to be around her. She will pick fights with me in front of my kids. We ran into her at the store today and she didn't even say a word to my kids, she just had an ignorant comment for me about something I didn't even do and walked off. I think she is bipolar but she won't see a doctor. She watches my daughter two days a week and I dread those days. I don't feel my daughter is safe with her. I have tried to talk to my husband about it many times but he doesn't think the situation is that bad. He will tell her to not be so hateful to me and it will get better for a few weeks but then she is back to her old ways.

What do you all think of this? I need an outside opinion. I don't want my MIL to drive my daughter around because I have no idea where she will take her and who she will take her to see. She used to take my son all over the place to see people I didn't even know and I hated that. I haven't given her a car seat and she asks me everyday if she can have one. My husband says enough is enough and she should get a car seat but I say no. He says if my mom has one then his mom should have one. My mom would never take my kids anywhere without asking me first. My MIL doesn't care. She loves the attention she gets when she has her young grandchildren and she will parade my daughter around to strangers. Am I overreacting? My husband says I am. This is a huge source of stress for me and my relationship with my husband.

My personal opinion? You and your husband need a moderator. He is going to be somewhat incapable of understanding how you feel because he's lived with this, it doesn't seem wrong to him. He needs an objective person to carefully explain that he's not seeing this clearly and that he needs to trust you with your children's wellbeing, and that however guilty his mother may make him feel, he has to put his family first. He can't just decide not to deal with it.

On the other side of the coin, what signs in your KIDs have you seen that this particular situation is bad for them? Are they reluctant to go to her house? Do they greet her enthusiastically? Are they in bad moods when they get home? In what way is your daughter truly unsafe with her? Does she have poor driving skills, or just strange social behavior? Were you simply raised differently? In a lot of cultures, it's normal to show off your grandkids. Does she ever lash out at your kids the way she does to you? That's the biggest question.

mommida Enthusiast
mommida
Posted

MILs in general are a rotten bunch.

She is overstepping her bounds when it comes to YOUR children. She does not have the right to take them any where without your permission.

Pay a babysitter. Your husband is stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Amyleigh0007 Enthusiast
Amyleigh0007
Posted
  • Author

Thank you so much for your posts. I have been struggling with this situation for so long and have not talked about it except with my husband and mom. I really needed some outside opinions.

I agree that she has no right to take my children anywhere w/o my permission but she doesn't see it that way. My husband will tell her it's okay and even though she knows I don't what her to do it she will anyway. I would love to be able to pay for a sitter but we can't afford it. My mom watches my daughter the other three days a week and has offered many, many times to keep her all week but my husband won't have that. He says it's not fair to his mom.

My husband and I were raised very differently. I am very close to my family and he is not. My mom and dad rarely argued and his mom and dad fought all the time. My MIL was raised by her grandparents and she has had a rough life. My parents both come from close families too. I do think of that and that's why I've been tolerating her behavior for the past 9 years. But, I can't do it anymore. My son runs to my mom and gives her hugs and kisses. He won't even come into the room when my MIL comes over. My son will beg for sleepovers with my parents but he has never asked to have one with my MIL. He is 8 and can see how she treats me. He is old enough to understand that it isn't right. Today at the store, when she didn't even say a word to him but made a snide remark to me and left, it hurt him. What kind of grandma does that? He was very quiet for awhile like he was processing what just happened.

dandelionmom Enthusiast
dandelionmom
Posted

Just tell your husband that you want grandma to be grandma not the daycare lady. I think you'll all benefit from that. You need a daycare person that respects your boundaries or you're not going to feel comfortable all day.

A good book: Toxic Inlaws by Susan Forward.

Amyleigh0007 Enthusiast
Amyleigh0007
Posted
  • Author

I had a heart to heart with my husband and he has agreed to tell my MIL that she is not allowed to take our daughter anywhere but to his grandmas. We are to know where she is at all times. She will not get a car seat if she doesn't agree to this. I am so glad I posted my troubles and you all replied. Typing it all out and seeing it in black and white made me realize that I don't have to take her crap and I needed to spell it out for my husband. I am glad that my husband has finally come around and realizes that she is causing me stress. I couldn't sleep at all last night and he knew it was because of her. I will check out that book, Toxic Inlaws. It sounds like a good read. Thanks again!

debmidge Rising Star
debmidge
Posted

One question.....what is your MIL's age? I was just wondering if there were any

dementia issues.......

My MIL is like Mrs. Romano on "everybody lves raymond." Thankfully we didn't

live in the same neighborhood. But with a Mrs. Romano-type you need to live in

the next state.

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


home-based-mom Contributor
home-based-mom
Posted
I had a heart to heart with my husband and he has agreed to tell my MIL that she is not allowed to take our daughter anywhere but to his grandmas. We are to know where she is at all times. She will not get a car seat if she doesn't agree to this.

Put something in place to assure compliance without putting your daughter in the position of tattling that Grandma took her somewhere else. :ph34r:

JNBunnie1 Community Regular
JNBunnie1
Posted
My son runs to my mom and gives her hugs and kisses. He won't even come into the room when my MIL comes over. My son will beg for sleepovers with my parents but he has never asked to have one with my MIL. He is 8 and can see how she treats me. He is old enough to understand that it isn't right. Today at the store, when she didn't even say a word to him but made a snide remark to me and left, it hurt him. What kind of grandma does that? He was very quiet for awhile like he was processing what just happened.

This is the answer I was looking for. If your husband isn't capable of realizing this, then you guys really need to have more heart-to-hearts. If your children aren't happy with this woman, then that's not ok. You might even suggest to him that he ask the kids something like "Hey, I just decided you guys can have a sleepover this weekend! Would you rather go to (gramma 1) or (gramma 2) 's house? When you decide, we can call and ask!"

I know that seems kind of underhanded, and you want to be very careful not to put the kids on the spot so they feel guilty picking one. But it might help him understand how they feel. Just an idea.

You might also speak with him about the fact that thi swoman is always in your house being horrible to you in front of your children. It makes them feel bad, yes, but more importantly, does he want them to learn this behavior for themselves?

Amyleigh0007 Enthusiast
Amyleigh0007
Posted
  • Author

debmidge- My MIL is in her mid-sixties. She is very depressed. She has no friends or family that will speak to her. We are all she has besides my two brothers-in-law (and they think she is nuts too but she is their mom so they tolerate her behavior). I have suggested couseling to her many, many, many times but she will see someone once or twice then decide she doesn't like them and stop going. She is on anti-depression meds but it obviously is not working.

JNBunnie1- My husband is aware that our son would choose my parents over his mom. My MIL is aware of this too. She hates my mom because of it. She won't even speak to her or look at her if they are together. I did tell him that she is ALWAYS over here and usually being ignorant to me in front of the kids or talking about things that shouldn't be discussed in front of the kids. He told me not to answer the door or phone if she comes over/calls when he is not here. I think the more I let him know how stressful this is for me the more he is coming around.

home_based_mom- I wish there was some kind of distance tracker or hidden camera I could connect to my daughters car seat so I would know if she has been taken anywhere she isn't supposed to be ;) She is only 13 months so she can't tattle right now. When my son was old enough to clearly communicate is when she stopped taking him all over. I would confront her about where she had taken him and she couldn't lie because my son had already told me. But, my husband has promised to speak to her about that before she gets a car seat.

It helps so much to be able to "talk" to someone (besides my husband) about this. Thanks for listening and your suggestions.

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing

  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Celiac.com:
    Join eNewsletter
    Donate
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A17):
    Celiac.com Sponsor (A17):



    Celiac.com Sponsors (A17-M):



  • Recent Activity

    1. knitty kitty
      - knitty kitty replied to Jane02's topic in Gluten-Free Foods, Products, Shopping & Medications
      9

      Desperately need a vitamin D supplement. I've reacted to most brands I've tried.

      @Jane02, I hear you about the kale and collard greens. I don't do dairy and must eat green leafies, too, to get sufficient calcium. I must be very careful because some calcium supplements are made from ground up crustacean shells. When I was deficient in Vitamin D, I took high doses of Vitamin D to correct the deficiency quickly. This is safe...
    2. Jane02
      - Jane02 replied to Jane02's topic in Gluten-Free Foods, Products, Shopping & Medications
      9

      Desperately need a vitamin D supplement. I've reacted to most brands I've tried.

      Thank you so much @knitty kitty for this insightful information! I would have never considered fractionated coconut oil to be a potential source of GI upset. I will consider all the info you shared. Very interesting about the Thiamine deficiency. I've tracked daily averages of my intake in a nutrition software. The only nutrient I can't consistently...
    3. knitty kitty
      - knitty kitty replied to Jane02's topic in Gluten-Free Foods, Products, Shopping & Medications
      9

      Desperately need a vitamin D supplement. I've reacted to most brands I've tried.

      Hello, @Jane02, I take Naturewise D 3. It contains olive oil. Some Vitamin D supplements, like D Drops, are made with fractionated coconut oil which can cause digestive upsets. Fractionated coconut oil is not the same as coconut oil used for cooking. Fractionated coconut oil has been treated for longer shelf life, so it won't go bad in the...
    4. Scott Adams
      0

      Penobscot Bay, Maine: Nurturing Gluten-Free Wellness Retreat with expert celiac dietitian, Melinda Dennis

      until
      Hello! Join me and treat yourself to a four-day, three-night restorative gluten-free retreat in a peaceful, private coastal retreat setting near Penobscot Bay in Maine. Dates: April 10-13, 2026 Enjoy engaging classes...
    5. Scott Adams
      - Scott Adams replied to Jane02's topic in Gluten-Free Foods, Products, Shopping & Medications
      9

      Desperately need a vitamin D supplement. I've reacted to most brands I've tried.

      I do not know this, but since they are labelled gluten-free, and are not really a product that could easily be contaminated when making them (there would be not flour in the air of such a facility, for example), I don't really see contamination as something to be concerned about for this type of product.
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A19):

  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      133,331
    • Most Online (within 30 mins)
      7,748
    Kristy2026
    Newest Member
    Kristy2026
    Joined
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A20):
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A22):

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      121.6k
    • Total Posts
      1m
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A21):

  • Who's Online (See full list)

    • There are no registered users currently online

  • Upcoming Events

  • Posts

    • knitty kitty
      Desperately need a vitamin D supplement. I've reacted to most brands I've tried.

      By knitty kitty · Posted

      @Jane02, I hear you about the kale and collard greens.  I don't do dairy and must eat green leafies, too, to get sufficient calcium.  I must be very careful because some calcium supplements are made from ground up crustacean shells.  When I was deficient in Vitamin D, I took high doses of Vitamin D to correct the deficiency quickly.  This is safe and nontoxic.  Vitamin D level should be above 70 nmol/L.  Lifeguards and indigenous Pacific Islanders typically have levels between 80-100 nmol/L.   Levels lower than this are based on amount needed to prevent disease like rickets and osteomalacia. We need more thiamine when we're physically ill, emotionally and mentally stressed, and if we exercise like an athlete or laborer.  We need more thiamine if we eat a diet high in simple carbohydrates.  For every 500 kcal of carbohydrates, we need 500-1000 mg more of thiamine to process the carbs into energy.  If there's insufficient thiamine the carbs get stored as fat.  Again, recommended levels set for thiamine are based on minimum amounts needed to prevent disease.  This is often not adequate for optimum health, nor sufficient for people with absorption problems such as Celiac disease.  Gluten free processed foods are not enriched with vitamins like their gluten containing counterparts.  Adding a B Complex and additional thiamine improves health for Celiacs.  Thiamine is safe and nontoxic even in high doses.  Thiamine helps the mitochondria in cells to function.  Thiamine interacts with each of the other B vitamins.  They are all water soluble and easily excreted if not needed. Interesting Reading: Clinical trial: B vitamins improve health in patients with coeliac disease living on a gluten-free diet https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19154566/ Safety and effectiveness of vitamin D mega-dose: A systematic review https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34857184/ High dose dietary vitamin D allocates surplus calories to muscle and growth instead of fat via modulation of myostatin and leptin signaling https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38766160/ Safety of High-Dose Vitamin D Supplementation: Secondary Analysis of a Randomized Controlled Trial https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31746327/ Vitamins and Celiac Disease: Beyond Vitamin D https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11857425/ Investigating the therapeutic potential of tryptophan and vitamin A in modulating immune responses in celiac disease: an experimental study https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/40178602/ Investigating the Impact of Vitamin A and Amino Acids on Immune Responses in Celiac Disease Patients https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10814138/
    • Jane02
      Desperately need a vitamin D supplement. I've reacted to most brands I've tried.

      By Jane02 · Posted

      Thank you so much @knitty kitty for this insightful information! I would have never considered fractionated coconut oil to be a potential source of GI upset. I will consider all the info you shared. Very interesting about the Thiamine deficiency.  I've tracked daily averages of my intake in a nutrition software. The only nutrient I can't consistently meet from my diet is vitamin D. Calcium is a hit and miss as I rely on vegetables, dark leafy greens as a major source, for my calcium intake. I'm able to meet it when I either eat or juice a bundle of kale or collard greens daily haha. My thiamine intake is roughly 120% of my needs, although I do recognize that I may not be absorbing all of these nutrients consistently with intermittent unintentional exposures to gluten.  My vitamin A intake is roughly 900% (~6400 mcg/d) of my needs as I eat a lot of sweet potato, although since it's plant-derived vitamin A (beta-carotene) apparently it's not likely to cause toxicity.  Thanks again! 
    • knitty kitty
      Desperately need a vitamin D supplement. I've reacted to most brands I've tried.

      By knitty kitty · Posted

      Hello, @Jane02,  I take Naturewise D 3.  It contains olive oil.   Some Vitamin D supplements, like D Drops, are made with fractionated coconut oil which can cause digestive upsets.  Fractionated coconut oil is not the same as coconut oil used for cooking.  Fractionated coconut oil has been treated for longer shelf life, so it won't go bad in the jar, and thus may be irritating to the digestive system. I avoid supplements made with soy because many people with Celiac Disease also react to soy.  Mixed tocopherols, an ingredient in Thornes Vitamin D, may be sourced from soy oil.  Kirkland's has soy on its ingredient list. I avoid things that might contain or be exposed to crustaceans, like Metagenics says on its label.  I have a crustacean/shellfish/fish allergy.  I like Life Extension Bioactive Complete B Complex.  I take additional Thiamine B 1 in the form Benfotiamine which helps the intestines heal, Life Extension MegaBenfotiamine. Thiamine is needed to activate Vitamin D.   Low thiamine can make one feel like they are getting glutened after a meal containing lots of simple carbohydrates like white rice, or processed gluten free foods like cookies and pasta.   It's rare to have a single vitamin deficiency.  The water soluble B Complex vitamins should be supplemented together with additional Thiamine in the form Benfotiamine and Thiamine TTFD (tetrahydrofurfuryl disulfide) to correct subclinical deficiencies that don't show up on blood tests.  These are subclinical deficiencies within organs and tissues.  Blood is a transportation system.  The body will deplete tissues and organs in order to keep a supply of thiamine in the bloodstream going to the brain and heart.   If you're low in Vitamin D, you may well be low in other fat soluble vitamins like Vitamin A and Vitamin K. Have you seen a dietician?
    • Scott Adams
      Desperately need a vitamin D supplement. I've reacted to most brands I've tried.

      By Scott Adams · Posted

      I do not know this, but since they are labelled gluten-free, and are not really a product that could easily be contaminated when making them (there would be not flour in the air of such a facility, for example), I don't really see contamination as something to be concerned about for this type of product. 
    • trents
      Desperately need a vitamin D supplement. I've reacted to most brands I've tried.

      By trents · Posted

      Contact them.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

NOTICE: This site places This site places cookies on your device (Cookie settings). on your device. Continued use is acceptance of our Terms of Use, and Privacy Policy.