Gluten-free Dating.

[JenKuz]

I'm seeing someone new; we've gone out a couple times and I've eaten normally. Now I'm going gluten-free. I would just order a salad and leave it at that, except that the guy has very sweetly offered me tastes of his dishes every time we've gone out. I'm worried about the next dinner. I'm not diagnosed, and I can't honestly say I'll be super sick if I eat any. I don't really know that yet; this is experimental. I don't want to come off as high-maintenance. And I kind of don't want to confess to being such an inconvenient girlfriend *quite* yet.

Any advice?

Thanks so much,

Jen

[MySuicidalTurtle]

Diets due to health shouldn't fall under high maintenance. Just be honest with him and all- that's what I'd do.

[CarlaB]

Diets due to health shouldn't fall under high maintenance. Just be honest with him and all- that's what I'd do.

I agree, just explain that you've had some mystery health problems and think this might help. That way if you figure out in the end that gluten is not a problem and go back to eating it, it won't seem weird.

[bluejeangirl]

I'm seeing someone new; we've gone out a couple times and I've eaten normally. Now I'm going gluten-free. I would just order a salad and leave it at that, except that the guy has very sweetly offered me tastes of his dishes every time we've gone out. I'm worried about the next dinner. I'm not diagnosed, and I can't honestly say I'll be super sick if I eat any. I don't really know that yet; this is experimental. I don't want to come off as high-maintenance. And I kind of don't want to confess to being such an inconvenient girlfriend *quite* yet.

Any advice?

Thanks so much,

Jen

When I read your post what came across to me first was YOU have to be your own best friend. There might be the exception but people subtly take their cues from the way you handle it. See yourself as person who is sick and needs the medication of a certain diet. Don't apologize or be embarrassed in anyway. I think you deserve the best and no one should stand in the way of that.

Thats my advice anyway but I haven't been in this situation maybe someone else has.

Best wishes,

Gail

[Ashley]

All righty, I would tell him. One- This is a lifelong condition(if you are Dxed or have an introlrance to gluten). It ain't going away, so, might as well get it out of the way now by telling him that this could be possible. Two- I think you'd feel a bit more comfortable if you did, that way, you wouldn't be offered food that ya can't eat.

You're still in the process of discovering. It's trial-and-error. Gotta do what's best for your health, always. I've had no problems out of my boyfriend and I'm very happy that I told him.

Hope all goes well

-Ash

[Guest Norah022]

Just be honest. If they can't handle that you have chosen this diet for your health reasons or if diagnosed that you have to go gluten free to protect your body then they are obviously not the guy for you.

The first guy I started dating after going gluten-free while not having celiac's disease has many stomach problems so he understands selective eating and also understands when i feel under the weather.

Everytime we go to the grocery store he always tries to find something gluten free for me to eat and asks questions about what I can and cannot eat.

[tracey*]

For me, it would be a judgement on whether you want to go into the whole deal (first few dates, maybe not?). I would probably just say 'oh no thanks, I have bad food allergies so I better not risk it' and hope he didn't go nuts on me. If he did, well that's his problem really.

[Aerin328]

About a year ago I began dating a charming woman who had what I considered at the time to be "overly complicated" dietary requirements (due to Celiac's). 6 months ago, however, I was struck down full blast by Celiac's disease myself! We are now still together and planning for a gluten free future. I know our case is rare (we feel VERY blessed to have found mutual celiacs!), but I think it's really important to share this stuff up front and explain how important it is to you, because it is something that very tangibly affects you and is important to you. Being gluten-free is a significant commitment. At the same time however, I wouldn't expect he'll fully understand. (I thought I was "understanding" but there is NO way I could've grasped the breadth and importance of this issue without being smitten down with it myself.)

Don't worry about it being complicated or "high maintenance" or whatever... I'm sure he'll see beyond it, and if it is an important thing to you then he should know anyway. Good luck!

Christian

[olalisa]

I agree with what everyone has said here. That said, I do want to ask if you're going to try to get diagnosed. The reason I ask is twofold. First, the diet is quite tedious, and, for me, easier to fully commit to knowing that it isn't a "choice" but a medical necessity. Second, you may feel less self-conscious about sharing if you can "back up" what you're saying with a diagnosis. Does that make sense? I hope it doesn't sound silly. For me, the appearance of being "high maintainence" is an issue (perhaps since maybe I was a little high maintainence even before ) and it helps to REALLY KNOW that this "kooky" diet isn't a choice. Just food for thought (gluten-free food, of course!)

Welcome to the board

[eKatherine]

I sometimes date a doctor who is diabetic. Even if he forgets and offers me some of his food, he understands about dietary restrictions.

The only problem is that when we go out, sometimes a place won't have anything for me to eat but salad. Last time we went out to lunch to a famous restaurant in his town, and everything either had gluten or dairy in it but the salad, even the rice had cream in it! I didn't want to cause a fuss, and it was a nice salad, but not enough calories, and I almost got sick afterwards because it was such a hot day. Next time I'll see if he can call ahead.

[gfp]

My advice is start the gluten-free thing from DAY ONE.....

Most people who meeet someone new with a dietry problem will just accept it.... (or not and you don't want to be dealing with the or nots anyway)

but when people suddenly go gluten-free then people who previously knew you have a hard time accepting "but you used to....." etc.

So my advice.. start today.... tell him its making you sick and you covered it up but from now on its gluten-free....

[JenKuz]

Thanks for the good advice, guys.

I have a biopsy scheduled for the end of October. I have debated going off gluten so long before the procedure; I finally decided, I feel like crap, I know it will help, and the biopsy may well return a false negative anyway, so I should be killing myself for the next month. Meanwhile, I've ordered the enterolab panel and am waiting for it to arrive. While I suspect that his tests may return some false positives now and then, (because of unknown cross-reactivity of the assay substrate with proteins in the stool), they're still way better than the blood tests being offered. So I consider his tests + improvement with diet to be compelling enough evidence for a gluten-free life, whether the biopsy comes back negative or positive.

If, in two weeks, the enterolab tests come back negative, it will mean two things: one, gluten ain't the problem; two, something else is. Now, he's a very understanding guy--if I thought it would be a problem for him, I wouldn't be getting involved, but I still want to wait until I know more before I divulge all this complex logic and differential diagnoses and blah blah blah.

[StrongerToday]

I'm single and dating... or trying to the last guy I went out with ended up having a peanut allergy, so he couldn't have been more understanding. I've met a new guy (and we haven't gone out yet) but we were joking about eating something and he said he'd bring me one, but he used whole wheat flour so it just naturally turned into a "can't have that" conversation. It shouldn't be a big deal for him, if I don't make it a big deal for myself.

[olalisa]

My advice is start the gluten-free thing from DAY ONE.....

Most people who meeet someone new with a dietry problem will just accept it.... (or not and you don't want to be dealing with the or nots anyway)

but when people suddenly go gluten-free then people who previously knew you have a hard time accepting "but you used to....." etc.

So my advice.. start today.... tell him its making you sick and you covered it up but from now on its gluten-free....

EXCELLENT advice!