Worried About Mom

[jasonD2]

food sensitivities/stomach problems run in my family (on the maternal side) my grandmother and greatgrandmother both died from digestive problems. my mother is healthy for the most part, however, she has diverticulosis and IBS and is about 10-15 lbs overweight. she eats somewhat healthy, but not as healthy as she should be. i have been begging her for months to get a full digestive workup including screening for food allergies, celiac, etc, but she is very stubborn and set in her ways. i am convinced that, just like me, she has various intolerances which is why her health is not optimal.

Thankfully i got her on probiotics, digestive enzymes and fish oil, however, she gets occasional stomach attacks from her diverticulosis and then pops antibiotics (this happens maybe 5 times a year). She is now on weight watchers but when i looked at some of the food she eats for the diet (like weight watchers brand bread) it is loaded with garbage like preservatives and highly refined and processed ingredients. Every time i come home to visit i get into a whole thing with her and she promises she will change her diet, but she never does.

IS there anything else I can do? i am SO worried about her and dont want her to suffer a similiar fate as my grandmother and greatgrandmother. she goes for annual colonoscopies and so far everything is clean but i really want her to take control of her health and diet like I have .

id appreciate feedback

[jasonD2]

anyone?

[mushroom]

anyone?

I'm so sorry about your mom, Jason. It is so hard to reach someone who doesn't want to be reached. I have a sister who won't even consider that gluten might be damaging her although she has most of the same symptoms I had, and our other sister and her daughter are both celiac/gluten free.

I agree that the foods the weight loss companies put out are mostly disasters, especially from the gluten point of view. I myself think that the concentrated glutens I got while on Nutri-System diet was a contributor to tipping me over the edge.

Just set her a good example, show how it can be done, if possible prepare her some great gluten-free food. It is obvious that nagging her is not going to do it. See if you can make her see that there is life after gluten.

Sorry, this is probably not a lot of help, but there are none so blind as those who do not want to see.

[flourgirl]

Hi Jason. You can only influence someone as far as they want to be influenced. I worry about my own mom, as well as the rest of my family. I have suggested testing, and have shared information. That's about as much as I can do. The more you push, the more resistance you may get. That's human nature. You've already made your concerns known. Share what info. you have, including all of the related possible affects of Celiac. Maybe share some of the Gluten Free foods that are yummy to show that you really are not deprived of anything except bad ingrediants (I call them poisons).

I wish there were more we could do for our loved ones.....but the choice is ultimately theirs. Good luck, and keep your hopes up. When she's ready, she'll listen.

[sbj]

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

[jasonD2]

now now - none of that here

[purple]

I would buy her a book like gluten-free for dummies and just leave it at her house. Then if she takes a notion she has it to look at. Don't say anything when you talk to her about the book, let her come to you first.

[JNBunnie1]

To be honest, Jason, from what I've read of your posts, you're not happy. Nothing about this diet is 'good' to you, you're utterly miserable about missing out on food and won't even socialize with friends because you don't want to watch them eat their food. Now, maybe you're different around your mother, but if she's picking up this attitude from you, why on earth would she want to put herself in the same position as you are and be miserable all the time?

[jasonD2]

I agree- which is why im eating whatever the hell i want now and dont care anymore

Happy New Year!

[missy'smom]

jason I read your post earlier but didn't reply because I don't have any good advice. I wish I did. I lost my mom to this in 1987 when I was in highschool. It's a complicated story but I know now that she has celiac disease, even though she's still not diagnosed. She has lived in care facilities of various kinds since. It breaks my heart everytime I think about or talk to her because she's litterally lost her life to this. I don't think about it too much because it's almost too much to bear thinking about how much she has suffered. She was an intelligent woman and has NEVER complained about her circumstances. She was almost homeless and another family member was also very close to that as well because they were so sick. There's very little if anything I can do for her now. People make their decisions and it hurts to see them make poor ones(or have others make poor ones for them). Sometimes they are just not informed and sometimes they know better and choose not to do. I have another family member that chooses not to face and deal with their health problems and as much as it hurts to see them have a poorer quality of life because of it, I can't rescue them(I've tried-and shouldn't have) so they'll have to live with their decisions. It's good that you have compassion for your mom. We should never make little of the value of compassion. If you are one to pray, you can always pray. I mention it from time to time, in a conversational way in hopes that it will stick in her mind and become more and more a part of her vocabulary and thought process and maybe come out in conversation with those caring for her. I do the same thing with those caring for her. It takes people a while to get used to the idea(and in my family, gluten affects the mind, memory and information processing). Like I said at the beginning I, wish I had some good advice.

[JNBunnie1]

I agree- which is why im eating whatever the hell i want now and dont care anymore

Happy New Year!

I have to say, it's very sad that food is so incredibly important to you that your tongue's happiness is more important than your life.

[jasonD2]

Thats your opinion, and maybe a tad judgemental?

[mushroom]

Jason, I just can't believe after what you must have read on this forum about all the sufferings of others from gluten intolerance when they didn't know what the problem was, that you who know that you have gluten intolerance are prepared to suffer the consequences of continuing to eat it and damn the consequences. Santa must have brought you a death wish, that's all I can say.

[curlyfries]

I agree- which is why im eating whatever the hell i want now and dont care anymore

Why would you say this? I know eating gluten-free is difficult at first, but it does get better, I swear. And the payoff of feeling so much better and a longer life is soooo worth it.

I think you do care, but you're very frustrated right now. It is definitely a lifestyle change. Are you going to let this disease win, just because it isn't as easy as you'd like?

Tell us what we can do to help you. Remember.....we've all been where you are now. And I won't say that there aren't times I wish I could eat like everyone else, because I'd be lying. Sure it sucks sometimes.

But because I decided to do whatever it takes to stay gluten-free, I can now enjoy my life in ways I never would have been able to before. I swing dance, scuba dive, and I've even taken up running....something I never thought I would be able to do. Here I am, approaching my 50th birthday, and I am the healthiest I have ever been in my entire life. Yes, there are times that I feel sorry for myself when I see what my friends are eating, but I have to remember the big picture. I see how far I've come, and I'm not ever going back. All that unhealthy food just isn't worth it. And I have better, healthier foods that I enjoy, now.

Also, I have come to realize that since I now know I have serious issues with sugar, it is best if I go on the Specific Carbohydrate Diet. Do I want to?....heck, no. This means even more food restrictions. But if I want to get better, I have to suck it up and just do it. One thing I have learned since going gluten-free is that I can do whatever it takes. And this too will get easier in time.

You can do this. It is your body, your health. And I know this sounds a bit goofy and cliche, but........your body will thank you for it

Edit: I just noticed that you've been with us for over a year. What has happened that has made you want to give up? You don't want your mother to suffer, but your willing to condemn yourself to that fate? You deserve better than that.

[jasonD2]

Well I feel much better without gluten, but I do not have Celiac so its easy for me to slip every once and a while for the sake of enjoying my life. I've slipped a bit since its the holidays but will get back on track next week..havent had any problems and have actually been feeling quite good

[Jenny (AZ via TX)]

Jason, it's hard when you see someone you love making themselves perhaps sicker with what they eat. Some people will not change unless they absolutely have to (such as a diagnosis). Since your mom is on weight watchers, why not buy her something healthy to eat on her diet.

I understand about wanting to slip up and eat something. Over the holidays I wanted to eat so many of the baked goods my family made. Even though there were gluten-free baked goods, I still wanted the other stuff. I didn't do it. Too scared and don't want to feel like crap again. I've been gluten-free for almost 9 months and still want gluten. It's usually when I'm in social situations.

So glad you're getting back on track!

Good luck with your mom. She's lucky to have such a caring son.