Fielding questions from relatives...I'm getting annoyed *annoyed alert* lol

[AmericanaMama]

We camped with some of my husband's family over the Memorial holiday. Inevitably, the conversation comes around to why I'm eating the way I am. Rather than tell them the whole sordid year long (which it's been lifelong, now that I know) tale that led to my diagnosis as "potential celiac", I just say "I have celiac disease and I have to avoid a few foods right now. It's kind of an allergy diet, if you will". Then I get the MIL confiding to my son (not that quietly) "I'm worried. She just doesn't eat!" She also has said numerous times, "I just don't understand, I guess I've always been so healthy!" I think next time (mind you, I've heard this a few times now) I'm going to say, "You know, it is fortunate, but this could just as well be you, you know". This is a woman that is 82 years old and I've known her for over 33 years now. She doesn't pay attention to details and is likely A.D.D. This was her at 50 and at 82. Knowing this, I feel two ways 1) she isn't going to change 2) she doesn't pay adequate attention, so save your breath. Case in point: we had just talked about something totally not diet/health related but I was finishing my thought and she yelled over to her son at the other campsite "So, are you starting a fire too?" I cut my eyes (side eyes) at my hubby and just said, "Well, o.k. then". He knows. They are the lovely family that get distracted by the "shiny thing" nearby or like the movie "Up" where all the dogs get distracted and say "Squirrel!" I told my hub that my approach is to just tell them, "I have to do an allergy diet for a bit and go from there", on repeat.

How do you all deal with relatives or friends that either half listen or just find what you do "destructive" or weird?

[Scott Adams]

On some level you need to ignore them, at least AFTER you share any info about the 44% chance of direct relatives also having celiac disease. I think it's fair to inform them, and if they are interested they will ask questions, and if not their eyes will likely glaze over and they will change the conversation as fast as possible.

We've done some articles that touch on this subject:

 

 

 

[AlwaysLearning]

My mother's latest thing is to tell me that she believes that I have celiac ... which she amazingly doesn't realize reveals that she did not believe me for the first several years of my being gluten free. And of course, she feels the need to tell me this at least once every few months, reminding me of how little respect she has for me. (Eyeroll) I think it was only after I stuck with a gluten-free diet year after year, after year that she finally started to take it, and me, seriously.

But I try not to take it personally. I remind myself that we all suffer from the need to "be right" or to want to know more than others, so it is going to be particularly difficult for older generations, who grew up with zero awareness of celiac, to be able to admit that it is real. I remember the first time I had to refuse to help put together the crescent rolls at a family gathering, about five people in the room had visible reactions letting me know they thought I was either crazy or lazy. It is an ongoing battle.

But yes, you are right to realize that your mother in law's less-than-graceful reaction is not your problem, but hers. I know it is tough to just ignore the comments when she makes them, but there really is nothing you can do about her. You're going to have to find a way to laugh about it.

One thing I do for family gatherings is to bring all of my own food, but to try to match the foods that will be served for the main meal so that I blend in as much as possible. Working that way avoids some of the more insulting judgments that people might make such as thinking I have an eating disorder. 

The other thing I do is to bring appetizers as my contribution to the gathering. That way, when every one else is snacking before the meal, I can too. This is one of the areas that it is pretty easy to find things that are gluten free, but you still can't trust that your host's offerings are safe. All they need to do is to cut things up on a contaminated cutting board and it will be a danger to you. But cheese, salami-style sausages, fruit, vegetables, many dips, many chips are all products that you can easily find products with gluten-free on the label. Just make sure you tell your host/hostess beforehand that you're bringing things so that they don't feel insulted the day off.

The other tough thing is when I look at my mother's side of the family, I see a whole room full of celiac symptoms. I told them all early on that celiac has a hereditary component and that they should be aware, but they all just presumed that I was the crazy one. It is very difficult for me to watch them suffer needlessly from their gluten-related health issues, but it really isn't my place to preach to them. I would rather have good relationships with sick people.

Don't worry. As time goes on, the unusualness will wear off and the people around you will give you less of a hard time. You will get better at just blending in that they won't even notice that you're doing your own thing. For instance, I wait until the very last minute, after the cook has finished in the kitchen, and then throw a plate of my own food into the microwave when everyone's attention is focused on the dinner table and filling their own plates. Yeah, it sucks that you have to maneuver to avoid people being thoughtless and rude, but it is easier.

You've go this!

[AmericanaMama]

Thank you so much for your kind insight. I appreciate your thoughts & time.