My Husband Just Doesn't Understand

[Sailing Girl 6]

I had a very strong reaction to this, as it sounds (at least on the surface) so very similar to what happened to me.

Nearly four years ago, when my DD and I first went gluten-free, my then-husband got onboard -- but only incredibly begrudgingly. He, too, never cleaned up after himself, and would let my then-three-year-old child play on the counter amongst the bread crumbs he had left there. She was at the stage where her hands were constantly in her mouth. I could protect myself, but I couldn't protect my DD -- and he wouldn't listen.

His attitude about the diet (which he thought was basically crazy) was indicative of other, major problems in the marriage -- and the marriage only lasted for a few months after DD and I went gluten-free. His lack of support for my decision to commit to the diet (which was so clearly helping my daughter) was what made me realize the 15-year relationship was over. But I don't regret it one bit -- I feel like I finally saw his true colors, and because of my decisions and my perserverence, my DD is healthy now.

I truly hope your husband comes around and realizes that this is your health and he's helping to ruin it -- for goodness sakes, if my 85-year-old, legally blind mother can manage to contain her crumbs to one area of the kitchen, your husband certainly can! You've done all you can do by designating gluten-free pots and cutting boards -- he's the one who's being selfish. If his incredibly rude and selfish behavior in this instance echoes his behavior on other issues, I'd give some serious thought to counseling, at the very least. If he won't go with you, go by yourself.

Jane

[BSinCO 0]

You all greatly exaggerate you disease and seek attention! It's just not that difficult to be gluten free.

Most of you don't really have celiac anyhow!

Denise

What are you hoping to accomplish by being so nasty? This is not helpful.

BS

[Ken70 1]

I'm thinking this woman really doesn't want to be going through a divorce nor is she looking for marital advice from the internet.

My wife and family and friends and most of the rest of the planet pretty much thought I head my head up my proverbial ass when I first started explaining all of this to them. It has taken some time but I have gotten through. My wife has surprised me with just how supportive she has been. Gluten Intolerance and Celiac is a very difficult thing to understand/believe if you haven't gone through it yourself.

I can't think of a good example of something to leave on the cutting board but maybe some of you can. He leaves bread crumbs you leave a live virus of some point. Don't actually do this but it might help make the point that your body reacts to gluten as if it were a virus. Maybe try sneezing on his toast and then handing it to him.

Be funny, be firm, be understanding and keep trying to get through to him. Don't get a divorce - you are dealing with enough at the moment.

[confusedks 1]

You all greatly exaggerate you disease and seek attention! It's just not that difficult to be gluten free.

Most of you don't really have celiac anyhow!

Denise

Denise,

I am sorry, but I think that's just MEAN! And, uncalled for. Who cares if someone has Celiac or not? If we react negatively to gluten...why does it matter if we have an "official" diagnosis! Ack...I just think that was really mean and unnecessary.

[celiac-mommy 79]

You all greatly exaggerate you disease and seek attention! It's just not that difficult to be gluten free.

Most of you don't really have celiac anyhow!

Denise

Ouch. Wow.

[happygirl 7]

Rule #1:

Do not be abusive or otherwise out of line towards other board members. Show respect for each board member, no matter what you think of their views. This is not a place to quarrel.

Also, keep in mind that it is not a requirement for members to have Celiac.

[Glutenfreefamily 0]

Has anyone contacted Admin about neesee's not so nice posts?

Nice attitude there Neesee, for you to attack a bunch of people on this board you must be a very likable person.

[happygirl 7]

Inappropriate posts have been reported. Members can always report posts to the moderators by hitting the "report" button on the bottom left hand section of a post.

Again:

Do not be abusive or otherwise out of line towards other board members. Show respect for each board member, no matter what you think of their views. This is not a place to quarrel.

[celiac-mommy 79]

Why don't we forget the 2 1/2 pages of bickering and go back to helping Julie. I'm sure this isn't what she was looking for.

truce...

[Glutenfreefamily 0]

Julie, Im sorry your post had to become like this. I dont have much advice in regards to this. When my daughter became ill I didnt give my husband a choice and thankfully he didnt want us to be at risk for getting contaminated anyways. I hope your husband understands more of what your going through and takes it more into consideration of what your going through.

Well wishes for the days ahead.

[tarnalberry 314]

...

He says since I'm the one with the problem I should just wipe down every surface before I use it. ...

I wish I could just ban gluten from the house but that would be selfish, especially since we live with a roommate (who also leaves bread crumbs all over the place).

...

I just don't know what to do anymore. How do I get my husband and roommate to contain their gluten foods to one part of the counter?

What you describe is a husband who isn't concerned about working with you, but it's hard to tell from just one little incident. If he is the sort of person who will work with you, and makes a team effort of issues - regardless of whether they are yours, his, or both of yours - then do that now. Tell him you need his help, like some other problems you may have had in the past, and then ask him for his input on how to compromise on a solution - and do compromise. It might not be the "one part of the counter" you want, but if it's more than you have now, it's an improvement. Talking to him about why he doesn't care about keeping you healthy may be a valuable conversation, but you'll need to be prepared for some strong backbone for that one.

[sneezydiva 2]

My husband is really starting to piss me off. He just doesn't seem to understand how hard the gluten free diet is when he is basically working against me. He keeps making sandwiches all over the place and not wiping up after himself. He says since I'm the one with the problem I should just wipe down every surface before I use it. I've told him that the new glass cutting board I bought is supposed to be gluten free but everyday without fail there are bread crumbs on it. I've designated pots and pans and spoons and whatnot to be his for when he makes gluten containing food, but I catch him using my stuff all the time. I wish I could just ban gluten from the house but that would be selfish, especially since we live with a roommate (who also leaves bread crumbs all over the place). I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. I was glutened a few days ago and have been throwing up and feeling like s**t for the last 3 days and yesterday he freaks out on me for being sick. He says I should go to the doctor if I'm so sick but I try to tell him that I've been glutened and there is nothing a doctor can do for me. In his defense I can be pretty difficult to be around when I've been glutened. I know this post probably doesn't make much sense (I've got a major case of brain fog) but I just don't know what to do anymore. How do I get my husband and roommate to contain their gluten foods to one part of the counter?

Celiac or not, it is disrespectful to leave a mess for someone else to clean up. The fact, your husband does that to start with is inconsiderate. The fact that he refuses to change his ways in order to help you get heathy is abhorent.

I agree with the advice that you need to remind your husband that you are his wife, and it is his job to protect and take care of you. And you need to point out that right now, he isn't doing either.

I had a similar situation when my inlaws wanted to bring their dog to our house. (I'm allergic). He tried to tell me, it would be okay if the dog stayed in the basement. But I knew better, I wasn't going to contaminate our carpet and air ducts with dog dander after we went to all the trouble to start fresh with a clean, brand new house. It was World War III at our house, but what finally got through to him was me accusing him that he didn't care about my health. That he wasn't doing his job to protect and take care of me. And he was more concerned about annoying his parents than about my health. He denied it. So I told him to prove it. And he did. The dog is banished from the house.

Anyway, I tell this story because I have a feeling the roommate is mucking up this situation. If it were just the two of you, your husband would probably comply, but he doesn't want to "impose" on the roommate. It is completely backwards, but unfortunately not uncommon for both men and women to worry more about what thier friends and family think than their spouse.