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High And Low For The Day-Family Still Isn't Getting It

powerofpositivethinking

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powerofpositivethinking Community Regular
powerofpositivethinking
Posted

so my high for today was learning about the FDA's new regulations this morning, but then I packed up my stuff and headed to visit my family in PA...

 

I grew up in Central PA, home of PA Dutch cooking, where everything tastes great, but it's like a heart attack on a plate.  This was what the majority of my diet was growing up, and it's pretty much what my family still eats.  Also eating out happens to be one of my family's favorite activities.  My sister still gets pissy that I don't want to eat out, but let me make this clear, it's not that I throw a fit and refuse to go out, it bothers her that I simply sit there, participate in the conversation and drink water.  I'm happy and cordial and enjoy spending time with everyone, so why oh why do they think I always need a plate of food in front of me.  Give me gluten, and I'm going to turn into a b****.  I've already had an adverse reaction to Rice Dream, so excuse me for not being in a rush to put myself into the restaurant CC lottery since I've only been gluten-free since March and it turns out I'm more sensitive to gluten than I thought.  

 

I keep thinking that my family is starting to get it but then it goes backwards.  My sister works with a person who is a doctor diagnosed celiac, but this girl really doesn't take much precaution when dining out, so my sister sees that and thinks that if her friend does that than why can't her sister.  Then my Mom tells me tonight me that my aunt, who works at a natural food store and is a chef, told her that going completely gluten free is not a good idea.  That one really lit a fire under my you know where.  

 

I wish I would have lied to my family and said I had a positive biopsy so that they would take me seriously.  My sister even told me tonight, "But you don't even have celiac."  The DGP IgG is 99% specific for celiac, and I tested a strong positive on three separate occasions, but no worries let me eat stuff that I know my body has a problem with...I think not!  I can go to the bathroom on a regular basis without the use of Citrucel, which I stopped taking one day, and everything continued to keep working so I haven't had to take it since!!  Meanwhile my Mom thinks it's normal to go to the bathroom every three days, and I'm going to blow a gasket if I have to hear about her stomach rockin' and rollin' one more time :angry:  But she and my sister both say they don't have a problem with gluten...ok keep telling yourself that!

 

I love my family but this is so frustrating.  My best friends came to visit last week, and they understand so much better.  We went to the Cheesecake Factory, and they ate their dinner and I sat there had my water, we all talked and had a great time.  My one friend even bought two luna protein bars for me because she noticed they said gluten free, but meanwhile I've got my aunt telling my Mom that going completely gluten free isn't a good idea, and my sister who thinks I'm a fake.  

 

I'm so frustrated and just sad.  I started typing this after I left downstairs to come up to my old bedroom to cry because I really wish I would have just lied and said that my biopsies came back positive for celiac.  Frustrating...

 

It will be fine because I'll get back to my apartment in a few days with a roommate who understands things, and this too shall pass, but for now I've got to pull myself together.  Thanks for listening.

 

 

 

 

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whitepine Apprentice
whitepine
Posted

I'm sorry to hear that your family isn't supporting your decision to go gluten free. My family was the same when I first went gluten free and would get super pissed off at me when I'd make my own meals and not eat theirs. Or make my own pasta and eat the sauce or something. My grandmother still gets really pissed off at me when I wont eat what she offers me because she doesn't understand how sick it would make me to eat it.
It's not fair of your family to not support your choice to get better and it can be very stressing on relationships because eating food is a big deal. It's your choice to do as you please but it does help to have some kind of support which is good that you have it from your roommate.
 

You shouldn't feel pressured into eating gluten in meals just because it makes others feels better. I found this hard in the beginning because people really do go into a rage fit sometimes when you don't take what they offer you or you don't eat when they are eating at restaurants. You can get around the gluten thing at restaurants by discussing this with the waiter or waitress. If it's not a mom and pop country kitchen place, you can get away with finding something that doesn't have any gluten in it. I had an omelette at the cheese factory and they also had a gluten free cheese cake. Often restaurants have different menus or they have a list of meals that don't have gluten in them, applebees does and has some really good meals too. It can be scary and uncomfortable at first but people will accommodate celiacs/gluten intolerances more than you think.


But shame on your family for being such jerks about it. I would try and talk to them about it and tell them that it's your choice and you will do whatever works for you and you hope they will see that and support you towards better health. You can still be gluten intolerant and not have celiac.
 


 

Adalaide Mentor
Adalaide
Posted

I grew up probably in around the same area you did. Sort of more or less anyway, so I'm familiar with how the food is. It is especially frustrating when the people who are tied to you by blood just make no effort at all to be understanding or supportive. On the bright side, you don't need their permission or support to be gluten free and to feel better. :) (((hugs))) It will all be over soon and you'll be home and distanced. I found that at the times my family was driving me up a wall in my life, it was always easiest to love them from farther away.
 

GottaSki Mentor
GottaSki
Posted

Hang in there....they will "get" it eventually OR they won't -- in the meantime -- take heart that you are doing the right thing for your health -- as that continues to improve it will be easier to deal with the nay-sayers -- even the ones in the family that can be the toughest to deal with.

 

Is there a nice fluffy pillow in that old room of yours?  Hit it a few times then take a few deep breaths and go out at smile a fake smile until they understand. 

 

Might want to consider bringing a little something with you to have in front of you instead of just water...a pretty bowl of fruit perhaps?  Something easy to start.

 

Hang in there :)

AlwaysLearning Collaborator
AlwaysLearning
Posted

Sooooooo sorry to hear that you have to deal with family that doesn't understand and is actually misinformed. Family can totally suck sometimes. 

They seem to be able to push our buttons faster and more accurately than anyone else in our lives, and forget many of the rules of common courtesy. Since when is it okay not to be polite to those that we're supposed to care about the most? If they were a random stranger or just an acquaintance, it would be so easy to just brush them off and forget, but we actually care what our families think of us!

I've often thought that I wish I had written down some of the far out things my family has done and said over the years because I could probably make quite a bit of money if I could write a book that saw the humor in it all. I don't spend enough time around them now to be able to start, but perhaps you still can! Then you could get excited about their moments of insanity - another chapter writing itself.

Marilyn R Community Regular
Marilyn R
Posted

Oh boy, I can relate.

 

My heritage is dutch too, and I cracked up when you described the "heart attack on the plate".    However, my family was very supportive about what I could and couldn't eat and didn't try to force feed me. 

 

I don't know if this will help or not, but most of the restaurants my family frequented almost always had baked potatoes or sweet potatoes.  I'd order one uncut, skin on.  (Advice I learned here on the forum, not my original idea.)    Even if you just play with the potato, your family will perhaps be more comfortable.   I never got zapped by actually eating them. 

powerofpositivethinking Community Regular
powerofpositivethinking
Posted
  • Author

these replies made me feel so much better because everyone here gets me.  thank you!!  last night was just a lot for me, and when we go for a family dinner to my Grandma's house Sunday, the odds that I see that aunt are very high, and I don't want to flip out on her, but I need to stand up for myself even with all of her cooking/food prep background.  Sure a diet made primarily of nutritionally void pre-packaged gluten-free food is bad, but one primarily of whole foods is an excellent diet rich in healthy fats, lean proteins and complex carbs.  Where is the harm in that?!?!  

 

I pulled myself together last night and went back downstairs, and talked with my Mom some who told me she'll never be able to eat gluten-free, but she did listen some.  She told me she talked with my sister last weekend about her negative attitude in general.  We've never been the best of siblings, and I get along much better with my brother.  My Mom has noticed that I've really been trying a lot to make more of an effort, but my sister still shoots my ideas and feelings down.  I'm not trying to paint the idea that I'm the perfect sibling by any means because I am the middle child and I've got my quirks, but I've been working on it.  

 

On a very positive note, my best friends came to visit last night.  One is gluten intolerant, and displays polar opposite symptoms since he gets the big D.  They understand and just get it...the brain fog, bathroom issues and that gluten is in everything.  That really helped too.  

 

The biggest thing my Mom can't grasp is CC in restaurants.  

 

Marilyn-thanks for the idea about a baked potato, and that does sound like a safe bet if the skin is left on

 

Lisa-My Mom asked why I couldn't bring something along with me, but I've read that a lot of restaurants frown upon you bringing in your own food.  What has everyone's experience with this been?

 

thanks everyone

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GottaSki Mentor
GottaSki
Posted

I bring food everywhere. I don't have an option as I have too many intolerances on top of celiac. I simply tell the server I have many allergies so i have brought my own food...never had a problem....I do always order a beverage. We have always drank just water in restaurants so enjoying a nice coffee or glass of wine has been a treat for me.

Try to keep an open mind.too....take a look at the menu and if something looks safe....even an item from the sides section.....like Marilyn suggested...if nothing looks doable...at least you'll have your food. Easiest thing is a salad...I try to makenmine colorful with somendiced meat added in.....most people at my table along with many servers simply say that looks good and go about conversation or their business. I did feel uncomfortable at first....but that passed and nowni find it fun to go out.

Hang in there....that was a big step with your Mom....once she really understands she will be your advocate.....this transition simply takes time.

powerofpositivethinking Community Regular
powerofpositivethinking
Posted
  • Author

thank you, Lisa :)

 

Lots of questions ahead...If you do order something off the menu, what kind of questions do you ask?  Should I say I'm allergic to gluten and can't have it for medical reasons vs. saying I'm intolerant of it?  Do you ask to see if they have a gluten-free menu first, and if they don't have one then ask to speak to the manager about which options might be safe?  When do you discuss or do you even discuss how they actually prepare the food?  I don't want to make the server feel incompetent, but on some posts I've read that people suggest immediately requesting a manager come to the table.  What are your thoughts on this?  I'm all about keeping myself safe but would like to do so with as little commotion and attention brought to me as possible.    Also what are your thoughts on gluten-free dining cards or is it better to just discuss it with the server/manager? 

 

I bring food everywhere. I don't have an option as I have too many intolerances on top of celiac. I simply tell the server I have many allergies so i have brought my own food...never had a problem....I do always order a beverage. We have always drank just water in restaurants so enjoying a nice coffee or glass of wine has been a treat for me.

Try to keep an open mind.too....take a look at the menu and if something looks safe....even an item from the sides section.....like Marilyn suggested...if nothing looks doable...at least you'll have your food. Easiest thing is a salad...I try to makenmine colorful with somendiced meat added in.....most people at my table along with many servers simply say that looks good and go about conversation or their business. I did feel uncomfortable at first....but that passed and nowni find it fun to go out.

Hang in there....that was a big step with your Mom....once she really understands she will be your advocate.....this transition simply takes time.

bellalunarena Newbie
bellalunarena
Posted

so my high for today was learning about the FDA's new regulations this morning, but then I packed up my stuff and headed to visit my family in PA...

 

I grew up in Central PA, home of PA Dutch cooking, where everything tastes great, but it's like a heart attack on a plate.  This was what the majority of my diet was growing up, and it's pretty much what my family still eats. 

You don't say. Whereabouts? I grew up in Lititz.

 

Heart attack on a plate? Yeah, pretty much. It's worthless without a stick of butter thrown on it. :-) 

powerofpositivethinking Community Regular
powerofpositivethinking
Posted
  • Author

bellalunarena,

I grew up in the Boiling Springs/Carlisle area.  

haha the stick of butter line is totally right  :)

 

After all my huffing and puffing earlier in this thread, the rest of my visit was better.  I did eat lunch out with my Mom, but it was in a dedicated gluten-free facility about 25 minutes from their house.  It is called Betsy's Bakery in Camp Hill, PA which is pretty close to Harrisburg.  The owner has celiac, so I felt confident eating there, and everything turned out fine.  I think my Mom was pretty excited about it, and I will admit it was nice to have a sandwich that I didn't make myself  :)

 

thanks again everyone for your encouragement, but I'll admit as much as I love my family, it's good to be back at my own place! 

 

 

You don't say. Whereabouts? I grew up in Lititz.

 

Heart attack on a plate? Yeah, pretty much. It's worthless without a stick of butter thrown on it. :-) 

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