Hitting A Low Point

[roxie]

I have been tossing and turning in bed for the past couple of hours, so I had to get up to clear my head. I have been gluten free (almost) for about 4 months now. I have been doing pretty good on the diet, and then all of a sudden I just start having panic attacks because I don't feel like I had do it ANY LONGER!! I also can't do dairy and soy, and now I am finding that I feel so much better when I avoid rice and nightshades. It's driving me crazy! I feel like half of my day is consumed with what I am going to eat for my next meal. I'm finding myself wanting to drink more than I ever wanted to before because it kind of makes me forget about being depressed about the foods I can't have. I'm at the point now, where I have been telling my husband that I think that I would rather just eat what I want, and die earlier. It's terrible, but those are my true feelings at times. I am wondering how people go on with this for years and years. I don't know if I have it in me to do it. I think I am in need of either a support group (which of haven't been able to find yet), or a therapist. Thanks for Listening!!

[GlutenGalAZ]

The first couple of months are the worst.

To be honest the first almost year I had a really hard time dealing with being gluten free and eating what I was supposed to. I made a mistake and read in one of my books that you should treat yourself once in a while and I took that too far and made Friday my "bad" day with food and would have pizza or something with gluten in it. Where I work it is super busy from middle of the summer till the end of the year so I would be really tired and just get take out food that I should not have been eating. It took me almost a year for it to hit me that I am not going to feel a lot better unless I cut it all out. I have been completely gluten free since middle of February this year and it was like re-starting all over again I had a bad first 2-3 month while my body was healing BUT my anxity and some other problems I had were going down or away which was great. Every time I want to eat something I shouldn't I just remember how I felt growing up and past couple of years and I would rather eat how I should than have to worry about where the closest restroom is or be afraid to go places.

There are a lot of posts on this site about nightshades and being cf along with the gluten-free diet (combination of all).

Have you tried different rices where you know you can't have it or just one kind that may not have been gluten free?

With the dairy sometimes if you were able to have it prior to being gluten free you may eventually be able to have it again (you body is healing in the beginning). I can't tolerate 2% but can 1% milk, when I went gluten free I could not have any dairy and then about a month later I missed it so much that I slowly re-introduced it back in my diet and am able to have some again.

Hope you can figure out some more meal ideas. Keep positive thoughts and just remember how you felt before and how you can feel. Some people it can take months or more for your body to heal and figure out what is bothering you still.

GOOD LUCK!

[ravenwoodglass]

First off (((((((((hugs)))))))) it is really hard at first.

It is also really important to hang in there. The cause of your panic attacks is not hard to figure out it is in the sentence where you state you are 'almost' gluten free. Gluten is a neurotoxin and as you clear the majority out of your diet your brain is going to be telling you when you injest. You also may very well not be reacting to nightshades and rice but to the continued effects of the gluten you are injesting. I personally would advise strongly that you get rid of all the gluten first for a month or two and then if needed eliminate other stuff from there. It also sounds like your neuro symptoms are pretty strong, for those of us who fit here we usually react to gluten grains even when distilled so please make sure if you are drinking alcohol that it is for sure and for certain gluten free by ingredients not by processing.

There is a withdrawl aspect to gluten toxicity and small amounts will keep that withdrawl active. It does sound like you are still struggling with the withdrawl and while it is tough to do the only way to get through the withdrawl is to be absolutely gluten free. Those antibodies need to have had a chance to clear the brain and body. Hang in there, it will be worth it in the end.

[ShayFL]

"please make sure if you are drinking alcohol that it is for sure and for certain gluten free by ingredients not by processing."

Good advice if you are not drinking in excess. And it sounds like you might be. You do need help for this. Alcoholism will do you no good. The more you drink the less likely you will stick to the diet (poor judgment) and you will just find yourself in a world of trouble.

You have to be 100% gluten free. And I agree with the others. Give that a few months before you start taking other things out of your diet.

[Annie Gue]

Oh Roxie, you sound just like my husband before we knew he was gluten intolerant. I'm so sorry for you and it is tough for your loved ones too, believe me! My sweet husband would go thru periods of being very depressed, tired all the time, and I just did not seem to be able to help him at all - no one could!

No one could figure out why he felt so bad most of the time, until we found out his grandma was celiac and then put 2 and 2 together. He has given up gluten and his depression has gone away, and whenever he craves gluten (he loves pizza) we just remember the very darkest days.

Don't give up! Folks here are so supportive, please just know that we understand. We think of it now as an exciting enterprise... the worst thing is not knowing why you feel so rotten. Hey, food is not the only thing in life! Food is just what keeps us going. Find other pleasures.. a good book, a walk outside, even sex!!!

I wish you all the best!

Annie Gue

[WhimsiKay]

I'm so sorry, Roxie. If it helps at all, know that you are not alone. I had a very, very hard time my first month, and even now, I'm ashamed to admit that when I get glutened, I start thinking about how it's so ridiculous to have to go through this.... and wouldn't it be nice to just not ever deal with it again? "Permanently", if you get my drift.

That's the gluten speaking, I promise you! It gets better, it really does, just hang in there and find someone to talk to, really talk to. Bully4You here on this board, someone else on another board, and a very good friend helped me through my first month. We're all here for you, but you have to stay strong, okay? I promise it gets better! It's not easy, I won't lie, but it soon becomes easy through habit.

Chin up, honey!

[Guest lorlyn]

My husband has been gluten free for over a year and just recently started getting depressed alot. Has lost some weight, had to buy new cloths, He is a southern Italian boy and sure does miss all of his favorite food. I hpoe it gets better for him soon. He is tired of no being able to eat lunch with the guys at work. I try to keep him focused on how much healthier he is.

[AliB]

I have been gluten-free for nearly 4 months too and yes it is hard, but it does get easier. I thought I had the thing nailed down then recently my immune system started to kick back in and I started getting 'proper' gluten reactions. Before, I thought they were just reactions to other foods or because my gut still hadn't healed, but when I reacted properly to the stuff I realised I had been getting low-level glutened all the way through from oats, which I thought were safe!

My husband has been doing it with me (he hates me doing anything without him, bless him), and we have both noticed that his brain-fog has lifted. His mind is clear, his concentration is great, he can remember where he is going when we are out and about. It is amazing - I have a new husband. A cheerful, happy man who I've never met before!!!

Two weeks ago he fell off the wagon. I don't think he really appreciated what difference it had made and had a few gluten indulgences. Boy, did we know the result. The 'old' husband came back with a vengeance! Deeply depressed, irritable, frustrated, in pain and not very nice to be around. He would not have it that it was the gluten that had done it!

I got him straight back on the wagon and within a week I had my new husband back. He now can see that it was the gluten and it is as important for him to be off it as it is for me.

Gluten is VERY addictive. It is constantly tempting you. The safest thing is for you to get it right out of your body and your mind. It's like a drug. Any drug, even the smallest amount draws you back in. You have to kind of consider yourself like a recovering alcoholic. In order to be well you cannot have it - at all- not even the smallest amount.

It's not until you have had some time completely gluten-free that you start to appreciate how well you feel without it. As your immune system starts to respond, when you do get glutened, you will then be able to recognise the difference.

Try to stick to plain basic foods - meat, fish, poultry, fresh veg and fruit and limit the carbs, even gluten-free ones as they often are high in carbs and sugar. If candida or fungal infestations are a problem for you then the less carbs and sugar you have, the better. I always know when I have had too much as my body starts to throb for hours.

I hope you can get to grips with this. The 'gluten receptors' are making you crave the stuff and it is only by avoiding it completely you will get better and the depression will lift. Honest!

[Guest hightop girl]

Hey girl, I sent you an email, but I thought I would post as well. You know I know what you are talking about. If it helps, I seem to be on the up side of the "oh my God, this is forever" thing. Between not eating what I want, worrying that I well get glutened, and then watching the scales go up, I was really depressed for several weeks. Then about a week ago I did a couple of things that helped. First, I put the scale away. You and I like ourselves best when we are way too thin. That scale is just a form of self torture. My wise 18 year old looked at me yesterday, and asked how much I had lost lately. I told her I honestly didn't know because I haven't wieghed myself. She informed me that it was a meaningless number anyway, and that scales should be banned from the earth. Second, after your advice a few weeks ago, I started trying some of the gluten free stuff... an occassional cookie, a biscotti, or actually having pizza. I was getting so tired of salad, eggs, and fruit. That is still my main food, but the occassional sweet or slice of pizza makes me feel normal again. Yes, I over ate the pizza at first, but it all balances out over a couple of days anyway. I don't eat a lot of variety yet because I am tired of worrying that I will be glutened, but a little sure helps. You are the one that encouraged me! I know in my heart the weight thing is also wrapped in this for us. It is hard when getting healthy means we have to think about food when really we shouldn't obsess about it. To top it off, our bodies are trying to find some balance, so the weight goes up and down with no rhyme or reason. I keep trying to have some faith that it is finding a balance, finally building muscle again, and much healthier than before. Email me! I am worrying about you.

[ShayFL]

I agree with the last post. And adding some yummy gluten-free baked goods has saved me. I feel so much better. Not starving all of the time. No cravings. And for me weight loss was an issue. I am back up to my normal weight (after losing 4 pounds) and I am feeling better.

I love (and my family loves) Bob's Red Mill Teff peanut butter cookies (only I use almond butter). I am careful not to make them all of the time, but when I crave something indulgent.....these do the trick! Just a few ingredients, 5 minutes to whip up and 12 minutes to bake.

You do have to find things that give you pleasure. Gluten isnt the only thing that does.

Hope all of our suggestions help.

S

[roxie]

Thank you so very much for all of the supportive emails! I can't believe what a life-saver this website has been for me. It really does mean a lot! I'm feeling a little better now. I'm just so tired of the bland food, and the constant worrying (and panic attacks). However, with all your great advice, I am definitely finding ways to make things better. I was just so used to getting together with family and friends all the time (and of course there is always food involved). I'm missing the whole social aspect of it! I still feel a little funny bringing my own food, and it is really just a pain! I missed the last couple of "girls night out" because I just didn't want everyone to feel like they had to go to a special restaurant for me. But, ok, I will stop having this pity party for myself now. I always keep thinking that so many people have it so much worse than me. Plus, I have a great family to think about. I am actually going to a "Sex in the City" party tonight, and then a bunch of us girls are going to the movie. I think it will be good for me. Maybe I will make my Yummy gluten free cake to take. Thanks again!!!