Socializing...

[seezee]

This keeps happening. We are invited out to a gathering of my friends/co-workers. I tell them that my daughter needs her own food and we will bring it with us. Friend explains patiently "Oh, there will be plenty of things she can eat that don't contain gluten. Don't worry." I don't take the chance and bring her own food anyhow - feeling a little rude in some way. It's clear they tried in some way. We get there and there is not a thing that she would be able to eat other than possibly some crudite that is next to the rolls and wheat thins positioned next to the mystery dip. She settles in and happily eats the food I brought. then she runs off to play with the kids. the adults mingle.

Then they bring out the dessert which is a cake, a pie, a graham cracker whipped cream concoction, and some fruit right next to all that with a lot of fanfare.

I am trying really hard to find a polite way to deal with this. Sometimes I think people think my daughter is spoiled in some manner when I bring her own meal such as a gluten-free mac and cheese and/or her own cupcake. She is 10 and recently diagnosed - since May.

Any advice?

[elle's mom]

I so feel your anguish; you want to do what's best for your daughter without cross contaminating her, but it seems the whole world is working against you! We have had several holiday gatherings since my daughter's diagnosis and you described the scenario almost perfectly. It's hard. I still haven't figured out exactly the best way to deal with it. I'm also hoping someone can shed some light for us.

I even had a cousin who made a special gluten free pie for us-she has her own cherry tree and I've always LOVED her cherry pies. She made a gluten free crust from a recipe she had found online; then she proceeded to tell me how she woke up in the middle of the night after making it, in a startle realized that she had inadvertently added regular flour to the fruit mixture when she had thought it was a little too thin. Thank god for her "nightmare"-it had really happened-and that she had realized enough to tell me the truth. So obviously my daughter did not eat it, but I just felt really bad. She had gone to all that trouble and everything. How do you politely tell people just not to bother without sounding like a total fanatic? I guess it doesn't even matter if they do think that about you, really the health of your child is what really matters.

[Takala]

You just keep going on being a great mom and taking care of your kid.

When events are at your house, then you can make sure everything is gluten free.

If you warned them off with the "don't bother because it's complicated," and packed your own food and didn't go out of your way to make them embarrassed , then it's their problem dealing with it.

I don't know if I'd even try cooking for another celiac/gi because I know that a lot of you have issues with all sorts of other ingredients besides gluten, and I'd feel really bad if I used something else that caused another reaction.

[TrillumHunter]

Who wants to eat crudite and fruit at a party? Could you tell them she likes to have a special treat at parties and that's something you have to provide? She is only ten, after all. However you handle it, you are doing the right thing by protecting her health.

[g1gg1e]

We have the same issue with family events...sometimes people like a reason to point out differences. If they ask a question about what she can eat Id give them a little celiac 101 info.... other then that ignore them and keep up the great work.

[seezee]

We have the same issue with family events...sometimes people like a reason to point out differences. If they ask a question about what she can eat Id give them a little celiac 101 info.... other then that ignore them and keep up the great work.

Thanks for all the advice. For me and her, the social part has been the hardest. She is really good about the diet and has been a real trooper. She is super determined to get better and stronger and is extremely careful about what she eats. At home we have the routine down. We have created gluten-free substitutes for most favorites.

It is when we are out, it's ind of hard. People do seem to give you these looks when you bring food for a fifth grader. She absolutely does not like for me to make a big deal about celiac or even mention it to most people unless they need to know. I think it's more normal for people to bring food for toddlers. She felt like everyone just thinks she is super picky.

About a week after we found out for sure she has celiac, she went to her very close friends birthday party where they were serving pizza and cake. I had explained to her parents, but they simply forgot and kept offering. She brought a lunch box with her own food, her own treat, but ended up in tears when they served the cake. It was more the feeling that she can't do what everyone else can.

[g1gg1e]

Thanks for all the advice. For me and her, the social part has been the hardest. She is really good about the diet and has been a real trooper. She is super determined to get better and stronger and is extremely careful about what she eats. At home we have the routine down. We have created gluten-free substitutes for most favorites.

It is when we are out, it's ind of hard. People do seem to give you these looks when you bring food for a fifth grader. She absolutely does not like for me to make a big deal about celiac or even mention it to most people unless they need to know. I think it's more normal for people to bring food for toddlers. She felt like everyone just thinks she is super picky.

About a week after we found out for sure she has celiac, she went to her very close friends birthday party where they were serving pizza and cake. I had explained to her parents, but they simply forgot and kept offering. She brought a lunch box with her own food, her own treat, but ended up in tears when they served the cake. It was more the feeling that she can't do what everyone else can.

If she is embarrassed Id call the other parents before the event ans have a heart to heart. Just tell them a little about celiac then ask them not to ask her if she wants anything because her feelings would be hurt. Try to make cupcakes or cake up before you go to parties...easier said then done though. It will get easier.

[celiac-mommy]

With my kids, I'm very matter of fact with them. Not to sound like a "Debbie Downer" but life is full of disappointments, I try not to make a big deal about it, just tell my kids this is the way it is....However, when we are to go to a playdate, I let them pick out the snacks that they would like to bring. I always keep a few varieties of muffins and cupcakes in the freezer and frosting in the fridge so that they can bring their own cake if they wish. Since they love dessert and it's such a treat, I'm usually the one who brings the dessert. It makes them feel super special-like the dark chocolate truffle tart I made for today's party . Whenever they are to go to a birthday party, I always call ahead to talk to the parents about their menu. If they're having a pizza party, we make our own pizza at home to take to the party, if they're having chocolate cake, I let them decorate their own chocolate cupcake to take, etc... In most cases, the other kids stare at my kids' food in envy!! I do understand the frustrations and disappointments, especially with children, everything seems like such a bigger deal but, like I said, I just really try not to make a big deal about it and they seem to feed off of my "chill" attitude and it doesn't seem to bother them as much!

[Pattymom]

This is definetely a real issue and a challenge. We always take our own, but one thing that helped a little, is taking not just one cupcake, but enough to put out and share, or brownies, or whatever--this is after I had other kids staring in envy at our excellent cupcakes and reducing them to tears when I couldn't share b/c I only had enough for the gluten free people. I do usually bring a seperate plate just for mykids, and plate to put out. they can eat off the out plate, but I keep the other plate aside in case the gluten eaters snarf our snacks. The other thing that helps. is I freeze a few of things aside when I bake. then when we go to potluck event, I pull them out and put together a plate with a variety of choices instead of just the one I made for the table. We have a family reunion on Sunday--Iam plannign on making cookies, but I also have some min vanilla cupcakes, some chocolate cupcakes, some rice krispy treats to make sure my kids also have "choices" from the desert table. The freezer stash has been big help.

Patty

[seezee]

This is definetely a real issue and a challenge. We always take our own, but one thing that helped a little, is taking not just one cupcake, but enough to put out and share, or brownies, or whatever--this is after I had other kids staring in envy at our excellent cupcakes and reducing them to tears when I couldn't share b/c I only had enough for the gluten free people. I do usually bring a seperate plate just for mykids, and plate to put out. they can eat off the out plate, but I keep the other plate aside in case the gluten eaters snarf our snacks. The other thing that helps. is I freeze a few of things aside when I bake. then when we go to potluck event, I pull them out and put together a plate with a variety of choices instead of just the one I made for the table. We have a family reunion on Sunday--Iam plannign on making cookies, but I also have some min vanilla cupcakes, some chocolate cupcakes, some rice krispy treats to make sure my kids also have "choices" from the desert table. The freezer stash has been big help.

Patty

I am still trying to figure it out. Last Friday night I went to a goodbye party for a co-worker and we fed my daughter first and she brought a really gooey cupcake so she would have something. She was perfectly happy. The party was mostly adults.

At the party his wife was super worried about not having food for her and kept offering. "Oh we have ice cream how about that?" Daughter patiently replies, "Sorry, it's cookie dough I can't eat that". Then wife says, "Oh, how about cannolis?" Daughter patiently explains "No, I can't eat those either." Finally, his wife made him drive my daughter to the supermarket to get something so she could offer. We bought a package of popsickles. I know she was trying to be nice, but it was hard. It also seems that people just don't realize how many things contain wheat. My neighbors thought that a cake made with cookie crumbs would be OK too.