Trying To Move Forward

[Maisie]

So, I'm new to celiac disease. I've been sick for years, but always thought the pain and sadness were normal. It was only when my depression got so bad and my body was falling apart that I saw someone about it. I'm feeling better now with two months gluten free (only a few slip ups resulting in hours of crying and pain) and great anti-depressants. Although it makes being with friends a little awkward when they eat beer and pizza (like we always did in the past) and I can't eat the same, or makes me feel like a freak when I have to halt snack runs to read the ingredients on EVERYTHING. The biggest thing that's been bothering me is all of the things I did before the meds and the diet.

I made a lot of mistakes. I was cruel to people, selfish beyond belief and drank way too much. However, the biggest mistake I made really hurt someone who I've come to care about dearly and who has been nothing but supportive of me as I deal with learning my body again as an adult. I'm afraid it also ruined a chance at great friendship with someone I've come to fall for.

I guess I wanted to vent and ask if anyone else has made such mistakes when they were sick, how can you get past them? How can I remember that the me that was sick, in pain and depressed wasn't the me who is getting healthy and feeling normal for the first time in years? Is it fair for me to even think that? Is that excusing behavior that maybe if I were stronger could have avoided?

Thanks,

Maisie

[rosetapper23]

You're lucky--you've been handed back your life....and you can learn to live your new life in a new way or return to your former life. It's only been two months, so your life should get even better. Of course, you deserve to believe that you can be a different person now that your health is improving. If you continue to believe this and live your life in a better manner, I would not be surprised if your friend eventually saw you through new eyes. If not, you will undoubtedly attract other, nice people to you. This is your golden opportunity to not only live your life as a better person...but also to be a better friend to others.

[AVR1962]

I made a lot of mistakes. I was cruel to people, selfish beyond belief and drank way too much. However, the biggest mistake I made really hurt someone who I've come to care about dearly and who has been nothing but supportive of me as I deal with learning my body again as an adult. I'm afraid it also ruined a chance at great friendship with someone I've come to fall for.

I guess I wanted to vent and ask if anyone else has made such mistakes when they were sick, how can you get past them? How can I remember that the me that was sick, in pain and depressed wasn't the me who is getting healthy and feeling normal for the first time in years? Is it fair for me to even think that? Is that excusing behavior that maybe if I were stronger could have avoided?

Thanks,

Maisie

I hear you.....my friends are beer drinkers too, thank goodness I prefer wine but yeah, I know what you are saying....Happy Hour is met with all kinds of glutens and suddenly the world changes.

As I have gotten healthier I too can reflect on who I was before. There were days that I was really really trying inside but because I was exhausted and just not my full self I became overwhelmed and there were things I just could not handle. I know I hurt people, not intentionally and those who know now what I am dealing with understand (at least I hope). I think the best thing you can do for yourself is continue to get well and forgive yourself.

[Maisie]

Thank you for your words. It really helps and I am hoping my friends will see me for who I am now that I am beginning to understand my body and mind.

[Bubba's Mom]

Sometimes writing the person/persons you treated poorly a little note telling them that you're sorry and why you behaved badly works wonders too? "I'm sorry" helps the other person know that you acknowledge your actions and tell them you would like to start over on a different note if they would like to. It couldn't hurt..and may help you forgive yourself? I say a note because sometimes it can be hard to gather your thoughts together to just say it?

I know it's got to be hard to adjust to social situations. Do what's right for you and best for your health. Maybe just changing your beverage and snack choices would make you feel like you can still go out with friends?

Best wishes to you.