Jump to content

  • Welcome to Celiac.com!

    You have found your celiac tribe! Join us and ask questions in our forum, share your story, and connect with others.



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A1):

    Celiac.com Sponsor (A1-M):

  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Our Content
    eNewsletter
    Donate

Gluten Intolerant Dh Thinking Of Going Back To Gluten

halfrunner

Recommended Posts

tarnalberry Community Regular
tarnalberry
Posted
My marriage is absolutely a partnership in every way......except the very few bad habits my hubby learned from HIS father. That is what I am fighting here. I can't even tell you how controlling his father was to his mother. She was very subservient to him and that's how their very old fashioned marriage worked. Not for me, as I have reminded him enough times and he jokingly tells his friends that much of the dysfunction that goes on in some marriages today would never be allowed in ours.

I just don't allow it.

There is little to complain about with my husband except the food issue. I have already told him that if he becomes ill from eating gluten down the road, I may not be there to offer my sympathy or love.

It's not something I could get over, especially after some of the conversations we have had about it.

He is helpful and compassionate in every way except agreeing to give up gluten. I think he may be one of those serio-negative guys anyway and we all know how accurate a biopsy is. If it came back negative, then I am afraid he would close his mind to having a problem. This is so common today and I'm sure many of you have wracked your brains trying to make people understand how this disease works.

He has been warned that I am not going to give up on the subject and he will either go get properly tested or he will divorce ME because he will tire of my bringing it up. I could live with that before I watch him die of a gastro cancer or God knows what. I know he partly see's what I am saying because he is afraid to even go get tested by my doctor, who is very open and accepting of both Celiac and GS. I watched this attitude in his father and I am trying to un-do years of bad behavior on his father's part. I asked him what was the one thing which keeps him from taking the plunge and it all boils down to the bread thing. He isn't sick enough to totally believe it and his family are bread-aholics. These people are the biggest wheat and dairy eaters I have ever seen and buy into all the brainwashing by doctors that wheat and milk=health. My husband can be stubborn but I am stubborner! :P

Yup - that's the rest of saying "here are the consequences to you not being responsible" - he may say "fine, I'll take those consequences". Though, I'd have to ask, who on earth thinks that bread is worth 10 years of lifespan and who knows how many decades of poor quality of life? (I would NOT bet that he thinks that, but rather that it's REALLY HARD for him to put the full perspective on this.)

I hope - for both of your sakes - that he eventually does come around.

Ask him if he disbelieves in shellfish or peanut allergies? Those are "healthy" foods that are distinctly unhealthy for some people.

Ask him if he disbelieves in h.pylori causing ulcers? 10 years ago, it would have been ridiculous to think that ulcers were caused by anything other than stress, where we know that the vast majority of the cases are bacterial. Just like it would have been ridiculous to suggest wheat could be a problem, prior to WWII when it was identified that wheat was the problem. Seriously, the disease process was identified thousands of years ago, and we've known for at least 60 years that the main problem is wheat. Your husband is way behind the times. :P

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


halfrunner Apprentice
halfrunner
Posted
  • Author

Thanks to all, I really appreciate all the support and advice. :) Rest assured, I have not yet begun to fight. I am back on a bread kick, I am GOING to find a bread that works for DH. :P

As soon as I find one he will live with (and he'd better find something), we're going to have a long talk about everything. I refuse to aid and abet this kind of stubbornness, and he is well aware of my independent and stubborn streaks. I don't want to watch him drive his health the other direction down the road.

Your husband is way behind the times.

You have no idea exactly how behind the times he really is in all aspects of life. Which is not bad in some respects, but not good in health related matters.

still tiredofdoctors Rookie
still tiredofdoctors
Posted
10 years ago, it would have been ridiculous to think that ulcers were caused by anything other than stress, where we know that the vast majority of the cases are bacterial.

Tiffany, you are SOOOOOO right! Did you know that ten years PRIOR to "people" physicians finally acknowledging that h. pylori causes ulcers, veterinarians were already treating cattle with antibiotics for ulcers? Veterinarians ALSO knew for years prior to "people" physicians that gluten caused gut difficulty AND neurological symptoms. My Erlichia (which I know is a tick disease) was actually diagnosed by my veterinarian YEARS before I finally found an MD that would do the correct testing. My vet even went so far as to call Johns Hopkins when I was there and tell them that neurologically I was presenting EXACTLY as the animals were here that had Erlichia and insisted that I needed to be tested. Guess what they did with THAT???!!!

If you research valid journals in both Physician-based and Veterinarian-based, you can find a LOT of good information with regard to Celiac. When the valid, significant statistics are staring you in the face, it's hard to ignore.

I also like that you mentioned to the effect of "taking ten years off his life (not to mention QUALITY of life)" -- how true is that? Who WANTS to live their life feeling rotten if you have a choice and can change that?

Gemini -- you sound like you're a fairly headstrong, equal partner in your marriage. Tell your husband to drop his father's "old-fashioned" thinking, suck it up, and go to the doctor to be tested! My guess? He isn't going to divorce you!! B)

ang1e0251 Contributor
ang1e0251
Posted

That's it. From now on I'm only going to see my vet!

still tiredofdoctors Rookie
still tiredofdoctors
Posted

Hey -- I actually asked my vet that if I had something the doctors couldn't figure out -- and they were rolling their eyes at me again -- could I come see him for a consultation!! He said, "I can't do that! I'm not licensed to practice on humans!" I said, "Pretend I'm a dog . . . the other doctors treat me like one!"

Gemini Experienced
Gemini
Posted
Tiffany, you are SOOOOOO right! Did you know that ten years PRIOR to "people" physicians finally acknowledging that h. pylori causes ulcers, veterinarians were already treating cattle with antibiotics for ulcers? Veterinarians ALSO knew for years prior to "people" physicians that gluten caused gut difficulty AND neurological symptoms. My Erlichia (which I know is a tick disease) was actually diagnosed by my veterinarian YEARS before I finally found an MD that would do the correct testing. My vet even went so far as to call Johns Hopkins when I was there and tell them that neurologically I was presenting EXACTLY as the animals were here that had Erlichia and insisted that I needed to be tested. Guess what they did with THAT???!!!

If you research valid journals in both Physician-based and Veterinarian-based, you can find a LOT of good information with regard to Celiac. When the valid, significant statistics are staring you in the face, it's hard to ignore.

I also like that you mentioned to the effect of "taking ten years off his life (not to mention QUALITY of life)" -- how true is that? Who WANTS to live their life feeling rotten if you have a choice and can change that?

Gemini -- you sound like you're a fairly headstrong, equal partner in your marriage. Tell your husband to drop his father's "old-fashioned" thinking, suck it up, and go to the doctor to be tested! My guess? He isn't going to divorce you!! B)

As others have already stated, I guess we would be better off going to the vets for our health care! That last post from So Tired of Doctors was priceless! :D

Well....the news is good! I had a long talk with hubby and told him he has pushed me as far as I can go so if he does not consent to some blood work for his thyroid and Celiac, I would think seriously of ending our marriage. I asked him if he wanted to be married or single so he could do whatever he wanted with no repercussions from me? He grew wide eyed and said he most definitely wants to stay married. Divorce is not an option for him. I have to admit that was a relief!

He has been so supportive about my diet and thoughtful about buying me good gluten-free treats and making sure they are gluten-free that I do not want to split up. That's why I was having trouble accepting his attitude about his problems. :huh: Denial is just such a weird thing and I am learning so much more about it.

He didn't even get mad because I told him I was doing this out of love and wanted him to be around in the future. We'll see what happens as this progresses, though. If all Celiac testing is negative, I doubt he'll go gluten-free unless symptoms get worse. It could very well be a thyroid problem only but we all know how thyroid disease is linked to Celiac. What's kind of bizarre is that he is exhibiting almost the same symptoms as I had....inability to gain weight no matter how much he eats, fatigue and anemia. I had horrible gastro symptoms and his are very, very mild. Oh yeah....he also has had a few bouts with kidney stones....calcium stones so he is mal-absorbing calcium, to some extent. I am no doctor but he almost screams of a gluten problem! <_<

As for what he learned from his father, his Dad was a heavy, heavy smoker (no intentions on insulting smokers here, either) who blew off everyone's attempts to get him to quit...or at least cut down. He ended up dying of emphysema, very quickly. They live down south and my husband did not get a chance to see him as he lay dying. He was told not to come because it was very upsetting and his mother told him not to. This is what I mean by children learning from what they see in the behavior of their parents. As for his Mom, her asthma has improved dramatically since her husband died...no small wonder there! I hate to say it but if he hadn't died, he would have taken her with him, in the end.

This forum is SUCH a nice place and a Godsend to everyone with this problem. I swear some days I could go on a rampage trying to deal with people who just don't get it. It can be very tiring, especially when the ignorance comes from family members who probably have it themselves. I know we all don't always agree on the specifics of the disease but talking to those who understand and don't think you have an eating disorder because you are thin is priceless. If every person could understand food and how it relates to disease, think how healthier and better off this world would be!

still tiredofdoctors Rookie
still tiredofdoctors
Posted

Gemini,

I started on this forum back in 2004. I was in denial of "Neurogenic Celiac" until August of 2005. The people who were on this forum were the most loving, kind, caring supportive folks I had ever met. I met my best friend on here. I live in Louisville, KY -- she lives in Ontario, Canada!!

The frustration you are feeling is so natural -- also the feelings of helplessness, confusion and anger. Those all rear their ugly heads at some time. I'm just glad that you have gotten some comfort and solace. I'm also THRILLED that you were able to have a loving, heart-to-heart talk with your husband about this. That is so important.

Best of luck to you -- and please take care of yourself,

Lynne

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


Ahorsesoul Enthusiast
Ahorsesoul
Posted
That's it. From now on I'm only going to see my vet!

Hey --He said, "I can't do that! I'm not licensed to practice on humans!" I said, "Pretend I'm a dog . . . the other doctors treat me like one!"

Oh gosh, I'm printing these to hang over my desk.

still tiredofdoctors Rookie
still tiredofdoctors
Posted

In retrospect, it is hysterically funny that I DID say that to my veterinarian! At the time, though, I was so frustrated, so angry and so TIRED of being treated as though I was a hypochondriac Physical Therapist with too much knowledge.

Now? I do laugh that I told him that. Every time I see him with one of our dogs, I say, "Are you willing to take me up on my offer yet?" We both laugh! :lol:

Glad I could help you laugh, too :P I think every now and then we ALL need some comic relief B)

Take care of yourself,

Lynne

halfrunner Apprentice
halfrunner
Posted
  • Author

I'm thinking I'm seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. DH told me last night he's seriously not liking how his gas has come back with a vengeance, and that he's thinking of going back to gluten-free. I have had a breakthrough in bread (gelatin is not a good substitute for xanthan gum in bread) and if I can get it a bit lighter (which I've got ideas of how to fix), he can live with the corn pasta too.

I really didn't think he'd even consider going back. And he said that he wants to worry less about all the artificial flavors, etc. where there could be hidden gluten for the time being, but he would cut out all the obvious wheat related glutens. Since it's more of an intolerance than full blown celiac, I figured this is better than nothing for the time being. (I also buy all the groceries, so can probably keep more of an eye on what he's getting out of the other stuff without him knowing.)

We did have a long talk about the long term possible effects of not going back to gluten-free, and he knows I'm very interested in keeping him around as long as possible. I reminded him of the research I did to back up my argument.

What blew me out of the water was this weekend, when he asked me to make him a new batch of the gluten-free chocolate cookies that I made him a while ago and popped in the freezer. He said they were soo good. (Yeehaw!) I promised if he went back to gluten-free, I'd make sure he always had homemade cookies, brownies or whatever he needed to keep his sweet tooth happy, since he hated most of the commercial stuff.

Cross your fingers, please. Our next big grocery shopping happens a week from this Friday, and as much as my grocery budget will have a near coronary, at this point, I'll deal with the financial consequences as long as I can live with DH in peace. (Right now he's mostly tolerable, but doesn't believe me that he's getting short tempered more than normal on top of being gassy and that being back on gluten is the culprit. But since I can't prove it, well, he's being typically skeptical that this is the problem. But he looked surprised when I told him about my grumpy/gassy diary. :P )

Maggie Mermaid Apprentice
Maggie Mermaid
Posted
Cross your fingers, please. Our next big grocery shopping happens a week from this Friday, and as much as my grocery budget will have a near coronary, at this point, I'll deal with the financial consequences as long as I can live with DH in peace. (Right now he's mostly tolerable, but doesn't believe me that he's getting short tempered more than normal on top of being gassy and that being back on gluten is the culprit. But since I can't prove it, well, he's being typically skeptical that this is the problem. But he looked surprised when I told him about my grumpy/gassy diary. :P )

Woohoo! Crossing fingers, toes, legs, arms for you! That must be a HUGE relief.

Oh, I've been subbing guar gum for xanthan gum (DH seems to be sensitive it xantham gum) & had good results with sweet muffin and pumpkin bread recipes in Roben Ryberg book.

ang1e0251 Contributor
ang1e0251
Posted

That is great progress!! It's very cool to have a spouse who will listen and think about your reasons even if it means big changes.

halfrunner Apprentice
halfrunner
Posted
  • Author

DH is officially back to gluten free (at least on all obvious wheat & major gluten containing foods) as of yesterday. :D He's starting to talk about wanting more potatoes, has buckwheat & millet grains to try, and is living with his bread. (I'm still toying with the bread, but we're getting there.)

At this point, I'm not grumbling or complaining. I'm too relieved and grateful. (And I've also hidden all the remaining wheat pasta, just in case. :P:rolleyes: )

ang1e0251 Contributor
ang1e0251
Posted

What a relief!

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A19):


  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      131,859
    • Most Online (within 30 mins)
      7,748
    Lesley-Anne
    Newest Member
    Lesley-Anne
    Joined
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A20):

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      121.4k
    • Total Posts
      1m
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A22):



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A21):


  • Upcoming Events

  • Posts

    • Rogol72
      Ibuprofen

      By Rogol72 · Posted

      Some interesting articles regarding the use of Zinc Carnosine to help heal gastric ulcers, gastritis and intestinal permeability. I would consult a medical professional about it's use. https://www.nature.com/articles/ncpgasthep0778 https://www.rupahealth.com/post/clinical-applications-of-zinc-carnosine---evidence-review https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7146259/ https://www.fallbrookmedicalcenter.com/zinc-l-carnosine-benefits-dosage-and-safety/
    • Jillian83
      Celiac and dermatitis herpetiformis has taken Me from Me

      By Jillian83 · Posted

      He is. Which makes everything even more difficult. I’m not a believer in “staying for the kids” but I have nowhere to go and it’s not just me, it’s me plus my babies. We live in a beautiful place, lots of land in the country and me and the kids love the place we’ve called home for their entire lives. But Im seeing that he’ll never change, that my kids deserve a happy healthy Momma, and that staying in this as is will be the early death of me. Then I look at the scars covering my entire body…this disease and the chronic stress I’ve been enduring for years that tell me I’m no longer beautiful and no one will ever look at me with interest again. I try self care, try to give myself grace so I can just start loving myself enough to gain strength but the slightest sparkle in my eye and skip in my step attracts his wrath and it all comes crashing ten fold. Life is just absolutely railing me from every single direction leaving me wanting to wave that white flag bc I don’t feel like there’s much hope no matter what happens. 
    • trents
      Celiac and dermatitis herpetiformis has taken Me from Me

      By trents · Posted

      Is this man the father of your children?
    • Jillian83
      Celiac and dermatitis herpetiformis has taken Me from Me

      By Jillian83 · Posted

      Hi, I was recently diagnosed with Celiac and dermatitis herpetiformis after years of suffering without answers. I lost my mind. I lost my job. I lost so much time. I lost Me. Conventional doctors are opulent come near me and the one who did sat across the room, misdiagnosed me, pumped me full of steroids which collapsed my entire hip for 6 months. So without answers I began my holistic journey. Fast forward a couple of years and still struggling with a mysterious whole body itchy, crawling “skin hell”, perfect teeth now deteriorating, thick hair now thinning rapidly and no more than a day or 2 at most relief….An acquaintance opened up a functional medicine practice. Cash only, I found a way. Within a month tests clearly showing my off the charts gluten allergy/sensitivity as well as the depletion of vital nutrients due to leaky gut and intestinal damage. dermatitis herpetiformis was more than likely what I was experiencing with my skin. I was happy. I thought this is easy, eat healthy Whole Foods, follow the diet restrictions and I finally get to heal and feel confident and like myself again very soon! 😔 Supplements are very pricey but I got them and began my healing. Which leads to the other major issue: not working, stay at home Mom of young kids, entirely financially dependent on my man of 7 plus years. He’s never been supportive of anything I’ve ever done or been thru. He controls everything. I’m not given much money ever at a time and when he does leave money it’s only enough to possibly get gas. His excuse is that I’ll spend it on other things. So my “allowance” is inconsistent and has conditions. He withholds money from me as punishment for anything he wants. Since being diagnosed, he’s gained a new control tactic to use as punishment. He now is in control of when I get to eat. He asked for proof of my diagnosis and diet bc he said I made it up just to be able to eat expensive organic foods. Then after I sent him my file from my doctor he then said she wasn’t a real doctor. 😡. I go days upon days starving, sometimes breaking down and eating things I shouldn’t bc I’m so sick then I pay horribly while he gets annoyed and angry bc I’m not keeping up with all the duties I’m supposed to be doing. His abuse turns full on when I’m down and it’s in these desperate times when I need his support and care the most that I’m punished with silence, being starved, ignored, belittled. He will create more of a mess just bc I’m unable to get up and clean so that when I am better, I’m so overwhelmed with chores to catch up that the stress causes me to go right back into a flare from hell and the cycle repeats. I’m punished for being sick. I’m belittled for starving and asking for healthy clean water. I’m purposely left out of his life. He won’t even tell me he’s going to the grocery or to get dinner bc he doesn’t want me to ask him for anything. I have no one. I have nothing. Im not better. My supplements ran out and I desperately need Vitamin D3 and a methylated B complex at the very minimal just to function….he stares at me blankly…no, a slight smirk, no words. He’s happiest when im miserable and I am miserable.  this is so long and im condensing as much as I can but this situation is so complicated and disgusting. And it’s currently my life. The “IT” girl, the healthy, beautiful, perfect skin, perfect teeth, thick and curly locks for days, creative and talented IT girl….now I won’t even leave this house bc Im ashamed of what this has dont to my body, my skin. Im disgusted. The stress is keeping me from healing and I think he knows that and that’s why he continues to keep me in that state. He doesn’t want me confident or successful. He doesn’t want me healed and healthy bc then how would he put the blame of all his problems on me? This journey has been hell and I’ve been in Hell before. I’ve been killed by an ex, I’ve been raped, robbed, held hostage, abused beyond nightmares but the cruelty I’ve experienced from him bc of this disease is the coldest I’ve ever experienced. I’ve wanted to give up. Starving and in tears, desperate…I found a local food pantry in our small town so I reached out just saying I had Celiac and was on hard times. This woman is blessing me daily with prepared gluten free meals, donations, educational info, people who know this disease and how they manage life and the blessings just keep coming. But it’s overwhelming and I feel like I don’t deserve it at all. He just glared and I know he’s going to sabotage it somehow. I don’t even know what to do anymore. I’m so broken and just want peace and healing. 
    • cristiana
      Ibuprofen

      By cristiana · Posted

      @Colleen H   I am just curious,  when you were tested for coeliac disease, did the doctors find out if you had any deficiencies? Sometimes muscle pain can be caused by certain deficiencies, for example, magnesium, vitamin D, calcium, and potassium.   Might be worth looking into having some more tests.  Pins and needles can be neuropathy, again caused by deficiencies, such as iron and B12,  which can be reversed if these deficiencies are addressed. In the UK where I live we are usually only tested for iron, B12 and vitamin D deficiencies at diagnosis.   I was very iron anemic and supplementation made a big difference.  B12 was low normal, but in other countries the UK's low normal would be considered a deficiency.  My vitamin D was low normal, and I've been supplementing ever since (when I remember to take it!) My pins and needles definitely started to improve when my known deficiencies were addressed.  My nutritionist also gave me a broad spectrum supplement which really helped, because I suspect I wasn't just deficient in what I mention above but in many other vitamins and minerals.  But a word of warning, don't take iron unless blood tests reveal you actually need it, and if you are taking it your levels must be regularly monitored because too much can make you ill.  (And if you are currently taking iron, that might actually be making your stomach sore - it did mine, so my GP changed my iron supplementation to a gentler form, ferrous gluconate). Lastly, have you been trying to take anything to lessen the pain in your gut?  I get a sore stomach periodically, usually when I've had too much rich food, or when I have had to take an aspirin or certain antibiotics, or after glutening.  When this happens, I take for just a few days a small daily dose of OTC omeprazole.  I also follow a reflux or gastritis diet. There are lots online but the common denominators to these diets is you need to cut out caffeine, alcohol, rich, spicy, acidic food etc and eat small regularly spaced meals.   When I get a sore stomach, I also find it helpful to drink lots of water.  I also find hot water with a few slices of ginger very soothing to sip, or camomile tea.  A wedge pillow at night is good for reflux. Also,  best not to eat a meal 2-3 hours before going to bed. If the stomach pain is getting worse, though, it would be wise to see the doctor again. I hope some of this helps. Cristiana    
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

NOTICE: This site places This site places cookies on your device (Cookie settings). on your device. Continued use is acceptance of our Terms of Use, and Privacy Policy.