Funeral Etiquette

[DestinyLeah]

My aunt just died of lung cancer and I will be going to her funeral over the weekend. There will be a reception at the family's house after the funeral, with lots of different types of food.

So how do I politely go about finding food I can eat (i.e. going to Whole Foods down the street for myself) without making an already sad situation worse by hurting someone's feelings? I do not want to step on anyone, but I will also be 8 hours from home, and do not feel that I should go hungry, either.

[Mango04]

Sorry to hear about that.

If I were in that situation, I would take what I could from the reception (fruits, veggies - basically fill a plate to make it look like you're eating). You can then take something out of your purse that you can discretely eat when nobody's looking. I usually stash stuff like almonds and gluten-free energy bars in my purse. You might not get a full meal that way, but at least you can have something small to sustain you until you get a chance to sneak off to Whole Foods.

[jennyj]

Those were good ideas. When we went to my uncles funeral in South Carolina, we live in Missouri, I packed a little care kit with crackers, cookies, peanutbutter, etc. At the dinner I chose fresh veggies, turkey(no gravy was cooked with it) and nuts. When I sat down I put my crackers on my plate and used my pb for a dip. No one noticed. I am sorry for your loss.

[GeoffCJ]

I agree. I'd shop before leaving, keep some stuff handy (I make my wife put stuff in her purse.)

I don't feel you need to hide anything, but don't make it a big deal. Simply pull out your food and eat it when others are eating. If anyone asks, just say, "I have medical issues that require me to be very careful about what I eat". Most people have enough tact to not push further, and won't make a fuss.

At least that's been my experience.

Geoff

[Guest Doll]

All very good ideas. I especially like the last one. Another option is to ask who's in charge of the food at the wake if they could make you a plate with some veggies, fruit, cheese, etc. that has not been exposed to any gluten and save it wrapped in the fridge.

Of course, only do this if you feel comfortable enough to ask, and also if you know they will be able to do it without risking CC.

For my fiance's grandmother's funeral, his mother made me gluten-free sandwiches and cookies. She put them wrapped up in the fridge at the church and wrote "Food Allergy" DO NOT TOUCH. It worked out perfectly, I did not get sick at all. Also note, this is why I'm marrying this guy...his family has been *very* accommodating!

I find that if you tell people you have food allergies (keeps it straight and simple), it seems to work well with ease. When I was first Dx. I used to get my panties in a knot because people would call Celiac Disease an "allergy" when it's actually not. However, when dealing with Joe Public or Aunt Bea, it's the easiest way to describe it with the least amount of hassle. I have yet to meet someone who has never heard of allergies (knock on wood!).

[CarlaB]

If you don't want to rely on foods you can stash in your purse or risk cc from the food at the reception, you can stop on your way from the funeral to the house for some food at the grocery.

I don't think you need to worry about being "polite" by eating their food. I would rather, in this case, bring my own food than put them out and give them something else to worry about.

Sorry about your aunt.

[Phyllis28]

I am sorry for the loss of your aunt. If you are driving you might want to pack a cold meal in a soft lunch box with blue ice for the funeral reception. A suggestion would be salad, cold meat, salad dressing, gluten free bread or crackers, fruit and yogurt. Bring it to the reception and eat when everyone else does. Then you don't have to worry about what they will be serving. If someone asks why you have your own food, explain your dietary restrictions as you usually do to a casual aquintance.

[ptkds]

My dh's grandmother died a few months ago, and I had the same problem. Only I also had to feed 2 kids, plus myself. I was still new to the diet. We had 2 meals made for the family by the church in the area. I went and found a Wendy's during both meals and just brought that in. When I mentioned to one of the ladies that helped prepare the food, she realized that they should try to find out about any allergies for next time! So I guess I educated her some. But me bringing in outside food dind't hurt their feelings at all. I simply told them that me and my dd's had some food allergies and couldn't eat certain foods. I even educated 1 or 2 ppl on Celiac disease! They were fine w/ it.

Sorry for your loss.

ptkds

[debmidge]

a plastic lunch cooler (Like Playmate) is a must along with picnic ice (those plastic things you keep in freezer).

One sugestion is make baked potato at home and keep in saran wrap and re-heat in their microwave in the plastic wrap. BYOB (butter that is). If you can eat tuna - buy it in the single serve foil pouch.

[DestinyLeah]

Thanks for the responses. I checked them on the way, but was in no condition to reply at that time.

I wound up bringing some yummy trail mix and eating at the second dinner, held at a restaurant after the service. I went to talk to the chef quietly, and my meal came out perfect and very yummy with no one feeling 'put out'. I explained to the people who needed to know what was going on, and anyone else who asked.

Thank you as well for your condolences.

~Destiny (got sunburn in the convertible)