Supportive Partner Is Getting Frustrated With My Diet.

[wilem008]

I have been with my boyfriend/partner for nearly two years.

Since may last year I have been gluten free.

I am also lactose, yeast, beef, alcohol, soft drink and re-fined sugar free.

I avoid tomato and only eat dark chocolate.

Anyway, I guess what I am doing is an elimination diet. I wasnt 100% after going gluten free and I know for sure that I need to avoid lactose aswell. Ive only been diagnosed with IBS and Im trying to pin point exactly what foods I can and can not tolerate. Milk and bread are a big no no!

Anyway, My partner has supported me from the very beginning, he's been very helpful, very loving but he does find it frustrating at times - as do i.

We dont live together yet but he stays over everynight and we cook dinner together everynight as well (we might as well just live together! hehe). When we cook meals together, we cook meals that I can eat...or we'll do a vatiation that suits me. Eg. We make pizzas together....he makes his own the way he wants and I do my gluten-free one (with gluten-free garlic bread etc)....

But, things have been getting quite frustrating. The diet is hard work and my partner gets very frustrated that we have to repeat a lot of meals.....'we're having chicken again!!?'. He hates that we cant just have a steak or make a big bowl of cabonara pasta etc.

I try to vary our meals as much as possible but he's quickly getting fed up. If I ask him to think of a meal he refuses. "Im not a good enough cook to think of something that you can have". He's also quick to dismiss new ideas too..."no, I dont like tuna. Eww, soy milk in mashed potato!"...etc etc. "Cant we just have takeout?". "We could go to xxxx restaurant, but you cant eat the food there!!"....

What can I do to make things easier for him? I enjoy cooking together and I have neither the time nor the money to be cooking two seperate meals every night!

I duno, I guess im just venting but I dont want this to become an issue in our relationship. I dont want him to leave me for someone who is 'normal'...*sigh*.

[Jestgar]

Can you do a steak for him, and chicken for you?

Make mashed potatoes with chicken broth, and put a stick of butter by his plate?

A bowl of shredded cheese near his plate?

Carbonara with gluten-free pasta?

Pork is still on your list - ham and cheese omelettes (hold the cheese on yours).

[foodiegurl]

Carbonara pasta is with pork not beef and eggs, can you do eggs?

I am sorry you are having a rough time...little do they know, it is just as difficult for us.

I agree, though...maybe have him do his food slightly different so he will be satisfied. Can you do yogurt? You could put some greek yogurt in the mashed potatoes. I put greek yogurt in everything!

[tarnalberry]

I don't think it's the diet that's limiting you guys - it's your imaginations.

Go to the bookstore or the library or the internet, and get some recipes! Find ones that might only need a few modifications (maybe some simple ones at first, but try to be creative with modifications as well), and *practice* creativity. The more you practice it, the easier it will become. And don't forget to ask for help here on modifying recipes too.

[samcarter]

The rule in our house is, "If you're not willing to cook, you don't get to complain about dinner."

Seriously. He won't cook for himself, but then whines about what you're making? Tell him to put his big boy pants on and deal with it. My husband is happy that I've figured out enough naturally gluten-free meals that we can all enjoy, but on the occasions that I want to make the kids pasta, or chicken nuggets, he's fine with getting his own food.

Doesn't like soy milk in the mashed potatoes? Make baked potatoes next time.

Any reason he can't grill himself a steak while you have chicken, and you guys can share the side dishes?

Or, if he doesn't like what you're making, hand him the phone and the takeout menus and tell him to order himself something he'll like.

life is too short to whine about what somebody else is cooking for you--unless what you're making will make him sick, then he can just be thankful that you are cooking for both you and him, considering your dietary challenges.

[rinne]

I'm with Sam, I completely agree.

I should qualify that by telling you that I've been married for 23 years and my hubby is fine with our gluten free household. He eats gluten away from home when he really wants it. I know I would have been much more accomodating as a younger woman.

You know, nobody is really normal.

[TrillumHunter]

I have to agree with the previous two posters. I have close to 20 years of marriage to back it up. You aren't a restaurant, right? As a couple you'll have to work a solution that doesn't put all the work on you.

Normal? Are you kidding me? Even if you do marry a "normal" person there's no promise they'll stay that way.

Something concrete--get some cookbooks together and look over them. They don't even have to be gluten-free.

[wilem008]

Thanks for all your help guys.

My partner and I talked about this yesterday and he was really great last night - he suggested we make tacos, with lamb mince instead of beef. I really appreciated his effort. I know its not much but it means a lot to me to have his support.

Ive invested in a few cookbooks - Ive ordered one that sounds really great. All the recipes are Gluten, Lacotse, Yeast and Sugar free...hopefully there will be something yummy that we can cook together!

You're right, we need to get more creative but I do like the notion that "if you're not prepared to cook then you dont get to complain about whats for dinner!"....I tell him that, next time he winges about chicken! hehe

Am feeling a lot better now. Thanks for all your advice and encouragement.

as a note: Im supposed to limit my egg intake. I try to avoid yoghurt. I eat lactose free yogurt or soy...which isnt too bad.

Thanks guys!

[mysecretcurse]

Grr... he sounds like a whiny baby... no offense.

I don't like picky eaters and can't really tolerate this sort of stuff (*especially when others are way picky when they have the OPTION of eating whatever they want-major pet peeve*) but anyways.. no offense to your guy or anything just in general, it's something that bothers me.

why do you guys always have to eat together? I mean, I understand wanting to have a meal together sometimes.. but I mean, I was with my ex an entire year during the time I discovered I was celiac, he was always supportive but it's not like we ate together much. I always cooked my own dinner and he did whatever he wanted for dinner. SOmetimes we would eat together but not usually. He understood what I could never eat out, it was never a problem, our dates consisted of movies or other non-food related excursions.

There are infinite (and some much more fun, hehehe) things couples can do together besides eat, I'd say just kinda do your own thing more in that department and focus on more things you guys CAN share, you know?

Ooh I just read the last post and I'm glad to see he is becoming a lil more supportive.

[samcarter]

I'm glad he's a bit more supportive. Probably some of his anxiety (and yours) are related to the fact that you weren't eating like this when you guys first got together, am I right? And a lot of dating is about going out to eat, and things like that.

As weird as it sounds, in most cultures we're kind of defined by what we eat. There's that old saying, "Tell me what you eat and I will tell you who you are." When my husband and i met I was a vegetarian going on vegan, and he went vegan with me, he was very supportive. Recently we learned that a vegetarian diet is not the right one for me, and I went back to an omnivorous diet, and so did the family. My husband sheepishly admitted that the whole time we were vegan, he was getting Kentucky Fried Chicken about once a month, he craved it so much. And fish sandwiches. I laughed and told him I wouldn't have been angry, and that what he eats is his business. I thought it was cute how he admitted it, like a kid caught with a cookie in his hand.

As another poster said, maybe finding activities you both enjoy that are not food-oriented would help. I know you love to cook together, but if that is becoming a source of anxiety, maybe dialing the frequency of dinners together back a little would help.

[sneezydiva]

It sounds like he's doing his best to be supportive, but that you've found a few things you KNOW are safe, and are now stuck in a rut. Make it an adventure to discover new things you can eat together. DH and I had a great time over Lent making a new pasta dish every Friday. We love Bionaturae gluten-free pasta, DH thinks it is indistinguishable from wheat. Even if you make seperate dishes, encourage him to try a bite of yours. If this relationship is going to go the distance, it will be much easier if you can find recipes that you can eat and you both can enjoy.

[wilem008]

Why do you guys always have to eat together? I mean, I understand wanting to have a meal together sometimes..

There are infinite (and some much more fun, hehehe) things couples can do together besides eat, I'd say just kinda do your own thing more in that department and focus on more things you guys CAN share, you know?

Eating together is what we do - its the routine we're in. He comes round afterwork, we have dinner togehter, we watch a dvd/TV etc and we go to bed. That is our standard weekly routine. Of course its broken up by other things (eg. We have dinner with my parents once a week and once a week we dont have tea together - when I have my art class etc).

Like i said before, we bascially live together....technically he still lives with his mum (he's an only child, no father) but he hasnt slept at her house in well over 7 months....why cook two seperate meals all the time? Thats painful and costly...Id rather just find suitable meals that we both enjoy.

We live in a really small town, in the middle of Australia....there isnt a lot to do. We have a cinema, a bowling alley, a few restaurants, a few pubs and a casino....thats about it. The nearest city to us is 1500km away. There are not infinite things for us to do as couples! Especially during the week, when we are both tired from working. (we try to vary it up on the weekends by going bike ridin,going camping, seeing friends, going to the cinema, going out for tea etc)

Anyway. He has said he will try to make more of a concious effort to not be so picky and to help out more with meal suggestions.

We'll be ok - we just need to get more creative in the food department - am hoping these cookbooks will be great!

Thanks everyone!