No Where Else To Go....

[kaki-clam]

I think I got glutened at my mom's this weekend..and perhaps that is why I am crying my eyes out while I type this. You all on this forum have been so kind to me, maybe you can help with this problem too.

I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months now. He is very good to me, caring, concerned about my feelings, understanding and careful with gluten.....I know he is the man I want to marry..I knew this from almost day one...and at this point, I am 35 years old...if I don't marry him, there will be no one else. I just can't do this anymore.

He made a comment that due an increase in his car insurance (he got a second vehicle), he was going to have to move me in to help pay his bills. Then he said...no just kidding...I said...you don't want me to live here? And he said..."i don't want to jump the gun here, move you in to fast....i'm extremly attracted to you and all...but...."

What???? You are attracted to me?...that's it???? I love him.....I am getting to the point in my life where this is the last shot of having kids...I am just getting too old. If he doesn't ask me to move in, in the next few months, I am going to have to move from my current apartment into something I can afford. Which means a year lease and another year before I can live with him...this puts me at 36....this pretty much kills any shot at children.

so...do i take the hint and keep looking for someone else that is more that just "attracted" to me?

[Dellers]

Are you SURE he is the one you want and not just due to your age etc ? you need to answer youself that honestly . If you were 21 would you feel the same way about him ? I dont mean this being bad but you need to be honest with yourself .

[ravenwoodglass]

I think he is right about taking it slowly as far as moving in goes. That is a big step for many people. Don't think just because he doesn't want you to move in right now that he doesn't care about you. Your only 35, women are having children in their 40's now so if you wait another year or two you are certainly not going to be too old. 6 months is IMHO way to short a time to be thinking about having a baby with someone. If you are sending out commitment vibes too soon that alone may scare him away. You want for both of you to be really sure and ready to marry and make a lifetime commitment before you have a child together.

And yes if you were glutened this weekend that is going to make you overly emotional. I wouldn't discuss this with him until your head is nice and level again.

[lynnelise]

I know a lot of people who waited til they were in their late 30s or even early 40s to have kids! In fact my mom was 36 and my dad 43 when I was born! It's not too late for you so no need to panic!

I agree with the above advice, wait until the glutening has completely passed and have a talk with your boyfriend to see if you are on the same page. In my experience it seems that men are a bit more cautious in relationships than women. It can take them longer to decide to commit and that isn't necessarily a bad thing.

[shopgirl]

Maybe I'm biased because I was adopted as an infant but try to remember that pregnancy isn't the only way to have a baby. Don't rush into something because of a ticking clock.

[Jestgar]

He made a comment that due an increase in his car insurance (he got a second vehicle), he was going to have to move me in to help pay his bills. Then he said...no just kidding...I said...you don't want me to live here? And he said..."i don't want to jump the gun here, move you in to fast....i'm extremly attracted to you and all...but...."

My take on this? I've been dating a man who is amazing at communication, but terrible at admitting all the sappy love stuff. I've talked to him about this and this is what I've learned:

Men are scared of messing up something good. Maybe more scared than women. "I'm extremely attracted to you" translates into "I'm completely in love with you but I'm afraid you'll think less of me if I admit that". "Move in with me...just kidding" translates into "I want to find out how you feel about living with me but I don't want to come right out and ask because that would be admitting how much I care about you"

Be casual, don't stress, let him work through his own feelings. You are a grown woman and capable of taking care of yourself. You don't need him, you want him. Let him know that you are fine with talking about the idea, but you also feel this is too important to rush. That sort of thing.

When you haven't been glutened.

[Jestgar]

.... try to remember that pregnancy isn't the only way to have a baby.

That's just such sweet way to phrase that sentiment, that I had to repeat it.