Gluten Free with an Eating Disorder... Bad Combo

[charliethecowboy]

TRIGGER WARNING: EATING DISORDER 

 

So I struggled with an eating disorder for many years in high school, and during my recovery I found a lot of "safe" foods. But those foods were toast, bagels, crackers, literally everything beige that has gluten in it. I've always been super picky, so I like my foods plain and easy to put down. I've had food allergies on and off my whole life but finally decided to go off gluten completely about 4 years ago when I started college because I realized I most likely have celiac or at least am incredibly gluten sensitive. The last four years I have tried almost every gluten free alternative to my "safe foods" I can find, I even tried to make my own but I just hate them all. Every meal is a struggle and it is so overwhelming to me. I barely have an appetite anymore and I just wish I could stop eating for good. Being gluten free is making my eating disorder come back with a vengeance, but I physically can't eat gluten or my body will basically shut down. So now most days I don't eat at all or I eat one tiny meal that I have to force down just so I don't pass out. 

And I'm tired of everyone telling me which gluten free bread or bagel or whatever they think is good when we all know it's not. Nothing can replace real bread and that was one of the only foods my brain would let me eat. I genuinely don't know what to do anymore, almost every time I have to try and find something to eat I break down and cry and wish I could just take a food pill and be done. I hated food before and I hate it so much now that I'm honestly considering drinking Soylent for meals or something because I'm just done with eating. Nothing tastes good, nothing satisfies me, and I just genuinely genuinely hate food & eating in general now. I thought after four years of being gluten free I would have adjusted by now but apparently not...

If anyone else is going through something similar please let me know. And I'll take any advice. I'm so mentally burnt out and not to mention physically exhausted from being malnourished. I just want to eat like a normal person. 

[trents]

4 hours ago, charliethecowboy said:

TRIGGER WARNING: EATING DISORDER 

. . . And I'm tired of everyone telling me which gluten free bread or bagel or whatever they think is good when we all know it's not. Nothing can replace real bread and that was one of the only foods my brain would let me eat . . .

I disagree. This may be true for you and for some others, maybe many others, but it's not a universal sentiment. Sure, when I smell fresh bread baking or pancakes on the griddle I long to eat them but that's not to say that all gluten free bread products are terrible. The availability of gluten free bread products that are a reasonable facsimile of their wheat versions as far as taste and texture is much better than it was 20 years ago when I was diagnosed with celiac disease. I am grateful for the progress that has been made.

What are "safe foods" for you? Are you referring to the gluten issue here? In context it seems like you talk about that before you came to the conclusion that you must avoid gluten. Have you actually been tested for and diagnosed with either celiac disease or gluten sensitivity. You didn't address that.

And what about fresh meat, fresh veggies and fresh fruit? Are those not safe foods for you?

 

Edited April 21, 2021 by trents

[RMJ]

I’ve never been diagnosed with an eating disorder but I think I was very close in college.  I can well imagine that adding in the requirement to be gluten free would be overwhelming.

Did you have professional help during your recovery when you were in high school? Perhaps renew that association?  Or see an understanding registered dietician who specializes in eating disorders?

You said you were considering Soylent because you’re done with eating.  Can you drink something like a flavor of Ensure that is gluten free to at least get some calories and nutrition?

I hope you are able to go through a second, and gluten-free, recovery, get some nutrition into your body, and get your health back.

[trents]

charliethecowboy, I reread your thread title and your post and want to apologize for seeming to be insensitive to your eating disorder. Somehow I read that factoid and it just didn't register. I know the eating disorder must complicate the whole problem. What stood out to me at first reading was the statement you made about being a picky eater. I hope you are getting counseling for the eating disorder issue. I have no personal experience with that sort of thing but I do know it is a complex problem.

[knitty kitty]

@charliethecowboy, 

Welcome to the forum! 

You're in good company.  I've been through it, too.  Turns out I had High Calorie Malnutrition.  I was eating too many carbohydrates, but not getting enough vitamins (Thiamine specifically) to process them.  

Gluten containing products are required to be enriched with vitamins and minerals to replace those that get removed during processing.  Gluten free facsimile foods are not required to be enriched.  

My body was craving gluten containing stuff for the vitamins it contains.  Once I corrected my thiamine deficiency with high dose thiamine (500 mg/day) and a B Complex, the gluten cravings went away.  

Thiamine deficiency symptoms include anorexia, bulimia, ravenous appetite, loss of appetite, food aversion, among others. 

People on a gluten free diet can develop vitamin and mineral deficiencies. Read up on nutrition or consult a nutritionist. 

I wanted to invent "people kibble" that would be similar to the gluten free kitty kibble I fed my cat.  A bowl a day, all the nutrients needed.  Then I realized "people kibble" has already been invented.  Cereal. 

"Eat like a normal person"?  I had to make some mental adjustments to a New Normal.  I had to accept the fact that those favorite gluten-y foods I once enjoyed are now in the realm of the past along with my bell-bottoms, beads, and my Chevy van. 

Start a new chapter.  Learn about nutrition.  Write your own story instead of fitting into "normal".  You're not alone.  We're all working on it here.

Hope this helps! 

 

 

[KimmieG]

On 4/21/2021 at 1:55 PM, charliethecowboy said:

TRIGGER WARNING: EATING DISORDER 

 

So I struggled with an eating disorder for many years in high school, and during my recovery I found a lot of "safe" foods. But those foods were toast, bagels, crackers, literally everything beige that has gluten in it. I've always been super picky, so I like my foods plain and easy to put down. I've had food allergies on and off my whole life but finally decided to go off gluten completely about 4 years ago when I started college because I realized I most likely have celiac or at least am incredibly gluten sensitive. The last four years I have tried almost every gluten free alternative to my "safe foods" I can find, I even tried to make my own but I just hate them all. Every meal is a struggle and it is so overwhelming to me. I barely have an appetite anymore and I just wish I could stop eating for good. Being gluten free is making my eating disorder come back with a vengeance, but I physically can't eat gluten or my body will basically shut down. So now most days I don't eat at all or I eat one tiny meal that I have to force down just so I don't pass out. 

And I'm tired of everyone telling me which gluten free bread or bagel or whatever they think is good when we all know it's not. Nothing can replace real bread and that was one of the only foods my brain would let me eat. I genuinely don't know what to do anymore, almost every time I have to try and find something to eat I break down and cry and wish I could just take a food pill and be done. I hated food before and I hate it so much now that I'm honestly considering drinking Soylent for meals or something because I'm just done with eating. Nothing tastes good, nothing satisfies me, and I just genuinely genuinely hate food & eating in general now. I thought after four years of being gluten free I would have adjusted by now but apparently not...

If anyone else is going through something similar please let me know. And I'll take any advice. I'm so mentally burnt out and not to mention physically exhausted from being malnourished. I just want to eat like a normal person. 

You are a beautiful person. You deserve a good life. You need a full life. You deserve a college education and a great job. Celiac disease is not a reason to not live a full, great life. It is normal to love a food you cannot eat any longer. It happens to me, also. Defeat is not an option. Sorry you are so upset. I understand, my sister is celiac and I have strange medical issues & cannot eat foods I love. I am so sensitive to dairy products it wipes me off the planet. I love mac & cheese & chocolate cake. I create my own recipes that I can eat. I eat gluten-free half of the time and it helps my issues. I eat dairy free all the time. I am not at a point where I am forced to eat gluten-free. I have a lot, but not all, of the symptoms listed by folks here. My distant Irish cousin tells me her grandmother was celiac and her great-aunt was 1/2 celiac. I thank that has repeated itself with my sister and I. I also want to binge on foods I cannot eat. I have learned to cook food I can eat & learned not to binge because I want to be with my kids instead. You need to find control by finding something you desire. I will give you a  gluten-free recipes that can be used with milk or almond milk. Cheer up please. When you need a recipe just ask. 

Chocolate Cupcakes

1 cup white sugar                                                                                             

¾ cup plus 2 tablespoons gluten-free 1 to 1 Bob’s Red Mill Baking Flour       

¼ cup plus 2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder                         

1 teaspoon gluten-free baking soda                                                                         

1 teaspoon gluten-free baking powder                                                                      

½ teaspoon salt                                                                                                

½ cup gluten-free milk or milk alternative

1 large egg

¼ cup vegetable oil

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

½ cup boiling water

paper cupcake liners

Preheat oven to 350° F. Grease cupcake pan or use cupcake liners in cupcake pan.

In a medium bowl, add sugar, 1 to 1 Bob’s Red Mill Baking Flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, baking powder, and salt, whisking well for two minutes.

Add the milk, egg, oil, and vanilla extract. With a spoon, mix until blended by hand. Mix with an electric mixer for three minutes. Stir in the boiling water by hand. Line cupcake pans with paper liners.  Pour evenly into the pans.

Allow batter to sit for thirty minutes. Place pan on top of a cookie sheet in the oven. Bake for twenty minutes or until done. Cool in the pans for ten minutes, then remove to a wire rack to cool completely. Serves twelve cupcakes.

Frosting, Chocolate

½ cup gluten-free margarine or gluten-free, DF margarine, melted                             

2 tablespoons plus 2 teaspoons gluten-free milk or gluten-free milk alternative       

1 teaspoon vanilla extract                                                                           

¼ teaspoon salt

1/3 cup cocoa powder

1½ cups powdered sugar

Add to a mixing bowl margarine, milk, vanilla extract, salt, and cocoa powder, stirring well. Add powdered sugar, one cup at a time, stirring well. Repeat until all the powdered sugar is added. Beat frosting with an electric mixer on high for three to four minutes. Cool. Add frosting. Serves one cake.

 

 

[morganastar]

On 4/21/2021 at 6:55 PM, charliethecowboy said:

TRIGGER WARNING: EATING DISORDER 

Hi, I don't have much advice, just want to say I really sympathise, having only just stabilised from a 10 year+ battle with anorexia having more 'food issues' on top of that feels like such a kick in the teeth and I often worry about whether I brought it on myself by messing my digestion around so much that it decided to pay me back this way. I'm  really considering making an appointment with a dietitian /nutritionist that is clued up with EDs and celiac disease to try to ensure a workable food plan that is healthy and enjoyable, not sure if this is something you are able to do? How do you feel about rice and potatoes in the meantime (I mean obviously that's not a balanced thing to only eat, but they are fairly beige and I find them easy to eat and gentle on the tummy as well) I understand the need to have some 'safe' foods both physically and mentally. If you need someone to chat with with ED experience I'm here if you need (though for the next couple  of days might not be in here that much, recovering from a bad case of shingles! Such fun!!) 

[knitty kitty]

Thiamine, Vitamin B1, helps keep the Shingles virus in check.  So does L- Lysine.

The Chicken Pox virus is a Herpetic Virus which remains in your nerves and can flare into shingles later.  The Cold Sore Virus is another Hetpetic virus.

I've got both and experience flares if glutenized.  I stay on Thiamine (in the form Allithiamine) and Amino Acid L- Lysine to reduce the flare and prevent others.  Lysine has been shown to prevent the virus from replicating.  

 

 

[BuddhaBar]

Never had an eating disorder in that sense, but I am what some people would call a food addict, "foodie" or whatever.
Totally agree with you. Nothing can replace the real deal. Real bread, real pizza crust, real cookies and cake etc. Those people who claim that gluten free is just as good or even better than the real deal are just coping. 
My way of coping with the gluten free foods is to remind myself of how sick I will become if I eat gluten, but there is no way anyone can convince me gluten free is just as good. If I would have silent celiac disease or not so bad symptoms, I don't think I could be this disciplined. You've lost your appetite. I still have a huge appetite for things I cannot eat. 

Have you considered taking medications that increases your appetite? There are some anti-depressants that's also used to increase appetite in people with various illnesses that decreases it. 

[morganastar]

11 hours ago, knitty kitty said:

Thiamine, Vitamin B1, helps keep the Shingles virus in check.  So does L- Lysine.

The Chicken Pox virus is a Herpetic Virus which remains in your nerves and can flare into shingles later.  The Cold Sore Virus is another Hetpetic virus.

I've got both and experience flares if glutenized.  I stay on Thiamine (in the form Allithiamine) and Amino Acid L- Lysine to reduce the flare and prevent others.  Lysine has been shown to prevent the virus from replicating.  

 

 

Thanks, will definitely give this a try (or anything at the moment to make sure this doesn't happen again, I'm only 30! Didn't even know about shingles!!) waiting on some blood test results so will hope that it will shed some light on any other vitamins I need to have some more of too!!

[Scott Adams]

There is an excellent shingles vaccine that is 2 shots available. I had a flare up once that was horrible, and got the vaccine and haven't had a flare up in many years.

[morganastar]

6 hours ago, Scott Adams said:

There is an excellent shingles vaccine that is 2 shots available. I had a flare up once that was horrible, and got the vaccine and haven't had a flare up in many years.

I definitely want a vaccine but in the UK it is only offered on the NHS to people over the age of 70, or privately over the age of 50, so I will have to see if it is possible to get it under that age because it really is horrible! Glad you haven't had it for ages!