Sad Son

[fullofhope]

Hi all, I'm new here- my son and I have celiac, plus several food allergies. He's 2 and is beginning to look longingly at what other people eat. He and I are gluten-free but all other relatives/friends aren't. The biggest problem comes when other people have unexpected treats, like when nana decided on a whim to eat out. Elliot had food to eat, but it wasn't the chips he saw on everyone else's plates, and there was no way within reason to get him any chips he could eat. I hate to keep food like chips or cookies in the diaper bag just in case, since I will end up eating them when he's not looking, plus I really don't want him eating those foods as often as he sees others eating them.

I want to teach him what foods he can and can't have without creating "food issues".... we tell him (and he knows) that gluten, dairy, soy, and beans (there are more but these are the main ones) will make him feel icky. How do you go about teaching a child how to articulate their restrictions and maintain a positive sense of self at the same time?

Thanks,

Janel

[tarnalberry]

I think, at this age, there's a little you can do, and a little you can't. I think, in situations like these, you *should* consider bringing along a few chips and cookies (get or make healthier versions that you don't mind him having occasionally, in small quantities), and simply don't eat them yourself. (If you find yourself tempted, remember that he needs them - mentally - more than you do.) Other than that, what you are doing, reminding him that these things make him sick, and pointing out all the other things that he can have, is about all you can do. Make sure he's involved in picking what he'll eat from the choices he does have, so he does still have control over his choices, limited though they may be.

[Nic]

If we will be spending time with friends or family who are not Celiac, I always call ahead and ask exactly what we will be having or doing food wise. This way I am always prepared with a substitute that resembles what everyone else is eating. Thank goodness everyone has been very understanding and there are never any surprises. I have even asked his teachers to make sure other parents know to give notice to a celebration so that I can send something special in for him as well. Food just takes more planning now.

Nicole

[Ursa Major]

Instead of making it a negative, as in saying "We can't have that", make it a positive, as in, "Elliot, you and I are special, and so we are going to have special food". Then you could let him know what there is to choose from, and you let him help you choose your 'own, special food'. Of course, if he asks, why? you'll have to explain, without looking upset, "oh, you know, the food the others are having would make us feel bad, and that wouldn't be any fun, right?"

If you act like he is missing something, and you're sad for his sake, then he'll pick up on it, and will think he should be sad, too. At the age of two he is really too little to care, unless you make an issue of it. If you always have something for him that he likes, then he won't really care what others have.

So, carry some gluten free snack bars in his diaper bag like Lara bars, or nuts, little packages of raisins, or whatever else that he can tolerate that is good for him, and he likes (they won't end up being crumbs after a while, like chips and cookies), and it shouldn't even be an issue for the most part.

My grandchildren have intolerances, none of them can tolerate dairy, and two can't have nightshades, one of them can't have soy, and the oldest one also (besides dairy) can't tolerate the combination of grain with egg, or tomatoes and grain (and I sort of suspect that maybe grain is an issue, period).

When Ethan (one of the twins, who is four), goes out to eat (a rare treat), he'll just state in a matter of fact voice, "well, I can't have french fries, but I can have a hamburger", and that's that. When Meghan, his twin sister asks her mom, why I won't eat their food, Sarah will just tell her that it would make me feel bad, just like soy would make her feel bad, she just nods, says 'okay', and accepts that.

For them to have intolerances (and their mom and dad have intolerances different from theirs, I am glad I won't have to remember all of them too often, it gets confusing!) is a normal fact of life, that's the way it's always been for them, and is accepted without question or upset.

I remember when Emily, their older sister was three, Sarah told me how proud she was of her. A friend had picked Emily up from an activity at the church along with her own kids, and wanted to buy them a treat at Mac Donalds on their way home. Her kids chose an ice cream cone, but Emily said, "well, I can't have ice cream because it's made from milk, so I'll have some french fries". And she was perfectly happy with that.

So, if you won't pity your son, he won't end up feeling like he should be pitied.

[Nic]

Also, you will see how well they accept the diet. My son tells people flat out "I can't eat that, I have Celiac" or he will tell people he can't have gluten. I was so proud of him the other day. I was dropping my youngest son off at summer school (his program is extended year) and my son Jacob (my Celiac) was waiting for me with 2 older boys (he is 5, they may have been around 7). When I walked up to get him, one of them was offering Pringles to my son and the other boy. I instantly panicked and asked, "you didn't take one did you?" and he said, without a care in the world, "no, I told him I can't eat those". At 5 years old he did not feel funny to tell 2 older boys "no". Thats my bragging for the day .

Nicole

[Cheri A]

I agree w/what everyone has posted so far. I think you should carry something with you to offer when you need it. My dd has had food allergies all her life, and then the wheat and rice added last Fall. I suspect that they were bothering her for awhile longer, I just couldn't figure it out and the allergist was not helpful. I switched and she is feeling MUCH better.

Anywhoo ~ it's all in how YOU react now and YOUR attitude for him. I try to stay positive and be prepared for what comes up. Carleigh has learned that she rarely has the same as the other kids in a group situation, but hers is just as good, if not BETTER cuz I have made it with love for her. It doesn't make her sick. At your son's age, I just provided a different snack or treat. If she asked I'd tell her that the other food would make her feel sick. Right now, at 7 years old, she is learning to read labels (she wants to) and she KNOWS what she can and can't eat pretty much. The few times that we eat out she likes to order her own food and we get compliments on how she deals with it. We are baby-stepping these life skills cuz one day I won't be there to be the food police. She is very cautious now about what she eats and really doesn't care about what the others have most of the time. The last big pity fest was right after we went gluten-free and she really WANTED to eat the McDs hamburger bun. I told her she shouldn't but she was really insisting so I let her and she got sick. She's not questioned or wanted to cheat since then!!

[key]

WE had this issue this morning with my two year old. He wanted Frosted mini wheats and I had given him a pancake. My other two non celiac kids were eating the mini wheats. So he fussed and pushed his food away. So we gave him frosted cornflakes, but he didn't want those either, because they didn't look like what his brothers were eating. Then I gave him a gluten free chocolate donut from Kinnikinnick and of course he was happy! So this is sometimes what I do in an emergency. I try and always keep some gluten-free cookies with me. Sometimes his foods just aren't as healthy, but I try to make up for it.

Monica

[maggee]

Sorry to hear about what you are going through. I think you have received some good advice here. My son struggled with constant pain and illness (until he was finally diagnosed at 6yo) so he was usually understanding about avoiding foods (we thought it was just allergies at the time). By the time my dd was 2yo she had been exposed to us always asking questions and avoiding certain foods so she already understood. In addition to keeping a positive spin on things, give it time. Your son will catch on quickly. 2yo can understand alot - be patient and explain. But do be warned - they have there own way of understanding - when my dd (at 2) wanted a cat for a pet we explained that we could not because her Dad we allergic. Her response:

"EEEWWWWW - why does Daddy eat cats!?!"

So we really did have to explict about types of allergies.

Good luck.

Maggee

[fullofhope]

Wow, thanks everyone! I know I need to get over my own issues so I don't pass them on to him. He does love fruit leather, and those keep for a loooong time and don't crumble. He also has some favorite cereals that he doesn't get often.... and I bought some brownie mix to make chocolate cookies out of- if I add flax and millet flour, it makes them not so rich- and I can freeze them to pull out at will. I think my pity party is largely in part to my in-laws comments, and they were just here on a visit. They think that I am depriving him of his childhood with all the food restrictions, and openly say so. My husband is the first to stand up to them when they go on about how it's such a major lifestyle upheaval, so far from the norm. This time he told them that if elliot needed medicine, they'd be the first to say he should have it, so why were they wanting to deny him his health when all it entailed was a dietary change? Maybe I need to have a heart to heart with mil. Might or might not help. I'll focus on my own outlook and reactions. Thanks!!!!

[Daxin]

I would have to agree whole heartedly with every one. We have a two year old as well, and although she has not yet been tested, we have her on the gluten free diest as well (I am celiac) and have told her the truth from day one.

We tell her WHY daddy can't eat certain foods and she just accepts it. Perhaps later she will question why but for now..

I would say just lay it out there point blank, honest and see what happens.