Concerned For Teenaged Daughter

[Ursa Major]

The more research I do, the more I am convinced that my youngest daughter (13, in grade 9) is gluten intolerant. We had her tested for food intolerances three years ago, and she is definitely intolerant to all dairy. I won't allow her to have any of it when home, but I know that she cheats when visiting friends. Ice cream makes her incredibly hyper, really, uncontrollable, cheese makes her throw up, and milk gives her terrible gas. But she will still have those things sometimes just to fit in when visiting friends, or when going out during lunch break, which of course, I can't control.

About once a week she misses at least half a day of school for feeling ill in the morning (sick to her stomach, dizziness). Sometimes she wakes up in the middle of the night because she has to vomit. She has trouble concentrating in school, and often doesn't retain a thing she has learned. She forgets everything, I get so exasperated with her! She regularly forgets ALL her jackets at school in her locker for days on end, having nothing to wear when it rains (and now it's getting cold, too).

I know she honestly tries to remember, but my husband thinks she doesn't care and wants to constantly punish her for things I now think are gluten related. This kid is addicted to everything containing gluten! She'll eat cereal every chance she gets, and bread, crackers, bagels, cookies (if I ever have any, which is rare).

She also gets debilitating menstrual cramps, they are absolutely horrible. She used to get excema on her arms and legs, especially on the insides of her elbows and knees, which she used to scratch bloody. Now that I think about that, they looked an awful lot like the pictures of DH I have seen when doing research.

I know she needs to try being on the gluten-free diet. But how do I get her to abide by it when away from home? Or for that matter, to agree to eating gluten-free at home, I think she'll have a fit when I am going to mention it (tomorrow after school).

Does anybody have any suggestions?

[Jnkmnky]

Maybe a crash course in ulcerative colitis would convince her not to antagonize her bowels. Find out if she has celiac disease then educate her on her disease if she has it. Until it's a reality, she may be in denial. Ownership over something usually motivates a person to take control. If she has celiac disease, teach her that it's hers to manage, her's to control. She may like the responsibility. Do dopey things like offer her a snack with gluten and let her correct you. That may make her feel knowledgable and smarter than you.... Learn the art of Jedi mind tricks to deal with kids and teens.

[mommida]

Show her all the things she can eat. Try and concentrate on the positives of the gluten free and casein free diet. Get a list of all the well liked, popular gluten-free food items. There are gluten-free cf ice cream alternatives, get them. When she sees they can taste good and won't cause her extreme pain she will adjust to the diet.

Laura

[fisharefriendsnotfood]

If she freaks out, then tell her to come on this site and if she wants to, I'm 14 and in grade 9 so I can talk to her if she wants. I'm on quite a bit so just PM me or whatever, I don't like putting my email address out on the internet.

-Jackie

[Smunkeemom]

Show her all the things she can eat.  Try and concentrate on the positives of the gluten free and casein free diet.  Get a list of all the well liked, popular gluten-free food items.  There are gluten-free cf ice cream alternatives, get them.  When she sees they can taste good and won't cause her extreme pain she will adjust to the diet.

Laura

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I second that advice, it worked for my 80 year old grandpa and is working with my 4 year old daughter.

Just about anything you want can be made gluten-free and most time it tastes the same and sometimes even better

concentrate on naturally gluten-free things that are awesome (like fruit )

[Lisa]

She is at a really tough age. She just wants to fit in with everyone else. Every one of her friends are trying to be the coolist of the kids.

As mentioned, before, give her a list of the safe things that she can eat out at fast foods and join in with the others (McD's French Fries for example) and there are many others. Candies that would be suitable for her to consume. Run it off for her and tell her that these are the things that are safe and they won't make her sick. Sooner or later, she will work her pain/food issues out.

Know her friends. This is essential. When you get close to her friends, a little at a time, you can drop hints that your daughter has digestive issues and those close to her will re-inforce what you have told them. A truely good friend would not someone close to them get sick by what they eat.

Tread lightly, a little at a time. They will listen to their friends more than you right now. This will last about five years....so get close to her friends. Have them over for a cook out that is gluten free and they won't even know it. Put on some music and let them be. Build a place where her friends are welcome. Always be a parent, but alway welcome friends to drop over. (You will learn, sometimes more that you want to, from friends. What your children don't feel comfortable telling you, remember your are not their friends parent and many times they freely talk about what is going on in their life. Don't react too much, just listen with interest. You will be so surprized what you will learn).

Ok...end of this, hope this will help. Been-there-done-that. Best of luck

(Anyone on the site that is pre-20 need not know parental secrets...so disregard this as fiction.....I made it all up )

[PicturePerfect]

It's a big thing- going gluten-free. I would consult her pediatrician first, before telling her. Also let it sink in a few days. It took me about a week to realize that I was going to have to eat like this in order for me to feel better.

I am 13, 8th grade, and I agree Jackie (fisharefriendsnotfood) and tell her about this site. It helped me to learn a lot about going gluten-free and know that I am definately not the only one.

Good luck ,

Lisa

[KenS]

Just to put my two cents worth in. McDonalds french fries reacted very badly with me. It's the only accident I've had in 6 months, and I was seriously ill for 7 days. I had assumed that the fries were cooked independantly, but apparently they also cook things like chicken nuggets in the same oil. All this happened in Australia, so perhaps it's different in the USA.

[skoki-mom]

Your daughter is at an age when she needs to be learning how to take control of her own life, in all aspects, not just her diet. I feel for her, I really do. No one likes to feel different, and she is at an age when fitting in is so important and kids are starting to do things like eat out without their parents present. My kids aren't teens yet, so I am far from an expert. As a parent, I can appreciate how hard it is to see your child sick all the time, and how frustrated you must be to know she could prevent it. She is doing a lot of damage to herself, but I really honestly think you need to present the facts to her, maybe get in touch with your local Celiac Association for support meetings, keep a lot of gluten-free stuff around the house and a lot of mainstream products that are gluten-free (chips, etc, so she can have "normal" stuff to share with her friends), and then you have to sort of let her deal with it. All you can do is provide gluten-free lunches etc, but if she goes and eats crap in the school cafeteria, that is out of your hands. I'm not saying condone it, I'm saying she needs to learn to take ownership of it. She might surprise you. I grew up with a friend who had diabetes, she put herself in a coma once or twice (definitely NOT healthy) but she learned how to manage her condition very well. Kids with chronic conditions usually learn to cope well. Just give her lots of love and support, probably best if the whole family goes gluten-free for the main meal of the day, and I'm sure you will both find your way.

[Ursa Major]

Thank you all for your advice. I talked to Susie, and she outright refuses to go on the diet, claiming that there isn't a thing wrong with her health. She also says she won't be tested, and that I can't make her.

Since she is very tall and strong (5 foot 9 inches, and 135 lb), I can't physically make her do anything. But I hope that she'll see reason after thinking about it. And I'll try to get her oldest sister (who is 25, married with four kids) to talk to her, she listens to her easier than to me.

I guess a few more weeks will not likely make a difference in the long run (even though after seeing the HUGE change in my health on the gluten-free diet, I feel a great sense of urgency about getting my 'baby' looked after).

Since my husband and second-youngest daughter (20, still living at home) refuse to stop eating gluten containing breads, I can't make this house gluten-free. I wished I could.

[Eeyorific]

Hi!

I'm new here, My name is Kristie... I will post an intro on another thread, but here I would like to share what has helped me with getting my very reluctant family members to eat gluten-free.

I started very innocently, by making gluten-free (also CF) banana muffins with my 3yr old celiac son. As they were baking up.. my non gluten-free family members started to trickle in one by one saying... Hey.. whatcha making? I would just answer Gluten-free Casein-free muffins.. they would say Oh. and walk out.. 20 minutes later, they couldn't resist the smell and would practicaly beg for one as my son and I were snacking on them at the table. Each bite, they would insist it couldn't be Gluten-free Casein-free... my daughter (nearly 10 yrs) was hooked at that point, and said I will eat gluten-free every day, as long as I can have these muffins! Hubby would mention... Yeah, this is great, but there's no way I'm going to give up my pies and pizza's. So that weekend, I made *my son* a Gluten-free Casein-free Apple pie. (please note, I am not a huge baker.. all of these were easy recipes! After the pie, my husband was going through the gluten-free cookbooks to see what else I could make. At that point, I just picked things to make gluten-free that would be hard to spot... Home made Chicken Noodle soup using Tinkyada Pasta (can't even tell their are gluten-free!) Shepards Pie using Dinty Moore beef stew and so on. The family favortie was the gluten-free chicken nuggets.. (they couldn't be easier to make) and my family insists they are better than McDonalds!

I was able to talk and plan with my family, after the pie and muffins they were willing to eat gluten-free for a long weekend. My daughter was actually looking forward to it. After eating gluten-free for 3 days, my hubby didn't have any problems going back to gluten, but is very open to eating gluten-free any time I make it.

My daughter on the other hand, became sick with diarrhea, headache, very upset stomach, foul mood. Hard time staying focused, exc... She admitted that she felt much better eating gluten-free and is very anxious to go gluten-free for life.

I realize that this can be harder to do with a teenager, but not impossible. I believe with a little creativity, you can hook her without her even knowing it. And if she does in fact have a problem with gluten, she will see for herself the improvement she'll have eating gluten-free, and with any luck, will want to go on the diet.

I hope this helps some.

God Bless,

Kristie

[Ursa Major]

Thank you, Kristie. What you said made great sense, and I'll try it. Unfortunately, I still have so little energy that I can't bake too often yet. But I guess I'll have to make an effort.

Janet (20), Susie's older sister (the only two still living here), is now suddenly EAGER to try going gluten-free! The reason is this: Sarah, my oldest daughter, has put her whole family on a gluten-free diet three days ago, to see if it will help her twins. What I didn't know was, that both had very enlarged tonsils. Sarah told me yesterday that after Ethan not eating anything with gluten for two days, she was sure his tonsils are starting to get smaller!

Now Janet has had HUGE tonsils for years, after having tonsillitis a few years back. They just wouldn't go back to their pre-tonsillitis size, and she has wanted to have them taken out. Plus, she admitted to me yesterday that lately she gets terrible pains in her legs when she is tired (sounds frighteningly like me). So, the pain scares her, and the change in Ethan impresses her enough to wanting to try going gluten-free.

So, if I cook and bake totally gluten-free, I have her to support me, which will make a big difference!

Plus, after reading how much your husband liked your gluten-free baking, I don't think my husband will care either way. He loves the gluten-free meals I cook in the crockpot, too. With him, as long as he is fed, he'll be happy. He is not picky at all, he'll pretty much eat anything. And if he wants gluten-free food, he can have it during the week when he goes out for lunch at work.

I'll have to make another trip to the health food store to buy some of that Tinkiyada pasta, I saw it there, and they have a great variety. Susie loves pasta, and after what I've read here, she likely won't even notice the difference, and neither will anybody else (I can't eat it, since I can't tolerate any grain, gluten or not).

Kristie, it sounds like your daughter has unrecognized gluten intolerance, too! Good thing she tried the gluten-free diet and now knows the difference it makes. I think I'll go and do some baking!

[Ursa Major]

So, tonight I made mashed cauliflower (instead of mashed potatoes, which I can't eat). It wasn't as good as I hoped, but not bad. My husband loved it, though. Susie wouldn't try it, saying it looked gross, and Janet thought it was alright. I also made hamburger patties, and put carrots in (instead of oats), which was okay.

I baked some gluten-free brownies. Janet saw them, and asked what it was, and I said, "Some very special brownies", winking at her (Susie could hear us). Janet tried one and loved it, making sure Susie could hear her going, "Mmmmmmmm, delicious!"

Susie came running (she loves sweet things) and took one. After she took a bite, she said, "Not bad, what is in them?" Janet said "Everything!", laughing. I told her, "No gluten". After I said that, she said, "They're not nearly as good as the 'real' ones", as she was reaching for the second one, and a moment later for the third .

But she still maintains that she won't follow the diet outside of our house, since "she is perfectly healthy, and there isn't a good reason for it".

Well, but I scored with my baking, anyway. And I am getting a bread machine on Monday, so I can bake bread for the girls. That way Susie can't complain there is no bread in the house. I don't have the energy yet to bake bread without a bread machine, or I would have done that today.

I stopped Ken from buying bread today, though, so Susie won't eat a ton of bread at least. It's going to be an uphill battle with her (sigh).

[Eeyorific]

The reason is this: Sarah, my oldest daughter, has put her whole family on a gluten-free diet three days ago, to see if it will help her twins. What I didn't know was, that both had very enlarged tonsils. Sarah told me yesterday that after Ethan not eating anything with gluten for two days, she was sure his tonsils are starting to get smaller!

It is VERY interesting that you should mention tonsils... My daughter, Emelia has had very enlarged tonsils most of her life. I do pray that going gluten-free will also help her with this, because the doctors are unwilling to take them out at this point.

However, they are so large that when she becomes ill with a sore throat.. she's unable to eat, and even has a hard time just swallowing water.

Oh, that reminds me, I best go post my intro, but 1st, that's wonderful about the brownies. As I say, win them over one yummy gluten-free bite at a time.

It's also a good thing that her sisters are either gluten-free or wanting to eat gluten-free, that very well could help her eat gluten-free.

Off to that intro...

God Bless,

Kristie

[pixiegirl]

I'm in the same boat... my daughter is 14 and just won't do it. I cook mostly gluten-free but she gets snacks that aren't. Also at school she eats a turkey sandwich or pizza and won't take a lunch because its geeky. She is already different, she has a life threatening allergy to peanuts and tree nuts so she feels singled out at school to begin with. She has told me she will NOT go gluten-free and without a doubt she needs too. (based on symptoms, has not had a blood test yet) but she also is like your daughter, forgets everything, coats, homework, everything.... can't sit still, can't concentrate... they have ruled out ADD so I keep figuring it must be gluten.

Sigh,

susan

[Merika]

Ursula,

There is a book called "Personal Stories On...Celiac" that you may find insightful, and your gd's might read. It's a book with 3-5 page stories of people getting diagnosed/living with celiac. There is a whole chapter on teenagers, written by teenagers. My take on the book was that this age group had the hardest time adjusting and adapting to celiac diagnosis and gluten-free-life. You might want to check it out.....

Merika

[Ursa Major]

Merika, I looked for the book on Amazon, but they didn't have anything with that title. Where would I find it, and do you know the author's name?

[Merika]

Hi Ursula,

Sorry, haven't been online in a while, and I goofed a bit on the name of the book. Here it is at Amazon:

Open Original Shared Link

Hth,

Merika