I Need To Vent

[JennyC]

My son has been on the gluten free diet for five months now, and nearly everything that I make is gluten free. I feel that I'm getting pretty good at cooking and baking gluten free. My MIL lives 10 minutes away, but we never see her. I thought that we should involve her more, so I invited her over for dinner. I served a good dinner, fried chicken, mashed potatoes, etc. At the end of dinner she says "sometimes you forget how good gluten really is." I made lemon meringue pie for dessert with a gluten-free graham cracker and pecan crust. It really was delicious. She only ate half her piece and said that she would take the rest home. As she was leaving one of my other guests asked if she wanted to take it home and she said no.

What I'm most mad about was her behavior at my son's forth birthday party yesterday. I made a gluten-free chocolate cake which I worked REALLY hard on and I even decorated it by myself, my first time ever, when she stood me up. At the party she said about my cake "I'm not sure if I like the texture...The texture's kind of weird. It's really rich" in a snobby tone to her friend. On top of that she didn't interact with my son, and she didn't even bring a card..let alone a gift. Not meaning to sound superficial, but if I was her I would at the very least bring a card for my grandson on his birthday! What did she come for, to criticize my food?!

I guess it is everything adding up that is making me so mad. It's hard enough that my son has to eat gluten free and feel different. He was not going to feel different at his party, and for her to talk bad about the cake that I put SO MUCH effort into really makes me mad and hurts my feelings.

[confusedks]

I can totally relate! It is so annoying and RUDE when people criticize this diet and what we eat. Most of the time the food is healthier than glutenous food. Hang in there!

Kassandra

[jerseyangel]

Jenny,

I don't know--some of this stuff just defies explanation

The woman sounds insecure to me--I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I agree that the worst thing is that she couldn't even be bothered to bring her own grandson a card or a gift on his birthday. How would she have liked it it you criticized her out loud for that?

I do want to say that your dinner sounded delicious to me

[Guest j_mommy]

I agree with previous posters!!!!

THe least she could do is suck it up and put on a good face for her grandson and not make him feel more different!!!

THe sad thing is that if people give gluten-free a Food a serious try....alot of the times it tastes the same if not better than Gluten food.

I'm sorry she is being sooooo rude to you!!!

[tarnalberry]

I'll be the dissenter on the cake front. That's something I would have been willing to hear (or say) - in a friendly tone - regardless of the gluten-free status. If you don't like a particular food, it's not necessarily offensive to say it, depending on the context. She may think that, because you're 'related', she can. My mother in law can *certainly* tell me something like that about my cooking, and knows that I'd want to hear it. But that's a matter of relationship level, not the comment itself.

[gfpaperdoll]

Some women do not make good grandmothers. She sounds like one of those. I would delete her from any invite list. No need to put up with her insensitive remarks. In not coming around she is saying that she is not interested in your family.

Does your son have two celiac genes? You should consider that her brain might be messed up from all the gluten & she could be in the early early alzheimer stages. You know when you look back on someone that gets alzheimer, you can almost always spot that there was a little something odd about them for years before that. I know a guy that is 35 & I think that he is in early stages of alzheimer with his weirdness & unprovoked unusually strong outbursts of anger. You know alzheimers does not just developre in one day...

a lesson that I recently learned at the advanced age of 60, is that you are not going to get along with everyone & that is okay, best to quit trying.

[melmak5]

Wow, its really amazing how selfish and self-centered some people are that they cannot see beyond their own noses.

I am really sorry you had to deal with this. I am sure your son really appreciated all the effort, or just was able to be "normal" by having cake!

I know family is always a touchy subject, but she should not disrespect you or your son, especially in your own home.

[blueeyedmanda]

Jenny you are right she does need some manners and quick. The dinner sounded real good, next time invite us and leave her home. I bet your son may not have even noticed about the card/gift (although it was rude) he seems as if he is surrounded by love with the rest of your family.

[JennyC]

Thanks guys...she's not grandmother material. My son barely knows her and I was trying to change that, but obviously she is not putting in much effort. I was so annoyed because she was talking behind my back about my food, which everyone else liked. I can take positive criticism but this was not what was going on. She should just be happy that her grandson has a mother that loves him enough to put massive amounts of effort into his diet. We, as parents of children with celiac disease, put so much caring into our children's' food and lifestyle. I think that she has officially received her last dinner invitation, at least for a while. Although I must admit that I would not be too excited to accept an invitation from her either because the last time we did she had tons of store bought cookies everywhere. Their family never thinks about my son. I know it is not necessarily their obligation, but he is family so they should want to!

About the double gene...I wish I knew. But it seems very likely.

[kbtoyssni]

I'd also stop inviting her to dinner. You really don't need that sort of negative influence in your or your son's life.

One thing I very much dislike is when people say that gluten food tastes better and why would they want to eat any of my "yucky" gluten-free food. I just want to snap back that they eat plenty of naturally gluten-free food and love it (like chicken or veggies or nachos). It's just when it's got a gluten-free label on it that it becomes yucky. And yes, cakes and cookies often have a slightly different texture, but that doesn't make it taste bad. These are people who might be perfectly happy eating a new dish at a restaurant, but unwilling to try a new type of cake when it's labeled gluten-free.

[zarfkitty]

I can relate, JennyC. At my sister's recent wedding, I made a gluten-free, dairy-free cake and decorated it myself. Tiered and everything. (My sister is playing with gluten-free; I hope she decides to do it permanently.)

My mom brought the groom's cake (which was gluten). She bought it straight out of the refrigerator case at Walmart and wrote something silly on it with an icing pen.

She told me straight to my face that people would probably rather have the store-bought cake.

Just for anyone who's keeping score... I got asked for my recipe MULTIPLE times by people who had no idea it was a gluten-free cake, even though my mom was totally rude about it.

It takes time to shrug these sort of behaviors off. It helps to remember it's usually a power struggle in the head of the person behaving rudely and has nothing to do with you personally. Just remember her behavior when you're in control of the guest list.

[JennyC]

  zarfkitty said:

I can relate, JennyC. At my sister's recent wedding, I made a gluten-free, dairy-free cake and decorated it myself. Tiered and everything. (My sister is playing with gluten-free; I hope she decides to do it permanently.)

My mom brought the groom's cake (which was gluten). She bought it straight out of the refrigerator case at Walmart and wrote something silly on it with an icing pen.

She told me straight to my face that people would probably rather have the store-bought cake.

Just for anyone who's keeping score... I got asked for my recipe MULTIPLE times by people who had no idea it was a gluten-free cake, even though my mom was totally rude about it.

It takes time to shrug these sort of behaviors off. It helps to remember it's usually a power struggle in the head of the person behaving rudely and has nothing to do with you personally. Just remember her behavior when you're in control of the guest list.

Yeah, I'd love to cut her off of the guest list but I really shouldn't. But who knows how I'll be feeling next year...

I'm sorry about your experience. People don't realize how much work gluten free baking can be. It's not as if we throw in some rice flour and call it a day. I can't imagine how mad you must have been after she said that about a wedding cake!

Is there any way that I could possibly get that wonderful cake recipe? I would be very appreciative.