Christmas Dinner And My Mom

[eborzecki]

I was diagnosed with Celiac three weeks ago and since going gluten free my problems seemed to have gone away.

My sister has Celiac and she likes to cheat on her diet, I decided that this isn't for me and I want to be as healthy as possible. She is doing Christmas dinner and my mom is helping her. We are from Europe so a lot of dishes take time to find the right recipe to re-create. I recreated one of the soups and suggested to my mom that instead of making a regular gluten soup we can make this one and everyone can eat it and enjoy it the same because it tastes the same and takes the same amount of time. I even suggested I will make it.

The response I got from my sister was no problem, but my mom said I shouldn't make to much because she will make a regular one as well.

I asked her to make something for my birthday and put gluten free pasta in that I bought, instead she gave me everything prepared and made a separate gluten free pasta and a separate regular pasta.

My mom believes that I am overreacting because my sister cheats on her diet, and she thinks a little gluten won't hurt. I even stopped eating there. I am also considering bring my own food for Christmas.

My dad wants to get tested but she is talking him out of it and won't get tested either because she has no classic symptoms, when in fact she has many that could go with celiac and so does my dad.

I just don't understand why she would want me to get sick

Me and my husband talked about getting the kids on a gluten free trial as well but she watches our kids from time to time and she thinks I am crazy for even thinking to do this.

How do you deal with people like this especially when they are your close family?

I feel so sad and it just makes me want to cry, I just want her to understand and not lie to me, and its not like gluten free foods tastes any worst or that it will kill her.

[GFreeMO]

I'm sorry that you are going through this. I have been there myself many times and have gotten sick almost every time. I now bring my own food prepared by myself everywhere I go. It stinks to do that but it's better than getting sick.

Do what you need to for you and your family.

Hang in there! I think all of us here have been through this.

[mushroom]

Oh, hon, I do feel sorry for you and your mom. Probably one of the commonest and most heartbreaking themes on the board - how do you make your family understand? Food is involved so much in social interaction and it is mom's way of saying, here, look what I cook for you, I love you, eat my food..... And I won't eat your food because I like my food and I don't want to change, and I don't want your dad to change either because I want to cook my food and have him eat it and not cook his food because then I might have to eat it or cook twice all the time, and everything gets all involved with the food and the cooking and not changing anything!

If your sister cheats on the diet it is small wonder that she thinks that you can too. I don't think she truly understands that it will make you sick. Can you have a talk to your sister and ask that she not cheat when she is eating with your parents? Or does she live at home with them? Try to make her understand how difficult she is making it for you by cheating in front of your mom. And by the way, try to explain to her the harm she is doing to herself by cheating on herself .

Go ahead and make enough soup for everyone and then they can decide if the soup is good. You might even try a taste test to see if they can tell which is which (not on your mom because she will know - but have her taste it anyway). It is good to show people that gluten free food is not all those cardboard crackers or Ener-G rice bread.

Now having her look after your children is an entirely different kettle of fish, because unless she totally gets on board, you will not be able to trust her not to sabotage their diets.

Others who have had this problem of not having their family respect their needs will hopefully have more to offer you. But it is one of the hardest issues dealt with here on the forum.

[Marilyn R]

There's a really good chance that either your father or mother has celiac disease, since both you and your sister have been diagnosed. My mother was diagnosed but chose to be non-comopliant with the diet and deal with the consequenses. (There was a laundry list of consequenses.)

I know it's hard, but since you were so recently diagnosed, I'd suggest bringing your own food because you've committed yourself to healing your gut now, and improving your health.

It helps to pack a small cooler (a soft sided one with a long strap is perfect because you can just sling it over a shoulder). For holidays, I usually make a salad that can be shared (with a separate portion for me), homemade salad dressing, a pre-cooked sweet potatoe and a protein that can easily be microwaved or pan fried.) (Like a slice of ham, or a pre-cooked chicken breast.)

It's okay to be a "picky eater", even if you never were before. If anyone gives you flack about bringing your own food, remind yourself that you're doing it to preserve your health and to be there for your family when they need you. I might even pack a separate serving of the soup in a little thermos or somthing to heat on the stove or microwave, but that may be unnecessary.

As for your father, it sounds like Mom rules the roost. I would try to talk to him separately, and not during the holidays if you lve nearby.

Good luck to you. I don't know if it will help or not, but my standard reply when somebody wants me to eat what they cooked for the holidays is, "I know that's so good, wish I could try it." Then remind yourself that the holidays are not about food. It is all good.

Wish you well.

[Juliebove]

I hear ya! My mom seems to think that gluten-free things will taste weird and she simply won't serve them to the others. She always has me make a gluten-free whatever it is and she makes a regular one for the others. So... I just gave up on it.

[AVR1962]

Family situaions are hard and as simple as you would think this shoudl be there seems to be a lot of denial involved. We have been told all of our lives that whole grains and wheat are good for us and I think too many times people think the gluten-free diets are just another fad that is going to come and go. If your siste is cheating on her diet, it all the more proof to your mom that grains may not be the problem, in her thinking.

I have to admit I was one of thos e moms and I hate to say this now. My older daughters went off glutens a good 2 years before I did. They were on me about doing the same. Thank goodness my younger daughter never gave up on me. But I remember thinking they were on some new waved kick. Guess who ended up with the worst symptoms in the end, and who was diagnosed with celiac? Yep me, the non-believer!

However, now being on the otehr end of this and hearing your story I can say that your mom innocently does not get this, she really does not. I would encourage your dad with the testing as it does sound like there is a window of chance he may carry thru. There is nthing wrong with you taking your kids off gluten. I have 4 grandchildren who were never tested for celiac but none of them eat gluten. Your mom does not have to approve and she may think you are off your rocker but you have to do what is best for you and your family. Knowing now what I know about gluten, I feel everyone could benefit if they took it out of their diet. I wouldn't question your mom wanting to make her own recipe but that doesn't mean you can't make yours. Do what is best for you realizing you everyone else has the equla right to thier own choices as well.

I get frustrated with my hubby at times as I can see his life, weight, health could improve if he would go off gluten but anything I say to him falls on deaf ears. Sometimes it takes a person getting really really sick before they seek change and start listening.

[tarnalberry]

I would explicitly ask her "Why do you want me to get sick?" When she says "but your sister does it and doesn't get sick", you say "one, we don't know that she doesn't feel the effects of it. two, didn't you teach me not to jump off a bridge just because someone else does. I know that it makes me sick, so either you think I'm intentionally lying, or you want me to get sick. Which one?"

Being round-about doesn't get the job done in something like this, because she doesn't even realize what she's really saying to you.

[pricklypear1971]

I would explicitly ask her "Why do you want me to get sick?" When she says "but your sister does it and doesn't get sick", you say "one, we don't know that she doesn't feel the effects of it. two, didn't you teach me not to jump off a bridge just because someone else does. I know that it makes me sick, so either you think I'm intentionally lying, or you want me to get sick. Which one?"

Being round-about doesn't get the job done in something like this, because she doesn't even realize what she's really saying to you.

I agree. Goodness, if you've tried to be tactful and that approach doesn't work you've gotta draw the line.

[Marilyn R]

I would explicitly ask her "Why do you want me to get sick?" When she says "but your sister does it and doesn't get sick", you say "one, we don't know that she doesn't feel the effects of it. two, didn't you teach me not to jump off a bridge just because someone else does. I know that it makes me sick, so either you think I'm intentionally lying, or you want me to get sick. Which one?"

Being round-about doesn't get the job done in something like this, because she doesn't even realize what she's really saying to you.

Great response! I give Tarnalberry and an A+

[AVR1962]

Agree with Marilyn.....Tarnalberry has a great response here!! What mom hasn't used that very analogy with their kids and a wonderful way to bring it home to mom that you are doing what is best for you!!