Jump to content

  • Welcome to Celiac.com!

    You have found your celiac tribe! Join us and ask questions in our forum, share your story, and connect with others.



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A1):

    Celiac.com Sponsor (A1-M):

  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Our Content
    eNewsletter
    Donate

"breaking Up" With Non-Celiac Roommates

jessiej

By jessiej
in Coping with Celiac Disease

Recommended Posts

jessiej Newbie
jessiej
Posted

Hi! I'm brand new to this forum but I was diagnosed in August 2012 so I'm not new to living gluten-free -- hello everyone! :)

 

I decided to write here because I have a conundrum with my living situation. I live with three roommates who are dear friends and who have generally been supportive of my lifestyle. The only thing is -- and I'm sure anyone who's lived with people without food restrictions might agree -- they've never really understood the degree I have to go to to stay healthy. We have a shared kitchen and I keep all of my stuff away from theirs, but lately it's felt futile to do so. They bake with non-gluten-free flour, cut bread right on the counter tops, and the toaster area is never clean and the crumbs travel from there. We're also in our early 20s and they throw parties a lot, so I'm 99% sure beer is covering every surface in our home. I wipe things down every day and run my items through the dishwasher constantly but I know it's not enough to stop the CC. 

 

I've lived with them for almost a year and I've definitely had classic glutenings come up (that AHH, KILL ME kind of glutening we all know so well!), but lately I've been feeling almost like I did pre-diagnosis when I was eating my weight in gluten (haha). I have chronic joint pain, I've been losing hair, I'm exhausted, I have bags under my eyes, I have had wicked brain fog, and I haven't had normal BMs for weeks. I can barely stomach more than gluten-free pasta or gluten-free breads, and I know not eating as many fruits and veggies as I'm used to isn't helping my health problems.  I am not near my regular doctor, but I have a feeling if I had another biopsy done now it would show that I've backslid in my healing process due to chronic cross contamination issues. I'm also a super people pleaser and I have tried to hide my symptoms as best I can so as not to upset anyone - not fair to them or me, I know! :(   

 

I've come to the conclusion that a shared kitchen just doesn't work for me right now, at least not this shared kitchen. I have the means and opportunity to move out - I found an apartment nearby that's a one bedroom so I could have a truly gluten-free kitchen -- but I'm worried about hurting them and having a conversation with them about leaving because I truly love them and know they would never mean to contribute to my feeling ill. I also know it's my responsibility to take care of my health, and I can't ask them to give up cookies and beer without feeling like a really awful roommate. It's definitely time to move on.

 

Have any of you dealt with "breaking up" with non-celiac roommates? How have you handled the conversation and making sure you don't convey blame when you explain your reasons for moving out? I am giving them 30 days notice, so that's not a concern! 

 

Thank you so much and I'm excited to check out the rest of the forums here!!

Jessi 

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


1desperateladysaved Proficient
1desperateladysaved
Posted

I feel for you.  Most of us had to change our living arrangements in some way.  I think all you can do is say something like:  That you don't want to be a burden to them, but you feel that for the sake of your health you need to have a gluten free kitchen.  Tell them that you don't expect them to join in that, so you found your own little apartment.

 

When I announced my plans to the extended family, I tried to keep it light.  I blamed celiac.  I said, "Of all the dumb things I have to do for celiac.  now I will need to bring my own food for the holiday meal. I hope you do not mind and I ask that you help me hide it from Mom."  The arrangements were made in advance, so nobody was surprised and everything went as good as could be expected.  Perhaps you can say something similar blaming celiac and not them.

 

Hopefully, they will understand.  I actually have a family which I am tied to at my house.  They didn't understand how come I could no longer supply their favorite foods in the beginning. But when they saw my health transforming betore them, and experienced some of the reactions with me;  they now look out for me and understand.  If your people don't understand right away, perhaps they will understand as your health improves.  I hope so.

 

Best wishes for a return to help.  Can you cook in a separate spot in an electric skillet or crock pot for now?  Moving will use up more energy than you have perhaps.  Then again maybe someone will pitch in to help.

SMRI Collaborator
SMRI
Posted

If they are real friends, this should be a non-issue and they will understand that you need to do what you need to do.  If not, find new friends.

notme Experienced
notme
Posted

i agonized over how i was going to tell my sister i was more comfortable staying at my bff's house instead of hers when i come to visit.  i tried to break it to her gently, when she butted in and said:  so, you are telling me you would rather stay at melanie's when you visit?  i said yes, because it's easier for me to have the peace of mind (she still has gluteny kids at home - boys - who tend to be crumb-y)  blah, blah, blah.  she said:  o thank God.  you are a pain in the ass.  i worry all the time we are going to screw up and make you sick!   

 

and we laughed and laughed.  :D  so, maybe they are having a hard time with worrying about you, too!

Pegleg84 Collaborator
Pegleg84
Posted

It's not a fun situation, but your health is the most important thing. Blame the disease, not your friends, and be clear that it will be easier on everyone if you're on your own. Help them find a new roommate, hopefully the friendships will stay, even if you're not there.

Pretty much since going gluten-free, I've lived on my own mostly for the piece of mind of controlling my own kitchen. Handling rent on your own is not an easy thing to do in this city, but it's been worth it. Now my gluten-eating BF and I are living together, but the kitchen is my domain, and he's been super super careful. No problems as of yet.

Unless your roommates/significant others/family are willing to truly commit to keeping you safe, then it's better to go it alone. 

Good luck with the move!

Also, welcome to the forum!

  • 2 weeks later...
Purpletie3 Newbie
Purpletie3
Posted

Life is short and you have to do what is right for your health...If you think you will be healthier in your own place then make the move. If you think there is a way to mediate the damage in your current home...give it a try. If you have space...your own kitchenette~ Cabinet, toaster oven and def cooking pans and utensils sponges etc...  Trust me...I know the frustration trying to make a change with a gluten loving boyfriend and teen. However, when they see me get sick they know...this is real...and even a careless crumb off a piece of bread can contaminate me. Best of luck with your choice!

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A19):


  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      131,902
    • Most Online (within 30 mins)
      7,748
    Patty6133
    Newest Member
    Patty6133
    Joined
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A20):

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      121.4k
    • Total Posts
      1m
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A22):



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A21):


  • Upcoming Events

  • Posts

    • trents
      New (possible) celiac diagnosis

      By trents · Posted

      Welcome to the forum, @Judy M! Yes, he definitely needs to continue eating gluten until the day of the endoscopy. Not sure why the GI doc advised otherwise but it was a bum steer.  Celiac disease has a genetic component but also an "epigenetic" component. Let me explain. There are two main genes that have been identified as providing the "potential" to develop "active" celiac disease. We know them as HLA-DQ 2.5 (aka, HLA-DQ 2) and HLA-DQ8. Without one or both of these genes it is highly unlikely that a person will develop celiac disease at some point in their life. About 40% of the general population carry one or both of these two genes but only about 1% of the population develops active celiac disease. Thus, possessing the genetic potential for celiac disease is far less than deterministic. Most who have the potential never develop the disease. In order for the potential to develop celiac disease to turn into active celiac disease, some triggering stress event or events must "turn on" the latent genes. This triggering stress event can be a viral infection, some other medical event, or even prolonged psychological/emotional trauma. This part of the equation is difficult to quantify but this is the epigenetic dimension of the disease. Epigenetics has to do with the influence that environmental factors and things not coded into the DNA itself have to do in "turning on" susceptible genes. And this is why celiac disease can develop at any stage of life. Celiac disease is an autoimmune condition (not a food allergy) that causes inflammation in the lining of the small bowel. The ingestion of gluten causes the body to attack the cells of this lining which, over time, damages and destroys them, impairing the body's ability to absorb nutrients since this is the part of the intestinal track responsible for nutrient absorption and also causing numerous other food sensitivities such as dairy/lactose intolerance. There is another gluten-related disorder known as NCGS (Non Celiac Gluten Sensitivity or just, "gluten sensitivity") that is not autoimmune in nature and which does not damage the small bowel lining. However, NCGS shares many of the same symptoms with celiac disease such as gas, bloating, and diarrhea. It is also much more common than celiac disease. There is no test for NCGS so, because they share common symptoms, celiac disease must first be ruled out through formal testing for celiac disease. This is where your husband is right now. It should also be said that some experts believe NCGS can transition into celiac disease. I hope this helps.
    • Judy M
      New (possible) celiac diagnosis

      By Judy M · Posted

      My husband has had lactose intolerance for his entire life (he's 68 yo).  So, he's used to gastro issues. But for the past year he's been experiencing bouts of diarrhea that last for hours.  He finally went to his gastroenterologist ... several blood tests ruled out other maladies, but his celiac results are suspect.  He is scheduled for an endoscopy and colonoscopy in 2 weeks.  He was told to eat "gluten free" until the tests!!!  I, and he know nothing about this "diet" much less how to navigate his in daily life!! The more I read, the more my head is spinning.  So I guess I have 2 questions.  First, I read on this website that prior to testing, eat gluten so as not to compromise the testing!  Is that true? His primary care doctor told him to eat gluten free prior to testing!  I'm so confused.  Second, I read that celiac disease is genetic or caused by other ways such as surgery.  No family history but Gall bladder removal 7 years ago, maybe?  But how in God's name does something like this crop up and now is so awful he can't go a day without worrying.  He still works in Manhattan and considers himself lucky if he gets there without incident!  Advice from those who know would be appreciated!!!!!!!!!!!!
    • Scott Adams
      Patiently Waiting to See Results

      By Scott Adams · Posted

      You've done an excellent job of meticulously tracking the rash's unpredictable behavior, from its symmetrical spread and stubborn scabbing to the potential triggers you've identified, like the asthma medication and dietary changes. It's particularly telling that the rash seems to flare with wheat consumption, even though your initial blood test was negative—as you've noted, being off wheat before a test can sometimes lead to a false negative, and your description of the other symptoms—joint pain, brain fog, stomach issues—is very compelling. The symmetry of the rash is a crucial detail that often points toward an internal cause, such as an autoimmune response or a systemic reaction, rather than just an external irritant like a plant or mites. I hope your doctor tomorrow takes the time to listen carefully to all of this evidence you've gathered and works with you to find some real answers and effective relief. Don't be discouraged if the rash fluctuates; your detailed history is the most valuable tool you have for getting an accurate diagnosis.
    • Scott Adams
      Gluten free beer ?

      By Scott Adams · Posted

      In this case the beer is excellent, but for those who are super sensitive it is likely better to go the full gluten-free beer route. Lakefront Brewery (another sponsor!) has good gluten-free beer made without any gluten ingredients.
    • trents
      Patiently Waiting to See Results

      By trents · Posted

      Welcome to the forum, @catsrlife! Celiac disease can be diagnosed without committing to a full-blown "gluten challenge" if you get a skin biopsy done during an active outbreak of dermatitis herpetiformis, assuming that is what is causing the rash. There is no other known cause for dermatitis herpetiformis so it is definitive for celiac disease. You would need to find a dermatologist who is familiar with doing the biopsy correctly, however. The samples need to be taken next to the pustules, not on them . . . a mistake many dermatologists make when biopsying for dermatitis herpetiformis. 
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

NOTICE: This site places This site places cookies on your device (Cookie settings). on your device. Continued use is acceptance of our Terms of Use, and Privacy Policy.