Question For The Non-celiac Spouses...

[ryebaby0]

I eat anything I feel like , but our non-celiac son does this same thing. Says the same thing "I don't want to eat their food" because then they "won't have anything". And I do feel like the worst thing in the world is to have the munchies and find out your wife has eaten your Pamela's brownies!

I would tell your husband it makes you happy to have him share, and it makes you lonely to eat your own food. My celiac disease son loves to share his food, it's much less isolating. I make coffee cake for my celiac disease husband to take to work, so people don't pity him. (and Danielle's cake, too!)

And maybe stop telling him when the old favorites have been modified to be gluten-free? We eat a gluten-free dinner every night, all of us, but it's not really different from what we had before, just a few tweaks here and there.

[frenchiemama]

Well, yesterday I got him to eat my brown rice spagetti with me! And get this, he said it was good and that he would be fine if we just bought this kind and not the regular noodles anymore. Ha! I am breaking though his resistance. Next to the cinnamon rolls.

[stef-the-kicking-cuty]

Wow this is a interesting topic. My husband used to say "I don't want to take your foods away from you", too. But after I opened my shop I was so busy, that I couldn't make 2 meals anymore. So I explained this to him and now we all eat glutenfree regular meals and he can have his gluten beer and munchiestuff. Similar like with the other Stephanie in here. Must be the name . But in a few days, when he ate all his munchie stuff I'll ask him, if he wouldn't like to share my cookies and pretzels. Cause I want to share them with somebody, too. And this somebody is him. Too bad for him . I guess he doesn't have other choice . Sorry, I'm pretty selfish sometimes

[skbird]

Yeah, Stephanie Solidarity!

And way to go, Frenchiemama - if he likes the pasta, you're halfway there.

I agree, it does seem weird and lonely to eat only your own food, so it's nice to share. Only time it's not nice to share is when you open your package from some online store and see the size the box of cookies/etc *really* is! Then the hoarding instinct comes in... But it makes sense - one of my coworkers calls it my "Gluttony-Free Diet" and when I see the smaller cookie boxes, loaves of bread, etc, I have to agree!

Stephanie

[printmaker81]

Okay, so I'm not married, but my boyfriend and I eat together enough to sometimes feel like it. It's so hard to cook for one that it almost doesn't feel like it's worth it. Yeah, you can reheat leftovers, but who wants to eat the same thing every day for a week?

My boyfriend is super picky (pizza is his main food group) and has stomach problems which makes him hesitant to try anything new. I've gone the sneak attack route, myself. I just cook something that is naturally gluten free. I've found asian food is a great comprimise. I don't have to use anything wierd and manufactured to be a substitute (except I use fish sauce in lue of soy sauce but you can't really tell the difference). Get a wok if you don't have one. The added bonus is that woks make cooking really quick. I am usually done cooking within 15-20 minutes. My boyfriend who rarely ever went back for seconds before I went gluten-free, almost always does now.

There are lots of naturally gluten-free meals out there, rissottos, asain and many indian dishes, a lot of spanish and mexican food. I suggest going ethnic, it has been the easiest route for us. Good luck, a kitchen is a tricky place to make comprimises.

[macman]

This thread is interesting....

My wife and I have discovered that eating gluten-free is very healthy and forces us to cook more. She keeps some regular bread around and uses a sep. toaster and other than that we eat all the same stuff (gluten-free pasta, steak, rice, veggies). I do not understand the problem described above with spouses wanting non-gluten-free?? My mom would say: stop making two meals-and when they're hungry-they'll either make their own food or eat yours with you.

we can either view this gluten-free thing as a burden or an exciting adventure, and no matter which one you pick, families are supposed to come together and figure out how to manage.

[elonwy]

THe first day of the diet I declared that I would only cook one meal and if he wanted to eat some he could and if not he could fend for himself. Seeing that he only can cook two dishes ( though very good ones) he's been fine with that. My first meal was terrible, but he ate every bite even when I didn't. He doesn't eat my special cookies or bread stuff though, and the other day he was out of bread and wanted toast and I had to force a peice of kinnikinick on him. I think he was scared it was like the first bread which he wouldn't touch after he saw me eat the first piece ( how can it fall apart yet stick to the roof of your mouth all at once?). He was surprised and said "this tastes like bread".

He knows how expensive it is though.

The problem I have is he feels guilty. We were out eating ( i had baked tater and veggies) and he asked very shyly, "would you be mad if I ordered a peice of apple pie." I said no, cause I don't care, I never liked sweets much anyway, much more of a salty snack freak, but I could tell he was guilty while he was eating it, and I asked him if he knew it was ok and he said "not yet". Poor thing.

Its really weird dealing with a non-celiac disease person in a relationship, cause they're going through all the crazy stages of dealing with illness the way we do ( I went through a triple-bypass with my ex-husband and have had much counseling, so know all the stages)

Maybe your husband is just in a denial stage. My bf didn't even want to talk about celiac disease for the first couple weeks. Maybe by being "normal" he doesn't have to face what a big thing you're having to deal with. That sounds crappy, but its really not, men can be a bit more fragile because they tend not to be taught how to share thier emotions and deal with big ones the way women tend to be and can sometimes take a bit longer to cope with stuff.

( Generalizations yes, but with a bit of truth in some cases, I think)

Man I'm rambling tonight.

Hope something in there made sense.

Elonwy

[Guest nini]

when we first went gluten-free, I refused to make two separate meals. I figured my non gluten-free hubby could either eat what we were having or fend for himself. Over time he has started eating more of the meals I cook and less of his frozen pizza's or tv dinners...

Just last night he suggested that we get rid of ALL of the Gluten containing foods in the house so that he can cut gluten out of his diet substantially. He's been reading Dangerous Grains and has decided that he doesn't want to risk colon cancer or anything like that. He quit smoking last year and is trying to get healthier. He also has some digestive issues whenever he eats gluten, which he has become aware of the more he eats gluten free. I don't think he will ever go completely gluten free as he wasn't dx with Celiac... he wasn't tested for it either. But it will be great if I don't have to worry about gluten in my own kitchen!

[Canadian Karen]

Although it isn't my spouse, my daughter absolutely refuses to try anything that is labelled gluten free. If she sees it in the fridge and I suggest she try it, I get a "Ew, NO, it's gluten free"........ She automatically assumes that if it is gluten free, it tastes like cardboard.....

I tricked her one day though. I made barbecued chicken with Kraft BBQ sauce, rice with my gluten-free chicken stock, gluten-free roasted potatoes, veggies etc. etc. I also had baked a gluten-free chocolate cake with Duncan Hines chocolate icing.....

She gobbled up the whole thing. After dinner, I told her that it was a totally gluten-free dinner..... She was speechless...... Oh well, slowly, hopefully, things will change...

My hubby is very protective of my gluten-free items though. He looks at it as it has to be saved for me and me alone or else I will somehow be deprived..... Like the gluten-free cheesecakes I buy. The kids love to put strawberry jam on top of them and eat them. Hubby gets angry because he thinks they are taking food out of my mouth!!

Hugs.

Karen

[Guest JKJ]

I've debated about posting this, because it seems so stupid.

My husband refuses to even try anything that I've cooked or that is labelled gluten-free. He used to love my cooking, but now that I cook gluten-free he won't even taste anything. It's not like I'm making anything bizarre or gross, it's just gluten-free. He also won't even try anything that is specialty gluten-free food. I had these really good cinnamon rolls that I bought for us to have for breakfast and he refused to even take a single bite.

WHY?? I'm not trying to make him eat a gluten-free diet along with me, but if I make beans and rice or spagetti with brown rice noodles I don't see why he wouldn't want to eat with me.

He doesn't ask me to prepare non-gluten-free meals for him, but what he is doing instead is just eating a ton more fast food, frozen pizzas and other junky convenience foods. That really bothers me, because I feel like he is disregarding his health for the sake of eating "normal" food.

I've asked him why he won't eat with me, and he just says that he doesn't want that particular meal or that he's hungry for something else. I don't really believe that though.

Have you tried not telling him that what you're offering is gluten-free?

Like make the house fragrant with homemade cinnamon buns and don't you eat them - -(tell him you made them specially for him) - -

Does anyone have any insight into his gluten-free phobia?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[frenchiemama]

Actually, just about a week ago he agreed to having a gluten-free kitchen! Of course he can still eat whatever he wants away from home, or bring in gluten containing takeout food, but everything prepared in our kitchen will be gluten-free from now on.

I explained to him that it made me feel weird and hurt my feelings a little bit when he refused to try food that I offered him. After that he agreed to at least take a teeny little taste, and found out that there were several things he liked! It's all been working out very well.

[Guest kmmolina]

Actually, just about a week ago he agreed to having a gluten-free kitchen! Of course he can still eat whatever he wants away from home, or bring in gluten containing takeout food, but everything prepared in our kitchen will be gluten-free from now on.

I explained to him that it made me feel weird and hurt my feelings a little bit when he refused to try food that I offered him. After that he agreed to at least take a teeny little taste, and found out that there were several things he liked! It's all been working out very well.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

So glad that it is working out for you. My husband and I went through the same thing...first refusing to eat anything of "mine", and then eating a little bit, then discovering that he actually liked some of the stuff. We, also are changing to a gluten free kitchen, except for his bread and flour tortillas, of course.

[tiredofdoctors]

Okay, the not taking the foods away from you quote must be the one thread that binds all gluten-free spouses together! My husband, who is and has been amazingly supportive actually said that, too! We came to a mutual agreement: if I am making dinner for both of us, then he'll happily eat gluten-free (he's not a picky eater to begin with, and his mother is my ally -- she told him that once we were married he needed to know that I'm the boss!) But he asked if it would bother me if we had some of his favorites in the house that contain gluten -- I told him it was no problem. That's when he said that we'd get gluten-free "goodies" for me, including breakfast cereals, etc., and he wouldn't eat them because he didn't want to take food away from me. I think part of it is that I'm in a wheelchair, and because of my ataxia and tremors have been deemed "unsafe to drive" (duh?) -- so it's not like I can just run out to the store. And I am determined that I am NOT going to eat gluten -- enough of my brain and retinas have been destroyed waiting for a complete diagnosis!

My dad did the same thing with fat-free stuff that some of the guys on this thread are doing -- he SWORE it didn't taste the same -- so my mom just started buying it and putting it in the regular bottle or jar that she kept, and he never knew the difference. Not that I condone that they didn't communicate better, but it worked for her . . . . !

I agree about not making 2 meals -- when my kids were growing up, if they told me they didn't want to eat what I made, I just pointed to the pantry -- the underlying message was "fix yourself a peanut butter sandwich". The funny thing is that, when my kids were little, I was "earth mom" -- made my own spaghetti (noodles), granola, etc. . . . Going gluten-free is kind of like getting back to my roots. I had gotten lazy with regard to healthy eating, and we ate a LOT of junk. The experimentation with different recipes is fun.

By the way, you guys sound like really fun people. Thanks for letting me participate in your group!