Substitute Or Skip?

[Fourmonkeysjumping]

Just curious what you do and what age(s) you kids are...

 

If your son or daughter is invited to a bday party, do you bring their own cupcake/pizza/etc or just skip the food?  I'm curious, because we have been changing a bit here.

 

My oldest will be 9.  He brings his own pizza if they are having pizza (we are fortunate to have several pizza places near us with gluten-free pizza), but I no longer send a cupcake.  I don't, because A - he doesn't need that much sugar just because and B - at this age, other kids are saying "no thank you" to cake anyway, so I think it makes him stick out more.  His own pizza pretty much looks like theirs, but his own cupcake just makes him stand out so much.  So, we've been skipping it and letting him eat the candy that inevitably comes in the goody bags on the way home instead (or swapping him for safe candy at home).

 

My daughter is nearly 5.  I still bring cupcakes for her (no pizza, because she won't eat pizza).  She is too young, IMO, to just skip it and not care.  I'll probably have her start skipping when she is closer to his age. 

 

Im curious to see what you do?  I've noticed the kids with peanut and tree nut allergies have mostly started just skipping rather than bringing their own as well, so I wondered if this is the age (8-9) that people stop sending subs.

 

Thanks!

[kareng]

I think the thing to do would be whatever makes him feel comfortable.  So... ask him. 

[mommy2krj]

We are definitely still at an age and the stage in the road of acceptance where he still feels very much left out. So here we're sending the pizza and the cake/cupcake/brownie replacement. Case in point....I didn't know there was a birthday coming up in class and the teacher never informed me like she said she would and I suck and don't have any safe for him treats at schools....so he was all sorts of worked up over missing out on the birthday treats. He got a pencil. Woo. Nothing like sticking out.

 

But I would go with whatever you're most comfortable with. If your older child is ok with not having the cupcake, then that is fine....just explain it to the parent of the birthday kid.....I know some are cake pushers.

[nvsmom]

I tend to send food for everyone to share; brownies area favorite. That way everyone gets some and they don't feel limited... Heck, I still do this for myself because I feel left out if I can eat a treat.  LOL

[Fourmonkeysjumping]

We aren't allowed to have any parties at school for any holiday or birthday.  This makes life SO MUCH EASIER!!!!!  There is NO food allowed for anything, except once in a blue moon, a teacher might bring in smart food or something and once a year, the kids get hoodsie cups from the principal.  I'm so incredibly relieved for this!!!!!!  It's also nice, because we're the token Jewish family in our school, so having to deal with holiday parties for holidays we don't celebrate would be annoying.  They do other treats - they hire a DJ to play music in the lunchroom a few times per year, they allow the birthday kids to be star students and share info about themselves, but no parties and no treats.  This is the norm in our area.

 

nvsmom- do you send treats to birthday parties at peoples' houses or at public places?  Are the parents okay with that?  ARe the places okay with that?  I've never tried that.  I don't know most of the school parents well enough to suggest it.

[Juliebove]

My daughter is 15 now and it has been many years so I can't remember exactly when we stopped doing this.  For one thing, she has always hated pizza and for a long time she couldn't have dairy or soy either.  So the pizza that I made her left much to be desired.  No rice cheese that she could eat in those days.  So just a crust with meat because she didn't like the sauce either. 

 

I do remember the last time I sent a cupcake though.  She dropped it outside.  She became so upset over it that the girl's mother gathered up all the balloons they had and gave them to her.  And she didn't even really want the cupcake because it was chocolate nad she doesn't like chocolate.  She was just thrilled that we had been able to find an already baked and frosted cupcake that she could eat!  She was mostly upset because it had been expensive and she thought I would be angry with her for dropping it.  I wasn't.  But I did feel bad.

 

After that she just decided that she didn't need the cupcake.  And I only sent the pizza or some other food if it appeared that she would be there long enough to need a meal.  Mostly we just tried to work around it by having her eat before or after or if possible, have her send in a snack to share.  Like a bag of corn nuts.

 

One problem that she had with parties was the cross contamination of food.  Even if she did bring something to share, others might touch it with their wheaty hands.

 

We also found that as she got older, the party invitations became fewer and fewer.  I thought for a time that perhaps people just stopped inviting her because it was too difficult to feed her.  But...  In reality as kids get older there are less parties.  At least in this area.

[Juliebove]

We aren't allowed to have any parties at school for any holiday or birthday.  This makes life SO MUCH EASIER!!!!!  There is NO food allowed for anything, except once in a blue moon, a teacher might bring in smart food or something and once a year, the kids get hoodsie cups from the principal.  I'm so incredibly relieved for this!!!!!!  It's also nice, because we're the token Jewish family in our school, so having to deal with holiday parties for holidays we don't celebrate would be annoying.  They do other treats - they hire a DJ to play music in the lunchroom a few times per year, they allow the birthday kids to be star students and share info about themselves, but no parties and no treats.  This is the norm in our area.

 

nvsmom- do you send treats to birthday parties at peoples' houses or at public places?  Are the parents okay with that?  ARe the places okay with that?  I've never tried that.  I don't know most of the school parents well enough to suggest it.

 

In this state it is a health code violation to bring food into restaurants although they all seem to allow people to do this with baby food.  And when my dad was on a diet, an ice cream place allowed my mom to bring in fruit and a special diet shake for him.  You can always call in advance if you are unsure.

 

I have had no problems contacting the mom or dad who is giving the party, either on the phone or e-mail.  Because my daughter has multiple food issues, it is just easier for me to send something for her than to have the poor parent try to come up with something for her that she may not be able to eat.  At one party, I failed to mention the banana issue.  She had sooo many different food issues that I forgot that one.  They served fruit skewers with bananas just for her.  Oops!

[nvsmom]

 

nvsmom- do you send treats to birthday parties at peoples' houses or at public places?  Are the parents okay with that?  ARe the places okay with that?  I've never tried that.  I don't know most of the school parents well enough to suggest it.

 

I generally talk to the family and tell them that I will be sending along brownies for everyone and some goodies. I generally word it in a way that is not asking, I TELL them I'll be sending food.  LOL I also joke about how we are difficult to feed so it's simpler this way, and then the kids still get to enjoy each other... stuff like that.

 

I have sent food to parties in people's homes as well as to picnics and parties at places like Chuck E Cheese (before they served gluten-free cardboard... I mean pizza.  

 

My kids are still pretty young (11, 9, 6) so I still have a lot of control over where they go and who it's with. Also, we homeschool so the parties they go to are almost always at families homes we know well or at a neighbours' house. Still, I think we average almost one birthday party per month!