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How Do I Teach A Grandparent To Be Vigilent?

twohokies

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twohokies Newbie
twohokies
Posted

Looking for help on how to educate and fix a VERY touchy situation re: gluten-free eating.

My mother is unwilling to be vigilent about what my 3yo eats, gets into, touches, etc. She babysat for us yesterday and we had an incident where 1) my mother cross-contaminated the butter (bagel crumbs ALL over it) and 2) where my mother had no clue what was in the goody bag my 5yo brought into the house. Aside from not letting my mother babysit or spend any 1-on-1 time with my daughter, how do I get through to her? When I called today to explain that my 3yo had ingested gluten somehow (evidenced by her abnormal BM), she was unwilling to take responsibility for what my daughter got into while under her care and hung up the phone on me. I've sent her lots of articles on celiac disease and gluten-free since getting the celiac disease dx in August. I've explained the damage to my daughter's intestine that takes place when she has gluten. I just don't know what else to do.

I am sure I am not the first parent to run into this. I feel like babysitters, daycare providers, etc. take this more seriously.

Thank you for any advice!

Kristen

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kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

I think you can't let her babysit until she can keep the child safe. You wouldn't let her babysit if she did some other behavior that isn't safe. Maybe you could watch the kids together a few times and see if she starts to get it. You deal with it everyday and she doesn't. She will have to learn and remember.

That said... If she still refuses to take responsibility for what a small child in her care eats, she can't be left alone with any child. She should be watching what what one that little is doing and putting in her mouth, gluten-free or not.

Juliebove Rising Star
Juliebove
Posted

My mother just does not get it. Last time I left daughter with her, she (daughter) was sick to her stomach. It turned out to be an allergic reaction to an allergy med she was on. How ironic is that? Anyway... Grandma tried to force her to eat crackers to settle her stomach. Daughter is 12 and was old enough to know better, but she said she had to fight her on it. My mom wasn't going to let up!

The rule I have (though obviously my mom doesn't follow it) is that daughter can only eat that which we have brought over. This last time was a fluke thing. I hadn't planned to have my mom watch her but I had car trouble and had to get the car into the shop. If I know my mom will be watching her, I always send plenty of drinks and snacks. I send extra because grandma and grandpa will usually eat what she brings as well.

At our house, my daughter has her own shelving unit with snacks and things. That way if anyone does have to watch her (not likely at her age now), they will know anything they find there is safe for her to eat. She has always had her own snack basket. Even before we knew of the allergies. She does not have celiac but food allergies. She knew anything in that basket was fine for her to eat.

Yup Apprentice
Yup
Posted

Looking for help on how to educate and fix a VERY touchy situation re: gluten-free eating.

My mother is unwilling to be vigilent about what my 3yo eats, gets into, touches, etc. She babysat for us yesterday and we had an incident where 1) my mother cross-contaminated the butter (bagel crumbs ALL over it) and 2) where my mother had no clue what was in the goody bag my 5yo brought into the house. Aside from not letting my mother babysit or spend any 1-on-1 time with my daughter, how do I get through to her? When I called today to explain that my 3yo had ingested gluten somehow (evidenced by her abnormal BM), she was unwilling to take responsibility for what my daughter got into while under her care and hung up the phone on me. I've sent her lots of articles on celiac disease and gluten-free since getting the celiac disease dx in August. I've explained the damage to my daughter's intestine that takes place when she has gluten. I just don't know what else to do.

I am sure I am not the first parent to run into this. I feel like babysitters, daycare providers, etc. take this more seriously.

Thank you for any advice!

Kristen

I would sit down with her and ask her if she would let your daughter handle and play with rat poison. The answer would be no. Tell her that gluten is a form of rat poison to your little girl. That visual might be what she needs. I would also sit down and show her the list of gluten-free ingrediants that are safe and not safe. Be strict with her. She needs to be onboard to keep your munchkin healthy.

twohokies Newbie
twohokies
Posted
  • Author

I would sit down with her and ask her if she would let your daughter handle and play with rat poison. The answer would be no. Tell her that gluten is a form of rat poison to your little girl. That visual might be what she needs. I would also sit down and show her the list of gluten-free ingrediants that are safe and not safe. Be strict with her. She needs to be onboard to keep your munchkin healthy.

Thank you all for your feedback. I may have to try the rat poison analogy with her. She just does not accept responsibility for my children's actions when they are in her care. It can & probably is more of an issue than just gluten. For now, she won't be babysitting and left alone with my kids. It's sad, but I'm not sure what else to do other than continuing to share all the celiac disease and gluten-free info I come across.

tarnalberry Community Regular
tarnalberry
Posted

If she won't take responsibility for watching kids (which means taking responsibility for what they get into (food, sharp objects, electrical sockets, whatever) then she should never be left alone with a small child. She sounds completely unsafe.

Takala Enthusiast
Takala
Posted

Is the child's pediatrician on board and can you drag her to an appointment ? Or is there a support group around you can take her to ?

Is your house gluten free that if she's coming there and you've made sure she didn't bring anything with her, you can have it be safe there ?

Since this is a hereditary disease there can be a TON of denial going on with first degree relatives who might also be experiencing some of the symptoms but who are reluctant to consider that they could also be celiac or gluten intolerant, or they at least passed on the genes for the increased susceptibility.

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twohokies Newbie
twohokies
Posted
  • Author

If she won't take responsibility for watching kids (which means taking responsibility for what they get into (food, sharp objects, electrical sockets, whatever) then she should never be left alone with a small child. She sounds completely unsafe.

Sadly, that's the point I'm at. She's unwilling to accept responsibility for what my children did while under her care. The more I think about it all, the greater an issue it's become - far more than just contaminating my baby.

kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

It sounds like you would be having this issue without the gluten problem. Would you pay someone who doesn't actually watch the kids? No. We have had 2 grandparents that could watch the kids. The other 3 ( remarried grandpa and new grandma and original grandma) would have been a danger to the kids. They wouldn't have actually watched them and kept them safe. You don' t let a 5 year old supervise a 3 and 2 year old in a creek, out of sight of the house.

The point of all this rant is that you are not the only one who cannot leave kids with a grandparent.

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