My Mother!

[yogamommytrainer99]

My parents came to visit last week and one of the night's we all went out to dinner (to a gluten-sensitive restaurant of course). My husband ordered some mozzarella sticks for the kids so they didn't start tearing up the place. The appetizer comes out and the waitress didn't give me a little plate because she knew I wasn't going to have any due to my gluten-free status. A couple of seconds later my mom hands me the plate of gluten and I declined. She said - "oh that's right you can't eat this - I'll remember some time". Hello - it's been over a year! I am only one of her two children! I was really hurt! I'm pretty sure she had no idea that her words and lack of concern were painful, geez!

[kareng]

Is she normally a rude, evil or insensitive person? If yes, then you can't expect anything else from her. If no, maybe the fact that she doesn't live near you and deal with this regularly is the problem. Even my boys and hub forget sometimes or don't think about the ingredients. For most people, you think "cheese" & "yum" when you think of moz sticks. We Celiacs think "Aghh! Poison!".

[kayo]

I've been dairy free for 4+ years and some of my family remember and some don't. Add gluten and soy on top of that and forget about it. I have the same conversations over and over. Maybe I should make a recording Some think eggs are dairy. Some think whole wheat is ok. Some confuse gluten and glucose. I get offered things I can't eat all the time and I just say no thank you.

I find that people who don't have to deal with this themselves don't retain it very well and I don't expect them too. As long as I remember that's ok.

[GlutenFreeManna]

Don't let it hurt you too much. I find that people who don't eat gluten free really have no clue about how much stuff they eat that has gluten (even if you have explained it before). She was probably thinking fried cheese sticks don't have gluten until she saw your face. I once was at a friend house around lunch time as I was getting ready to leave and go get food, we started discussing eating gluten free. She said oh I could easily fix you something, we hardly eat any bread in this house. She then proceeded to open her pantry and freezer and suggest things. Her suggestions? Chicken nuggets or chicken fingers, Campbell's Chicken noodle soup, Spaghetti...I stopped her at the spaghetti and gently tried to explain that pasta is made of wheat. Slowly it started to dawn on her and she said, oh then you can't have chicken noodle soup either, can you? After a minute or two she said, "oh don't worry about it, I'll just make you some chicken fingers." At this point I wasn't sure if she was really clueless or being rude. But I decided to just decline any lunch and leave. I've decided to err on the side of saying people are clueless until they prove they are just being rude (like if you catch them trying to slip gluten into your food or something).

[Jestgar]

A coworker's husband has one of those anaphylaxis/instant death allergies to red (yes, really). Last week she came in rolling her eyes that his mother had brought watermelon to some party they were having - a food that would send her son into shock/death if he ate anything that even touched it (telling this story as it was relayed to me). How could she???

Anyway, my point is, let it go. It isn't that she doesn't care about you, it's that she can't connect food with problem. Just be careful about what she offers you.

[AvatarOfChaos]

If your mother isn't around you a lot, I think it can be easy to genuinely forget. Dealing with it day in and day out makes it seem strange to at all be able to forget but, hey, my mother-in-law still can't remember my 9 year old son hates mushrooms and has all his life.

[sandsurfgirl]

I know it's hard that you have to live with this all the time when others don't. But... I think you are being overly sensitive in this instance. It's a relaxed social atmosphere and she was just handing food around which is the polite thing to do.

I don't expect anyone to remember my disease or accomodate me. If they do, I'm extremely grateful, but everyone else has enough on their plates to deal with too.

My dad is diabetic, severely so, and I don't know how many times I've passed him a sugary something at a party or get together. He rolls his eyes at me and says he can't have that and I sheepishly apologize. I'm just focusing on the group and passing out food. And sometimes he does indulge a bit so I don't know when it will be one of those times.

[momxyz]

18 years ago my mother in law had most of her stomache removed due to cancer. Immediately, this changed her life style, and, to some extent the nature of our family gatherings.

First was the need to eat at planned times. She couldn't wait for a "fashionably late" dinner. Second, there were foods she could no longer digest. So, we had to ensure that the menu at family gatherings offered something she could eat and enjoy.

This was a big change for the whole family.

I don't ever remember feeling resentment, but I do remember feeling, to my shame, and for better or for worse, "hassle". Because we did have to change the way we planned and organized holiday meals.

To be fair, she always brought something to eat, either for the purpose of unforseen delays in bringing the meal to table, or, to substitute for a side dish or desert. She did take responsibility for meeting her own needs without asking us to totally alter (other than the timing of meals) our holiday gatherings. And over time, all these things became normal.

In the last 10 months, her response to our (my daughter and me) adopting a gluten-free lifestyle has been wonderful. She buys gluten-free free products and breadcrumbs, tries to adapt some of her recipes so we all can enjoy them when she cooks for us.

In hind sight, there were times that I was not as understanding to my MIL as I should have been ... I am lucky she has been so willing to try to understand Gluten Free cooking.