Family Doesn't Get It

[cookiequeen]

My husband just finished a bowl of honey nut cheerios and insisted that he give me a kiss. I've been gluten free for almost 2 weeks and the smell of cereal was very tempting so I asked him to wait a while. His playful response was "What? No gluten kisses" then he laid one on me!

Earlier today I was having lunch at Starbucks (I brought my own meal) and I couldn't help but stare at a kid eat a chocolate donut. I normally don't eat those types of things but knowing that I can't have it made me want to snatch it from the boy and gobble it down. Once back in my car I told my mom about the experience and her reaction was "You're an adult, get over it". What the hell! That pretty much made me snap and I challenged her to follow my diet (I'm vegetarian too).

[Helena]

Wow, I hope your husband gets it soon. Sometimes it is a learning curve. But I wouldn't put up with gluteny kisses. Would it help to point him to some reading material on celiac?

Usually, my food cravings are mild, but I've had pretty strong food cravings, too.

You know you're in trouble when you have recurring dreams about eating hot cross buns around Easter! (okay, well, I'm exaggerating. it wasn't a recurring dream...but it certainly was a memorable one)

[mysecretcurse]

Wow, no offense to your husband but the kissing thing would be wayyyy over the line for me. If it were me, tears would have been shed, blows would have possibly been dealt, it would have been a highly unpleasant fiasco. I simply don't fool around with someone messing with my health, not after what I've been through!

My family doesn't understand, although they seem to be getting better. For quite awhile, and sometimes still, they seem to give me a vibe that they think I'm being picky and unreasonable because I think trace amounts matter. They DO matter. I've been glutened and sick for a good week off of whatever small amount was in an unsafe vitamin pill. I tell my mom this and am sometimes met with this sarcastic little "yeah.. ok" type face.

It's really infuriating. REALLY infuriating. Especially when I tell them that a trace amount made me sick and they say things like "It's SUCH a tiny amount. I really don't think thats possible."

WTF! ! ! ! *rips hair out*

I feel your pain lol.

[Juliebove]

I can relate to the donut thing. Daughter and I were just at the store and they're in the middle of a remodel. Because of this, the donut case was sort of standing alone and glowing because of the way the light was shining on it. We both just stood there taking it all in. I can't remember the last time I had a donut! I did have some donut holes when I was pregnant and that was over 10 years ago now. That was probably the last time. She couldn't remember when she last had one either, but she was probably a toddler. Husband used to take her out for them because I wouldn't let her have them. This was before we knew about the food allergies.

[MyMississippi]

Wheat allergy and Celiac disease is very difficult for most people to understand. You would be surprised that many people don't even know what foods contain wheat-------- It's quite amusing sometimes----- "no thank you , I can't eat bread, " " Oh, here have a cookie then."

[purple]

Some ideas to help your hubby "get it".

Put a glob of hair in his food, then say oops sorry, let me take it out.

Bake him something yummy and tell him something like you accidentally knocked a fly in it and tried to find it, or

after he eats the chicken_____, I hope it tastes good b/c it smelled kinda strange before I cooked it.

Leave some shells in his scambled eggs and say oh well it doesn't matter.

Add extra salt to his gluten-free homemade cookies, just a couple.

Stir something while he is watching with those dish soapy hands you forgot to rinse off

Sneeze on him or his food...on purpose

Make his special taco with raw meat

Maybe he will understand after one or two tricks

No I am not mean, but he needs to "get it" and it does matter!

[ohsotired]

You would be surprised that many people don't even know what foods contain wheat-------- It's quite amusing sometimes----- "no thank you , I can't eat bread, " " Oh, here have a cookie then."

So true! I had a discussion about bagels with one of my co-workers the other day, and I said something about how good they smelled. He said I should get some, and I said I can't have them. He said "not even the plain ones?" (we were talking about the multi-grain just before he asked that). LOL

[one more mile]

Lucky for me the person that lives in my house has been all though it with alcohol so he gets it. Pluse he has seen me struggle with what many though were hypochondria. I have also been though it with quiting drinking. oh you can't have beer here is some wine. I just smile and walk away. Unless they have lived it they will not get it.

My all time favorite was when I was nicely asking someone to not eat peanuts around me as they give me migraines and

stop my breathing. So she took a hand full of shells and tossed them in the campfire and on the ground. Someone else gave her a dirty look and she said, "what those are only the shells?" I just nicely smiled and excused myself and went to hang out at another camp site for a few hours.

Another good one was my dad saying here taste this, close your eyes. So I figure he is my dad, he knows my allergies he should have my best interest at hart. Even though I was 44 and should have know better I closed my eyes. and he puts a peanut butter tatty cake in my mouth. Cool now I am spiting gluten and peanut butter across my moms clean kitchen. Never trust anyone even if they mean well.

Sorry your husband is such an abusive jerk. Push him away next time. It is odd what some people think are funny.

Kissing you like that is the same thing as slapping you.

I get what you said about the cupcake. I have a person at home, recovering from emergency surgery, who wanted onion bagels. After checking out two grocery stores I gave up and went in to dunkin dougnuts. When I walked into the store I think I just stood there frozen for 10 seconds, trying to stop my self from the desire to jump over the counter and start grazing. I was in some odd fugue state just looking at them.

I just have to think the bite through. as bad as I want that bagel I know where it will lead and I choose not to feel like crap today.

[CeliacMom2008]

I know high cholesterol is no where near like Celiac, but I thought I might share a strategy that helped me. When I was diagnosed with extremely high cholesterol I was determined to get it under control. It was a huge shock for me. I've always been very active, under weight, and ate very healthy - except that after my 3 healthy meals a day I could really pack away the high fat sweets before bed. So I went cold turkey on a lot of things - donuts being my biggest weakness and the one that I was bound and determined to not eat. Whenever I'd have a craving I'd close my eyes and picture myself holding my grandchild (mind you my son was only 4 when I found out about my cholesterol problem). And then I'd ask myself - Do you want to give up holding that baby, being at your son's wedding, and all the other things you'll miss if you have a heart attack and die for 2 minutes of eating? It really did make it a lot easier for me. Again, I know it's not the same as dealing with Celiac and I in no way am implying that. I just thought visualization might help some of you all through your cravings as well.

[SAHM2one]

I understand!! I am going out of town overnight with my parents and my sister's family and was trying to find out where we would be eating at so I could look online and be prepared. My mom said, I know this is hard but you just need to pack food with you and that way if you can't eat what we choose then you can eat what is in your bag.

Yes, let me eat a banana while you eat in front of me.

My sister and her family ate my favorite pizza in front of me last week. I had to even cut it up for my niece.

Aggravates me to no end

[cookiequeen]

"Abusive jerk" is pushing the line! He may not understand the diet, as this is my 3rd week of being gluten free, and it is a learning experience for the both of us. I did speak with him about what happened and how I felt. I told him the same rule applied as if he had just ate meat (I'm vegetarian). I think we have a better understanding now. It's hard for people who have no food restrictions to understand as quickly. In this case he was just in a playful mood.

Please mind your manners.

[mymagicalchild]

My Mom died of intestinal cancer in 2003. For the 15 years or so before that, she struggled with food allergies that were progressive and untreatable. She'd be told she was allergic to A but could eat B, until 2 weeks later when she was allergic to B but could eat C. Etc. Etc. She lost weight each year until she had gone from a beautiful woman weighing 125 pounds to an emaciated-but-still-beautiful woman weight 85 pounds.

What I CANNOT understand is why she was NEVER told she was allergic to gluten.

My brother had intestinal lymphoma for the last 6 years of his life. Doctors did all the expensive cancer treatments even though the cancer had been diagnosed as incurable after his original surgery for "gallstones" had revealed the extensive tumor.

He'd had many of the symptoms of Celiac over his young life, symptoms that were not recognizable back then. He died in 1994, age 50.

My Mother's sister had multiple surgeries for intestinal blockages before she died of cancer. She also had multiple food allergies and the last 15 years of her life were miserable.

All of them had serious varicose veins. All of them suffered from serious constipation.

They all had Celiac disease. I am positive of that.

Tell your loved ones they can avoid going through the grief and loss I have suffered if they support your gluten-free diet and your physical recovery.

Tell them reality has knocked at your front door, entered your home, and lives there permanently.

Tell them you love them and, if they love you back and honor your reality, you'll all be CRUISING TOGETHER to the end of life's road!

[purple]

"Abusive jerk" is pushing the line! He may not understand the diet, as this is my 3rd week of being gluten free, and it is a learning experience for the both of us. I did speak with him about what happened and how I felt. I told him the same rule applied as if he had just ate meat (I'm vegetarian). I think we have a better understanding now. It's hard for people who have no food restrictions to understand as quickly. In this case he was just in a playful mood.

Please mind your manners.

Glad to hear things are better...Your kisses will be sweeter now!

[JNBunnie1]

"Abusive jerk" is pushing the line! He may not understand the diet, as this is my 3rd week of being gluten free, and it is a learning experience for the both of us. I did speak with him about what happened and how I felt. I told him the same rule applied as if he had just ate meat (I'm vegetarian). I think we have a better understanding now. It's hard for people who have no food restrictions to understand as quickly. In this case he was just in a playful mood.

Please mind your manners.

Alright, I'm going to create a scenario for you.

"Hey hon, I just found out that ___ makes me sick, even little tiny itty bits. Maybe I'll get better now."

"Oh well, gimme kiss anyway!~"

We've heard stories of a lot of family/spouses that pull this kind of stuff, and have learned to be very sensitive to it. Personally, if I say no to anything like a kiss for any reason, and someone does it anyway, it's intrusive at best and abusive at worst. Some people are more tolerant than I am, though. It's great if this was truly a misunderstanding of how easy it is to make you sick, but most of the time this sort of behavior becomes a pattern and people are very wary of it.

[cookiequeen]

abuse? Seriously?! Maybe if I've been gluten free for years or even more than 3 freaking weeks. He's been really supportive when we go grocery shopping or out to eat. He was even cool with me giving away foods that I couldn't eat anymore. He's been doing a good job at kissing my cheek after meals, with little reminders here and there. Like I said before, it's a learning experience. I think we would have a pretty poor relationship if I had to sabotage his food or talk down to him instead of having a calm conversation about the limitations of my diet.

Anyway, my husband told his dad that I can't have any gluten. He freaked out a little over the fact that I can't have granola. I'm actually a little surprised that he know oats are off limits.

[tarnalberry]

The first few months, if you're not used to the idea of limiting your diet, suck. But you're vegetarian, and it's much the same.

No it's not, you say? That's a choice, and this is forced, you say? Not really.

You can choose to eat gluten. You can choose to eat all those donuts. You have muscles that will pick one up and transfer it to your mouth, enzymes in your body that will (mostly) digest it (or parts of it), and an eliminatory system that will get rid of the rest.

The consequences of that choice are something you choose not to take, however. Just like vegetarianism. Whatever your reasons - be they moral, dietary, environmental, all of the above, something else entirely - you choose to not eat meat because you don't like the consequences of that choice. Going gluten free is also a choice. One, I think most of use, think is a pretty darn good one, for staying healthy, for staying ... oh, not in discomfort, pain, and lots of other unpleasant conditions.

I'm not saying that you'd cheat on the diet or anything like that. But those things that you had only recently (it gets better with time) can be sooo tempting. But it might make it a little easier to remember that it IS a choice to not eat it. You make that choice each time you see something you won't but don't eat it. And you have lots of good reasons for making that choice. It's the choice you *want* to make. No, it doesn't make the pizza smell any less yummy, but it makes enjoying only the smell, and not the taste, a little easier.

[Treen Bean]

I know how all of you feel. My husband and in-laws completely understand. In fact, my in-laws have completely changed the way they cook to make everything gluten free. They even use rice pasta when I'm not coming over for dinner! My own family, however, is another story. My own mother still tries to get me to eat regular pasta, etc... I have been gluten-free for 2 years now. Before going on the diet, I was 79 lbs., losing my hair, had lost my menstrual cycle, was constantly having GI symptoms and migraines, etc.... I am finally over 100 lbs. and feeling better. She seems to think that because I'm feeling better I can eat gluten again. IT IS SO FRUSTRATING! People don't understand why I spaz out if a crumb of bread gets near my food. If only they could have lived through what I did they might understand. It isn't that we don't want to eat like "normal people". Believe me, I would love to just go out to eat and order anything off of the menu, or eat a pita wrap. It's just not possible though. The light at the end of the tunnel is that Celiac's is becoming more and more recognized in the USA. Maybe one day people will fully grasp it. Until then, just keep on doing what you must to remain healthy!

God Bless,

Treen Bean

Gluten Free for 2 years!

[JNBunnie1]

abuse? Seriously?! Maybe if I've been gluten free for years or even more than 3 freaking weeks.

Like I said, if I say no to something like a kiss for ANY reason, and someone ignores me and does it anyway, it is intrusive at best and abusive at worst. You're welcome to interpret that however you like. In my world, my body is MINE and nobody else gets to decide what happens to it.

[JNBunnie1]

I know how all of you feel. My husband and in-laws completely understand. In fact, my in-laws have completely changed the way they cook to make everything gluten free. They even use rice pasta when I'm not coming over for dinner! My own family, however, is another story. My own mother still tries to get me to eat regular pasta, etc... I have been gluten-free for 2 years now. Before going on the diet, I was 79 lbs., losing my hair, had lost my menstrual cycle, was constantly having GI symptoms and migraines, etc.... I am finally over 100 lbs. and feeling better. She seems to think that because I'm feeling better I can eat gluten again. IT IS SO FRUSTRATING! People don't understand why I spaz out if a crumb of bread gets near my food. If only they could have lived through what I did they might understand. It isn't that we don't want to eat like "normal people". Believe me, I would love to just go out to eat and order anything off of the menu, or eat a pita wrap. It's just not possible though. The light at the end of the tunnel is that Celiac's is becoming more and more recognized in the USA. Maybe one day people will fully grasp it. Until then, just keep on doing what you must to remain healthy!

God Bless,

Treen Bean

Gluten Free for 2 years!

There's a blog called Gluten free By the Bay that has a pita recipe that looked pretty good.

[Erin Elaine]

For me, the cravings started to go away after I found some good gluten free substitutes. I basically went a whole year without a cookie and then discovered the Gluten Free bakehouse at Whole Foods. It was like heaven! Now I find the smells of gluten bakeries to be overpowering....something about the yeast that I never noticed before. I can't stand to be in them anymore and I remember how much I used to love fresh pastries. So it does get better!

I try to be patient with my family and friends, but sometimes they don't get it either. My boyfriend's mom is constantly trying to give me food that she says is gluten free and then when I press for more information, she'll admit that she did use beer in the marinade or something like that. Her favorite words are, "only a little" to describe whatever gluten is in the food. It's annoying. The good news is my boyfriend is 100% supportive and he even carries around mouthwash when we go out so we can have gluten free kisses. Hopefully your husband will get there too!

[cookiequeen]

The good news is my boyfriend is 100% supportive and he even carries around mouthwash when we go out so we can have gluten free kisses.

I never thought about the travel sized mouth washes. Now that's good advice ! I'm sure he'd be up for it since he likes using mouth wash at home.

We haven't been eating out as much because I don't think most of the restaurants around here pay enough attention to special requests (except for Spiral Diner, my favorite). I can't remember how many times I've asked for no sauce/butter and had my plate come out with everything swimming in the stuff. I ordered a salad somewhere recently and asked for no croutons. The server brought the salad out with croutons and said that he just forgot. I hate having to send food back because I feel like they would just pick it off.

My biggest problem is work. I work in a nursing home and there is always food around from parties, hospice reps, luncheons, and stuff employees/families bring in for no specific reason. It's usually cookies, sandwiches, pizza, desserts, ect. I always bring a lunch box full of foods that I can eat, which helps a lot. I usually throw in one gluten free treat so I don't feel like I'm missing out.

[sugarsue]

So true! I had a discussion about bagels with one of my co-workers the other day, and I said something about how good they smelled. He said I should get some, and I said I can't have them. He said "not even the plain ones?" (we were talking about the multi-grain just before he asked that). LOL

Oh yeah, I'm totally amazed by this. I was talking at work about it and someone said "Well, she can still eat white bread so that's not a big deal". He thought wheat meant WHOLE WHEAT. I wasn't even getting into what gluten free really means in this conversation!

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