End Of My Rope

[Strawberry-Jam]

Okay, so it's official. My acid reflux has returned to the exact same levels that it was before I was diagnosed with celiac and went gluten free. Back then I had stopped eating for a very long time, gave up all solid foods, and lost a lot of weight because of the severity of my reflux and other stomach problems. I constantly felt the desire to puke. I had headaches 24/7 and was so tired all I could manage was university; my social life dried up.

I improved drastically after diagnosis, after going gluten free and discovering that soy was also a problem and cutting that out as well.

Then I steadily started going back to how it was before. I thought my parents' house was the problem because of CC. But now I live in my own flat in a different country, a flat that's never seen a speck of gluten or soy since I've been here, with all new dishes and so on. And I decline and decline no matter what diets I try.

I've been eliminating things slowly until I'm left with essentially the failsafe diet with a few exceptions. I will try to actually do the failsafe diet soon, but I can't afford fresh meat and my "freezer" is only big enough to store two bags of frozen vegetables. And I can't afford to keep throwing food out or giving it away and re-creating a whole new diet for myself.

But dammit, I'm depressed and I can't enjoy myself like I was at first and I'm tempted to just eat everything again. Not gluten, of course, or soy, which I know cause problems, but dammit I don't know what the other culprits even are so why not just eat everything GFSF like I used to?

Or to eat nothing, maybe.

I've had 24/7 headaches since I was about fifteen, and even though I've had periods where they seemed to go away for a little while they've always come back, and I'm used to them. I'm used to being tired all the time and carefully rationing out my energy. But I don't want to feel like I'm choking after eating every time and I don't want to have no idea when I'm hungry or not because I always feel hungry and full at the same time. I don't want to envision puking all the time because puking seems like it would feel a lot better than reflux, it's unpleasant but then it's over instead of lasting all day long no matter what you eat or don't eat. Instead of having heartburn in the morning even though you do your best not to lay down until several hours after eating or eat too much and you follow all the rules the doctor gave you when he said you had a small hiatal hernia but it was nothing to worry about.

I can't go to the doctor because I can't afford it. I have catastrophic insurance only and it's hard enough to afford hypo-allergenic vitamins and digestive enzymes when I'm young and fresh out of college and only just now got a job that's only gonna be 17 hours per week and my 2nd job doesn't start until November...

Will the failsafe diet help my reflux? I printed out the sheet and I can try my hardest to follow it even if it means all I can do is Brussels sprouts and lentils and eggs and millet and rice and potatoes (because gluten is obviously out, dairy is out, soy is out, and I can't get a lot of the veggies fresh and I can't get fresh meat or seafood either, except maybe pork hearts at the butcher across the road). I can't start the diet until I finish eating some chicken legs I bought and some mushrooms and carrots and parsnips because dammit I bought them and I can't just throw money around like that.

I just don't... I thought it would be so easy, moving into a flat by myself and doing the elimination diet and feeling better instead of spiralling down for a month until I'm worse off than I was when I lived in my parents' house and there were gluten crumbs all over the kitchen counters.

I hurt all over and I'm sad every day and I don't like to eat but I have to because I don't want to die.

[Takala]

I am not sure what to say here, other than that just ****s and I hope you can get it figured out.

I am getting cc'd here at home this week by something I haven't figured out yet, and I'm getting a bit irritable about it. I haven't eaten anything DIFFERENT, so that means something in a manufactured product has likely changed. I want to know why I can eat a candy bar that is not marked gluten free and be fine, and eat something else that IS marked gluten free for a snack the next day, and be nauseous a few hours later.

Can you tell us what your typical daily menu is, what you eat for breakfast, lunch, dinner ? Are you taking any supplements, are they really gluten free, and safe? Are you eating high carbohydrate, lower protein ? That sort of thing just slays me.

[Strawberry-Jam]

I take nature's bounty iron and vitamin D, which try really hard to be hypo-allergenic as possible. I also was taking a multi with cornstarch in it that I switched out for...Sona multiplus? which is labelled gluten corn soy etc. free. I also talked at length with the lady at the store about the new enzymes I bought and they're ok too. I don't take any other medications.

Menu has been fluctuating a whole lot, but I find that my reflux is especially bad after eating a lot of meat? for some reason. If I have only a bowl of rice and salt, or maybe some ground rice/millet porridge and an egg, I don't feel near as bad as I do when I have chicken and rice or turkey and rice. I do need to improve my posture after eating and try not to eat a lot at once, but I'm usually out all day so I only have two main chances to eat and I need to get in as many calories as I can, don't I, to not start losing weight dangerously again.

I've been eating mostly rice and sea salt, meats cooked in sunflower oil (turkey and chicken now, diced lamb and beef mince last week), eggs, millet, and rice milk (provamel) of late. I thought surely just meat and rice for a week and I'd be feeling better. But I "cheated" by eating a whole tin of betty crocker chocolate icing recently, which MAY CONTAIN MILK INGREDIENTS although I'm not even sure that casein bothers me (tho it's highly likely). I also cheated with skittles a few days before since they're supposed to be gluten free, right? But I won't cheat anymore because honestly I don't take pleasure in food anymore so why bother cheating if you don't enjoy it?

I also am eating sunflower seed butter on rice cakes, and rooibos--redbush--tea with rice milk but no more sugar. Had tahini last week but seemed to react to it with depression and insomnia (no insomnia since I gave it up and the gluten-free muesli I was eating that had craptons of sesame in it). Had carrots and parsnips that I boiled and mashed but I know there's fructose and if I have a fructose problem I shouldn't be eating those but dammit I paid for them... and they have vitamins and sh*t, right?

I also have some tinned pears in my pantry but I've been saving them for when I need to test for fructose malabsorption or whatever. I have a tin of mackerel in sunflower oil which I haven't eaten yet but will with rice one of these days, and a bag of potatoes I intend to mash when I'm done with the carrots and parsnips, as well as frozen brussels sprouts which I haven't eaten yet but plan to and some mushrooms I got on sale that I might make an omelet with.

All I've been eating though is rice, meat, and so on. When I gave up rice for a few days for only veg and meat I got worse and then improved after reintroducing rice, so. I don't think rice intolerance is a problem?

[ravenwoodglass]

From what you have been eating one thing that jumped out to me is the Muesli. Does it have oats? Some of us don't tolerate even gluten free oats. I'm sorry your feeling so awful and hope your feeling better soon.

[Takala]

Starting to look like your sunflower oil is the problem. Start cooking the meat in something else, like pure olive oil, coconut oil, ghee, lard, whatever.

[Fairy Dancer]

Try the Paleo diet if you can and eliminate grains (all of them!), dairy, and legumes (including soy as it comes from a legume). Avoid heavily processed foods as well.

The basic rule of thumb is if you can't hunt it or pick it in the wild...don't eat it! If it is something you could hunt or gather because its a natural food...go for it!

Have you tried cooking the meat in its own juices? I tend to find you don't really need to add oil when cooking meat as it tends to have enough fat in it already. Use non stick pans though.

[Strawberry-Jam]

No, the muesli didn't have oats. Just rice and millet and nuts, seeds, and dried fruit.

Also, the sunflower oil replaced the olive oil because I was supposed to avoid salicylates, and I can't have ghee because of casein. Why would sunflower oil be a problem? It is on the failsafe diet...? It is Tesco brand and it has no preservatives or other ingredients other than just oil?

re: paleo diet. I seriously can't afford that at present, and I reallyreally do not think rice is the problem, since I have no reflux after eating only rice... and I've also eliminated dairy and legumes for almost two weeks now.