I'm Sad And I Need A Pity Party :(

[BuggysMommy]

Hi all! I'm relatively new to these boards, I used to post a bit on the prediagnosis board, but haven't on this one yet. And now on to my pity party: sorry if this is long and boring, I think I just need to vent. And if you're bored too, it might be some mildly interesting reading...

I was diagnosed Celiac and Crohn's on the same day, the day I got the results back from my endoscopy and colonoscopy. My GI doc said the Crohn's was mild, and put me on Asacol. I was having a very difficult time getting my gluten-free diet worked out, but it has been getting easier. I'm just having a hard time dealing with the fact that I keep thinking about all the things I can't do and can't have. But, since this board is for anything but Celiac, I'll get on with it.

Here's my petty venting:

I have been dating someone for about a year, and I think we are breaking up on Friday. That sounds funny, to know the date we're breaking up, but it's because we can't get together face-to-face until then. We had been talking about getting engaged, and moving in together. I have a three-year old son, and we had all been spending time together to get them to know each other better. And now, it's just so messed up. We've been having some weird problems, like we have nothing to talk about, and I just feel like we're different now. We don't seem to "click" anymore, and there is definitely no spark in the relationship. I find myself not wanting to hang out with him, and most of the time we do talk we just argue. I have tried many times to get him to talk about our little issues, before they started to snowball, and it just turns into a bigger argument, with him getting defensive and accusatory, and guilt-tripping me. I know it's over, he knows it's over, and that sucks. And I think what I may be more sad about is not the loss of him, but the loss of a future. He wanted to get married and have more kids, and he had our lives set. I am an almost 25-year old, and a single mom. No one anywhere near my age bracket wants to date a single mom. I feel like, by losing him, I am losing my chance at getting married and having kids before I'm too old to have kids, lol. And I know that's a stupid thing to be sad over, but I can't help it. I feel like if I break up with him, no one else is going to want to date me. I was single until a week before my son's 3rd birthday, so I really do know firsthand that no one wants to date a single mom. And, to top it off, I don't even have time to date! I work part-time during the day, and take 18 credits at school Monday night through Thursday night, saturday mornings and sunday afternoons. (I'm an accounting major, 3 semesters to go.) AND, I feel like if I do meet someone, hit them with the double whammy of I'm a single mom and by the way I have Celiac and every time I try to go to a restaurant I get glutened so I hate going to dinner, they are just gonna think I'm not worth the trouble. I just want a normal life already... There isn't even anywhere I CAN meet someone either! At school I'm the oldest one in my classes, I have exactly one friend who just moved over an hour away, usually anywhere I go outside of school or work I have my son with me. Oh and by the way, the reason I have no friends is because at 21, when I had my son, people felt it was more fun to go to bars than to hang out with the crying baby and his spit-up-on mom.

Ok, I am SO sorry for this long, rambling, self-deprecating post. I just needed to vent those things a bit, and I have no one else to talk to. Feel free to ignore it, I feel better having just gotten it out. I'm usually not such a downer, lol. Just one of those days I guess.

[mushroom]

Hi all! I'm relatively new to these boards, I used to post a bit on the prediagnosis board, but haven't on this one yet. And now on to my pity party: sorry if this is long and boring, I think I just need to vent. And if you're bored too, it might be some mildly interesting reading...

I was diagnosed Celiac and Crohn's on the same day, the day I got the results back from my endoscopy and colonoscopy. My GI doc said the Crohn's was mild, and put me on Asacol. I was having a very difficult time getting my gluten-free diet worked out, but it has been getting easier. I'm just having a hard time dealing with the fact that I keep thinking about all the things I can't do and can't have. But, since this board is for anything but Celiac, I'll get on with it.

Here's my petty venting:

I have been dating someone for about a year, and I think we are breaking up on Friday. That sounds funny, to know the date we're breaking up, but it's because we can't get together face-to-face until then. We had been talking about getting engaged, and moving in together. I have a three-year old son, and we had all been spending time together to get them to know each other better. And now, it's just so messed up. We've been having some weird problems, like we have nothing to talk about, and I just feel like we're different now. We don't seem to "click" anymore, and there is definitely no spark in the relationship. I find myself not wanting to hang out with him, and most of the time we do talk we just argue. I have tried many times to get him to talk about our little issues, before they started to snowball, and it just turns into a bigger argument, with him getting defensive and accusatory, and guilt-tripping me. I know it's over, he knows it's over, and that sucks. And I think what I may be more sad about is not the loss of him, but the loss of a future. He wanted to get married and have more kids, and he had our lives set. I am an almost 25-year old, and a single mom. No one anywhere near my age bracket wants to date a single mom. I feel like, by losing him, I am losing my chance at getting married and having kids before I'm too old to have kids, lol. And I know that's a stupid thing to be sad over, but I can't help it. I feel like if I break up with him, no one else is going to want to date me. I was single until a week before my son's 3rd birthday, so I really do know firsthand that no one wants to date a single mom. And, to top it off, I don't even have time to date! I work part-time during the day, and take 18 credits at school Monday night through Thursday night, saturday mornings and sunday afternoons. (I'm an accounting major, 3 semesters to go.) AND, I feel like if I do meet someone, hit them with the double whammy of I'm a single mom and by the way I have Celiac and every time I try to go to a restaurant I get glutened so I hate going to dinner, they are just gonna think I'm not worth the trouble. I just want a normal life already... There isn't even anywhere I CAN meet someone either! At school I'm the oldest one in my classes, I have exactly one friend who just moved over an hour away, usually anywhere I go outside of school or work I have my son with me. Oh and by the way, the reason I have no friends is because at 21, when I had my son, people felt it was more fun to go to bars than to hang out with the crying baby and his spit-up-on mom.

Ok, I am SO sorry for this long, rambling, self-deprecating post. I just needed to vent those things a bit, and I have no one else to talk to. Feel free to ignore it, I feel better having just gotten it out. I'm usually not such a downer, lol. Just one of those days I guess.

Hey, a pity party now and again is okay, especially if it makes you feel better.

But wait a a minute, you are only 24 and have years of possible baby-making ahead of you. And you are leading such a busy life right now I don't know how you have time to date. Concentrate on your studies and raising your son, and when you find a job and have more time things will probably fall into place. New friends and social opportunities. It could be that you are the one making a big deal about being gluten-free. Invite friends over and cook for them when you find new friends, and show them that being gluten-free is okay. Life will get better if you give it a bit of time. If he can't stand your being gluten-free he wasn't the one for you anyway. Sorry to sound a bit pollyanna-ish, but it really isn't the end of the world, although breakups and loss of expectations are always hard.

Good luck with your degree.

Neroli

[BuggysMommy]

lol I know that I'm young, I just felt like venting about it... It's not that I think if I don't get married and start cranking out kids immediately that that's bad, it was just something to b!tch about... Change is hard for me, and now I guess my life all of a sudden has to be planned out completely differently than the way it was a month ago... And I don't like that. Oh well.... Thanks for replying!

[missy'smom]

There are some real stand-up guys out there. It's worth waiting for them. My sister found one that's been willing and happy to stand by her and knew that all her issues came with the package.

Hang in there.

My life has not been anything like I thought it would be and there are some things that I resent but there have also been some happy, surprizes and opportunities that I feel so blessed to have experienced. You never know what will come to be. Hold onto those blessings and possibilities.

[Darn210]

Hindsight's 20-20 . . . Of course, for that to work, some time has got to pass. I was engaged in college, broke it off shortly after graduating (twas a messy break-up) and then dated for awhile and eventually ended up with my husband. We've been married almost 17 years. I can't tell you the number of times that I thought to myself that one of the smartest decisions I ever made was to break up with my (1986) fiance' and it wasn't like things were horrible with him . . . things just weren't right, especially after we made that transition from college to work/career. The right guy will come along and you'll be thankful you didn't stay in a relationship that wasn't right. Work on your college credits and enjoy your son (I love that age, they are so much fun and finally getting a little more self-sufficient). Work on getting some friends first . . . your son is at the age where he will actually help you accomplish this as he makes friends and goes on play dates and you find other young parents in your neighborhood/apt building and find that you have a lot in common. And don't write off married couples or older couples . . . even if they aren't your ideal friend, they could introduce you to someone (male or female) that will end up being very important in your life. I met one of my best friends casually through a friend. Ended up running into her at some other function where we talked a lot and a lot . . . who knew at that first introduction how good a friend she would be come???