Emotions Following Thanksgiving

[Scout1996]

Hi Celiac community! 

I am new here. Thanksgiving weekend made me realize I am desperately needing to connect with other folks with Celiac! 

My name is Scout. I am 25 and over the weekend, I had my first Thanksgiving with my fiance's family. I feel VERY LUCKY that they were willing to prepare an entirely gluten-free meal, use new kitchen utensils and cutting boards, etc. But I couldn't help but feel horrible the entire weekend. I feel guilty that I caused them to have to do these things and take these precautions, and I also felt incredibly singled out all weekend. I know it was well-intentioned, but all weekend everyone was talking about celiac, people they knew with celiac, and my celiac. It was like I could not get a break from hearing about the thing that brings me so much suffering. I'm feeling very drained today from it all. I just wish I did not have to deal with celiac AT ALL. My fiance and I have a strictly gluten-free house, and we have decided to not even speak of gluten or celiac all week so I can recover. 

How do you all deal with emotions related to feeling singled out/like an inconvenience? 

I've been diagnosed for four years now, but sometimes it seems like this thing never gets easier. 

[Scott Adams]

Welcome to the forum! 

We have a PhD who has written extensively about this topic for Celiac.com, and you can find her articles here:

I think you are very lucky that they're willing to go out of their way for you, and seem to understand why it's necessary. I also know just how you feel, and probably every celiac does...most of the time you probably don't want people to make a fuss because of you, and it's easy to feel guilty when they do, and it creates more hassle for them.

Above all I think it's important to be thankful for such people, and it might be a good idea to write them an old-fashioned thank you card to let them know how much you appreciate their consideration. Perhaps you can even one day host them?

[trents]

Yes, as Scott said, hosting your fiance's family would be a goodwill gesture and would eliminate the hassle for them. You might even consider cooking some non-gluten dishes just for them if you can do so safely.

[RMJ]

It is great that your future in-laws took such good care of you.  We get too many posts here from people whose families don’t believe their celiac diagnosis, try to get them to eat “just a little gluten,” etc.

This was probably all very new for your fiance’s family.  I would guess that next time they serve you gluten free food they won’t talk about it as much, and soon it will be routine for them.

[trents]

Yes, RMJ is spot on. People adjust to a new reality over time and it becomes the norm. Your future in-laws seem to be sensitive, quality people. But be prepared for the fact that not everyone in your social circle will react so graciously. So, it's a good idea to think ahead of some scenarios that might develop and to be prepared with a gracious response. There's usually a weird uncle Alvin in every family who is kind of a jerk and will not accept the medical reality of your condition.

[Scout1996]

Thank you all for your kind responses. I really do appreciate and feel very lucky to have these folks as my new extended family! They are great. I am hoping it becomes routine for them soon enough, as it has for my fiancé. We sometimes even just forget we're a gluten-free household since we're both so used to eating this way. 

It is definitely hard to not feel like a hassle/inconvenience. I usually just bring granola bars in my purse to social situations and eat those to avoid making people do a whole thing for me. I'm working really hard on asserting myself and not feeling so bad about requesting my condition be accommodated, because as Trents said above, it's a medical reality.

 

[AlwaysLearning]

OMG. Marry your fiancé as quickly as possible! What a great family that they are willing to try something new to help others be included! 

I wouldn't worry too much about the next time. The novelty of your celiac disease will wear off and it won't be talked about so much. And you can make a plan with the cook to only worry about making a few dishes gluten free while others are not and you simply don't eat them. Like stuffing would be great to make gluten free because stuffing could also contaminate the bird if it is stuffed. (For traditional stuffing, I would use gluten free French bread as a base though you'd likely have to make it yourself. If you don't stuff the bird or are eating ham instead of turkey, corn bread stuffing should already be gluten free.)

And you can make a plan for bringing food with you. For instance, I normally bring a bunch of appetizers to family gatherings so that I can munch before the meal along with everyone else and no one even notices that everything I bring is gluten free. Fruit, veggies, artisan salami, nut-based crackers, cheeses, shrimp ... all gluten free.

My hosts wouldn't even dream of trying to cook gluten free so what I normally do is to make and bring a meal that is really similar to what I expect will be served. When dinner is out of the kitchen and on the table, I quick, slip a plate into the microwave and then eat with everyone else. (For weddings, I bring a small cooler that is slyly slid under the table. When everyone else is served, I just miraculously produce my salad or whatever cold dish I can make and bring.) Just don't forget to bring a dessert for yourself and be willing to share your food with others.

[EmmaW]

Hi Scout,

It gets easier. But truthfully travel and holiday celebrations are the hardest. We all want to just feel normal. It was very nice of them to accommodate you. Maybe they went a little overboard. I usually tell my friends and family that I don't have an expectation that every single item is gluten free. I just like to make sure that what is gluten free is prepared safely. As long as I have some food to eat, its all good.