Coping with celiac and relationships

[Hol.lydo]

Hello! I am new to the site and my name is Hollie and I am 23. I have recently been told that I have Celiac and in short I have been freaking out.

I have only ever had the mental health symptoms of celiac and after being gluten free for about a week, I have noticed chronic constipation symptoms and abdominal pain. 
 

Along with this I also live with my family, who don't take Celiac seriously and so I am very limited to what I can eat, due to being scared of cross contamination and hindering my future health. 
 

My main worry is that my relationship of 6 years is really suffering. I am too afraid to kiss or touch my partner and I have no come to the realisation that my future isn't going to be like a normal persons. I won't be able to travel where I want, when I want and I will no longer risk dining out, as I am too concerned about placing my health into the hands of strangers and that people don't taken gluten intolerance seriously. 

Is it kinder to break up with my boyfriend and let him love a normal happy life? I am feel like I may be better off going it alone. 
 

Any advice is welcome ❤️ Thank you 

[trents]

Welcome to the forum, Hol.lydo!

You are facing the cold realities of having a celiac diagnosis. These are struggles that we have all been through (and are going through) to one degree or another. One thing to keep in mind is that just as this is all new to you it is also to the important people in your life. Some of them will come on board and accommodate your new needs. Some won't. There will be a social price to pay for having a celiac diagnosis and there is no quick and easy way around it. You will soon find out who are those who care enough about you to adapt to your needs. You will keep some friends, lose others and have a changed relationship with still others.

You might find this helpful: 

There is another "silent" video of a young European woman adjusting to the new reality of having celiac disease and how it impacts her relationships with friends. I can't find it but I'm guessing another forum member has that one bookmarked. It really portrays the journey and arriving at a new normal over time.

Eating out is the biggest risk for getting "glutened" but there are some strategies for reducing the risk. First, chose eateries that have a gluten-free menu section. Second, communicate up front with the waitress and kitchen staff what your needs are and ask them to prepare your gluten-free food in clean pots, pans and utensils that aren't also being used to cook gluten things so that there is reduced risk of cross contamination (CC).

Another strategy is to focus on being the host for gatherings rather than the hosted.

Also, put together a concise handout and/or email explaining to family and friends what celiac disease is and why you must avoid it to keep from harming your body. And learn to be graciously assertive in enquiring about ingredients.

Finally, you will need to be prepared to bring your own food to social gatherings when the menu is not celiac friendly.

I think it is important to get to the place where you are no longer embarrassed to be graciously assertive in social situations in order to protect yourself. It takes time. But, in time you will get to that point and in time those who truly care about you will learn not to be offended.

Sorry, I did not give the specific advise you asked for concerning how to handle the relational problem with your boyfriend, etc. but I don't think anyone can tell you what to do. Hopefully, I have given you some general guidelines that will steer you into discovering the answers you need in your own context of life.

[Hol.lydo]

14 minutes ago, trents said:

Welcome to the forum, Hol.lydo!

You are facing the cold realities of having a celiac diagnosis. These are struggles that we have all been through (and are going through) to one degree or another. One thing to keep in mind is that just as this is all new to you it is also to the important people in your life. Some of them will come on board and accommodate your new needs. Some won't. There will be a social price to pay for having a celiac diagnosis and there is no quick and easy way around it. You will soon find out who are those who care enough about you to adapt to your needs. You will keep some friends, lose others and have a changed relationship with still others.

You might find this helpful: 

There is another "silent" video of a young European woman adjusting to the new reality of having celiac disease and how it impacts her relationships with friends. I can't find it but I'm guessing another forum member has that one bookmarked. It really portrays the journey and arriving at a new normal over time.

Eating out is the biggest risk for getting "glutened" but there are some strategies for reducing the risk. First, chose eateries that have a gluten-free menu section. Second, communicate up front with the waitress and kitchen staff what your needs are and ask them to prepare your gluten-free food in clean pots, pans and utensils that aren't also being used to cook gluten things so that there is reduced risk of cross contamination (CC).

Another strategy is to focus on being the host for gatherings rather than the hosted.

Also, put together a concise handout and/or email explaining to family and friends what celiac disease is and why you must avoid it to keep from harming your body. And learn to be graciously assertive in enquiring about ingredients.

Finally, you will need to be prepared to bring your own food to social gatherings when the menu is not celiac friendly.

I think it is important to get to the place where you are no longer embarrassed to be graciously assertive in social situations in order to protect yourself. It takes time. But, in time you will get to that point and in time those who truly care about you will learn not to be offended.

Sorry, I did not give the specific advise you asked for concerning how to handle the relational problem with your boyfriend, etc. but I don't think anyone can tell you what to do. Hopefully, I have given you some general guidelines that will steer you into discovering the answers you need in your own context of life.

Thank you very much for your advice! It's really nice to know that no matter what happens, I know other people are dealing with the same situation and it comforts me.

Thank you again

[LCAnacortes]

Welcome Hollie - I am new to this too, although I haven't been diagnosed. I figured it out by having a strong gene in the family and the symptoms I was having.  I am married so putting my husband out to pasture isn't an option. LOL.  We are figuring out how not to cross contaminate here at home. My husband washes his hands after touching gluten containing food items and brushes his teeth after eating something with gluten and we have been good there. Hopefully your boyfriend is willing to not drink beer/whiskey.  Switch to vodka and wine and you're good to go and then let the relationship run it's course. I know it's a lot to figure out and can be overwhelming but you have found your family here.   

[Wheatwacked]

17 hours ago, Hol.lydo said:

chronic constipation symptoms and abdominal pain. 

After a week this is probably still withdrawal symptoms.

"The more gluten-filled products you eat on a regular basis, the more difficult it will be to cut it out of your diet due to the increased stimulation of the opioid receptors in your brain. People with a higher gluten intake to begin with are more likely to develop more severe reactions when eliminating gluten."   What Are Gluten Withdrawal Symptoms and What Causes Them?

Also, when you stop gluten you stop getting the minerals and vitamins that wheat is fortified with. "on Sept 20, 2021, the UK Government announced it will introduce the mandatory fortification of non-wholemeal wheat flour with folic acid." The Lancet: UK introduces folic acid fortification of flour

Quote

 

FLOUR FORTIFICATION Is all UK flour fortified?  Under these rules [The Bread and Flour Regulations 1998] all wheat flour (except wholemeal flour) produced in Great Britain is required to have added to it specified quantities of four nutrients, namely calcium, iron, niacin and thiamin.

Nutrient mg/100g flour

• Calcium (calcium carbonate) ≥235 to 390
• Iron ≥1.65
• Thiamin (thiamin hydrochloride) ≥0.24
• Niacin ≥1.60

The SACN review shows that cereals and cereal products provide around

• 30% of calcium intakes, the majority from bread and flour containing products, and
• nearly 40% of iron intake in adults (50% in older children), again about half of which comes from bread and other flour-containing products.

 

Vitamin D modifies the autoimmune response so by raising your vitamin D plasma level to around 80 ng/ml, by increasing intake (or head way south and take in unprotected sun) to 5,000 IU or more, it may reduce your susceptability to cross contamination. 

"As immune cells in autoimmune diseases are responsive to the ameliorative effects of vitamin D, the beneficial effects of supplementing vitamin D deficient individuals with autoimmune disease may extend beyond the effects on bone and calcium homeostasis."   https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3166406/

Find a good source to replace the lost Calcium, Thiamine, Iron and Niacin.

Edited July 13, 2022 by Wheatwacked

[Rogol72]

19 hours ago, trents said:

Welcome to the forum, Hol.lydo!

You are facing the cold realities of having a celiac diagnosis. These are struggles that we have all been through (and are going through) to one degree or another. One thing to keep in mind is that just as this is all new to you it is also to the important people in your life. Some of them will come on board and accommodate your new needs. Some won't. There will be a social price to pay for having a celiac diagnosis and there is no quick and easy way around it. You will soon find out who are those who care enough about you to adapt to your needs. You will keep some friends, lose others and have a changed relationship with still others.

You might find this helpful: 

There is another "silent" video of a young European woman adjusting to the new reality of having celiac disease and how it impacts her relationships with friends. I can't find it but I'm guessing another forum member has that one bookmarked. It really portrays the journey and arriving at a new normal over time.

Eating out is the biggest risk for getting "glutened" but there are some strategies for reducing the risk. First, chose eateries that have a gluten-free menu section. Second, communicate up front with the waitress and kitchen staff what your needs are and ask them to prepare your gluten-free food in clean pots, pans and utensils that aren't also being used to cook gluten things so that there is reduced risk of cross contamination (CC).

Another strategy is to focus on being the host for gatherings rather than the hosted.

Also, put together a concise handout and/or email explaining to family and friends what celiac disease is and why you must avoid it to keep from harming your body. And learn to be graciously assertive in enquiring about ingredients.

Finally, you will need to be prepared to bring your own food to social gatherings when the menu is not celiac friendly.

I think it is important to get to the place where you are no longer embarrassed to be graciously assertive in social situations in order to protect yourself. It takes time. But, in time you will get to that point and in time those who truly care about you will learn not to be offended.

Sorry, I did not give the specific advise you asked for concerning how to handle the relational problem with your boyfriend, etc. but I don't think anyone can tell you what to do. Hopefully, I have given you some general guidelines that will steer you into discovering the answers you need in your own context of life.

The link to the video is at the bottom of this article at ... "Source: vimeo.com" or paste ... vimeo.com/486284734 ... into your browser address bar.

You have to advocate for yourself with regard to your family, hard as it may be when you don't feel your best. I've had to be quiet blunt with some of my folks, but they get it now.

 

[moosemalibu]

On 7/12/2022 at 12:43 PM, Hol.lydo said:

My main worry is that my relationship of 6 years is really suffering. I am too afraid to kiss or touch my partner and I have no come to the realisation that my future isn't going to be like a normal persons. I won't be able to travel where I want, when I want and I will no longer risk dining out, as I am too concerned about placing my health into the hands of strangers and that people don't taken gluten intolerance seriously. 

Is it kinder to break up with my boyfriend and let him love a normal happy life? I am feel like I may be better off going it alone. 
 

Any advice is welcome ❤️ Thank you 

So, I am going to address the relationship question. 1) Does your boyfriend treat you poorly since diagnosis? 2) Has he implied or stated that he feels you are a burden since your diagnosis?

I went to therapy after I had my diagnosis and I felt terrible about my boyfriend having to adjust to my new lifestyle. I had a lot of guilt over it. My therapist said that if he stuck around and was willing to adapt with me, that I need to trust him. He questioned if I trusted my boyfriend before I had the diagnosis. I said yes. So then why would I not trust him now if he's willing to do the work? I couldn't argue with that. He is now my husband of 7 years, almost 10 years together. I am not saying that this relationship will be the everlasting love, but give it a chance. Don't necessarily reject him before he even has a chance to reject you.

Ask your boyfriend to brush his teeth before being intimate. If that is a huge problem then that may be a red flag. Dining out may be difficult in the beginning, but as you become more confidant in your questioning of the staff (ask for a manager) you'll have more options open up. You will probably have to fend for yourself in social situations. As others have suggested, host! I host a gluten free Thanksgiving for my family every year so I can eat! Everyone loves it and I get the leftovers. You'll adapt. It's all very new and A LOT to take in.

[Rogol72]

14 hours ago, Rogol72 said:

The link to the video is at the bottom of this article at ... "Source: vimeo.com" or paste ... vimeo.com/486284734 ... into your browser address bar.

You have to advocate for yourself with regard to your family, hard as it may be when you don't feel your best. I've had to be quiet blunt with some of my folks, but they get it now.

 

There's a very good casual webinar with a clinical psychologist by the Coeliac Society of Ireland titled "Minding your mental health – how to meet the psychological challenges of coeliac disease" on youtube. There may be some gems of information there that may be helpful.

[notme]

It does take some getting used to but totally worth the effort!!  I got my dx in 2010 and I was the only one in my 'crowd' of friends and family that had to be gluten-free.  Now, 2 of my kids, my brother and possibly my dad eat gluten-free.  Like moose said (hey, moose!  Good to see you Jamie) I make a completely gluten free Thanksgiving, too, and nobody complains!  You have so many gluten free brands to choose from compared to 2010!  And they're making more gluten-free stuff for us all the time.   Use the 'find me gluten free' app if you are hunting for a safe restaurant.   They have real gluten-free people writing the reviews.   You might even see not me lolz 😆 

[Alyssa Camille]

On 7/12/2022 at 12:43 PM, Hol.lydo said:

Hello! I am new to the site and my name is Hollie and I am 23. I have recently been told that I have Celiac and in short I have been freaking out.

I have only ever had the mental health symptoms of celiac and after being gluten free for about a week, I have noticed chronic constipation symptoms and abdominal pain. 
 

Along with this I also live with my family, who don't take Celiac seriously and so I am very limited to what I can eat, due to being scared of cross contamination and hindering my future health. 
 

My main worry is that my relationship of 6 years is really suffering. I am too afraid to kiss or touch my partner and I have no come to the realisation that my future isn't going to be like a normal persons. I won't be able to travel where I want, when I want and I will no longer risk dining out, as I am too concerned about placing my health into the hands of strangers and that people don't taken gluten intolerance seriously. 

Is it kinder to break up with my boyfriend and let him love a normal happy life? I am feel like I may be better off going it alone. 
 

Any advice is welcome ❤️ Thank you 

Hey Hollie,  I was diagnosed when I was 22, I am 29 now. It was really hard for me at the time as well because I had zero clue what was safe and what wasn't, neither did my family. Not having my own dedicated gluten free kitchen was also a struggle, it wasn't until my sister decided to go gluten free for me and we got rid of all products and cooking utensils in the apartment that I started to get better.

My fiancé who I have been with for 7 years is as mindful as he can be when it comes to eating gluten, which he only consumes out of the apartment. When he does, he always washes his mouth out/brushes his teeth after OR we just don't kiss that day lol! But touching is totally fine? It's only if you ingest it. If your partner loves you and cares for you he will take the necessary steps to be mindful for your health as well. It's just a conversation that needs to be had. Eating out definitely has been a journey for me, I have had many tears but as time goes on it gets better. I always invite friends to eat out with me at DEDICATED gluten free facilities. Which you can find on the "find me gluten free" app, I never eat at restaurants that aren't because I am a highly sensitive celiac. Sometimes I would go out with my friends in the past and bring my own food or watch them eat or meet them after but it is really really hard especially at 23 because eating out is so social and it is definitely upsetting. Plus the constant barrage of questions you get from people is literally sooooo exhausting. Follow my IG @glutenfreeculture and dm me there if you ever have any questions!!! I wish you the best otherwise! You got this girl!