Ever Want To Shake Your Spouse?

[IrishKelly]

I know how it feels to have unsupportive inlaws. They even act like I am doing something that is harming the children. I think my kids will survive without gluten filled cookies . I am getting so sick it of it that I feel like crying sometimes. It is hard enough to be gluten intolerant, but having people be mean about it makes it even harder. Dh even said something to his mom about me not being able to eat a pasta dish that she was going to make for our son's birthday (before I found out the kids were gluten intolerant). She said (in a mean way) "well everyone else can eat it".

What makes it even harder is that we live in the same building. I never try to control what other people feed their kids, so I don't know why people want to control what I feed my kids. I just need to vent and I can't vent to DH because he gets really defensive about anything I say about his family. I am sick of them trying to make me feel like I am a bad mother . I know I'm not, but it still hurts.

No offense to anyone...but, what a bunch of a**holes...it's like they don't want to admit that your actually doing the right thing, or that their in some kind of weird denial or something...and trust me, the "everybody else can still eat it just beacuse of her" thing pi**es me off even more!! Maybe if it was them or their own son they would actually try to take some time to understand... i could go on and on...

[saaa-wheat<3]

No offense to anyone...but, what a bunch of a**holes...it's like they don't want to admit that your actually doing the right thing, or that their in some kind of weird denial or something...and trust me, the "everybody else can still eat it just beacuse of her" thing pi**es me off even more!! Maybe if it was them or their own son they would actually try to take some time to understand... i could go on and on...

Sorry to those who have children and have to deal with the family, I don't know what I would do, I'd be soooo mad...It's difficult enough taking a stand for yourself. My FIL pretends to "forget" each time and asks if I want something with gluten in it EVERY time we are at dinner there "oh, you can't have it? a little bit won't hurt you", my MIL tries, but when she brushes off the crumbs off the paper plate that she just ate bread on and puts it back into the cupboard because it "really wasn't dirty" that was when I started to realize I could not eat anything at their house anymore unless I brought it myself! (the last straw was getting very ill from some dressing she made with her mayonaise...my fault, admittedly, even I forget sometimes that OTHER people double dip). On the other hand, my Sister-in-law is AWESOME and will read the ingredients and if she isn't sure will call me or make that special extra trip to the store so that what she makes is something I can eat for sure. Last family gathering, she "policed" the appetizer table and made sure no one dipped gluten in anything I could have until I got there-how nice! And, as for my hubby, since he hates to cook I guess I'll have to forgive him the "I'll fend for myself tonight since you don't feel well" bit...and while I suspect that he forgets about double dipping from time to time and instead of telling me and will wait to see if I react, he does make up for it by taking me on shopping trips to Whole Foods (an hour away from where I live) from time to time. My dad, forget it. And my own sister, well, I thought that she really understood until we had a fight about it one night when my dad made us all dinner. Working at a Co-op, I took it for granted when she told me she understood all about it. It wasn't until I had given her some reading material did she really get it.

[prinsessa]

No offense to anyone...but, what a bunch of a**holes...it's like they don't want to admit that your actually doing the right thing, or that their in some kind of weird denial or something...and trust me, the "everybody else can still eat it just beacuse of her" thing pi**es me off even more!! Maybe if it was them or their own son they would actually try to take some time to understand... i could go on and on...

I know....it really hurts when the one who should be the most supportive give you the most problems. I was proud of MIL yesterday because she grabbed regular crackers away from DS before he could eat one. I think they might be a bit defensive because many of them have health problems and don't want to change their diets (diabetes (type 1 and 2) runs on both sides of DH's family). I know DH has some kind of food intolerance, but he won't get tested or change his diet.

I don't argue with them about it at all. I just say "the kids can't eat gluten" and that is it. I think they try to get me angry sometimes, but I just say "they can't eat gluten because it can make them sick" and then change the subject. I'm sorry, but there isn't anything to debate about. The kids can't have gluten and that is it....end of story. I think if they see me get upset about it they might think I am doubting myself (which I do sometimes).

Hopefully they will see an improvement in the kid's health (DS is really small for his age even though both DH and I are tall) and they will see I am not the nut they think I am. (I am kind of nutty, but in a different way )

[IrishKelly]

I know....it really hurts when the one who should be the most supportive give you the most problems. I was proud of MIL yesterday because she grabbed regular crackers away from DS before he could eat one. I think they might be a bit defensive because many of them have health problems and don't want to change their diets (diabetes (type 1 and 2) runs on both sides of DH's family). I know DH has some kind of food intolerance, but he won't get tested or change his diet.

I don't argue with them about it at all. I just say "the kids can't eat gluten" and that is it. I think they try to get me angry sometimes, but I just say "they can't eat gluten because it can make them sick" and then change the subject. I'm sorry, but there isn't anything to debate about. The kids can't have gluten and that is it....end of story. I think if they see me get upset about it they might think I am doubting myself (which I do sometimes).

Hopefully they will see an improvement in the kid's health (DS is really small for his age even though both DH and I are tall) and they will see I am not the nut they think I am. (I am kind of nutty, but in a different way )

Good for you...hang in there, maybe they will come around

[Fiddle-Faddle]

I don't argue with them about it at all. I just say "the kids can't eat gluten" and that is it. I think they try to get me angry sometimes, but I just say "they can't eat gluten because it can make them sick" and then change the subject. I'm sorry, but there isn't anything to debate about. The kids can't have gluten and that is it....end of story. I think if they see me get upset about it they might think I am doubting myself (which I do sometimes).

Hopefully they will see an improvement in the kid's health (DS is really small for his age even though both DH and I are tall) and they will see I am not the nut they think I am. (I am kind of nutty, but in a different way )

That IS great!! BOTH OF YOU, stick to your guns, and communicate with the DH's and in-laws as calmly and clearly as possible. Don't leave anything to chance, especially with the men, they don't know how to comunicate anyways!

I was thinking it might be a good idea to have a "Mom is too sick to cook" menu, recipe, and shopping list all stapled together, and practice saying (with big woeful eyes), "Honey, I feel like ____ tonight, could you be an angel and throw this together for me so I can (take a nap) (feed the baby) (sit on the throne with diarrhea) (fill in the blank).

If he's really untrustworthy, you can always make it yourself now (before the baby comes, Kelly!) and stick it in the freezer so all he has to do is throw it in the microwave.

Do you think it might work to xerox a bunch of pages, sit down with the husband, and say, "honey, could you help me out here? I'm trying to highlight the really important parts of why I need to be on this frustrating diet, so that I can give this to your parents so they won't have to read through all these boring pages that won't mean anything to them anyway. Could you take a look at this and highlight what you think would make sense to your parents?"

That way, the you're kind of forcing him to read what you think is important (sneaky sneaky), but you're putting him in a position of manly power and protect-the-wife mode, so maybe he'll play along?

And then make him some really good gluten-free brownies or chocolate chip cookies (do you have Gluten-Free Baking Classics by Annalise Roberts? There are even really really good BREAD recipes in there, as well as cakes and cookies that are just as good as the gluteny ones, really!)

It's just a thought...

Here is something about MEN that a friend of mine just sent me:

The Guys' Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally, the guys' side of the story.

(I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear "the rules" From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!

Please note.. these are all numbered "1"

ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.

You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

We need it up, you need it down.

You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon

or the changing of the tides.

Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.

And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.

See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.

Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something

Or tell us how you want it done.

Not both.

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.

We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.

We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as SEX, CARS, the shotgun formation,

or NASCAR.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -

to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can -

to give them a bigger laugh

[glutenfreeme]

Okay, i have to admit that i'm about to Bit** so if your not in the mood...now is your Q to move on!!

I love my DH but lately i'm sooo annoyed at the fact that all he ever talks about in front of me is how much his fat butt (not really fat though) could go for a pizza, or a big sub, or chinese take out, or whatever the heck he's thinking about at that moment. If he sees something on t.v. he talks about it, or if he sees a restaurant at the mall he's oooohing and ahhhhing, i'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

ooooo tired of hearing about it...and trust me, i'm not just being a "hater". He literally constantly talks about how much he could eat something. It's one thing to see the restaurants and comment on them, but if someone even mentions some kind of food he's like drooling or something. HOW RUDE!! I'm so tired of people not accepting what i have as a real issue, it usually doesn't bother me but i feel so annoyed by it today. It's been four months since i started this gluten-free diet, you would think my own family would pay attention to it by now!!! And then there's my mother, she invites us over for dinner and i tell her no dairy as well as no gluten...so what does she do?? She adds "it was only a little butter" to the mashed potatoes. Oh, and did i mention my in-laws?~i only had to accidentally lose 30 pounds from being sick for them to realize their daughter-in-law wasn't just "complaining about being tired" and "being a picky eater". Ya know, i really hope that one day these people don't have to get sick themselves to realize what it's actually like. Especially my in-laws, some of the things they've said about me behind my back have been so hurtful, but now i know there true colors. Sorry i went on for so long...just needed to vent

I understand and have felt this same frustration. With family and friends. I have come to the realization that I have to own it when I go out, anywhere. I always take my own food, always check ahead if it is a restaurant. I don't eat anything unless I am aware of the prep and every ingredient. Convenient, no. I have been sick from BBQ's, friend's well-intentioned meals, my own husband. It's not that they don't care about you, it's that they really don't understand. Keep it in your control and don't rely on anyone. You know by now you are alone in this. It is too bad, but that is why we have message boards like this. Anyone have tips on taking food to social gatherings so it doesn't cause disruption of discomfort? Anyone with ideas on how to always be prepared? I'd like to hear more too.

Take care of you, and when that happens, you'll feel better about others too. Even if they'll never get it!

[saaa-wheat<3]

Do you think it might work to xerox a bunch of pages, sit down with the husband, and say, "honey, could you help me out here? I'm trying to highlight the really important parts of why I need to be on this frustrating diet, so that I can give this to your parents so they won't have to read through all these boring pages that won't mean anything to them anyway. Could you take a look at this and highlight what you think would make sense to your parents?"

That way, the you're kind of forcing him to read what you think is important (sneaky sneaky), but you're putting him in a position of manly power and protect-the-wife mode, so maybe he'll play along?

oh, you're gooooood. really good!

[saaa-wheat<3]

I understand and have felt this same frustration. With family and friends. I have come to the realization that I have to own it when I go out, anywhere. I always take my own food, always check ahead if it is a restaurant. I don't eat anything unless I am aware of the prep and every ingredient. Convenient, no. I have been sick from BBQ's, friend's well-intentioned meals, my own husband. It's not that they don't care about you, it's that they really don't understand. Keep it in your control and don't rely on anyone. You know by now you are alone in this. It is too bad, but that is why we have message boards like this. Anyone have tips on taking food to social gatherings so it doesn't cause disruption of discomfort? Anyone with ideas on how to always be prepared? I'd like to hear more too.

Take care of you, and when that happens, you'll feel better about others too. Even if they'll never get it!

I make a dish (since i am known for dessert, that is usually what i bring) that's been tested approved on my hubby-and don't tell them it's gluten-free until they go, "mmmm"! Being that I've been glutened one too many times eating out of home, I have decided it's either bring my own entree or have everyone at my house so i can monitor what goes into the makings. You could always just tell them that you had a great recipe for ---- and that you thought it would be nice to share it with everyone because it was soooo good, rather than focus on it being gluten-free. I find that if you act like it's incidental that it's gluten-free, people are more receptive, because it seems less high maintenance.

[IrishKelly]

That IS great!! BOTH OF YOU, stick to your guns, and communicate with the DH's and in-laws as calmly and clearly as possible. Don't leave anything to chance, especially with the men, they don't know how to comunicate anyways!

I was thinking it might be a good idea to have a "Mom is too sick to cook" menu, recipe, and shopping list all stapled together, and practice saying (with big woeful eyes), "Honey, I feel like ____ tonight, could you be an angel and throw this together for me so I can (take a nap) (feed the baby) (sit on the throne with diarrhea) (fill in the blank).

If he's really untrustworthy, you can always make it yourself now (before the baby comes, Kelly!) and stick it in the freezer so all he has to do is throw it in the microwave.

Do you think it might work to xerox a bunch of pages, sit down with the husband, and say, "honey, could you help me out here? I'm trying to highlight the really important parts of why I need to be on this frustrating diet, so that I can give this to your parents so they won't have to read through all these boring pages that won't mean anything to them anyway. Could you take a look at this and highlight what you think would make sense to your parents?"

That way, the you're kind of forcing him to read what you think is important (sneaky sneaky), but you're putting him in a position of manly power and protect-the-wife mode, so maybe he'll play along?

And then make him some really good gluten-free brownies or chocolate chip cookies (do you have Gluten-Free Baking Classics by Annalise Roberts? There are even really really good BREAD recipes in there, as well as cakes and cookies that are just as good as the gluteny ones, really!)

It's just a thought...

Here is something about MEN that a friend of mine just sent me:

The Guys' Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally, the guys' side of the story.

(I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear "the rules" From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!

Please note.. these are all numbered "1"

ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.

You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

We need it up, you need it down.

You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon

or the changing of the tides.

Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.

And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.

See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.

Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something

Or tell us how you want it done.

Not both.

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.

We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.

We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as SEX, CARS, the shotgun formation,

or NASCAR.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -

to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can -

to give them a bigger laugh

LOL LOL LOL

[gf4life]

I make a dish (since i am known for dessert, that is usually what i bring) that's been tested approved on my hubby-and don't tell them it's gluten-free until they go, "mmmm"! Being that I've been glutened one too many times eating out of home, I have decided it's either bring my own entree or have everyone at my house so i can monitor what goes into the makings. You could always just tell them that you had a great recipe for ---- and that you thought it would be nice to share it with everyone because it was soooo good, rather than focus on it being gluten-free. I find that if you act like it's incidental that it's gluten-free, people are more receptive, because it seems less high maintenance.

This is a good idea. I don't usually tell people that the dessert (or pasta, biscuits, muffins, etc) is gluten free until after they have eaten it. Birthday parties are particularly amusing. A few times I have been asked "So the kids only eat gluten on their birthdays?" And I would tell them that there is no gluten in the cake. They always are surprised. After that I started making a point to tell people while they are eating it, so that they don't think it is SOMETIMES okay for us to eat gluten.

Today my oldest child is 12 years old and we made big chocolate chip cookies for him to share with his homebase class (it's like homeroom). I am looking forward to how the kids react when Ben tells them the cookies are gluten free. Many of his friends like our gluten free foods and I have to watch them when they come over or they will eat it all, and it is way too expensive for a bunch of pre-teen boys to be pigging out on! We are limiting his party to 6 boys, plus my own kids. We'll have to BBQ that day, everybody loves BBQ!

My husband is getting better about us being gluten-free, he won't try the diet, but oh well. He doesn't feed the kids much though. they are older now and when I don't feel like cooking I let them cook (or forage) for themselves. Ben is quite interested in learning how to cook, and that is a good thing. By the time they get to college they will be pros at cooking gluten-free for themselves.

[saaa-wheat<3]

After that I started making a point to tell people while they are eating it, so that they don't think it is SOMETIMES okay for us to eat gluten.

My husband is getting better about us being gluten-free, he won't try the diet, but oh well.

Hi Mariann,

I like the "shock factor" i get when i eat a gluten-free goodie i've contributed. I do it more to see who's paying attention ....as for hubby, he still loves my gluten-free baked goods (lol, he's admitted, it's not ALL "goodness free" ) and will eat dinners as well. still training on the double dip thing, better with jars of stuff like PB or mayo, than he is with the cooking utensils, as it's too expensive to have him on my diet, so when we have pasta, he has his gluten and i have my rice noodles. i still have to clean the counters off for food prep...prolly would do that anyway, just in case, you never know...

love Hannah's picture, by the way, and happy birthday to Ben! hope you have great BBQ!

[gf4life]

You know the funny part is that my husband LOVES my gluten-free goodies, and will eat gluten-free meals with us at home (our house is about 95% gluten-free, only his protein shakes and a few of his sauces contain gluten), but I have a hard time sharing the stuff I bake with him, since if he wants something he can go to a bakery and buy it for him anytime he wants, but the kids and I have to have only the occasional goodie because they cost so much more to buy or bake them gluten-free...I know I need to get over this, but if I let him he will eat everything all the time! He eats a LOT. I am not kidding when I say he eats 5 full meals a day plus drinks 2 protein shakes and still says he is hungry! If I have made a lot of baked goods, then I let hive have as much as he wants, but when I make just one pie it won't last very long and there are 4 of us who can't just go buy one at the store!

He eats gluten when we go out and lately he has been feeling sick after we eat out. He won't believe me that it might be the gluten. This is my husband "It's not always about the gluten". Want to bet! For the rest of us it is. We already know he has gluten intolerance genes and he is lactose intolerant, he has a lot of annoying little health issues and frequent D, but "it's not about the gluten", so I drop it. He will have to get very ill and be forced into testing before he will admit he might have a problem.

I'll send the birthday wishes to Ben, and the appreciation of her art to Hannah. Maybe sometime soon Ben might want to come back onto the site. He is a member here too under the username Teku. For a while he would come on the site and talk with other kids, but now he is very much into skateboarding and isn't online hardly at all.